Forever Alone?

[TheRideNeverEnds]

So, it seems I will always be lonely, and never find love because of my disability. 

I'm often bedridden, and too tired to do much in life. 

I'm also suffering from chronic pain. The question is why do some people claim anyone can find love? 

How if you can't be an asset to a future partner but a liability? If you have no money, no own place (care facility) no energy, no health, no special looks, nothing? 

That's my question, why do some people insist anyone can find love?  And that anyone can find love via dating? 

[d0nnivain]

I think the generalizations about anybody finding love are based on the underlying assumption of being able bodied.  I took a class about diversity a while back where the moderate described certain people & asked us all to develop a picture in our mind's eye of who they were.  The moderator then asked if we viewed any of them as a different race, a different age or of any of the people we thought about had physical challenges.  I am ashamed to admit that no I didn't picture anybody in a wheelchair or missing a limb.  

I am so sorry.  On top of a physical disability and chronic pain. loneliness can be soul crushing.   I can't say that I have faced a situation like yours or overcome it but there are always stories of these super positive people who manage to shine even in the face of adversities like yours.  Part of it is the power of positive thinking and being able to see goodness in the world despite overwhelming odds.   It starts with gratitude for the blessings you do have.  

I understand being in a care home is difficult.  Institutional settings are tough.  But the upside is you are in a care home rather than on the street.  You have a roof over your head, clean sheets, hot meals.   There are others to talk to: staff, other patients etc.  You also have access to the internet, which opens a whole world.    If you can focus a little on what you do have, that may make it easier to grow your blessings.  

So how can you build from there?  Can you personalize your space in the smallest of ways:  a photo, a plant, a blanket?  If you can find something to be upbeat about every day, that will draw more people to you.   You may never end up with an idealized life:  2.5 kids, a white picket fence & a 9-5 job, but you may find blessings you didn't realize you have.  

 

[Sony12]

What exactly is your disability? There are individuals with disabilities who can still be very attractive to people (infact even more attractive than many able bodied individuals). Now granted many of them have mild disabilities and are still able to live normal lives but a great deal of it still depends on how people personally deal with their disability. Just like with anybody else personality and your outlook on life will have a great impact on how people perceive you. 

Edited December 15, 2023 by Sony12

[basil67]

You're absolutely right to be upset by the statement "anyone can find love" when you're alone due to circumstances beyond your control.  And the more significant the disability, the tougher it gets.   

People who say things like this can range from being accidentally ignorant to deliberately ableist.  I do believe that the more PWD are integrated into mainstream society, the more people's awareness will increase.  

[TheRideNeverEnds]

2 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

I think the generalizations about anybody finding love are based on the underlying assumption of being able bodied.  I took a class about diversity a while back where the moderate described certain people & asked us all to develop a picture in our mind's eye of who they were.  The moderator then asked if we viewed any of them as a different race, a different age or of any of the people we thought about had physical challenges.  I am ashamed to admit that no I didn't picture anybody in a wheelchair or missing a limb.  

I am so sorry.  On top of a physical disability and chronic pain. loneliness can be soul crushing.   I can't say that I have faced a situation like yours or overcome it but there are always stories of these super positive people who manage to shine even in the face of adversities like yours.  Part of it is the power of positive thinking and being able to see goodness in the world despite overwhelming odds.   It starts with gratitude for the blessings you do have.  

I understand being in a care home is difficult.  Institutional settings are tough.  But the upside is you are in a care home rather than on the street.  You have a roof over your head, clean sheets, hot meals.   There are others to talk to: staff, other patients etc.  You also have access to the internet, which opens a whole world.    If you can focus a little on what you do have, that may make it easier to grow your blessings.  

So how can you build from there?  Can you personalize your space in the smallest of ways:  a photo, a plant, a blanket?  If you can find something to be upbeat about every day, that will draw more people to you.   You may never end up with an idealized life:  2.5 kids, a white picket fence & a 9-5 job, but you may find blessings you didn't realize you have.  

 

 

So are you saying i will never have a partner, just in a nice way? I mean i already knew it, its obvious. 

[CaliforniaGirl]

I don't know your disability, but my cousin-in-law is paraplegic, formerly quadraplegic and he has a live-in girlfriend.

I'm not being flippant. I realize it's hard enough to find love for the able-bodied, much less with a disability. It will take a special person, but don't you want a special person?

[Sony12]

5 minutes ago, TheRideNeverEnds said:

 

So are you saying i will never have a partner, just in a nice way? I mean i already knew it, its obvious. 

How capable are you in getting up and moving around and interacting with people? You said you are often bedridden but haven't exactly specified what your disability is.

[TheRideNeverEnds]

2 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

How capable are you in getting up and moving around and interacting with people? You said you are often bedridden but haven't exactly specified what your disability is.

 

Often may be an overstatement ,depends on your persective i guess, compared to most people i guess its accurate, compared to someone terminally ill? Probably not.

 

[TheRideNeverEnds]

3 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I don't know your disability, but my cousin-in-law is paraplegic, formerly quadraplegic and he has a live-in girlfriend.

I'm not being flippant. I realize it's hard enough to find love for the able-bodied, much less with a disability. It will take a special person, but don't you want a special person?

 

Im also not willing to lower certain standards, because of my faith. 

[CaliforniaGirl]

Just now, TheRideNeverEnds said:

 

Im also not willing to lower certain standards, because of my faith. 

What are your standards? BTW, my cousin's girlfriend is able. (I don't know the exact way to say that so please correct me.)

I'm on the autism spectrum. I don't expect to be with a neurotypical guy, ever. That's fine. My quirky guys and I always had a wonderful time.

[Sony12]

1 minute ago, TheRideNeverEnds said:

 

Often may be an overstatement ,depends on your persective i guess, compared to most people i guess its accurate, compared to someone terminally ill? Probably not.

 

Ok are you capable of getting up and walking around. Are you capable of keeping up with someone who can walk normally. Do you have any speech impairments? 

[TheRideNeverEnds]

Just now, Sony12 said:

Ok are you capable of getting up and walking around. Are you capable of keeping up with someone who can walk normally. Do you have any speech impairments? 

 

I think the main problem is that i cant be a financial provider, but according to my religious faith i would have to be the provider, not the woman. 

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 minute ago, TheRideNeverEnds said:

 

I think the main problem is that i cant be a financial provider, but according to my religious faith i would have to be the provider, not the woman. 

Well then that's not a physical disability issue, it's a religious one. If you can't support a woman and that stops you from having a relationship, I don't think anyone can help, TBH.

If you were willing to be with someone who worked and helped support you as a couple that way, it would be different, but I don't know how you can get past this if you won't let yourself get past it.

[TheRideNeverEnds]

1 minute ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Well then that's not a physical disability issue, it's a religious one. If you can't support a woman and that stops you from having a relationship, I don't think anyone can help, TBH.

If you were willing to be with someone who worked and helped support you as a couple that way, it would be different, but I don't know how you can get past this if you won't let yourself get past it.

 

Id rather not risk eternal damnation for short term pleasure, not worth it, definitely not. Youre right if i had zero standards i could get a partner i guess, but is it worth? 

[Sony12]

6 minutes ago, TheRideNeverEnds said:

 

I think the main problem is that i cant be a financial provider, but according to my religious faith i would have to be the provider, not the woman. 

If you are able to physically keep up with able bodied individuals then that shouldn't affect your ability to find a match. Now you might not be asked to be a stripper but you can still find people who will be compatible with you. Your disability shouldn't affect your dating life that much unless you physically can not do the same things normal able bodied individuals can.

Edited December 15, 2023 by Sony12

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 minute ago, TheRideNeverEnds said:

 

Id rather not risk eternal damnation for short term pleasure, not worth it, definitely not. Youre right if i had zero standards i could get a partner i guess, but is it worth? 

 

You need hobbies then. You need to give up on love. It's your choice. It's your belief. I wish I knew what to tell you. But what can anyone tell a person who can't support someone and refuses a relationship where he must be the supporter?

I am sorry you are going through this. I wish there were an answer.

[TheRideNeverEnds]

1 minute ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

 

You need hobbies then. You need to give up on love. It's your choice. It's your belief. I wish I knew what to tell you. But what can anyone tell a person who can't support someone and refuses a relationship where he must be the supporter?

I am sorry you are going through this. I wish there were an answer.

 

Well first of all most women would want men atleast be able to support themselves financially too. You know... 

[CaliforniaGirl]

3 minutes ago, TheRideNeverEnds said:

 

Id rather not risk eternal damnation for short term pleasure, not worth it, definitely not. Youre right if i had zero standards i could get a partner i guess, but is it worth? 

Wait, what is this zero standards thing? I didn't say you have to have zero standards. I asked what they are. You said they're religous. You said you have to support the woman. I don't know where no standards come in. Unless you're talking about financially but again, if this is your belief, and you don't want to risk not getting into heaven, then there really is no answer to this problem. I am sorry.  I feel very bad but what can anyone say?

[Sony12]

Just now, TheRideNeverEnds said:

 

Well first of all most women would want men atleast be able to support themselves financially too. You know... 

No not necessarily. Many women these days have a career of their own and are financial capable of supporting themselves. Many aren't looking for a man to take care of them financially.

[Sony12]

I'm beginning to think this has more to do with religious beliefs than any type of physical problems.

[basil67]

8 minutes ago, TheRideNeverEnds said:

I think the main problem is that i cant be a financial provider, but according to my religious faith i would have to be the provider, not the woman. 

I have never heard of this.  I know some religions can be archaic, but what kind of deity would want a PWD to live alone rather than have a partner who is the primary breadwinner? 

6 minutes ago, TheRideNeverEnds said:

I'd rather not risk eternal damnation for short term pleasure, not worth it, definitely not. Youre right if i had zero standards i could get a partner i guess, but is it worth? 

Why does the pleasure need to be short term?   What standards would you have to drop to get a partner?

[CaliforniaGirl]

Just now, Sony12 said:

I'm beginning to think this has more to do with religious beliefs than any type of physical problems.

Well, he outright stated it was. He said he risks eternal damnation if he enters a relationship where he doesn't support the woman. 

[TheRideNeverEnds]

2 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

If you are able to physically keep up with able bodied individuals then that shouldn't affect your ability to find a match. Now you might not be asked to be a stripper but you can still find people who will be compatible with you. Your disability shouldn't affect your dating life that much unless you physically can not do the same things normal able bodied individuals can.

 

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I have never heard of this.  I know some religions can be archaic, but what kind of deity would want a PWD to live alone rather than have a partner who is the primary breadwinner? 

Why does the pleasure need to be short term?   What standards would you have to drop to get a partner?

 

Im catholic, thats why its so strict. Specifically traditional catholic. We have those views. 

[TheRideNeverEnds]

3 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Well, he outright stated it was. He said he risks eternal damnation if he enters a relationship where he doesn't support the woman. 

 

Not exactly, however, fact is i would have to marry, and then have kids, and without me being the breadwinner it would be difficult.

Also premarital sex would be forbidden, or living together before marrying, also no artifical contraception in marriage. Yes catholicism is strict about that. 

[CaliforniaGirl]

2 minutes ago, TheRideNeverEnds said:

 

Not exactly, however, fact is i would have to marry, and then have kids, and without me being the breadwinner it would be difficult.

Also premarital sex would be forbidden, or living together before marrying, also no artifical contraception in marriage. Yes catholicism is strict about that. 

 

You stated you would risk eternal damnation, in those words. If you're not actually worried about that, then there is something to work with here.

Premarital sex being forbidden: quite a few people have this belief and they connect and get married.

Catholocism does NOT state that a man will go to hell if he can't support the woman, BTW. So...this is more of a pride thing. I can understand that. What about both of you supporting one another? Do you have SSI? Can't you both contribute? About a zillion Catholics have that situation.