2 Why are dumpers cold after a break up but warm up after time has passed?

[Mizz Layta]

With my current situation my dumper, was cold and acted like he hated me and I was the one who dumped him. Then slowly after 3 months he started warming up..now almost 4 months post break up, he actually engages in a conversation with me since we have mutual friends and still see each other in public etc

I've read about the same scenarios about how dumpers are cold and want nothing to do with you but come around after time has passed..and sometimes want to reconcile

Is the physiological reason for this?

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, Mizz Layta said:

but come around after time has passed..and sometimes want to reconcile

Would you like to reconcile or just be on friendly terms because you run into each other?  After a breakup people generally distance themselves. It seems the only reason he is "coming around" is because you run into each other and there is no point being rude. 

[basil67]

 

Hes gotten over whatever it was which upset him.  Time is a great healer

Have you never experienced getting past something which used to bother you?  That’s all it is.

[stillafool]

On 12/15/2023 at 6:25 PM, Mizz Layta said:

With my current situation my dumper, was cold and acted like he hated me and I was the one who dumped him. Then slowly after 3 months he started warming up..now almost 4 months post break up, he actually engages in a conversation with me since we have mutual friends and still see each other in public etc

Being the dumper, they were pretty much already over you before they dumped.  When they feel you're over them they may want to engage in a friendly way and may even want friendship if you can handle it.  It does not mean they want you back.

Edited December 17, 2023 by stillafool

[d0nnivain]

Initially a dumper may be cold to drive home the point that the relationship is over. Some people may get the wrong impression & think there's a chance for reconciliation if the dumper is friendly.   As time goes by they assume the other person got the message so they can go back to being themselves which is basically a nice person. 

[ciara_love]

Agree with others, the dumper may be cold in order to hold the line. It may have been a difficult decision for them to arrive at, based on a variety of factors, and they may still be stuffing their feelings a bit. They keep cold to avoid getting too mushy and blurring the lines.

[Mrin]

On 12/18/2023 at 8:42 AM, d0nnivain said:

Initially a dumper may be cold to drive home the point that the relationship is over. Some people may get the wrong impression & think there's a chance for reconciliation if the dumper is friendly.   As time goes by they assume the other person got the message so they can go back to being themselves which is basically a nice person. 

This. 💯

[BaileyB]

Is this the MM you were seeing? Are you hoping to reconnect with your affair partner?

Edited December 24, 2023 by BaileyB

[mark clemson]

This is not some sort of universal pattern. Dumpers may "end warm and later become cold", act cold and stay that way, have a long break-up "speech" for their own "closure" and then never speak to you again, etc, etc.

People are all over the place, particularly when it comes to break ups.

Edited December 24, 2023 by mark clemson

[Alpacalia]

Because they go ape bananas if you're nice to them.

Edited December 25, 2023 by Alpacalia