livingalife2009 Posted December 16, 2023 Share Posted December 16, 2023 I'm in my late 40s, had a nice first date/sex included 😉😜. Decent guy, not too attractive but I was in a dryspell for way too long, so sex 😜 was had by 2 responsible and willing adults. Lol Texting continued for a week after the first date. I expressed my desire to continue seeing him. He did too but wouldn't plan anything. Finally, I messaged him for the last time, and let him know I enjoyed what he provided and then I unmatched him. I didn't warn him about unmatching. We didn't share phone numbers. I unmatched him because I don't want wasting my time hoping that he might come around for a second date. He's an introvert, very well-mannered but to me, it doesn't matter why he hasn't planned for a second date, I feel that we are not compatible and at my age, I don't have the time to waste. But the question is, did I unmatch him too quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 16, 2023 Share Posted December 16, 2023 (edited) 8 minutes ago, livingalife2009 said: . I expressed my desire to continue seeing him. He did too but wouldn't plan anything. Did you like him enough to see him again? It's unclear why you wouldn't ask him to go for a drink or date if you wanted to see him again. Perhaps it was just to scratch an itch? You seem kind of meh about him. Not sure why you bothered unmatching him . Edited December 16, 2023 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
seany25 Posted December 16, 2023 Share Posted December 16, 2023 (edited) It's hard to know for sure, but you never know what's going to happen. You might match/meet again at some point. I matched with a girl during the pandemic year. After a few texts I called her blondie. She wrote back "I'm really picky, and you just offended me" then she unmatched me. About 8 months later, we matched again. Only this time, we went on a date, and ended up having sex back at mine. She told me she unmatched me the last time because she was just in a bad mood and took it out on me. life is weird 🤠It may have been premature, but there's nothing you can do about it now. Edited December 16, 2023 by seany25 Link to post Share on other sites
Author livingalife2009 Posted December 16, 2023 Author Share Posted December 16, 2023 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Did you like him enough to see him again? It's unclear why you wouldn't ask him to go for a drink or date if you wanted to see him again. Perhaps it was just to scratch an itch? You seem kind of meh about him. Not sure why you bothered unmatching him . I would have kept him as a FWB. I did express I wanted to see him this weekend but he said he was busy with his kids and I believed him, but I thought he would discuss  future meetings. But he didnt, that's why I unmatched him. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 16, 2023 Share Posted December 16, 2023 Girl you go by your own expectations. This guy didn't meet them so you do what you do for YOU. Never question it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted December 16, 2023 Share Posted December 16, 2023 It seems like you don't know what you want.  If you wanted to have another sexual encounter with the guy, why not just ask him for it? Instead it seems like you were subjecting him to the "hoop jumping" that men are supposed to perform to prove that they have a high level of interest in a woman.  I understand that. But if you just want to have someone who might be down for sex with you when you both have some spare time on your hands, why does he have to show a lot of interest?  Regardless, though, you've decided you are incompatible. Once that decision had been made, no time is "too soon" to move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author livingalife2009 Posted December 16, 2023 Author Share Posted December 16, 2023 1 minute ago, NuevoYorko said: It seems like you don't know what you want.  If you wanted to have another sexual encounter with the guy, why not just ask him for it? Instead it seems like you were subjecting him to the "hoop jumping" that men are supposed to perform to prove that they have a high level of interest in a woman.  I understand that. But if you just want to have someone who might be down for sex with you when you both have some spare time on your hands, why does he have to show a lot of interest?  Regardless, though, you've decided you are incompatible. Once that decision had been made, no time is "too soon" to move on. I thought I was very clear about what I wanted when I suggested a meeting. I also let him know that I enjoyed what he 'Provided'. Was I not? Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted December 16, 2023 Share Posted December 16, 2023 I think it’s fine to unmatch if you’re not interested. Opens you up to meeting someone more in line with what you’re looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
seany25 Posted December 16, 2023 Share Posted December 16, 2023 I think most of us who are in 30s or 40s get to the stage where you realise life is too short to put up with anything you're not comfortable with. You did what you thought was the right thing for you at the time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted December 16, 2023 Share Posted December 16, 2023 (edited) 47 minutes ago, livingalife2009 said: I thought I was very clear about what I wanted when I suggested a meeting. I also let him know that I enjoyed what he 'Provided'. Was I not? What I got from your post was that you were interested in having the option for further NSA sex, at no specified date. Since he didn't jump on that within one week, you unmatched. There was no timeline, you did not ask him out, and your description of him: "decent" "not too attractive"  "dry spell for way too long, so sex" "enjoyed what he provided"  STRONGLY convey the impression that you were  "meh" about him, at the very most.  So why you would be expecting some kind of dating or enthusiastic request for another roll in the hay within a week from him, when you weren't there yourself? Whenever he felt like having NSA sex again, at some future date, he may have reached out - but it all sounds full of mixed messages both given and received by you. Clearly this was not really what you were after, so the un-matching was just fine.    Edited December 16, 2023 by NuevoYorko 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted December 16, 2023 Share Posted December 16, 2023 Why bother? Doesn't sound like he curls your teeny tiny toes, exactly. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 16, 2023 Share Posted December 16, 2023 6 hours ago, livingalife2009 said: Texting continued for a week after the first date. I expressed my desire to continue seeing him. He did too but wouldn't plan anything His actions didn't match his words. Yes, you did the right thing Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 17, 2023 Share Posted December 17, 2023 Unmatching was fine. He didn't seem that interested in seeing you again. Next. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 17, 2023 Share Posted December 17, 2023 23 hours ago, livingalife2009 said: But the question is, did I unmatch him too quickly. Only you know the answer to this question. Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted December 17, 2023 Share Posted December 17, 2023 Sounds like neither of you are THAT interested in each other. So, yeah, it is fine to unmatch or block someone if you feel like they are wasting your time. You don't even seem to be attracted to him physically. I am guessing that sex was average as well. Nothing earth-shattering for you. Good news. You are not going to have much difficulty finding someone for just FWB, if that's what you are looking for. So, choose someone who at least can keep his word and be attractive in your eyes. Why settle for mediocre? Link to post Share on other sites
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