Bluesky91 Posted December 17, 2023 Share Posted December 17, 2023 My boyfriend has made comments about other attractive women in the past which has made me feel insecure. He has apologised and we have gotten over it. The other day I saw a notification that my boyfriend made a public comment on a facebook post. I clicked on it and saw that it was a video of a man singing, and he was surrounded by attractive women. My boyfriend commented 'this is our dream all our life'. He was clearly referring to the attractive women. It was all the first language of my boyfriend. I asked him about it and he seemed nervous. He told me that he was just commenting the lyrics of the song. However, I later asked a friend I have from my boyfriends country about if he meant it as a flirty comment about the attractive women, and she said he did. I feel quite hurt that he did this. Am I overreacting here? I know he lied to save my feelings but I don't understand why he had to comment this publicly Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 17, 2023 Share Posted December 17, 2023 Sorry he hurt you. Remember, your boyfriend is going to find many women attractive. Some he will think are more attractive than you; but he's not in love with them, he's in love with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bluesky91 Posted December 17, 2023 Author Share Posted December 17, 2023 I understand that he'll find other women more attractive than me, but it hurt that he had to publicly write it on facebook, especially when he knows that him commenting on other attractive women whilst being out with him has hurt me too Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted December 17, 2023 Share Posted December 17, 2023 There is nothing wrong with you feeling hurt, but this is probably just how your boyfriend is. He doesn't see any problem with expressing his thoughts and it's unlikely he will change. It's up to you to decide whether you can make peace with this. If not, he's probably not the guy for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 17, 2023 Share Posted December 17, 2023 Do you guys share a FB account? If so, yes it is rude. If not, I wouldn't view his account to see what he likes or comments on. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 17, 2023 Share Posted December 17, 2023 (edited) Men are always going to notice attractive women - just as most women notice an attractive man. Do you not look at a man and think to yourself sometimes - he is a handsome man? He made a rather benign comment on a social media page. The fact that you happened to see his vague comment on a social media post and become offended by that is not an intentional hurt. It’s not like he said it to you. It’s not like he deliberately compared you to another woman. It’s not like he is pursuing another woman. Maybe there are some cultural differences here but this kind of comment would not offend me in any way. Honestly, if you boyfriend is good and kind to you, if you love him and want to be with him, I would not worry about a random post on a social media page. Edited December 17, 2023 by BaileyB 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 17, 2023 Share Posted December 17, 2023 (edited) 33 minutes ago, Bluesky91 said: I understand that he'll find other women more attractive than me, but it hurt that he had to publicly write it on facebook, especially when he knows that him commenting on other attractive women whilst being out with him has hurt me too A more mature man will be more careful about what he says and to which audience he says it. To be fair, he didn’t say that you were unattractive or that these women were more attractive than you. That was something that you inferred because you are feeling insecure - His comment was a rather general - this is every man’s dream, to be surrounded by attractive women… His comment is not a direct reflection of you or your relationship in any way… I know that’s not how it feels… Edited December 17, 2023 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 17, 2023 Share Posted December 17, 2023 (edited) 1 hour ago, Bluesky91 said: I understand that he'll find other women more attractive than me, but it hurt that he had to publicly write it on facebook, especially when he knows that him commenting on other attractive women whilst being out with him has hurt me too How long have you been dating? How old is he? He seems quite immature. Please delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media, remove yourself from his social media and any status. If he asks why, tell him his horndog comments are an embarrassment to you and you prefer not to be associated with it. That's all you can do as well as observe why he's being so clueless. Edited December 17, 2023 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted December 17, 2023 Share Posted December 17, 2023 This is not about him openly admiring other women or trying to get other women's attention, it's just verbal chest-beating for the benefit of other males. I'd be more concerned that he lied about what he'd written, he clearly doesn't credit you with a lot of intelligence, and that indicates a lack of respect. If you feel you have to police his social media activity that indicates that you know you can't trust him, and that should tell you he's not the guy for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 17, 2023 Share Posted December 17, 2023 This is a very innocent comment. It's not the same as commenting on the picture of 1 woman. To me what he said is the equivalent of women commenting on a firemen calendar. It's not aimed at someone specific and the comment is like a wink. I agree with not having him on your social media. My bf and I are not friends on FB, it would drive me crazy to read the comments women make at his jokes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted December 17, 2023 Share Posted December 17, 2023 OP, you are in a 18 to 24 year range. I am assuming your BF is around the same age as you are. So, I would chalk it up to immaturity. He probably doesn't realize how much his comments about other women are hurting you. He is probably not well-aware how posting anything on social media can come back and bite him. A mature person filters more of what he or she does and says. He is not there yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted December 17, 2023 Share Posted December 17, 2023 Uhh, a man surrounded by attractive women in a video game? Just sounds like a typical harem anime to me. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 17, 2023 Share Posted December 17, 2023 I agree that this comment was very benign. Where does your insecurity stem from? Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted December 17, 2023 Share Posted December 17, 2023 Definitely overreacting. It's not a "flirty comment," either. Yes, a lot of guys would agree that it would be dreamy to be a pop star with dozens of beautiful women swooning at their feet. There are also a whole lot of women and girls who would not hesitate to comment about how dreamy it would be to be wooed by some handsome pop star. Neither one of these scenarios has anything whatsoever to do with the way the person commenting feels about their significant other. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted December 17, 2023 Share Posted December 17, 2023 I think you are very much overreacting and I think you have to be really insecure to be so bothered by this simple comment that he made. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 17, 2023 Share Posted December 17, 2023 4 hours ago, Bluesky91 said: he knows that him commenting on other attractive women whilst being out with him has hurt me too He's being rude. Please reconsider if you want to be with someone who is checking out other women and making remarks to you while you're out is someone you want to waste your time on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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