Don't know what to do. on vacation with boyfriend.

[Bane837]

My bf (25) and I (19) have been together for 2 years. Normally our relationship is very good. We don’t fight often and he is usually very loving and I know he loves me.

we are currently on vacation. He took off of work and I finished my semester. This happened last night, which was the second day of our trip. We have been going out and night doing different things and drinking. Last night we were out and we were drinking and all of the sudden his good mood just turned into a jealous rage. We were talking to a group of people and I could tell he was mad. I asked and tried to figure out what was wrong but he just ignored me so I asked him if he wanted to go back to our hotel and we did that. 
 

he started screaming at me in the car accusing me of flirting with someone when I did not. Both of us were talking to a group of people we had never seen before. Things escalated when we got back to the hotel, turned into a huge fight. He got pretty physical and almost got us kicked out of the hotel. We have 2 weeks left of this trip and I don’t know if I should call my parents and beg them to buy me a plane ticket or deal with it when we get home. He is fine now but I’m not having a good time and what if this happens again? Wtf am I supposed to do?

[Alpacalia]

What made him go from 0 to jealous psycho in 2.5 shots? Alcohol can often bring out negative emotions or behaviors in people, so that could have played a role in his sudden outburst.

Something triggered his insecurities or past experiences with jealousy, causing him to lash out.

Still, that his behavior escalated to physical violence and almost getting kicked out of the hotel.

I would say to definitely reach out to someone for support and consider leaving the vacation if things continue to escalate.

[Bane837]

11 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

What made him go from 0 to jealous psycho in 2.5 shots? Alcohol can often bring out negative emotions or behaviors in people, so that could have played a role in his sudden outburst.

Something triggered his insecurities or past experiences with jealousy, causing him to lash out.

Still, that his behavior escalated to physical violence and almost getting kicked out of the hotel.

I would say to definitely reach out to someone for support and consider leaving the vacation if things continue to escalate.

Alcohol was definitely a factor. Because I was talking to a guy, we were talking to a group of people. One minute he was fine with it and then he wasn’t. 

[Wiseman2]

59 minutes ago, Bane837 said:

 Normally our relationship is very good. We don’t fight often and he is usually very loving and I know he loves me.Things escalated when we got back to the hotel, turned into a huge fight. He got pretty physical and almost got us kicked out of the hotel. 

Have you seen similar behaviour before?  Jealousy or drunken rages? Please keep in touch with your family and the hotel staff. If he does it again call security or the police.  Let your people know what happened.

[Bane837]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Have you seen similar behaviour before?  Jealousy or drunken rages? Please keep in touch with your family and the hotel staff. If he does it again call security or the police.  Let your people know what happened.

Not on this level and over nothing. When he has been upset before I genuinely understood where he was coming from and I changed my behavior. He has never gotten physical before

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, Bane837 said:

Not on this level and over nothing. When he has been upset before I  He has never gotten physical before

Please tell your people and the hotel staff what is going on. He's abusive, possessive and dangerous. You seem to have seen signs before and unfortunately abuse often escalates to the physical.  Ask for another room until you can get a flight out of there. Do not hesitate to call the police or hotel security. 

[Acacia98]

3 hours ago, Bane837 said:

We have 2 weeks left of this trip and I don’t know if I should call my parents and beg them to buy me a plane ticket or deal with it when we get home. He is fine now but I’m not having a good time and what if this happens again? Wtf am I supposed to do?

Please call your parents and tell them what's going on.

[Gaeta]

He allowed himself to do that because you are isolated from your family and closest friends, that's how abusers works.

I dated my ex for 3 years with no abuse and at the moment we moved away for his work, and l was away from my network, he started being violent verbaly and physically.

Once a person has allowed themselves to cross that line they rarely go back to being non abusive.

I say you call your parents, go back home, and breakup with him.

 

[stillafool]

10 hours ago, Bane837 said:

Alcohol was definitely a factor. Because I was talking to a guy, we were talking to a group of people. One minute he was fine with it and then he wasn’t. 

How long were you talking to the guy and was it just you and the guy talking?  It doesn't matter either way he had no right to yell and get physical with you.  I agree with Gaeta that once they reach that level they will do it again and again to try to scare you and keep you in line.  Go home.

Edited December 21, 2023 by stillafool

[Lotsgoingon]

If you have money, then hop on a plane. If you don't have money, call your parents, your friends, your cousin's mother--tell them about the emergency of abuse and that you need help now. You can apologize for asking and for being out of touch and rebellious or whatever . But say you need to escape right now. Tell them of the physical abuse!

Do not listen to his explanations. His explaining will only be his justifying. And you explaining and saying "no I wasn't flirting"--well that's actually part of the trap. That's the ensnarement--you end up defending yourself (and even apologizing for the "misunderstanding") when you have done nothing wrong. Next thing you know, you'll be apologizing for not asking his permission to spend time with a girlfriend. And you'll get hit! And you’ll be apologizing for being hit!

Get out now. This is an emergency.

 

[ShyViolet]

Oh hell no.  You need to call your parents immediately and tell them what is going on.  And as soon as you are home and safely away from him, you need to break up with him.

[MsJayne]

Call your parents and tell them what's happened, you need some moral support, and he needs to know he doesn't have you as isolated as he thinks. See what your parents think, hopefully they can afford to buy you the fare home, meantime maybe stay sober so that you're lowering the risk of him assaulting you again. Hide your passport somewhere he can't find it, maybe take it down to hotel reception and ask them to put it in their safe. Now that he's assaulted you, you need to end the relationship as soon as safely possible, because he will do it again. One of the weakest, most cowardly acts is a male assaulting his female partner. On top of that, ruining someone's holiday is a sh***y, sh***y thing to do. If I was your dad and I was inclined to "sort out" bullies, I'd be in your BF's face the moment he set foot on home soil demanding that he reimburse you for whatever this holiday cost you. 

[d0nnivain]

I read him as a bad guy the minute you said he started dating you when he was 23 & you were a 17 year old TEENAGER.  You were too young for him then.  Part of the reason this started was because you were on the same level even though he was a grown man while you were still technically a kid.  

You are growing as a person.  You becoming more confident & independent.  College is changing you & that scares the crap out of him.  Now add alcohol to that mix & boom you have volatile BF.   

The fact that it got so bad you "almost got kicked out of the hotel" tells me this was really bad but you are downplaying it & covering for him.  It is possible to fight with somebody & not have anybody else around notice; the fact that the hotel intervened means he was off his rails. 

You are not safe where you are.  Stay on this vacation & in this relationship at your own risk. 

[petee]

OP, if this was VERY out of character then you gotta try and see it from his point of view.

However, from reading your posts it seems that you have checked out and now need to get away. There’s no fun to be had if you are worried about violent outbursts.

This was not your fault, you’ve seen the guy with the mask slipped.

[Bane837]

I am home. Thank you all 😊

[Gaeta]

14 minutes ago, Bane837 said:

I am home. Thank you all 😊

What happened in the past 9 days?

[Bane837]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

What happened in the past 9 days?

We had a couple more arguments and decided to come home early. Now we are both taking some much needed space from each other

[Gaeta]

7 minutes ago, Bane837 said:

Now we are both taking some much needed space from each other

Do we need to explain to you why you should not go back to a man that has been violent with you?

[Bane837]

9 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Do we need to explain to you why you should not go back to a man that has been violent with you?

No, you do not but I’m sure you also know it is difficult. I’m trying to process and figure it out.

[stillafool]

40 minutes ago, Bane837 said:

No, you do not but I’m sure you also know it is difficult. I’m trying to process and figure it out.

 

If you guys can't even go on vacation together without getting into a fight and having to come back early, it's a wrap.  Physical violence is unforgivable and be sure once that line is crossed it will happen again and again.  I can't understand why it is so difficult to process that and never be around that man again.

[Gaeta]

You are only 19 years old, do not waste your youth on a violent man. I know at your age we think people can change but they don't. Your boyfriend has a violent temper, he only needed all the ingredients to be mixed together for him to explode. Violence always escalates from one incident to the next. 

Educate yourself on the cycle of domestic violence. Longer you stay in this relationship harder it will be to leave as each day it will destroy your self-worth. 

There are many men that will be a better partner than him and with whom you can experience a deeper connection. 

 

[ShyViolet]

7 hours ago, Bane837 said:

We had a couple more arguments and decided to come home early. Now we are both taking some much needed space from each other

You don't need "space from each other."  You need to end this toxic relationship.  I hope you come to your senses and realize that.

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Bane837 said:

We had a couple more arguments and decided to come home early. Now we are both taking some much needed space from each other

Please talk to trusted friends and family about this. Please read up on domestic violence and get information, advice support and help extricating yourself.

Do you live with your parents? Please delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Consider getting a restraining order. 

[Bane837]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Please talk to trusted friends and family about this. Please read up on domestic violence and get information, advice support and help extricating yourself.

Do you live with your parents? Please delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Consider getting a restraining order. 

I technically live with my parents but was staying every night with him for a very long time but still have my room. There is a very high probability we are going to break up. I’ve got to figure out how to do it, get my stuff back, what to tell our friends/my family/his family

[Wiseman2]

19 minutes ago, Bane837 said:

I technically live with my parents but was staying every night with him for a very long time but still have my room. There is a very high probability we are going to break up. I’ve got to figure out how to do it, get my stuff back, what to tell our friends/my family/his family

Please be frank with your family and enlist their support and help getting you moved out.

You shouldn't communicate with his family whatsoever. Tell your friends the truth. He beat you on vacation and you have the self respect to leave. Do not cover for him. 

Please don't wait until you're in the ER with a broken nose...or worse. This will escalate no matter what he promises.