ciara_love Posted December 23, 2023 Share Posted December 23, 2023 Greetings, I am wondering if anyone would like to share your experiences about being an initiator most of the time with a friend. Did you end up cutting those friends out of your life? I have noticed that I have a few friends who never check in and ask how I am doing and never come visit. It seems simple for me to just delete them from my life but I guess I hang on for extra social support. Lately, however, I have been wondering if my life is staying stagnant in many ways due to hanging onto these friends instead of making new ones. I would love to hear from anyone who has gone through this. What were your results? Did you end up making a lot of new friends? More suitable friends? Did your life change in a positive direction? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 23, 2023 Share Posted December 23, 2023 Sometimes we can outgrow our friends....or they outgrow us. But even if you have average friendships, this is not reason for your life to stay stagnant. You can still make new friends, find a boyfriend, improve your education and career! Nobody can hold you back without your permission 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 23, 2023 Share Posted December 23, 2023 (edited) 6 hours ago, ciara_love said: , I have been wondering if my life is staying stagnant in many ways due to hanging onto these friends instead of making new ones. It's always a good Idea to meet new people and make new friends as you evolve through life. If you've grown apart you can move these friends to the acquaintance category, rather than just delete them. Edited December 23, 2023 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted December 23, 2023 Share Posted December 23, 2023 You don’t have to delete them. Just pay less attention to them and make new friends. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 27, 2023 Share Posted December 27, 2023 If you stop initiating they will either step up or fade out. Either way your situation improves. Sometimes when we sit back you can be surprised that others step up. I find it hard to step back but that has always been my experience. If the others are receptive when you do reach out, perhaps you can mention to them that you would like them to initiate more. Link to post Share on other sites
Bettylou Posted December 30, 2023 Share Posted December 30, 2023 I find I am the one who always initiates communication. I hadn't called, dm or text anyone while I was away for two weeks. I only got contacted by two people. I am someone who craves for companionship and sadly it doesn't always happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Otto_82 Posted December 30, 2023 Share Posted December 30, 2023 I am at this point with a one of my closest ever friends who I have known for close to 20 years. We lived together for several years and then they met themselves a partner which of course is really positive for them. We now live separately because I realised I have to give way and let him think about his future and moving in with his partner. But I relocated to a different part of the country rather than stay in the same city as him because already once his new relationship had started he just wasn't really putting in much effort and initiating contact. I could tell that this would continue even if I sat down and talked to him. Fast forward and we're now living miles away. We have been in touch and spoken on Skype/zoom but this only happens if I message him. It all seems very one way traffic. It's really hurting and I feel anger about it. I sometimes think about being ruthless and cutting him off but I don't want to do this. I accept that things evolve and that you can't always have the same closeness but if they continue not to make effort it just feels so demoralising and like I don't know where I stand. So I message him, not too often but now and then....he replies, often very promptly. It's that strange trap of coming across as too pressurising and needy just by wanting to continue a friendship that has meant so much to you for years. He has told me how important I am to him, but his lack of effort doesn't add up. If I were to say I want to hear from you more often and for it to be a two way friendship the worry is this is too demanding and too much pressure. So it's like I'm sat here having to pretend I'm fine with things. If I say nothing, that's possibly worse but how do I say it? I think he also knows I tried reaching out to other people to spread out who I spend my time with but sadly these didn't materialise. Old friendships that did not rekindle or people who had moved on. When you feel like you are nobody's priority and that love, even from those you feel closest to is very conditional - it's very painful Link to post Share on other sites
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