What do I say to a friend whose dad is very sick? What do I tell me parents when they ask how they're doing?

[max3732]

One of my best friends since middle school (We're both in our early 40's now) told me his father is very sick and he's probably not going to get better. He didn't give any more information beyond that he can hardly move.

When I asked he said something like "that's one of the hard parts about getting older" or something like that so I didn't want to press him on the ailment. 

My parents new I got together with him and asked how his family is doing. Our parents met a few times, but have not spent much time together other than knowing their kids were friends.

Do I tell them about how sick his dad is or would that just add to their stress right before Christmas? I don't really know a good way to tell them.

Over the years I've talked to his parents a bunch of times and his dad drove us to some events and things. I feel so bad for him, but don't really know what to say or do to handle this. I've never had a close friend in a situation like this

[Alpacalia]

It's a tough situation all around. Reaching out and asking how to handle it shows that you care a lot for your friend and his family. 

My father suffered a stroke recently and it's been constant ups and downs (i.e. a couple trips to the ER in between due to complications). One minute he's fine and the next he's in the hospital with a complication or something. I feel like I lost him already because he is not the same person he was before the stroke, his personality and memory are just not the same. It's been tough. What's helped me is just having people to talk to and lean on for support.

You could just let your parents know in general terms that your friend's dad is very sick and going through a difficult time, without giving too many specifics. Just being there for him, listening and offering a shoulder to lean on can make a big difference. It's okay to acknowledge that you don't know how to handle the situation or what to say. Sometimes, just being there and showing that you care can make a world of difference.

You're a good friend.

[basil67]

7 minutes ago, max3732 said:

Do I tell them about how sick his dad is or would that just add to their stress right before Christmas? I don't really know a good way to tell them.

I'm so sorry to hear this news.  He sounds like a good guy.

The good way to tell them would have been when they asked how he is.  However, you could always revisit the conversation "you know how you asked after my friend's dad?  I was struggling to find the words to tell you, but he's very ill and not likely to recover.  I don't know the details yet".

That said, you're worried about adding to their stress.  What's going on with your parents that you are worried about telling them?  Of course they will be sad, but they should be included in the news.

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, max3732 said:

My parents new I got together with him and asked how his family is doing. Do I tell them about how sick his dad is or would that just add to their stress right before Christmas? I don't really know a good way to tell them.

Honesty is the best policy. If your parents ask how he's doing, just answer what you know. 

[d0nnivain]

You ask how the father is doing.  There is nothing you can say if the dad isn't getting better.  You can offer to run errands or take something off the friend's plate.  Showing up with a casserole is always appreciated. 

Tell your parents the truth.  They may want to spend time with the dad while they still can.