LuckyM Posted December 25, 2023 Share Posted December 25, 2023 I often wonder whether I am better off with no relationship and no chance for one, or be married or have a relationship like the kind here on LS---with trouble, possible cheating, lack of sex and or other problems? I am so used to being lonely anyway, never married. and have no desire or expectation for a LTR or dating.. I gave up years ago. Your opinion? Which would you rather?There is no right or wrong, I think. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted December 25, 2023 Share Posted December 25, 2023 A lot of people choose to stay in less than ideal relationships for various reasons and I don't think it is all that unusual. Ultimately, the choice is up to you and what you are willing to put up with in a relationship. Sometimes being alone is better than being in a relationship that is not fulfilling. That doesn't make you a failure or a loser, it just means that you have different priorities and values. Do not let society or anyone pressure you into thinking that being in a relationship is the only path to happiness or fulfillment. Yes, a great relationship can bring joy and companionship, and there are plenty of successful and happy couples out there, but that doesn't mean everyone needs or wants that for their own life. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 25, 2023 Share Posted December 25, 2023 2 hours ago, LuckyM said: I am so used to being lonely anyway, never married. have no desire or expectation for a LTR or dating.. I gave up years ago. The holidays can be a difficult time especially for seniors who are widowed, divorced, kids are on their own, etc. so you're not alone in this whether you were ever married or not. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 25, 2023 Share Posted December 25, 2023 No relationship. Being alone is better than being abused. There are ways to uplift yourself, to self soothe etc. It's hard to protect yourself from abuse especially when it's unpredictable; living on eggshells not knowing what will set them off is just not worth it IMO. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted December 25, 2023 Share Posted December 25, 2023 (edited) A good relationship is miles ahead of both IMO, but I would absolutely pick no relationship over a bad one. The former is a neutral situation, while the latter is, well, bad. I don't see what anyone could get out of a truly bad relationship that you can't get from being single. Edited December 25, 2023 by Els 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted December 25, 2023 Share Posted December 25, 2023 Its hard to know really, A year ago I chose to steady in a steady relationship well because I felt she would not run away on me, where as the alternative was perhaps a more exciting prospect but Id always have that nagging doubt she would leave me sooner rather than later and Id have no one, Perhaps as we are getting older- Id say companionship and a sexless marriage is better than being on ones own- thats probably my best attempt at answering the question. Link to post Share on other sites
jdesey Posted January 5 Share Posted January 5 tough call.. I have now been single for 15 years after my divorce. Being alone sucks,,, not really much of an answer... Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 On 12/25/2023 at 10:06 PM, Els said: A good relationship is miles ahead of both IMO, but I would absolutely pick no relationship over a bad one. The former is a neutral situation, while the latter is, well, bad. I don't see what anyone could get out of a truly bad relationship that you can't get from being single. Regular sex and companionship I suppose. But then there's sexless marriages where both live pretty much seperate lives. In that case it's just staying together for the kids, miserable. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 Of course no relationship is better than a troubled one, I don't know how that is even a question. Life is short and our time is precious. I don't know how anyone could honestly say that staying in a relationship that is dysfunctional or has major problems is a good use of your time or a good decision. It's not. If you're single you have a chance of going out and finding someone better, if that's what you want to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 21 hours ago, FredEire said: Regular sex and companionship I suppose. But then there's sexless marriages where both live pretty much seperate lives. In that case it's just staying together for the kids, miserable. You don't usually get regular sex or companionship from a genuinely bad relationship... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 4 minutes ago, Els said: You don't usually get regular sex or companionship from a genuinely bad relationship... I had a pretty bad relationship with both. Quite often couples with take out their frustrations with eachother in the bedroom. Fight, get passionate, calm for a while, then back to fighting. There's different kinds of bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 1 minute ago, FredEire said: I had a pretty bad relationship with both. Quite often couples with take out their frustrations with eachother in the bedroom. Fight, get passionate, calm for a while, then back to fighting. There's different kinds of bad. This sounds possible for a short term relationship, i.e. less than 2 years. But I'd be very surprised if there was a significant number of long term marriages with this dynamic. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 On 12/25/2023 at 3:50 PM, Foxhall said: Id say companionship and a sexless marriage is better than being on ones own Hecky no. Maybe it's a man versus woman thing? Not that there's anything wrong with it. I think I'd rather be rolled down the hill in a wheelbarrow, or tossed into a hole with a pack of hungry pigs, than to live the rest of my life like this. Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 (edited) 2 minutes ago, Els said: This sounds possible for a short term relationship, i.e. less than 2 years. But I'd be very surprised if there was a significant number of long term marriages with this dynamic. Sure, I'd imagine a lot of those sexless marriages start out that way though. Either the involved parties dry up physically and emotionally or find their sex and intrigue elsewhere. Edited January 6 by FredEire Link to post Share on other sites
Author LuckyM Posted January 6 Author Share Posted January 6 I have found that sex without love or "like" is much better than unrequited love with no sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 1 minute ago, FredEire said: Sure, I'd imagine a lot of those sexless marriages start out that way though. Right. Some sexless marriages are just pure sexual incompatibility or unfortunate physical/medical events, but others are a symptom of a deeper, massive problem in the relationship. In the former, I guess it's possible for the marriage to be sexless while not being truly "bad", but in the latter case both people often have completely lost all love, respect, and care for one another. Hence, no sex and no companionship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 1 minute ago, LuckyM said: I have found that sex without love or "like" is much better than unrequited love with no sex. Sounds like you're a casual sex kind of person. Nothing wrong with that if it's working out for you? Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 3 minutes ago, Els said: Right. Some sexless marriages are just pure sexual incompatibility or unfortunate physical/medical events, but others are a symptom of a deeper, massive problem in the relationship. In the former, I guess it's possible for the marriage to be sexless while not being truly "bad", but in the latter case both people often have completely lost all love, respect, and care for one another. Hence, no sex and no companionship. For sure. It's sadly very common and it's often a "stay together for the kids situation" or thinking they'd be even more unhappy by themselves and lonely than staying with someone they no longer even like. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 42 minutes ago, LuckyM said: I have found that sex without love or "like" is much better than unrequited love with no sex. That's ok. You can get your desires fulfilled in casual ways if relationships aren't a good fit for you. But the question is worded strangely like "Which is better---no car or getting a flat tire?" Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 15 hours ago, Alpacalia said: Hecky no. Maybe it's a man versus woman thing? Not that there's anything wrong with it. I think I'd rather be rolled down the hill in a wheelbarrow, or tossed into a hole with a pack of hungry pigs, than to live the rest of my life like this. Well I still want more at this point but if I get to my 50s and beyond I will probably settle for the companionship scenario, I happened to watch the movie When Harry met Sally again recently- what a movie-that remains the dream- there can be plenty of ups and downs along the way but maybe we can all remain hopeful for the happy ending. this opening poster- I am sure there is a nice lady out there too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 6 hours ago, Foxhall said: Well I still want more at this point but if I get to my 50s and beyond I will probably settle for the companionship scenario, I happened to watch the movie When Harry met Sally again recently- what a movie-that remains the dream- there can be plenty of ups and downs along the way but maybe we can all remain hopeful for the happy ending. this opening poster- I am sure there is a nice lady out there too. I appreciate your perspective. I just think it's very different for men (sorry men...I love ya!) but we just have very different motivations. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 I get it @Foxhall If I were single, I'd also be content with a good companion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 There are 2 types of loneliness. * loneliness from being alone * loneliness while is a relationship. The 2nd one is worse than torture. At least when you're alone you live with the possibilities you will eventually meet someone. 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 (edited) 11 minutes ago, Gaeta said: There are 2 types of loneliness. * loneliness from being alone * loneliness while is a relationship. The 2nd one is worse than torture. At least when you're alone you live with the possibilities you will eventually meet someone. For real. You're expected to feel happy because you have somebody and surrounded not by people but amazing individuals. But deep down inside, you know you feel lonely, isolated and just plain trapped. It is extremely hard to understand this type of loneliness from an outsider's view but it's real and it's killer. It's a kind of loneliness that keeps you up at night because of all the negative thoughts that go through your head. You feel unappreciated, unloved, and you question your own self-worth. How could someone who loves you make you feel this way? But unfortunately, it happens. All the while you're still expecting this other person to be monogamous and love you and you feel guilty for feeling the way you do so the weight of your thoughts just keeps piling on. You feel trapped because you know this person won't understand how much you crave for conversation, affection, and someone to listen to you. But you suffer in silence just so that you can have them near you, even if it's just for a little bit. You keep telling yourself that you'll never find someone else who would tolerate you or go through the same things as you do. It's a constant battle between feeling grateful for having someone and feeling trapped, alone and unloved. It's a type of loneliness that is often hidden because of the fear of judgment or rejection. It's a silent torture that eats away at your happiness and well-being. It's like settling for scraps. No matter how much you try to feed yourself, you'll never feel satisfied, you'll always ask for more. You're not eating a complete meal but merely surviving. No thanks, I'll pass. Edited January 7 by Alpacalia 3 Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 (edited) 2 hours ago, Alpacalia said: I appreciate your perspective. I just think it's very different for men (sorry men...I love ya!) but we just have very different motivations. I don't think so, I'm a man and I'm on your side. Bad relationships don't get better unless there's a whole lot of work done with an open mind on both sides, which I would say is rare. Maybe they eventually get less stormy as people age but it leaves two bitter and resentful aging people scared to admit they never had the guts to pull the plug. To hell with that. Never having met someone to settle down with may feel sad but it's not as sad as that scenario. Edited January 7 by FredEire 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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