my partner is nasty to me

[S2B]

Let him know exactly what his bad behavior looks like for you!

then explain that you don’t trust that he won’t hurt you again - so it’s not safe to have him in your home.

where is your boundary? I’m concerned you have no idea what that means.

[cma1]

I am concerned that I know I have no boundaries because I don't wanna rock the boat and he actually knows that and most probably uses that to his advantage 😔 I'm so good at dishing out the exact same grear advice as you guys to others, but when it comes to myself following it through I'm just so stupidly weak. It's embarrassing. 

[stillafool]

18 minutes ago, cma1 said:

I am concerned that I know I have no boundaries because I don't wanna rock the boat and he actually knows that and most probably uses that to his advantage

What exactly are you afraid will happen if you rock the boat?

[Wiseman2]

52 minutes ago, cma1 said:

I am concerned that I know I have no boundaries because I don't wanna rock the boat and he actually knows that and most probably uses that to his advantage 😔 I'm so good at dishing out the exact same grear advice as you guys to others, but when it comes to myself following it through I'm just so stupidly weak. It's embarrassing. 

Not allowing him to move in isn't "rocking the boat".

There are 2 problems, both of which will escalate. One is alcohol abuse which you are fostering for whatever reason. The other is abuse which is also cyclical in nature.

Please Google "cycle of violence" and please get help and information from the links provided above. 

Having him move in is like getting a pet alligator and expecting it to act like a kitten. This is not "fate", it's a mental health crisis that you are dangerously spiralling into. 

[S2B]

Go back and read the title you chose!

no, do not allow him to move in. In fact, stop seeing him altogether.

[S2B]

For your future and for helping yourself - work with a counselor in what a healthy boundary looks like for you!

secondly, learn how to say no! Practice different ways to say no with a trained counselor!!

[d0nnivain]

18 hours ago, cma1 said:

As a recovering alcoholic there is hope then that he could stay permanently off the booze if he makes that choice to then? Because when he's not drinking he's great and everything is fine and there are no issues 

No.  Especially if you still drink, him living with you is just more temptation he will not be strong enough to resist.  They tell people in recovery not to date for the 1st year they are sober.  

 

18 hours ago, cma1 said:

He says he's not an alcoholic because he doesn't NEED a drink and can go weeks/months without one, the problem is when he does have one he doesn't know when to stop and goes to the extreme.

 

That is a classic definition of an alcoholic, somebody who can't stop.   He's in denial. 

 

18 hours ago, cma1 said:

Early 50s yes he works, our main intention of moving in together was to help one another financially with the cost of living crisis and that financially it makes more sense to run the one household together than 2 separately.

Moving in with a SO primarily to save money never leads to happily every after.  

18 hours ago, cma1 said:

Please do not think for a second that financial gain is the only reason, it is the single reason for it happening so soon, but above all else I want to be with him because I love him with all of my heart and when we broke up the first time around I never truly got over him and always thought of him often, I see us being back together again as fate and I want to help him 

You can't help him.  Your desire to help him makes you an enabler.  The fact that you went out & bought more alcohol after you two had already been drinking shows you are part of his problem.   You may love him, but he loves alcohol. 

Seriously go to an Al Anon meeting.  You need to educate yourself about alcoholism & your role in his addiction.  

[S2B]

Just stay living in your own. There isn’t one single reason to have him move in!