Can't get out of this cycle

[winterblues23]

Hello, first time posting here... really needed to reach out to someone, even if it's strangers over the internet. This is a lengthy post, to those who read it... thank you. 

 

I've been in a relationship for over 3 years now with my significant other, we live together. I've been struggling emotionally because we've never had proper communication when it came down to the relationship. Outside of tbe relationship he is an intelligent, social, well liked, well mannered man, who is articulate, successful and excels at conflict resolution. However inside the relationship he is a completely different person towards me.

The pattern has always been the same where he gets annoyed or upset over something and will emotionally shut down, not communicate what is wrong despite my efforts at approaching him calmly and expressing that I'd like to talk about what's upsetting him. When I try to explain myself, the conversation is one sided and he doesn't give me any empathy or understanding. Worse off, he will often resort to the silent treatment where even though we live together he will not call, text, and when he comes home he will pretend like I don't exist, he will be in another room, eat alone, and when he comes into bed he will not engage in any conversation. If I attempt to ask something he might reply but often in one word responses, showing that he is angry at me. It's gotten to the point where it seems like we have 7-10 days of normalcy and then 7-10+ days where he's upset. This is a monthly thing now and the last time we went a whole month with calm was over a year ago. 

I used to be hard on myself and think it was always my fault as I was always the one apologizing and then the reasons for the silent treatment or arguments started to become very clear that I didn't deserve all this blame and he was not taking any accountability. And because of how he'd emotionally shut down and was never open to communicating, I started walking on eggshells and dreaded the silent treatment. There has never been a time in the 3 years where we sat down to talk about something and he listened and validated my feelings or apologized. Truthfully, when I go over the things I want to tell him in my mind, everything sounds articulate, I bring up good points, I make sense ( to myself anyway) and yet when I'm in front of him trying to talk I can hardly get anything out. My voice is low, I'm unsure of myself, I'm scared, I don't feel supported. And I hate that, I hate the person I've become because I'm not standing up for myself. 

I will share our last 2 arguments to give some insight. A few weeks ago everything was fine, I went over to my parent's home to tend to my father who has been battling health problems. I was only gone for 2 hours and apparently had missed a call from my partner at 9:30 yet texted him 15 minutes later I was on my way home. When I walked in I was met with a cold gaze and something seemed wrong, I asked what was wrong and he simply said he was tired. Because this isn't the first time I've seen him this way I knew something was up. I got him to talk to me at night in which he told me " I'm annoyed. I've been dealing with people not responding to me at work all day and I call you and you don't pick up. It's annoying". For reference, I'm usually always available or get back to him shortly. I felt hurt and confused because he knew where I was and he knew I'm tending to my father who is not well. There's several reasons as to why I might not have responded right away. I tried to tell him " I'm sorry if you feel that way, I can understand it was frustrating not getting responses from people all day and how me not picking up could have caused you to feel frustrated. I didn't hear your call, I was with my father. I reached out to you 15 minutes later". And he just shut down and for the next 4-5 days was moody and hardly talked to me. 

Last night on Christmas we were having a nice day. I went to see my father and when I came back home he was working on something, he said hi, I said hi and I went to shower and went into bed. When he came into the room later and got into bed, he didn't say anything and neither did I. We laid there for 30 minutes each doing our own thing. Truthfully, I was having a hard night emotionally. I felt very overwhelmed and sad and I just wanted to decompress in bed. I wasn't ignoring him, I was just quiet. When I tried to talk to him later he seemed annoyed and when I tried to ask what was wrong he got even more annoyed and said to leave him alone. I tried to give space and about 2 hours or so later when he joined me in bed for the night I asked if we could talk. He said he didn't want to. I asked again and he said " I'm tired of your attitude". I told him " Can you talk to me about where you felt I was giving attitude? I had a very hard evening and honestly I felt broken, sad, overwhelmed. When I got home I said hi and went to shower as you were working on something. When you came into bed we were both watching our phones in silence but I didn't think that was wrong. I wasn't trying to give you attitude"

And even though I said I had a hard night, or used the words broken, overwhelmed, sad, he didn't ask, he didn't talk to me about it or give me any understanding or empathy. I said " please, it's Christmas, let's not be upset" and he just stayed that way for the remainder of the night and the following morning didn't engage in conversation. Made plans and went out, didn't reply to my texts nor tell me where he was going.

What seems so unfair is he often has mood swings or comes home upset or stressed from his day and each and every single time I ask him " what's wrong, do you want to talk about it?" I do not punish him, get upset or make assumptions.

Does anyone have any experience dealing with a relationship like this? I feel like I'm the crazy one here. I've keep silent for so long as when you're treated this way over and over you start to believe it's all you. I try my best to be a kind,loving and understanding partner. I've always been open to communication. I've never done such things like giving the silent treatment, purposely not responding to calls or messages, or giving him the cold shoulder or invalidating his feelings.

People might ask why I'm still here. I care about this person but it's gotten to the point where it's hard to believe I'm cared for when this is how I'm being treated.

 

[basil67]

A dear friend married a man who was like this.  She put up with it and her self esteem was shattered due to his behaviour, but when he started to behave this way to their children, she left him.  Best thing she ever did

As you live together, leaving isn't so simple.   What arrangements need to be made in order for you to leave the relationship?  Do you co-own the place you live in or are you on the lease?  Have you told your family and best friends what's going on?   Find all the support you can in order to get yourself out of there.

[winterblues23]

@basil67  It was originally his apartment and so we've just been sharing the rent. We don't have any property or children together. 

I haven't really shared what I'm going through. I don't understand why it isn't a simple decision to leave. I just feel stuck even though he certainly wouldn't stop me from leaving. I just seem to stick around even though it hurts. It's one of the reasons I haven't shared my struggles with family and friends as I feel like it isn't right of me to complain about this when I'm choosing to stay.

I wanted to reach out online here as maybe hearing other people's stories and insights might be helpful.

[Wiseman2]

28 minutes ago, winterblues23 said:

It was originally his apartment and so we've just been sharing the rent. 

 I haven't shared my struggles with family and friends as I feel like it isn't right of me to complain about this when I'm choosing to stay.

Sorry this is happening. How long have you lived together? How well did you know him before you moved in?  How old is he?  When did he start stonewalling you? 

Please be open and honest with trusted friends and family.  Please speak to a qualified therapist privately and confidentiality about what is happening. Do Not under any circumstances discuss going to a therapist with him. 

Please discontinue asking him what's wrong or confiding your feelings in him.  Please don't grovel for love, understanding or affection.  It's ammunition for him to specifically withhold all this as a form of punishment and mental abuse.

He is deliberately icy to control you. He is not interested in communicating or returning the relationship to a healthier state. 

Please quietly start looking for new accomodations. Enlist the help of friends and family. Please research stonewalling and mental abuse. Please don't try to fix or change him. The man you moved in with was a mirage. This is who he really is. 

[winterblues23]

@Wiseman2 We've been living together for about 2 years now, we're both in our 30s.

Early on into the relationship( 3 months) I did notice a red flag in which while we were on a date, something had upset him and his facial expression immediately turned cold. He went silent and disengaged in communication and affection and I sat there asking what was wrong because I was genuinely confused as to what could have caused such a switch. It's been like this early on but has just gotten substantially worse.

I feel so powerless and I hate myself for allowing someone to treat me with such disrespect. There were times when I felt like I had enough and thought I'd speak up and I just lose that confidence to do so.

[NuevoYorko]

I'm sorry.  it sounds miserable.  Can you tell me why you are still there?  Since he started this behavior at 3 months in it sounds as if this has been consistent throughout your relationship.

it does sound as if you're walking on eggshells to the point of groveling at all times when you're together.   Are there any good times?  What is it like to have a "good time" with him?

 I would advise completely quitting asking him "what's wrong?" and trying to get him to talk about any of it.   Bottom line is that if you really want to be with this man,  you need to stop expecting to have the kind of communication you want, and learn how to just ignore him when he's acting like an a** and go about your business.  Go out with friends, watch what you want on TV, look at your phone in bed, spend time with your parents who seem like they need your attention now.    But why would you choose to do that?   I am not getting the sense that there's much positive going on.

 

[winterblues23]

@NuevoYorko I've asked myself this question a lot and have a hard time finding the answer. I know I'm unhappy, I know whether intentional or not, it's emotional abuse. I understand that it'll never be a healthy relationship if there's no mutual communication, respect and care.

Early on into the relationship he suffered a huge life crisis almost losing his mother who know is chronically disabled. I've stood by his side, supported him and tried my best to be a good partner. The last few years the relationship and myself were always put on the back burner and we lived putting himself and his stuff first. Despite being the only one by his side when even his family didn't help out, I've always been the last one shown appreciation. That is why when I'm being treated this way it hurts beyond words because I'm a good person.

I don't know how to answer about the good times or what that looks like because the good moments now are tainted by anxiety and never knowing when his mood will switch over for the worst.

I know that my lack of standing up for myself and asserting my boundaries early into the relationship have allowed him to feel like he can treat me this way. I continue to allow it even though I want to yell, I want to speak up. I feel frozen because he's put me into a corner emotionally where I feel like I can never win. Where no matter my explanation of things or how I feel, it's his way. There's no reasoning, there's no understanding. It's always an extreme of stonewalling or the silent treatment. I want to reclaim my sense of worth and stand up for myself, I just clam up in the moment and I hate it. I hate what it's turned me into.

[NuevoYorko]

Well, yelling, standing up for yourself or speaking up would not help you.  I mean ... what you want is for him to communicate with you in a constructive way when something is bothering him, and he is not doing it.   You can't make him.   

To be honest, I'm getting kind of a vibe that you've put yourself into a victim role here and you continue with it.  

I do not want to "victim blame" because I do agree that what he is doing is emotional abuse, but from your descriptions and the language you choose, all I see is you going along with all of it, and taking no ownership of the role you've taken.

I mean ... you have to reclaim your sense of worth, for sure - but it is not going to happen if you are constantly grovelling, asking him "what's wrong honey, lets talk about what's bothering you," etc.  All of that kind of talk needs to be excised and you're the only one who can do it.   

Your sense of self-worth needs to be recovered by you and OUTSIDE of what this guy is doing.  

So far you haven't given any example of a reasonable interaction between the two of you.  Are there ever any?  Do you feel like he is even interested in being in this relationship anymore?  

 

Edited December 27, 2023 by NuevoYorko

[winterblues23]

@NuevoYorko As I previously mentioned in this post, one reason I haven't opened up to many people is because I acknowledge what's happening isn't healthy, he isn't forcing me to stay, I've chosen to stay this whole time. So I'm not trying to play the vicitim in any way or seem like one. 100% me being here is my own doing. I've never stayed with people in the past if it ever got unhealthy and toxic. I think throughout these years I somehow cared for this person deeply and gave a huge part of myself I've never given to anyone. I was treated with a lot of hurtful treatment and I think without realizing it it made my self esteem plummet to an absolute low because he had a way of making me feel like I was the one at fault all the time. He treated everyone better than me and over time I started feeling like I was the problem. Even if that wasn't the case.

I'm not here trying to get sympathy from anyone. I'm here to listen to other people who might have experienced similar relationship dynamics and get some advice. Sometimes just hearing other people's stories that you can relate to really helps to give you that little nudge you've been needing to get moving. 

To answer your question... Sure we've had reasonable exchanges but most of our conversations are one sided in the fact that he talks about himself, work and his stuff the most. We can be in a conversation and he can go on for 30 minutes without me really saying anything back where I feel like I'm not actually contributing to the conversation.

I definitely agree with you saying reclaiming my self worth is something that needs to be reclaimed by me and outside of the relationship and what he's doing.

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, winterblues23 said:

 Can't get out of this cycle

Actually you have 100% power and control over getting out of the cycle.

One is to stop asking him what's wrong, two is to stop opening up to him, three is to be honest with yourself and friends and family about what's going on...and last but not least...is to start looking for another place to live. 

Edited December 27, 2023 by Wiseman2

[NuevoYorko]

There are two roles being played out in your relationship.   His is the emotionally abusive stonewalling.  Yours is the groveling and constantly asking him what's wrong, do you need to talk about it, what can I do, etc.   

Stop playing your role.   

Of course I agree with the advice given that you move out and get a divorce but that does not seem to be an option you are considering.  So just get on with your life and let him stew in his own juices.   It would help you to get therapy for yourself.  One on one.  

[Wiseman2]

27 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

 I agree with the advice given that you move out and get a divorce 

It's even easier than that. She just lives in his rented apartment  for the past 2 years and can just walk away at any time. No marriage, no kids, no co-ownership. 

Please let go. He's not going to change.  Cutting your losses will help you get your life back. 

[d0nnivain]

You aren't powerless.  You have the ability to leave this relationship that isn't working for you.  Change is scary & moving is a p.i.t.a. but it has to be done.  You aren't happy.  He's not going to change.  The longer you stay here the less likely you will be able to find a suitable new SO who does make you happy.  You are wasting your own time & keeping yourself trapped in misery.  

Make 2024 a fresh start.  

[mark clemson]

Perhaps I'm wrong, but I'm not sure claims of "emotional abuse" are actually warranted here. This is hours, not days, right? "Reconciliation and a return to normal communication/emotion bonding occurs? We're only hearing your side of the story, and I think there are folks who simply need or prefer a "cooling off time" before they are ready to have a rational conversation.

Some folks simply aren't great at or overly interested in post-analyzing their feelings and/or reasons why an argument may have taken place. They don't need that kind of "closure" and don't see any benefit in it.

That is not to say your distress isn't valid, just that there may be less of an intent to cause you distress than you (or others) think. Sometimes "I'm tired" just means that they're tired. And even if it is a brush-off, that isn't necessarily a bad thing, IF further discussion wouldn't lead to anything productive.

Maybe rather than divorce, contemplate marriage counseling with an emphasis on conflict resolution techniques. You might also consider looking into attachment styles and anxious-avoidant relationships. It sounds to me like he's avoidant and you're anxious, and so his "style" is causing you distress. My understanding is that anxious-avoidant pairings tend to have substantive rockiness such as you describe BUT they are also pretty common and can (often) "go the distance" LT as each partner is able to adapt to the other's style and tends to desire that the relationship continue.

Edited December 27, 2023 by mark clemson

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

Maybe rather than divorce, contemplate marriage counseling 

They're not married.  She moved into his place after dating a year and she's been miserable ever since. 

[mark clemson]

Thanks for pointing that out.

All the above said, it's ALSO true that if he's simply become a bad partner over time and/or they are now incompatible and the distress isn't worth it, sometimes it IS best that one leave.

Edited December 27, 2023 by mark clemson

[winterblues23]

@mark clemson It feels intentional. I understand a cooling off period and not wanting to discuss things right away however it never gets to a point where we have a rational, healthy conversation. He will be upset about something and give me the silent treatment or be cold to me for days, a week, sometimes two weeks. It's a common occurrence,  every other week or two. Often times for irrational things.

Because so much has built up on my end without being expressed I'm overwhelmed and don't know how to approach it. I don't want to keep silent while I'm being given this treatment. I wanted some advice on how to go into a conversation with someone who stonewalls and shuts down. Because I've been so docile and haven't shown any anger or disagreement to his behavior, I've been continually enabling him to have that control over the relationship. I agree that he probably won't change regardless but I want to have a proper conversation once and for all addressing these issues. Just stuck.

[winterblues23]

@d0nnivain  Thank you for the encouraging words. You're absolutely right.

[Acacia98]

20 hours ago, winterblues23 said:

The pattern has always been the same where he gets annoyed or upset over something and will emotionally shut down, not communicate what is wrong despite my efforts at approaching him calmly and expressing that I'd like to talk about what's upsetting him. When I try to explain myself, the conversation is one sided and he doesn't give me any empathy or understanding. Worse off, he will often resort to the silent treatment where even though we live together he will not call, text, and when he comes home he will pretend like I don't exist, he will be in another room, eat alone, and when he comes into bed he will not engage in any conversation. If I attempt to ask something he might reply but often in one word responses, showing that he is angry at me. It's gotten to the point where it seems like we have 7-10 days of normalcy and then 7-10+ days where he's upset. This is a monthly thing now and the last time we went a whole month with calm was over a year ago. 

I used to be hard on myself and think it was always my fault as I was always the one apologizing and then the reasons for the silent treatment or arguments started to become very clear that I didn't deserve all this blame and he was not taking any accountability. And because of how he'd emotionally shut down and was never open to communicating, I started walking on eggshells and dreaded the silent treatment. There has never been a time in the 3 years where we sat down to talk about something and he listened and validated my feelings or apologized. Truthfully, when I go over the things I want to tell him in my mind, everything sounds articulate, I bring up good points, I make sense ( to myself anyway) and yet when I'm in front of him trying to talk I can hardly get anything out. My voice is low, I'm unsure of myself, I'm scared, I don't feel supported. And I hate that, I hate the person I've become because I'm not standing up for myself. 

 (...)

Does anyone have any experience dealing with a relationship like this? I feel like I'm the crazy one here. I've keep silent for so long as when you're treated this way over and over you start to believe it's all you. I try my best to be a kind,loving and understanding partner. I've always been open to communication. I've never done such things like giving the silent treatment, purposely not responding to calls or messages, or giving him the cold shoulder or invalidating his feelings.

Yes, I was in a romantic relationships that was somewhat similar to this one in my early adulthood. The dynamic mirrored part of the dynamic in my family of origin, so it's not surprising that I ended up in this relationship even though I was very fully aware of what was wrong with the dynamic. Ordinarily, I wouldn't have dated this guy. But a series of highly stressful experiences in my early adulthood pushed me to run away from problems I didn't know how to begin to address and into the arms of this man. I guess there was some comfort in the familiar...

I was finally able to end my sense of feeling trapped when I got tired of the relationship and stopped trying to be understanding and supportive and communicative.

I must admit I was somewhat complicit in keeping myself in place when the best thing to do would have been to walk away.

What you could do:

1. Accept that this is who he is and there is nothing inadvertent or accidental about the emotional abuse. He puts on his charming, communicative, conciliatory, conflict-resolving face when he's dealing with other folks. That's your clue that he can be all those wonderful things when he wants to. He takes the face off when he's dealing with you because he has you where he wants you and he reckons you're not going to go anywhere. So he doesn't have to pretend to be something he's not to keep you by his side.

2. Accept the fact that the relationship can end and will end, and when that happens, the world won't fall apart. 

3. Recognize that you're just one person, so you can only play your part in the relationship. If, for example, he chooses not to communicate well, it's not your job to jump in and fix the communication problems. Your job is to do your part, then allow him to do his. If he chooses to be silent and ignore you, let him. Get on with your life as if what he's doing is the most normal thing in the world. Make whatever decisions you have to make without his input. If he comes back to you and complains that your decisions didn't take his preferences into consideration and that you are selfish, do not apologize or try to explain. Sometimes it is best to be silent. Sometimes it is effective to agree with him that you are indeed selfish (even though you really aren't). Part of his power over you derives from your need to show/prove that you are a good person and gain his approval. The minute you stop feeling the need to defend yourself and prove that you are worthy of his respect and affection, he will lose some of this power. 

4. Take time to reflect on the reasons why you ended up adopting your role in the relationship. It wouldn't hurt to also reflect on why he adopted his role. What experiences and insecurities may be pushing you to take your respective actions?

 

[NuevoYorko]

3 hours ago, winterblues23 said:

I agree that he probably won't change regardless but I want to have a proper conversation once and for all addressing these issues. Just stuck.

Epically stuck.  

Please,  really let it sink in that he IS NOT INTERESTED in having the conversation that you are always trying to bring up; the one about "what's wrong, how can I help, what can I do better, why are you angry, why do you treat other people less worthy than me better, can we talk?"  

He isn't going to be having that.     

By this time, though you are feeling hurt, abused and aggrieved, he is feeling nagged and hounded.  

It all sounds textbook co-dependent, like being in a relationship with an alcoholic.   You are at the place where you need to accept this guy exactly as he is,  or get away from him.  

This "conversation" you are dreaming of would have been very appropriate if you both were down for having it in the early stages.  Now you've both perfected your roles.  Its time has come and gone.

 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, winterblues23 said:

It feels intentional. He will be upset about something and give me the silent treatment or be cold to me for days, a week, sometimes two weeks. I wanted some advice on how to go into a conversation with someone who stonewalls and shuts down. 

Stonewalling in this case is definitely intentional, punitive and abuse over invented "issues". His goal is to make you feel horrible, guilty, unworthy and shut out. It's a form of manipulation and control. This has nothing to do with taking some time to cool off and reflect as in normal relationships.

This has to do with him enjoying the sadistic power trip of watching you grovelling begging and making his attitude the center of your life like you're his puppet.

Please read up on abusive relationships and please confide in trusted friends and family and please start making an exit plan. 

[winterblues23]

@NuevoYorko

 

It's not as though this is me finding an issue with his communication and nagging him about it all the time. It's about the way he reacts to something upsetting him and the fact that he resorts to emotionally hurtful tactics like the silent treatment. I've been with people who weren't good at communicating their emotions properly but even when they were upset the respect never went out the window.

I'm not following him around nagging him to talk to me. When he gets upset and doesn't communicate why I calmly ask and let him know I'm here to talk about it. I don't assume it's about me right off the bat. People can be upset, want some space but still treat their partners like human beings. It becomes an issue for me when he treats me that way yet won't even communicate why he is upset, will resort to the silent treatment and be unkind for an undetermined amount of time.Anytime I try to explain myself, his mind is already made up. I am always at fault.

We're currently in another bout of the silent treatment and even though I had to tend to a family emergency last night and am clearly distressed, I came home to the same treatment. His behavior hasn't softened an inch.

Is this a narcissist? Is there even any chance at resolving things amicably.

[winterblues23]

@Wiseman2

I will try my best to reach out to friends and possibly a therapist.

It's difficult to not see this as anything other than intentional and abusive as he never has a healthy cool off period. And when he's upset, even if I apologize or try to show I care, it amounts to nothing and he will grovel in his anger for as long as he sees fit.

There isn't anyone out there who doesn't know deep down how this type of behavior towards someone hurts. If you care about someone you'd never want to intentionally hurt them, regardless if you're upset with them.

I have bent over backwards during his silent treatments, walking on eggshells and trying to even do more than I normally do in hopes of ending the silent treatment. And as others have said, you're right, I think he enjoys the power that's in his control.

I need to regain my sanity and self and will definitely work towards surrounding myself with people that value me.

 

[stillafool]

5 hours ago, winterblues23 said:

I wanted some advice on how to go into a conversation with someone who stonewalls and shuts down. Because I've been so docile and haven't shown any anger or disagreement to his behavior, I've been continually enabling him to have that control over the relationship. I agree that he probably won't change regardless but I want to have a proper conversation once and for all addressing these issues. Just stuck.

He has had this power for so long now it's doubtful he is going to change, at least not as long as you stay there. Perhaps if you tell him you will no longer put up with his silent treatment and the next time it happens you're going to leave.  Start making plans and the next time he does it, leave.  

15 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

She just lives in his rented apartment  for the past 2 years and can just walk away at any time. No marriage, no kids, no co-ownership. 

With this^ you have no good reason to stay there and take his abuse.  Why haven't you left by now?

[winterblues23]

@Wiseman2@NuevoYorko @stillafool @basil67

A while back this was initially what I had wanted to say in order to bring up the topic and try to come to some clearer communication or resolution. To my eyes, I tried to express things without attacking or placing blame... and I had to put a lot of my anger and resentment aside... however I've never felt confident to send it over I suppose because I had little hope it would be received well. I'm curious as to what someone on the outside thinks about this message. How would you take it if your partner sent you such?

"I understand the importance of taking an hour or two to cool off after something has upset you, as you might not be in the right headspace to have a productive conversation. And I will keep that in mind and respect that when you're feeling that way you don't want to immediately talk about it.
I do think it's crucially important for the both of us to revisit the issue within a reasonable timeframe. I care about you and I care about your feelings and I'll always try my best to do what I can to make you feel heard and validated.

The periods of the silent treatment and cold shoulder are immensely hurtful and damaging to myself and to the relationship as a whole. I feel shut out and it feels like I cannot reach you on an emotional level. This behavior makes me uncomfortable and hurts and it's a pattern I wish would not continue.
I want a healthy relationship where we are both showing each other mutal respect and care and we work as a team for the greater good of the relationship.

The other day I sincerely was not giving you attitude and I apologized if you felt that way, it was the furthest of my intentions. Sometimes I think a helpful way to approach a situation might look like "You seem bothered by something. Is everything alright?" I think this removes room for any misunderstandings and allows open communication rather than making assumptions.
I expressed to you that I had a really rough evening at my father's place that day and that's all it was. I was quiet for a short while, I was just decompressing. 
I was not upset and if you took it personally then I'm sorry. I tried to clear the air and be open about feeling flooded with emotions and despite that and my apology you remained upset and withdrawn for the last few days.

I'm committed to building a strong relationship with you. I cherish our moments of laughter and silliness. I cherish being able to find some good even in the most difficult of times.
I'd really like us to talk about this. I love you"