Cheating/paternity fraud

[Trapdoor919]

2023 kid is grown

Husband cheats with ex lies to me about it for a year. 
 

ex gets back with him by lying that he’s the father of child. Paternity fraud. She knew he wasn’t the father because she put another man’s name  on the birth certificate. 
 

He knew since the child was born that something was up. He hid & ignored the situation. Runs from conflict.  His family became attached & helped raise the child. When we had kids of our own, his mom was hostile & had nothing to do with his bio children. Nothing. Told me that she didn’t want these kids attached to her. 
 

situation has wrecked family & marriage. 
 

child still doesn’t know. I’m afraid if he dies child will show up at the funeral & I’ll have to explain to our children what’s going on. Husband doesn’t care. He won’t tell her & her mom definitely won’t tell her. She set this thing up good… smh. 
 

advice?

Edited December 28, 2023 by Trapdoor919

[d0nnivain]

Tell your kids so they aren't surprised.  Unless there has been a paternity test showing your guy is not the father nobody knows for sure.  Heaven forbid your guy dies, keep some DNA of his (hair brush / tooth brush etc) just in case this other kid makes a claim on his estate. 

[stillafool]

3 hours ago, Trapdoor919 said:

She knew he wasn’t the father because she put another man’s name  on the birth certificate. 

This doesn't prove that your husband isn't the child's father.  Lots of women put another man's name on a child's birth certificate for whatever reason and he isn't the father.  Most commonly because the real father isn't available.  The only way to know for sure is a paternity test.  Why hasn't your husband called for one to put this to rest?  Are you still with your husband?

Edited December 28, 2023 by stillafool

[Trapdoor919]

21 minutes ago, stillafool said:

This doesn't prove that your husband isn't the child's father.  Lots of women put another man's name on a child's birth certificate for whatever reason and he isn't the father.  Most commonly because the real father isn't available.  The only way to know for sure is a paternity test.  Why hasn't your husband called for one to put this to rest?  Are you still with your husband?

Oh No! I forgot to put that when the child was 2 the DNA test said he was 99,9% not the father. The mother did that to get back at him out of spite and jealousy. 

[Trapdoor919]

3 hours ago, Trapdoor919 said:

2023 kid is grown

Husband cheats with ex lies to me about it for a year. 
 

ex gets back with him by lying that he’s the father of child. Paternity fraud. She knew he wasn’t the father because she put another man’s name  on the birth certificate. 
 

He knew since the child was born that something was up. He hid & ignored the situation. Runs from conflict.  His family became attached & helped raise the child. When we had kids of our own, his mom was hostile & had nothing to do with his bio children. Nothing. Told me that she didn’t want these kids attached to her. 
 

situation has wrecked family & marriage. 
 

child still doesn’t know. I’m afraid if he dies child will show up at the funeral & I’ll have to explain to our children what’s going on. Husband doesn’t care. He won’t tell her & her mom definitely won’t tell her. She set this thing up good… smh. 
 

advice?

Sorry everyone. I guess it would of bee good to put that when the child was around 2 the DNA test said 99.9% not the father. She has kept the child in his family's life out of spite and jealousy. This all started when he broke up with her. Sad.  How do I tell my kids? 

[d0nnivain]

At age 2, you got conclusive proof that your husband wasn't the father.  How did the baby mama keep the kid in his family's life?  Obviously there are family members who like the OW & the kid.   Do your kids know these people?   I don't know that I would bring it up to your kids.  From the perspective of their lives, dad's affair with this OW is ancient history, happened before they were born.  It's not like dad cheated after they (your kids) existed so it doesn't really effect them especially since there is no blood relation. 

This baby is now an adult.  I'm sure she knows your husband is not her bio dad.  I doubt she's going to pop up at his funeral.  You are worrying unnecessarily.  

[Trapdoor919]

1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

At age 2, you got conclusive proof that your husband wasn't the father.  How did the baby mama keep the kid in his family's life?  Obviously there are family members who like the OW & the kid.   Do your kids know these people?   I don't know that I would bring it up to your kids.  From the perspective of their lives, dad's affair with this OW is ancient history, happened before they were born.  It's not like dad cheated after they (your kids) existed so it doesn't really effect them especially since there is no blood relation. 

This baby is now an adult.  I'm sure she knows your husband is not her bio dad.  I doubt she's going to pop up at his funeral.  You are worrying unnecessarily.  

She still calls him Daddy and has contact him on Facebook even recently. Her mom said you can have him, I got his family. The daughter has seeked and run after my husband her entire life. I don't take my kids down to see his family because she may be there calling him daddy. It's confusing and messy. I thought I was trying to protect my kids from that drama. This is 2023 and she is still thinking he is the Daddy. This because noone has told her including her mom. She is a rare vindictive breed. Hard to explain. 

[stillafool]

48 minutes ago, Trapdoor919 said:

This because noone has told her including her mom.

Since you're their mom, why haven't you told them? What are you guys waiting for?

Edited December 28, 2023 by stillafool

[NuevoYorko]

This is all too confusing for me but it seems like you've been playing along on some level or another for a long time.  

The  adult child thinks that your husband is their father - but you, your husband (or ex husband - what's going on there?) the mother, all know that he isn't?  And this has been the status quo since this 'kid' was two years old?

Why have you been playing along?

 

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Trapdoor919 said:

She has kept the child in his family's life out of spite and jealousy.

She (his ex), cannot keep a 23 year old adult in anyone's life.  She's an adult and can make her own decision whether to be around that family.  More than likely she loves them and they love her so she feels like they are her family.  Are you still married to this man?

[Trapdoor919]

1 hour ago, NuevoYorko said:

This is all too confusing for me but it seems like you've been playing along on some level or another for a long time.  

The  adult child thinks that your husband is their father - but you, your husband (or ex husband - what's going on there?) the mother, all know that he isn't?  And this has been the status quo since this 'kid' was two years old?

Why have you been playing along?

 

I know I feel crazy. My husband said that counselors told him that it was the mother’s job to tell the child. Obviously she never did. Husband, family and ex have been playing along all this time. 
 

[NuevoYorko]

9 minutes ago, Trapdoor919 said:

I know I feel crazy. My husband said that counselors told him that it was the mother’s job to tell the child. Obviously she never did. Husband, family and ex have been playing along all this time. 
 

I know, and I don't really care since they're not posting her.

Why have YOU been playing along ... for TWENTY-ONE YEARS?   

Eagerly awaiting the answer.

Also are you still married to this guy?  Or not?   

[stillafool]

Obviously your husband doesn't mind this young woman referring and thinking of him as her Dad.  Whatever he decides to do is not going to stop his family from loving her and treating her like she's their grandchild.  

3 hours ago, Trapdoor919 said:

Oh No! I forgot to put that when the child was 2 the DNA test said he was 99,9% not the father. The mother did that to get back at him out of spite and jealousy. 

How could the mother put another man's name on the BC out of spite and jealousy?  The fact is he's not her father, so the mother did the right thing here.

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Trapdoor919 said:

I don't take my kids down to see his family because she may be there calling him daddy. It's confusing and messy.

I thought your husbands mother doesn't want anything to do with your kids.  Why would you want to take them there?

[Trapdoor919]

30 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

I know, and I don't really care since they're not posting her.

Why have YOU been playing along ... for TWENTY-ONE YEARS?   

Eagerly awaiting the answer.

Also are you still married to this guy?  Or not?   

I am not sure why. I really feel dumb. It was an abusive relationship. I am still married.  

[Trapdoor919]

20 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I thought your husbands mother doesn't want anything to do with your kids.  Why would you want to take them there?

The child is the reason that she does not want anything to do with my kids. They resent me for facilitating the DNA test and think it was my idea. 

[Trapdoor919]

1 hour ago, NuevoYorko said:

This is all too confusing for me but it seems like you've been playing along on some level or another for a long time.  

The  adult child thinks that your husband is their father - but you, your husband (or ex husband - what's going on there?) the mother, all know that he isn't?  And this has been the status quo since this 'kid' was two years old?

Why have you been playing along?

 

 

21 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I thought your husbands mother doesn't want anything to do with your kids.  Why would you want to take them there?

 

26 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Obviously your husband doesn't mind this young woman referring and thinking of him as her Dad.  Whatever he decides to do is not going to stop his family from loving her and treating her like she's their grandchild.  

How could the mother put another man's name on the BC out of spite and jealousy?  The fact is he's not her father, so the mother did the right thing here.

She told everyone my husband was the father but put someone else’s name on the birth certificate. That guy doesn’t even know he has a daughter. 

[stillafool]

4 minutes ago, Trapdoor919 said:

The child is the reason that she does not want anything to do with my kids.

Why?

[Trapdoor919]

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

Why?

Everyone believed the exes lies. She set it up pretty with his family and told me that she was going after them. She knew from the beginning the child wasn’t his but if she couldn’t have him she would have his family. 

[stillafool]

8 hours ago, Trapdoor919 said:

Told me that she didn’t want these kids attached to her. 

Here you say she doesn't want your kids attached to her.  If someone told me that about my kids I certainly wouldn't try to take them around her.  Why did you?

[stillafool]

1 minute ago, Trapdoor919 said:

Everyone believed the exes lies. She set it up pretty with his family and told me that she was going after them. She knew from the beginning the child wasn’t his but if she couldn’t have him she would have his family. 

Yes, you've repeated this throughout this thread.  What we would like answered is:

-why haven't you, as their mother, told them that this girl isn't their father's daughter? 

--why do you want to take your kids to your mother in law's house who has told you she wants nothing to do with them?

-why do you care about any of this since it happened 23 years ago and you know the child is not your husbands.  Your husband has received proof he is not her father.  Keep that proof and show it to your kids if your husband dies so they will know the truth.  This all seems pretty simple to me so why are you still worried about his ex after all this time?

[Trapdoor919]

Just now, stillafool said:

Yes, you've repeated this throughout this thread.  What we would like answered is:

-why haven't you, as their mother, told them that this girl isn't their father's daughter? 

--why do you want to take your kids to your mother in law's house who has told you she wants nothing to do with them?

-why do you care about any of this since it happened 23 years ago and you know the child is not your husbands.  Your husband has received proof he is not her father.  Keep that proof and show it to your kids if your husband dies so they will know the truth.  This all seems pretty simple to me so why are you still worried about his ex after all this time?

My kids do not know this child at all. I kept them away because of how angry and mean the child’s mother is.my kids have never met her. 
 

I don’t really want to take my kids there but to be honest I am jealous of how they treated the other child and totally shut mine out. My two kids have autism and I could have used some help and support.  It angers me and I feel like this woman robbed my kids of having that part of the family. 
 

I guess I am still concerned because she keeps reaching out and he hides from her. I just want it resolved. 
At this point I’m in counseling to try to work through it. 

[Wiseman2]

22 minutes ago, Trapdoor919 said:

I am not sure why. I really feel dumb. It was an abusive relationship. I am still married.  

If you are not the mother and your husband is not the father, what do you have to do with this? Did your husband's mistress try to get child support? 

[Trapdoor919]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

If you are not the mother and your husband is not the father, what do you have to do with this? Did your husband's mistress try to get child support? 

It’s been years of drama. 

[stillafool]

3 minutes ago, Trapdoor919 said:

I guess I am still concerned because she keeps reaching out and he hides from her. I just want it resolved

I don't blame you.  The person who can solve this is your husband.  He can tell the girl he isn't her father; but he doesn't want to because either he's fond of her and doesn't mind playing her father.  It really has nothing to do with his ex after 23 years this is all on him.  Is he somehow still involved with the ex?