ole_faithful Posted December 28, 2023 Share Posted December 28, 2023 Will preface this but just saying I'm having a lonely moment and will be focusing on myself & getting back into dating with renewed enthusiasim in the new year! But for now.... Dated a guy for 2 months in the summer. Met on hinge but had mutual acquaintances so felt the connection was stronger from the start. Everything seemed to go so well at first (consistent communication, great times on dates, walking me home, him paying for meals and referring to future plans etc...) Everything seemed to be going so well until about 1.5 months in he started slow fading...taking much longer to text back, less keen to meet up until eventually I called him out and he finally admitted he wasn't sure he saw things long term. Was sad and a bit confused at the time but hey ho. Recently over xmas a friend asked if I'd ever heard from him since. And, well, I never did. She seemed surprised, saying 'but they always circle back.' Well, it's been 4 months NC, no circling. I don't know if it's just a combination of it being the holiday season/no one else on the horizon but I have to admit, my mind has now wandered back to him,. He's a good guy even if he didn't handle things the best. In my weaker moments I have to confess to feeling abit insecure/sad about it. I know it can be hard to find a connection like that with online dating and it feels like he really can't have cared/has completely forgotten me. So, is the age-old saying true in general: If they wanted to (reach back out), they would? Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted December 28, 2023 Share Posted December 28, 2023 Yes, the saying "if they wanted to, they would" is generally true. Every single person I have ever dated has reached out. One person, didn't. And it bugged me. But here's the thing - it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how much you liked someone, or how much they seemed like they liked you. Sometimes chemistry just fades, priorities change, etc. And ultimately, if someone wants to be with you, they will make it happen. They will reach out, they will put in effort, they will make you feel wanted and appreciated. So, while it's okay to have moments of sadness or wondering about this person, try to shift your focus to yourself and your future. The right person will come along when the time is right, and you won't have to question their level of interest or commitment. Keep your head up and keep moving forward, the best is yet to come. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 28, 2023 Share Posted December 28, 2023 38 minutes ago, ole_faithful said: She seemed surprised, saying 'but they always circle back.' Well, it's been 4 months NC, no circling. Sorry this is happening. Please get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting men and try to make it a happy 2024. You're right that this time of year can be difficult and lonely and nostalgic. However you only dated 60 days and it didn't work out. It's disappointing but it's better to be with someone who wants what you want. It seems like your friend was trying to cheer you up even if what she said makes no sense whatsoever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 28, 2023 Share Posted December 28, 2023 No, they don't always circle back. No sweeping generalizations should be taken as gospel truths. Plenty of exes don't come back. Now, I dp agree that if someone wanted to be in touch, they would generally make that happen. You haven't heard from him, which I think you should indeed take as him not feeling it and having made the right choice for himself. It just wasn't the right match, and that evidently still holds true. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted December 28, 2023 Share Posted December 28, 2023 1 hour ago, ole_faithful said: Will preface this but just saying I'm having a lonely moment and will be focusing on myself & getting back into dating with renewed enthusiasim in the new year! But for now.... Dated a guy for 2 months in the summer. Met on hinge but had mutual acquaintances so felt the connection was stronger from the start. Everything seemed to go so well at first (consistent communication, great times on dates, walking me home, him paying for meals and referring to future plans etc...) Everything seemed to be going so well until about 1.5 months in he started slow fading...taking much longer to text back, less keen to meet up until eventually I called him out and he finally admitted he wasn't sure he saw things long term. Was sad and a bit confused at the time but hey ho. Recently over xmas a friend asked if I'd ever heard from him since. And, well, I never did. She seemed surprised, saying 'but they always circle back.' Well, it's been 4 months NC, no circling. I don't know if it's just a combination of it being the holiday season/no one else on the horizon but I have to admit, my mind has now wandered back to him,. He's a good guy even if he didn't handle things the best. In my weaker moments I have to confess to feeling abit insecure/sad about it. I know it can be hard to find a connection like that with online dating and it feels like he really can't have cared/has completely forgotten me. So, is the age-old saying true in general: If they wanted to (reach back out), they would? Without knowing other details…. can something resurface again? Yes. There could be situations going on test complicates things personally in early relationships but wouldn’t be such if this is well established. If one is uncertain right now because you are the first one thry dated after a LTR so thry might not be ready yet yo get a serious relationship so timing matters where if you started dating 2+ yrs after this relationship and they had dated others already then they might be more open for a serious relationship. many relationships are about timing luck. You might have had chemistry but one was in a serious relationship. If you have the luck to meet them when you were both available for dating things might be different. sometimes it could have ended for the wrong reasons that one later regrets. Thry though atvthe time it was the other, now the realize it was their own fault. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 28, 2023 Share Posted December 28, 2023 2 hours ago, ole_faithful said: I know it can be hard to find a connection like that with online dating and it feels like he really can't have cared/has completely forgotten me. So, is the age-old saying true in general: If they wanted to (reach back out), they would? It was most likely the 'new relationship energy' which kept him so excited about the future. But as the two of you got to know each other better, he realised that it wasn't right and moved on. It happens.....I would imagine that in the past you've lost interest in someone you were previously keen on. It's OK to be sad for a bit, but when you're ready, start looking to the future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted December 29, 2023 Share Posted December 29, 2023 Exes definitely do NOT always come back. In fact, that is ludicrous. If it were true, most people would be married to the first one they ever went out with. Sad fact: A great many people break up with somebody because they do not want to be with that person ... and they knew it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ole_faithful Posted December 29, 2023 Author Share Posted December 29, 2023 12 hours ago, Alpacalia said: Yes, the saying "if they wanted to, they would" is generally true. Every single person I have ever dated has reached out. One person, didn't. And it bugged me. How long did it take for you to hear back on average, are we talking weeks/months/years? I'm very much focusing on moving forward from now but in all honestly have struggled lately with the thought of being so forgettable to someone. BUT on the flip side I also know that exes often don't reach back out with honest intentions, something I've also experieced in the past. As in, they just want an ego boost or to know that you'll still 'be there' when they click their fingers. Rambling now, thank you for your response/kind words 🙂 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ole_faithful Posted December 29, 2023 Author Share Posted December 29, 2023 10 hours ago, basil67 said: .I would imagine that in the past you've lost interest in someone you were previously keen on. In all honesty, no. Certainly not since high school anyway 🤣I'm very selective with who I date and can be quick to see fault in the very early dating process (1-2 dates). So for me to get to over a month with someone, I'm all in. Realise that this approach is not serving me and needs evaluating! Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted December 29, 2023 Share Posted December 29, 2023 14 minutes ago, ole_faithful said: Yes, the saying "if they wanted to, they would" is generally true. Every single person I have ever dated has reached out. One person, didn't. And it bugged me. How long did it take for you to hear back on average, are we talking weeks/months/years? I'm very much focusing on moving forward from now but in all honestly have struggled lately with the thought of being so forgettable to someone. BUT on the flip side I also know that exes often don't reach back out with honest intentions, something I've also experieced in the past. As in, they just want an ego boost or to know that you'll still 'be there' when they click their fingers. Rambling now, thank you for your response/kind words 🙂 Pretty soon and frequently. If they're single, in a relationship, they seem to find a reason to re-initiate contact. While I don't have issue exchanging pleasantries, I have nothing else to add afterwards. I prefer that the ex treat it the same. A lot of times when you end a relationship, you become a memory to them. Sometimes they will reach out because there's a void they thought you once filled in their life (hence why people break up and make up). It's not an admission of nostalgia but they want that piece of themselves back. Almost like craving for a food. Once the moment is finished, they're reminded of why it was best to separate in the first place. I have tried to keep the peace with a couple exes but they have this tendency to want to start again where we began like the past didn't happen. As for me, I look at the exes whom I have had a good friendship with beforehand but, most importance, were capable of honesty and appreciate the relationship. Don't need to make it a bunch of paragraphs to condense a hello, how are you doing? Occasionally and nice textual exchange. Majority of the relationships I have had end in that manner. Run course, move on, no more talking unless necessary. I am sure they are not not contacting you to purposely hurt you or make you feel insignificant. People move on in different ways and at different paces, and just because they may not doesn't mean you are easily forgettable. Don't let their re-entry into your life (if it happens) have power over you. You are more than an ex's memory. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted December 29, 2023 Share Posted December 29, 2023 No, usually just the ones that you don't want to come back are the ones that come back. When someone amicably ends it at the six week mark it most often means they like you as a a person but they've realised you're not The One, and they respect you enough not to mess you around or just use you for company until someone more suited to them comes along, and it's unlikely they're going to change their mind. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted December 29, 2023 Share Posted December 29, 2023 People who are emotionally healthy tend not to come back. They either realise they made the right decision in initiating the breakup or they accept and move on if they were the one broken up with. Circling back typically occurs when one person finds themselves dateless/single and now they are seeing what they can resurrect for a temporary fix. Even if this guy did come back, the odds of success are even less than they were the first time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted December 29, 2023 Share Posted December 29, 2023 It doesn't matter, and even if exes come back it's usually just going to bring more hassle and pain. There's always a reason for a breakup and if a reunion comes from loneliness and not a mutual effort to fix the actual relationship issues which caused the split the cycle will repeat. It might be an ego boost if you know someone left and they now miss you, but that's all it is. It doesn't really say anything about you as a person or mean the relationship is worth pursuing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 29, 2023 Share Posted December 29, 2023 (edited) IMO it's rare & unwelcome for somebody to "circle back". Break ups are deliberate & well thought out in my life. By the time we got that far, there is no going back. You got love bombed. Somebody talking more than a few weeks into the future during the 1st two months of knowing each other is somebody future faking, living in a dream world where love is a fairy tail & not somebody who can be trusted. Of course that is going to fade as fast as it started because there was no foundation. Be happy this unrealizable dreamer didn't come back to waste more of your time. Your friend who had the experience of the EXs coming back probably has a series of dysfunctional relationships categorized by a break up make up cycle that is indicative of poor judgment, poor communication & a lack of conflict resolution skills. Her experience is not an ideal. Edited December 29, 2023 by d0nnivain 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 29, 2023 Share Posted December 29, 2023 When exes come back it's usually for all the wrong reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted December 29, 2023 Share Posted December 29, 2023 No, exes definitely do not always come back. Your friend is wrong. The guy dated you for two months and decided in that time that he wasn't that into you. Don't sit around holding on to false hope that he'll come back. Move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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