Still struggling 3 months down the line

[Bertol]

I would prefer if this post were to be kept separate to the other.

 

its been just over 3 months since my breakup. I thought i was doing so much better but everything kind if dawned on me recently.

i have realised that I genuinely have nobody, i have about 2 friends at uni, nobody at home other than family and he has the exact opposite, when we broke up he suddenly seems like he now knows in our town, has a new girlfriend, goes out 24/7 and has been just having a great life. It’s frustrating because I don’t doubt by the person he is he has told many people i treated him horribly etc and he’s so convincing nobody will bat an eye. It makes so genuinely so sad to imagine because he put me through so much hurt and im trying everything to heal. 
im finding it rather hard to deal with feeling so insignificant, i  STILL think of him 24/7 (not in a way of missing him most the time, more just Hes always there) and no matter how distracted i am i cant seem to stop. I don’t have him or his friends on any social media anymore so im not sure why i still think of him all the time. Also imagining him closer with strangers than he is to me now hurts. It’s only really just hit me how much i loved him and how little he was willing to fight for our relationship in comparison. He can just up and move on happily never speaking to me again and say it was my all my fault. Im scared to go back to uni because our town in small and i get terrified to leave the house incase i see him or just walking around the places i have such strong memories in and craving them back hurts so much. How do i get better? 
 

 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Bertol said:

. Im scared to go back to uni because our town in small and i get terrified to leave the house incase i see him or just walking around .

Sorry this is happening. Do you go away to University? Are you in your hometown on holiday break? The holidays are a difficult time. Enjoy your friends and family. When you get back to university please look into joining some groups and clubs and campus activities and events and start making friends.

[d0nnivain]

You get better by making an effort to put him behind you.  The new semester is starting soon  Join a club.  Get out there.  Make friends at school.  You haven't made friends yet because you were not in a good place when you arrived on campus. You were grieving the loss of the relationship & others saw the clouds over your head.  

Start a gratitude journal.  Every morning write 3 things you are grateful for.  They don't have to be profound but can be.  I will share that in the cold months my heated mattress pad & down comforter make the list a lot.    Every night before you go to sleep write 3 more things that happened that day.  Once per week read your journal so you can see all the blessings in your life.   Here, I'll start your list: 

1.  You are in university 

2.  You passed last semester 

3.  You have friend # 1

4.  You have friend # 2

5.  You found love shack 

6.  you have your family 

Make some lists of all the things you want to do now that you have time.  Get active.  Movement & being busy will help take your mind off things  

[stillafool]

2 good friends is worth far more than 100 acquaintances.  Make it your mission to make new friends next semester. If you struggle too much going back to that school, can you transfer to another one?  It's normal after a break up for the ex to be on your mind non stop, you just have to find ways to be distracted from your thoughts.  I've always tried to stay as busy as possible after a break up to the point of exhaustion.  If you sit around moping your mind and thoughts will drive you crazy.  Get moving.

[Gaeta]

It takes more than 3 months to get over someone we've dated a year. Mourning a relationship is done through several steps and these steps come back at us in different order. 

* denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance

Once it took me over a year to get over a 6 months relationship and it took me  no time to get over a marriage of 15 years. No mourning is the same. 

Even if you cannot avoid these 5 steps you can help yourself with having a positive look on life. List the things you want for yourself and those you don't. Get into a new challenge, hit the gym or take music lessons, join groups and meet new people. Use that time to get closer to your family, spread kindness around you, travel to an exotic place.

We think it's all about our heart healing but in reality it's about giving our brain time to create new path waves. You had someone there that your brain got accustomed of, now he's gone so your brain is searching for that old path wave, it won't find it so it will create new ones. 

It does not matter how your ex has moved on. Many people try to avoid mourning and jump right into another relationship, it usually will come back to bite them in the butt. 

Take time to pamper yourself back to happiness, it is so important, it will allow you to reconnect deeply with someone else down the road. 

Hang in there, it will get better soon!

[Alpacalia]

For realsies.

It took me zero time to get over my long term relationships and what seemed like forever for a short term relationship. That short term relationship really did me over and I can (sometimes) see why.

Time is the only thing that will help the hurt to lessen.

First step - You are still holding on to him, so do the physical step of accepting what has happened. It is done. You're officially broken up, and you need to stay the heck away from each other. No need for random strangers telling you what he is doing. You're not processing what has happened. You're literally, still in his pants, living your life through him. That needs to stop.

Create a new life for yourself and interact with real people. Not worry about your ex's circle. If you are terrified to see him, are you only ever leaving your parents house to go to work and back? Join a club. Help out at your university. Babysit for family and friends so they can have a date night. Take lessons in something. You'll heal and everything will be alright soon.

Remind yourself that the wrong relationship can get in your way of your true and best life. New things and time will come to your rescue.

[Acacia98]

Find something new to do that has a social component and won't force you to keep bumping into him.

So, for instance, you could volunteer for some organization or you could join a religious community (if you are religious) and participate in whatever activities they have for young adults. Is there any other possibility you could think of? What clubs does your uni have?

Don't compare yourself to him. The fact that he's already in a new relationship and has an active social life can look pretty impressive/intimidating but you have no way of knowing whether he's actually happy or not. If a person really wants to, they can play the part and project happiness to the whole world when their life is falling apart. Plenty of people's social media accounts have taught us this. So stop comparing yourself to him. If you must compare yourself to anyone, compare yourself to the you that you would like to be and start trying to figure out what you need to do to get yourself to that place.

Edited December 30, 2023 by Acacia98