NJooo Posted December 31, 2023 Share Posted December 31, 2023 So there is this guy who I don't have a good professional or personal relationship with. He caused me a lot of problems at school and would humiliate me if he felt as though I was ignoring him. He always was seeking attention and would get upset when he didn't get it. I was pretty much judged, labeled and publicly shamed by this person who always loved to play victim. It got so bad to the point where I had to report him to the Dean for them to handle it. I also left the school because I couldn't take anymore of the bully type behavior there. Well its been some months now and time has moved on. I recently heard that this same person is now sick with a brain cyst. Also it was brought to my attention that this guy recently made a collage reflection on the memories of 2023 and he stated in the message that 2023 was quite the year and that although he faced some real challenges/hurdles, he still embraced life and made beautiful memories. He then went on to say that he was grateful to everyone who had added color to his canvas and concluded by saying goodbye 2023 and hello 2024 and whatever it throws our way. So in this collage he had pictures of a lot of his friends and events they had went to, things he had done throughout the year, he also had a picture of his hospital visit leading into finding about the cyst or something like that. He had pictures of the trips that he went on and things he had done professionally and then all of a sudden I see a picture of me in there. I'm thinking to myself what am I doing in this collage of pictures? The picture was something that I do not ever recall him taking of me. I had never seen this picture before. He apparently took this picture of me when I wasn't looking. Part of me kind of felt weirded out by that but not really sure if I should feel weird about that. I guess my question to you all is why was I included in his picture collage and was it ok for him to post a picture of me that I knew nothing about? Was he trying to be rude? Please be kind when responding thank you. Have a great day and Happy New Year :) Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 31, 2023 Share Posted December 31, 2023 I am sorry that whatever happened was so bad you had to leave school. Were there other people in the photo you are in? If so, it's just a coincidence. You were randomly in some group shot. He was probably too lazy to edit you out. As much as you feel he tortured you, in reality you may not have mattered to him as much as you think you did so he included you in this unretouched photo because he liked the rest of the picture. If the photo was solely of you & that was its intended purpose, given the brain tumor, all the horrible stuff he did to you may have been his misguided way to get your attention because he liked you. What you interpreted as judgment & bullying may have been a cry for attention. You acknowledge he was attention seeking. If the tumor was affecting his brain processing functions, who knows why he did what he did. Since you are out of school & presumably away from this guy, block him & people connected to him on social media & don't worry about it. His opinion of you is actually none of your business. If you can boost your own self esteem to the point where you stop caring what jerks think about you, in the long run you will be better off. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 31, 2023 Share Posted December 31, 2023 7 hours ago, missnini said: So in this collage he had pictures of a lot of his friends and events they had went to, things he had done throughout the year, he also had a picture of his hospital visit leading into finding about the cyst or something like that. He had pictures of the trips that he went on and things he had done professionally and then all of a sudden I see a picture of me in there. Where there pictures of other random people he knew from university? It seems he's trying to express his life now that he has this diagnosis. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted December 31, 2023 Share Posted December 31, 2023 (edited) How did you come across this collage? Are you connected on social media or did someone show it to you? Sure, I get that it would be a bit awkward that he took a photo of you without your knowledge, but at the same time, it seems that he is trying to reflect on the past year and include all the people and experiences that were a part of his life. Keep in mind that he is in the midst of facing a challenging health situation and that could have contributed to his reflection and maybe he is now trying to focus on the positive and let go of past negative experiences. If you don't feel good about being in the collage, ask him to take your photo out. But if it's not a big deal, ignoring it could be easiest. He didn't ask to post the pic, but it was in a public place and you're not the main focus. It's up to you, but letting it slide might be the simplest move. Edited December 31, 2023 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted December 31, 2023 Share Posted December 31, 2023 I'm sorry you went through so much misery because of this guy. I can almost guarantee that the inclusion of your picture has nothing to do with an attempt to do anything "to" you, like be rude. For whatever reasons, you are a part of his memories of that time of his life. Also it's "normal" and not illegal to post pictures on social media without getting permission from people who might appear in the pictures, if the picture was taken in a public place. I'm curious about why you are looking at his social media and aware of all the individuals in a collage full of people, to the point where you would recognize your picture being there. Why isn't he blocked? Since you went so far as to leave school because of him and general bullying, it would be the healthy choice to take the easy steps which would make what's going on with him outside of your awareness. I hope you don't ask him to remove the picture, because opening up any communication with the guy would be more detrimental to you than just blocking and moving on with your life, since you're so traumatized. Also, of course after his poor treatment of you he is not worthy of your sympathy or anything, but I would still feel that you could extend a little grace towards him in his situation. He's not in your life anymore. At least he shouldn't be. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted December 31, 2023 Share Posted December 31, 2023 I'm assuming you saw this collage and his comments about it on facebook or instagram or something? Honestly, who cares why he included you. He was a toxic person to you and you should leave him in the past. You shouldn't be looking at his social media at all. Unfollow and block him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJooo Posted January 1 Author Share Posted January 1 On 12/31/2023 at 5:33 AM, d0nnivain said: I am sorry that whatever happened was so bad you had to leave school. Were there other people in the photo you are in? If so, it's just a coincidence. You were randomly in some group shot. He was probably too lazy to edit you out. As much as you feel he tortured you, in reality you may not have mattered to him as much as you think you did so he included you in this unretouched photo because he liked the rest of the picture. If the photo was solely of you & that was its intended purpose, given the brain tumor, all the horrible stuff he did to you may have been his misguided way to get your attention because he liked you. What you interpreted as judgment & bullying may have been a cry for attention. You acknowledge he was attention seeking. If the tumor was affecting his brain processing functions, who knows why he did what he did. Since you are out of school & presumably away from this guy, block him & people connected to him on social media & don't worry about it. His opinion of you is actually none of your business. If you can boost your own self esteem to the point where you stop caring what jerks think about you, in the long run you will be better off. At first he had a picture of us all in a group, but then he took that one down, but he didn't take down the picture of me alone, the one that he had taken of me by myself that I knew nothing about. He left that one up there. He had other pictures in his collage of friends, experiences, places he had visited but yeah, he left the photo of me that had no one else in it up there. I've since then asked him to remove my picture because I didn't feel comfortable, and he did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJooo Posted January 1 Author Share Posted January 1 On 12/31/2023 at 6:54 AM, Alpacalia said: How did you come across this collage? Are you connected on social media or did someone show it to you? Sure, I get that it would be a bit awkward that he took a photo of you without your knowledge, but at the same time, it seems that he is trying to reflect on the past year and include all the people and experiences that were a part of his life. Keep in mind that he is in the midst of facing a challenging health situation and that could have contributed to his reflection and maybe he is now trying to focus on the positive and let go of past negative experiences. If you don't feel good about being in the collage, ask him to take your photo out. But if it's not a big deal, ignoring it could be easiest. He didn't ask to post the pic, but it was in a public place and you're not the main focus. It's up to you, but letting it slide might be the simplest move. It was shown to me Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJooo Posted January 1 Author Share Posted January 1 On 12/31/2023 at 8:30 AM, NuevoYorko said: I'm sorry you went through so much misery because of this guy. I can almost guarantee that the inclusion of your picture has nothing to do with an attempt to do anything "to" you, like be rude. For whatever reasons, you are a part of his memories of that time of his life. Also it's "normal" and not illegal to post pictures on social media without getting permission from people who might appear in the pictures, if the picture was taken in a public place. I'm curious about why you are looking at his social media and aware of all the individuals in a collage full of people, to the point where you would recognize your picture being there. Why isn't he blocked? Since you went so far as to leave school because of him and general bullying, it would be the healthy choice to take the easy steps which would make what's going on with him outside of your awareness. I hope you don't ask him to remove the picture, because opening up any communication with the guy would be more detrimental to you than just blocking and moving on with your life, since you're so traumatized. Also, of course after his poor treatment of you he is not worthy of your sympathy or anything, but I would still feel that you could extend a little grace towards him in his situation. He's not in your life anymore. At least he shouldn't be. i did ask him to remove the photo because I didn't feel comfortable and he did. As far as extending grace to his situation, I had been struggling with that because I have felt nothing towards his situation. I don't know if I have a right to feel that way but that's just how I feel. Your advice was taken he is blocked. He's been blocked but it was brought to my attention about the photo so I addressed and it was resolved. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJooo Posted January 1 Author Share Posted January 1 23 hours ago, ShyViolet said: I'm assuming you saw this collage and his comments about it on facebook or instagram or something? Honestly, who cares why he included you. He was a toxic person to you and you should leave him in the past. You shouldn't be looking at his social media at all. Unfollow and block him. He's already blocked. He's been blocked for quite some time. It was brought to my attention that there was a photo that's all. I agree he was toxic and I want no association. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 1 Share Posted January 1 If it's resolved & the picture was taken down, let it go. You are only upsetting yourself at this point. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 1 Share Posted January 1 (edited) 1 hour ago, missnini said: I've since then asked him to remove my picture because I didn't feel comfortable, and he did. Did you ask him why he included a picture of you in his collage? Edited January 1 by stillafool Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 9 hours ago, missnini said: He's already blocked. He's been blocked for quite some time. It was brought to my attention that there was a photo that's all. I agree he was toxic and I want no association. What kind of friend alerts you to a post from a guy who seems to have had so much power over you that his negative behavior contributed to you needing to leave school? And who's been keeping you up to date about his brain cyst and all of that? Same person? That doesn't sound like a very good friend to me. Anyway I'm glad you have him blocked and I suggest you tell your friends to leave you out of the loop about his life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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