How did she become so cold suddenly

[flamel]

6 hours ago, Acacia98 said:

@flamel: 

It honestly sounds like too much. And you know what? It sounds like she's not on the same page as you.

Let her words guide you: no more flowers or Monday memos. And reduce your communication efforts such that you can be sure it's not just you and she's reciprocating. And set yourself a deadline for all of this: if she's still untrusting and ambivalent by a certain date, you will accept defeat and let her be.

 

19 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Trust your instincts. It's too much smothering. The only mixed signals are that she's lapping up the attention because she's on the rebound. Please try scaling back and let her take more initiative. 

If I cut the monday memos, then what do i do in the chasing dept? just wait for her to initiate texts? The last contact was yesterday (Tuesday) after she said to stop giving her flowers. Today both of us havent initiate anything ( I agree that I should scale back alot). But i'm sure she will initiate text me later tonight, or tomorrow to follow up on passing me souvenirs or our arranged meetup for the brows thingy. How should I respond then? Its a very normal thing for her to text me to pass me these stuff, so I won't read into it, but I hope to get very specific steps I should take to navigate chasing her, or to get a definitive answer. If she has latent feelings for me, I'd want to work on that.

My plan was actually to just give her the monday memos and then be laid back for the rest of the week, just be normal friends. But I made a call too soon that it was gg too well and overplayed with the flowers.

She will actually text me, I know that for sure, maybe every other day or every 2-3 days. Thats what shes been doing for the past few weeks.

And she will initiate meetups and drinks session etc. But all in the context of friends according to her. But when we meet and the talk gets deeper, she will let slip the mixed signals. Do I then probe into the signals she's giving on the spot?

Edited May 8 by flamel

[Acacia98]

1 hour ago, flamel said:

 

If I cut the monday memos, then what do i do in the chasing dept? just wait for her to initiate texts? The last contact was yesterday (Tuesday) after she said to stop giving her flowers. Today both of us havent initiate anything ( I agree that I should scale back alot). But i'm sure she will initiate text me later tonight, or tomorrow to follow up on passing me souvenirs or our arranged meetup for the brows thingy. How should I respond then? Its a very normal thing for her to text me to pass me these stuff, so I won't read into it, but I hope to get very specific steps I should take to navigate chasing her, or to get a definitive answer. If she has latent feelings for me, I'd want to work on that.

My plan was actually to just give her the monday memos and then be laid back for the rest of the week, just be normal friends. But I made a call too soon that it was gg too well and overplayed with the flowers.

She will actually text me, I know that for sure, maybe every other day or every 2-3 days. Thats what shes been doing for the past few weeks.

And she will initiate meetups and drinks session etc. But all in the context of friends according to her. But when we meet and the talk gets deeper, she will let slip the mixed signals. Do I then probe into the signals she's giving on the spot?

In my personal experience, mixed signals ultimately translate into a "No." The challenge with probing into the mixed signals is that she might feel the need to lie and tell you what you want to hear. You remember how she told you to stop buying her flowers but then tried to console you by letting you know she'd brought one flower stalk back? Well, I think it's likely that her heart is not in this chase but, at the same time, she doesn't want to hurt you.

So let's say she says she's interested because she doesn't want to hurt you. You'll grab onto that and keep the hope alive, and that will make it harder for you to cope if/when rejection comes.

You need to find a way to figure out how she genuinely feels and what she wants. I can't trace a precise roadmap for you to follow, but I think reducing the extent to which you initiate is part of the solution.

[flamel]

13 hours ago, Acacia98 said:

In my personal experience, mixed signals ultimately translate into a "No." The challenge with probing into the mixed signals is that she might feel the need to lie and tell you what you want to hear. You remember how she told you to stop buying her flowers but then tried to console you by letting you know she'd brought one flower stalk back? Well, I think it's likely that her heart is not in this chase but, at the same time, she doesn't want to hurt you.

So let's say she says she's interested because she doesn't want to hurt you. You'll grab onto that and keep the hope alive, and that will make it harder for you to cope if/when rejection comes.

You need to find a way to figure out how she genuinely feels and what she wants. I can't trace a precise roadmap for you to follow, but I think reducing the extent to which you initiate is part of the solution.

my logical head agrees with everything you said, but at the same time I read more into her actions naturally. 

I was just saying that we didnt initiate any contact yesterday, then close to midnight, her plane landed and she initiate texted me "Hi, I've landed safely already" and continued to chat with me about the flight, getting supper etc til she went to bed. The objective of texting me was not to just pass me the souvenirs, no mention of that. Anyway my reaction was towards her texting was just normal, responding and normal chitchat with her til the end.

So am I reading into it too much? that can't be normal right? My guess is that she was waiting for me to text the whole day and when i didnt, she initiated. Or what can it be

 

[Foxhall]

On 5/7/2024 at 5:50 PM, flamel said:

but at that time I didnt think she was the one and we never got together.

this is always difficult to come back from,

if she thinks you preferred someone else to her that doubt will always be at the back of her mind

maybe with the passing of time it can be achievable but for now shes probably hoping to meet someone else,

if that doesnt happen, you might have a chance as I say with the passing of time.

 

[Wiseman2]

22 hours ago, flamel said:

The last contact was yesterday (Tuesday) after she said to stop giving her flowers. 

This is your cue to stop smothering. She's asking you to back off. 

 

[happyhorizons]

I think you need to “pump the brakes” and certainly not push the issue with her. She clearly is not that interested or invested.

[SCMandy]

I agree, she does not seem to be interested and I would do exactly as @happyhorizonssaid and slow down a bit 

[happyhorizons]

5 hours ago, SCMandy said:

I agree, she does not seem to be interested and I would do exactly as @happyhorizonssaid and slow down a bit 

Yep, he needs to slow his roll….