If you messaged your crush 'Happy New Year' and they reply 'Enjoy yourself' is that their way of dismissing your message? UPDATED

[Yizella]

The two of us work together. I shot my shot at work a few days before NYE. That’s something I never do. Especially not with a guy I work with. So I know I really like him. I asked if he had a girlfriend he said “I wouldn’t say that.” Then I asked if I could have his number and he said yes. He put his number in my phone. He saved his contact name as “Daddy” that was him flirting I guess but although it was cute I unsaved that name and put his real name because it was kind of weird having his number saved as that. The first message I sent for him to have my number as well was “Hey daddy” as a joke then he asked how my night was at work (we work overnight) I said it was cool. I then asked how his night was and he told me that I had made his night interesting when I shot my shot. Then he told me that I didn’t have to be nervous around him at work because he doesn’t bite much. He called me babe then told me he would like me to go out with him after the holiday and also said he wasn’t much of a texter. I replied okay and told him that we could figure something out for a date. He never replied which I got because he did say he wasn’t a texter. I didn’t double text. When I sent him the Happy New Year text it had been a day since he hadn’t replied to the other text. So I suppose it could just be because he’s not a texter like he said but how hard is it to just say Happy New Year back? but I can’t just judge off that but it did hurt my feelings a bit because I feel he may not be as interested as I hoped he would be and I can’t force him too.

Edited February 4 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[NuevoYorko]

This seems like a common scenario.   You appear to be trying to progress this flirtation, potential relationship, whatever, via text contact.

This kind of "text tether" is something that you will find many people are not going to engage in.  Though a whole lot will.

In this case - you "shot your shot,"  contacts have been shared, the next question is:  Will he ask you out or not.   

This is uncomfortable for you probably, and you'd like to have some assurance that it's going to happen, and that he is interested in you.   

Understandable but ... too bad.   You'll just have to wait until he either does follow through or does not.  

Assuming that he will, please remember this:  a guy who doesn't want to have any kind of texting banter going on with a woman he's not in a committed relationship with might not want to do it even if you are dating.   Don't get all wrapped up, having hurt feelings etc. if a person you KNOW doesn't like to text actually DOES NOT ENGAGE IN TEXTING.

People like this generally see texting as a reasonable way to make and confirm a plan and that's about it.  Take it from one of those people.  

[d0nnivain]

It was a positive response but not one that promises romance.  Him saying he wouldn't say that when asked if he has a GF indicates that he has a woman he is having casual sex with.   The combo doesn't bode well for you & him having an exclusive relationship  

[Wiseman2]

35 minutes ago, Yizella said:

 told me he would like me to go out with him after the holiday and also said he wasn’t much of a texter.

He seems interested so step back a bit and let him ask you out after the holidays as he suggested. Try not to overwhelm or come on this strong. He has your contact info. 

[Yizella]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

He seems interested so step back a bit and let him ask you out after the holidays as he suggested. Try not to overwhelm or come on this strong. He has your contact info. 

You think texting him Happy New year was too strong?

[Yizella]

4 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

It was a positive response but not one that promises romance.  Him saying he wouldn't say that when asked if he has a GF indicates that he has a woman he is having casual sex with.   The combo doesn't bode well for you & him having an exclusive relationship  

Well I’m not necessarily looking for a romantic relationship. I just want someone I can date who is genuinely interested in getting to know me as much as I’m interested in getting to know them. Someone whose on the same page as me and we’re not rushing into giving each other that girlfriend boyfriend title and posting on social media etc if it leads to that so be it but a relationship isn’t my initial intentions.

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Yizella said:

I asked if he had a girlfriend he said “I wouldn’t say that.”

This tells me he has a lot of options.  Don't get your hopes up with this guy and wait until he reaches out to you before contacting him again.

[smackie9]

When they say they are not much of a texter, usually means that's how they make it easier on themselves/takes less effort to multi date/hookup with many women.

[stillafool]

My answer to the title of this thread is: YES

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Yizella said:

. I asked if he had a girlfriend he said “I wouldn’t say that.” He saved his contact name as “Daddy”   He called me babe then told me he would like me to go out with him after the holiday 

Unfortunately he's not forthcoming about whether he has a GF or not and it's weird he put a pseudonym in your phone and calls you "babe".  Wishing him happy new year isn't strange nor was his response.

However you seem to be overlooking some red flags. You're also the one initiating everything and chasing. 

Step back and see if he asks you out after the holidays.

[Alpacalia]

4 hours ago, Yizella said:

The two of us work together. I shot my shot at work a few days before NYE. That’s something I never do. Especially not with a guy I work with. So I know I really like him. I asked if he had a girlfriend he said “I wouldn’t say that.” Then I asked if I could have his number and he said yes. He put his number in my phone. He saved his contact name as “Daddy” that was him flirting I guess but although it was cute I unsaved that name and put his real name because it was kind of weird having his number saved as that. The first message I sent for him to have my number as well was “Hey daddy” as a joke then he asked how my night was at work (we work overnight) I said it was cool. I then asked how his night was and he told me that I had made his night interesting when I shot my shot. Then he told me that I didn’t have to be nervous around him at work because he doesn’t bite much. He called me babe then told me he would like me to go out with him after the holiday and also said he wasn’t much of a texter. I replied okay and told him that we could figure something out for a date. He never replied which I got because he did say he wasn’t a texter. I didn’t double text. When I sent him the Happy New Year text it had been a day since he hadn’t replied to the other text. So I suppose it could just be because he’s not a texter like he said but how hard is it to just say Happy New Year back? but I can’t just judge off that but it did hurt my feelings a bit because I feel he may not be as interested as I hoped he would be and I can’t force him too.

The disturbing truth about men who like being called 'Daddy' is enough to make any woman go huh? But let's be real, a man doesn't need a childish nickname to feel powerful. And if he's not making his intentions clear, he's just another smooth operator in disguise. Well, not really, he seems pretty smooth operator'ish to me. Glad you shot your shot but he's just lukewarm, my friend.

[Yizella]

3 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

The disturbing truth about men who like being called 'Daddy' is enough to make any woman go huh? But let's be real, a man doesn't need a childish nickname to feel powerful. And if he's not making his intentions clear, he's just another smooth operator in disguise. Well, not really, he seems pretty smooth operator'ish to me. Glad you shot your shot but he's just lukewarm, my friend.

It was weird which is why I changed the name but what is the truth about them wanting to be called that? And yes. I do believe he’s only half in because I think he’s dating around and is not just dealing with any specific one woman. Keeping his options open and he gives me the that he knows he’s a good looking guy and uses it to his advantage. 

[La.Primavera]

OP, are you comfortable with the way he speaks to you?  Based on what you have written, he sounds very patronizing and dismissive.

I'd caution against allowing him the upper hand like this, because his behavior suggests to me that he thinks you are desperate and can keep you as a backup option.  It almost feels like you are being tested to see how little effort and respect you are willing to put up with.  He certainly isn't behaving like he respects or values you very much as a person.

All we can go by is what you have shared, and my impression is that he sounds like a guy who thinks very highly of himself but is actually a bit of a jerk.  The whole "Daddy" thing is super cringe.  I'd take a moment to assess whether he meets your standards for a guy, even for just a short-term fling.  

These are guys that do damage that you take forward into your next proper relationship, so just keep that in mind.

 

 

 

[Yizella]

2 minutes ago, La.Primavera said:

OP, are you comfortable with the way he speaks to you?  Based on what you have written, he sounds very patronizing and dismissive.

I'd caution against allowing him the upper hand like this, because his behavior suggests to me that he thinks you are desperate and can keep you as a backup option.  It almost feels like you are being tested to see how little effort and respect you are willing to put up with.  He certainly isn't behaving like he respects or values you very much as a person.

All we can go by is what you have shared, and my impression is that he sounds like a guy who thinks very highly of himself but is actually a bit of a jerk.  The whole "Daddy" thing is super cringe.  I'd take a moment to assess whether he meets your standards for a guy, even for just a short-term fling.  

These are guys that do damage that you take forward into your next proper relationship, so just keep that in mind.

 

 

 

Ummm well he hasn’t said anything disrespectful in my opinion I just believe he’s more of a direct straightforward kind of guy. He did say he wasn’t much of a texter. He warned me of that after telling me he would like me to go out with him so I’m starting to see the “Enjoy yourself” response as In that’s just the way he texts. He seems like he’s more of a face to face kind of guy, like you get more out of him that way vs text. And  the daddy thing was cringe, that’s why I unsaved his name as that  but on another note he may just think girls are into that because some are into calling guys “daddy” 

[Yizella]

10 minutes ago, La.Primavera said:

OP, are you comfortable with the way he speaks to you?  Based on what you have written, he sounds very patronizing and dismissive.

I'd caution against allowing him the upper hand like this, because his behavior suggests to me that he thinks you are desperate and can keep you as a backup option.  It almost feels like you are being tested to see how little effort and respect you are willing to put up with.  He certainly isn't behaving like he respects or values you very much as a person.

All we can go by is what you have shared, and my impression is that he sounds like a guy who thinks very highly of himself but is actually a bit of a jerk.  The whole "Daddy" thing is super cringe.  I'd take a moment to assess whether he meets your standards for a guy, even for just a short-term fling.  

These are guys that do damage that you take forward into your next proper relationship, so just keep that in mind.

 

 

 

If you don’t mind me asking why do you think he would see me as desperate? Do you think I came on too strong? I didn’t come on to him sexually or anything like that. I haven’t blown up his phone or anything of that sort. All I did was make the first move by asking for his number and asking if he had a girlfriend. 

[Alpacalia]

20 minutes ago, Yizella said:

If you don’t mind me asking why do you think he would see me as desperate? Do you think I came on too strong? I didn’t come on to him sexually or anything like that. I haven’t blown up his phone or anything of that sort. All I did was make the first move by asking for his number and asking if he had a girlfriend. 

It's not desperate to ask for someone's number or ask if they have a significant other. You just did it with someone that sounds, well, like a polite player. There's nothing wrong with being positive, friendly and flirtatious but it sounds like he might see you as EASY or some sort of game that he'll most likely get around to when he's bored.

[Yizella]

5 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

It's not desperate to ask for someone's number or ask if they have a significant other. You just did it with someone that sounds, well, like a polite player. There's nothing wrong with being positive, friendly and flirtatious but it sounds like he might see you as EASY or some sort of game that he'll most likely get around to when he's bored.

Okay got you. Well thanks for that warning. I guess I’ll just test the waters. I haven’t gotten much out of him in text. I will see him at work for more real face to face conversation. He did tell me that I didn’t have to be nervous around  him. Almost like saying “You can talk to me at work when you see me.” I’ll look for signs there and if he ever really plans a date. That way I can really see who I’m dealing with and choose to keep contact with him or not. 

[Alpacalia]

1 minute ago, Yizella said:

Okay got you. Well thanks for that warning. I guess I’ll just test the waters. I haven’t gotten much out of him in text. I will see him at work for more real face to face conversation. He did tell me that I didn’t have to be nervous around  him. Almost like saying “You can talk to me at work when you see me.” I’ll look for signs there and if he ever really plans a date. That way I can really see who I’m dealing with and choose to keep contact with him or not. 

Of course. Oh my goodness. I've been around these type of men so many times in my life. (and I've been guilty of using this move in my youth).  Some women just naturally attract these guys. There is nothing wrong with enjoying dating etc., but don’t text unless you’re getting to know him. You have to realize that you are probably just one girl and out of plenty that he's met.

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, Yizella said:

 I’ll look for signs there and if he ever really plans a date. 

Exactly. The best way to gauge interest is to step back and see what he does and if he asks you out. 

[basil67]

If you messaged your crush 'Happy New Year' and they reply 'Enjoy yourself' is that their way of dismissing your message?    No. No it's not.  He responded by telling you to have a great night.  This isn't rude or dismissive at all.   While it may be commonplace to respond with HNY, I don't think it's a rule

As for future dating, just chill and see what unfolds.  There's really nothing else you can do

[ShyViolet]

Don't text him at all and see if he asks you out on a proper date.  This guy sounds like a major player and creep.  But don't chase him, don't keep texting him, just see if he comes to you and expresses interest.  "I'm not much of a texter" is the lamest excuse in the world.  If a guy is really interested in a girl, he will show it.  If he can't be bothered to text you or contact you in some way, he's not interested.

Edited January 1 by ShyViolet

[NuevoYorko]

5 hours ago, Yizella said:

Well I’m not necessarily looking for a romantic relationship. I just want someone I can date who is genuinely interested in getting to know me as much as I’m interested in getting to know them. Someone whose on the same page as me and we’re not rushing into giving each other that girlfriend boyfriend title and posting on social media etc if it leads to that so be it but a relationship isn’t my initial intentions.

Does your wish list for a relationship include text exchanges beyond things like confirming a date?

I find it interesting that you seem to conflate a "romantic relationship" with announcing a title on social media.

If your goal is not a relationship but more like casual dating, definitely step away ... far away ... from trying to get this guy to respond to flirty or any other kinds of texts, except for confirming plans.   

[Yizella]

2 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

Don't text him at all and see if he asks you out on a proper date.  This guy sounds like a major player and creep.  But don't chase him, don't keep texting him, just see if he comes to you and expresses interest.  "I'm not much of a texter" is the lamest excuse in the world.  If a guy is really interested in a girl, he will show it.  If he can't be bothered to text you or contact you in some way, he's not interested.

Yea, it is true that you make time for what you want to do with or for  someone if you like that person even if it is something you don’t normally do but to be fair I don’t know how deep my interest goes for him anymore than he knows how deep his interest goes for me. I know I like him enough to make the first move but I would have to get to know him more to know if I like him enough to do things that are out of the norm for me to do because I have taken than much interest for him. It could be the same with him. Now, I’m not making excuses for him, I’m just trying to see it from different perspectives before just completely jumping to conclusions. Which is why I said I’ll test the waters with him .

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

This guy sounds like a major player

That is my read on it, too. 

I would be turned off by some dude calling himself "Daddy" in my phone. He clearly thinks quite highly of himself. Be wary of this guy, OP. 

[basil67]

True that ^   If a guy I was interested in called himself "Daddy", I'd be turned right off.  Ewww. 

Edited January 2 by basil67