If you messaged your crush 'Happy New Year' and they reply 'Enjoy yourself' is that their way of dismissing your message? UPDATED

[SoulCat]

18 hours ago, Yizella said:

 He saved his contact name as “Daddy” that was him flirting I guess 

 

 

*Shudder*

Sorry but that would have been an instant disqualifier and dismissal from any further romantic pursuit.

It's creepy and reeks of p*rnsickness.

Thank u, next.

 

[Yizella]

13 hours ago, SoulCat said:

 

*Shudder*

Sorry but that would have been an instant disqualifier and dismissal from any further romantic pursuit.

It's creepy and reeks of p*rnsickness.

Thank u, next.

 

Interesting how you mentioned it reeking of porn sickness because I believe that now a days porn is ruining the true and real experience of dating. I think that’s why we often get mixed signals like this from both men and women. Nothing is straight forward, everyone is half way in and half way out. Porn messes with the mind and sort of ruins your perception and it shows. 

[La.Primavera]

On 1/2/2024 at 10:30 AM, Yizella said:

Ummm well he hasn’t said anything disrespectful in my opinion I just believe he’s more of a direct straightforward kind of guy. He did say he wasn’t much of a texter. He warned me of that after telling me he would like me to go out with him so I’m starting to see the “Enjoy yourself” response as In that’s just the way he texts. He seems like he’s more of a face to face kind of guy, like you get more out of him that way vs text. And  the daddy thing was cringe, that’s why I unsaved his name as that  but on another note he may just think girls are into that because some are into calling guys “daddy” 

All I'm going by is the snippets of what he has said, and to me they sound condescending.  

On 1/2/2024 at 10:35 AM, Yizella said:

If you don’t mind me asking why do you think he would see me as desperate? Do you think I came on too strong? I didn’t come on to him sexually or anything like that. I haven’t blown up his phone or anything of that sort. All I did was make the first move by asking for his number and asking if he had a girlfriend. 

It's not that you came on too strong, it's the way he speaks to you.  It gives the impression that he thinks you want him badly.  It probably didn't help that you called him daddy as a joke and sent him a New Year text as well.

To be clear, I'm not saying you did the wrong thing.  With the right guy none of your actions are anything other than welcome and reciprocated.  But this guy sounds like the type that is just enjoying the rub to his ego.  That's why I would be cautious with this guy.

Edited January 3 by La.Primavera

[Yizella]

26 minutes ago, La.Primavera said:

All I'm going by is the snippets of what he has said, and to me they sound condescending.  

It's not that you came on too strong, it's the way he speaks to you.  It gives the impression that he thinks you want him badly.  It probably didn't help that you called him daddy as a joke and sent him a New Year text as well.

To be clear, I'm not saying you did the wrong thing.  With the right guy none of your actions are anything other than welcome and reciprocated.  But this guy sounds like the type that is just enjoying the rub to his ego.  That's why I would be cautious with this guy.

Ahhh I got you. To the average guy the “Hey daddy” text as a joke would be seen as jusr that, a joke  and the Happy New Year text would be seen as just kind and generous but to him, if he is the kind of guy you’re seeing him to be, it’s him thinking “She’s thirsty for me. Let me have fun with the attention.” Even though I know and any other person could see I just have a simple crush. 

[Yizella]

Just now, Yizella said:

Ahhh I got you. To the average guy the “Hey daddy” text as a joke would be seen as jusr that, a joke  and the Happy New Year text would be seen as just kind and generous but to him, if he is the kind of guy you’re seeing him to be, it’s him thinking “She’s thirsty for me. Let me have fun with the attention.” Even though I know and any other person could see I just have a simple crush. 

And it’s crazy because little does he know, I unsaved his name as that almost instantly. I still sent the hey daddy text jokingly just to lighten the mood assuming he would see it as a joke because I sure did see it that way. I figured that since he knows what he saved his contact name under, it would be obvious it was a joke but if he’s condescending like you said, then he would never see it from that perspective. 

[Alpacalia]

He just sounds like a bit of a cocky guy who thinks he has some swag or game. 

Having said that, I have noticed a few other things that personally raise some red flags. And I think you should be careful with this guy.

From a distance, the dude acts like a low-key player. I mean, the joke about 'not biting much' is a dead giveaway. Of course, people get busy. But he seemed to prioritize himself the whole time. Which isn't really the best sign. Also, I know these are trifling details, but the fact that he changed your contact name to 'Daddy' sounds like some straight up pick-up game stuff. I mean, you don't even know the guy yet other than a brief work acquaintanceship. Nothing against kinks and fetishes, but even if he's just playing with you, it's a weird introduction.

Next, he ignored your last text.  

And I really hate to be over judgy--you know him better--but just saying this because he has a bit of game and he’s used to getting attention from women and he expects that you are now to think he is worthy of attention.

I'm not saying he's a bad guy, but before you get too carried away, he's definitely worth being wary of.

[Yizella]

3 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

He just sounds like a bit of a cocky guy who thinks he has some swag or game. 

Having said that, I have noticed a few other things that personally raise some red flags. And I think you should be careful with this guy.

From a distance, the dude acts like a low-key player. I mean, the joke about 'not biting much' is a dead giveaway. Of course, people get busy. But he seemed to prioritize himself the whole time. Which isn't really the best sign. Also, I know these are trifling details, but the fact that he changed your contact name to 'Daddy' sounds like some straight up pick-up game stuff. I mean, you don't even know the guy yet other than a brief work acquaintanceship. Nothing against kinks and fetishes, but even if he's just playing with you, it's a weird introduction.

Next, he ignored your last text.  

And I really hate to be over judgy--you know him better--but just saying this because he has a bit of game and he’s used to getting attention from women and he expects that you are now to think he is worthy of attention.

I'm not saying he's a bad guy, but before you get too carried away, he's definitely worth being wary of.

I’m actually appreciative of all the judgement lol. I haven’t texted him back since the “Enjoy yourself.” texr and he hasn’t texted me so I’m just moving  on from it. Of course, I still have a crush on him but in time It’ll go away. I didn’t even know him a month ago(when he started the job). And I’m realizing if he’s a player(which after reading all your replies I believe that’s what he is) and it has nothing to do with me personally, although I was looking for anything serious and just wanted to date and go out and have fun, I still don’t want to deal with a player. That comes with wayyy too many games and I’m sure he’s been playing the game for a while and will ultimately defeat me lol. I still haven’t seen him at work.  He’s been off but hopefully it won’t be awkward when we run into each other at work again. Maybe it’ll just be a Hi and bye. Maybe, if it’s meant to happen, we may have an actual conversation and I may figure out if he really isn’t a texter like he says. I’m just falling back and whatever happens happens but I’m not gonna worry over it. It’s plenty of fish in the sea. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Yizella said:

 he hasn’t texted me so I’m just moving  on from it. 

That's the best approach. You shot your shot his response was underwhelming at best. Be polite and professional at work but definitely put him on the back burner and move forward. 

[BaileyB]

On 1/1/2024 at 8:32 PM, ExpatInItaly said:

I would be turned off by some dude calling himself "Daddy" in my phone. 

I would have deleted his number from my phone, not changed the name.

What’s more, when a man tells you that he’s not good at texting and he doesn’t reply to your text - he’s setting the expectations early and setting the bar low… he is not interested. 
 

On 1/1/2024 at 11:13 AM, Yizella said:

Well I’m not necessarily looking for a romantic relationship. I just want someone I can date who is genuinely interested in getting to know me as much as I’m interested in getting to know them. Someone whose on the same page as me…

In other words, you are looking to date with the intention of growing a romantic relationship - you are just not calling it that now because you don’t want to label it as such. But, it seems to be 100% your intention, and that’s ok. Unless one is looking for a hookup, most people date to find a possible romantic relationship.

Edited January 3 by BaileyB

[NuevoYorko]

This all simply makes no sense to me.  

You said you have a "crush" and you "shot your shot."  That resulted in him putting his number in your phone.  He told you he wasn't a texter.

Yet this whole thread hinges on a texting exchange that you were trying desperately to get rolling.  

Just STOP IT.  Maybe he will ask you out,  maybe not, that remains to be seen.  Or you could ask him out, since you were the one who made a move.  If it happens, that's the time when you will start to know if there is actual "dating potential" here.  

 

Edited January 3 by NuevoYorko

[mark clemson]

There's always been lots of "half in, half out" people in the dating world. Some don't know what they want, some WANT transitory relationships but won't be honest about it (sometimes even to themselves), some care too much too fast then turn 180 degrees, some don't care who gets "hurt" etc, etc, etc. And people are moving targets whose wants and needs change over time.

You can bet things have always been this way, it's just a little more obvious today as society allows for more transitory relationships openly and people are more relaxed about discussing what's going on with them romantically. It has nothing to do with porn, at least for most people, it has to do with (for lack of a better word) "the human psyche" - at least some substantive percent of people's psyche's.

People who genuinely want to be in a LTR and who don't have personality or other issues that make that difficult tend to be able to make it happen. There are VAST numbers of LT couples all around you, they just aren't making a lot of noise about it. Not all of those LTRs are wonderful, but life simply isn't perfect and many if not most are "good enough" that people choose to stay in them. And you can bet PLENTY of the people in them view porn regularly, too. Loyal husbands with collections of girlie magazines were a thing long before the internet.

Edited January 3 by mark clemson

[Yizella]

45 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

This all simply makes no sense to me.  

You said you have a "crush" and you "shot your shot."  That resulted in him putting his number in your phone.  He told you he wasn't a texter.

Yet this whole thread hinges on a texting exchange that you were trying desperately to get rolling.  

Just STOP IT.  Maybe he will ask you out,  maybe not, that remains to be seen.  Or you could ask him out, since you were the one who made a move.  If it happens, that's the time when you will start to know if there is actual "dating potential" here.  

 

Okay, I apologize if none of my replies made sense but I don’t think this entire thread remained on the texting exchange and me wanting him to “Desperately” text me. If anything I was focused more on you guys perspective on if he’s interested or not based off of what he did text and and his No replies. I wasn’t desperate for him to reply but just very curious on what exactly his motives are because of how he feels about texting and not wanting to jump to conclusions after someone who already told me he wasn’t a texter didn’t or hasn’t reached back out. Also, I got many different responses with different views. So I responded in a way where I accepted all point of views. This thread is open to all opinions . All my responses have been positive and I’ve accepted them without feeling any offense. I mentioned in my last reply that I was moving forward and what ever happens happens, simply what you just said. So I don’t get where your frustration toward this thread is coming from. 

[Alpacalia]

11 hours ago, Yizella said:

I’m actually appreciative of all the judgement lol. I haven’t texted him back since the “Enjoy yourself.” texr and he hasn’t texted me so I’m just moving  on from it. Of course, I still have a crush on him but in time It’ll go away. I didn’t even know him a month ago(when he started the job). And I’m realizing if he’s a player(which after reading all your replies I believe that’s what he is) and it has nothing to do with me personally, although I was looking for anything serious and just wanted to date and go out and have fun, I still don’t want to deal with a player. That comes with wayyy too many games and I’m sure he’s been playing the game for a while and will ultimately defeat me lol. I still haven’t seen him at work.  He’s been off but hopefully it won’t be awkward when we run into each other at work again. Maybe it’ll just be a Hi and bye. Maybe, if it’s meant to happen, we may have an actual conversation and I may figure out if he really isn’t a texter like he says. I’m just falling back and whatever happens happens but I’m not gonna worry over it. It’s plenty of fish in the sea. 

The crush will subside.

Most players are addicted to mystery. You presented none of that initially. Think about it. It’s probably the reason they find settling down so hard. For them, it’s all about the chase. He will lose interest if he thinks you are an open book.

Which brings me back to introducing el limite...

Next time you want to shoot your shot (lol) make sure it's with someone that you have actually had a few good conversations with and that you can gauge what they're about and if they have similar interests as you.

If this guy had texted you back and actually pursued you, it might be different, but he didn't, because he's not that into it.

If he was, you'd be all over this with excitement.

To me it seems like you're just attracted to his persona and you've realized that he doesn't actually come off as prince charming.

[Yizella]

14 hours ago, BaileyB said:

I would have deleted his number from my phone, not changed the name.

What’s more, when a man tells you that he’s not good at texting and he doesn’t reply to your text - he’s setting the expectations early and setting the bar low… he is not interested. 
 

In other words, you are looking to date with the intention of growing a romantic relationship - you are just not calling it that now because you don’t want to label it as such. But, it seems to be 100% your intention, and that’s ok. Unless one is looking for a hookup, most people date to find a possible romantic relationship.

Well he didn’t say he was a bad texter but that he wasn’t much of a texter to keep things in proper context but I get what you mean by the “Daddy” thing. It was weird but I didn’t feel it was that bad for me to delete his number and become totally uninterested.  Anyone would have reacted to that differently I suppose. 

[Yizella]

Just now, Yizella said:

Well he didn’t say he was a bad texter but that he wasn’t much of a texter to keep things in proper context but I get what you mean by the “Daddy” thing. It was weird but I didn’t feel it was that bad for me to delete his number and become totally uninterested.  Anyone would have reacted to that differently I suppose. 

If anything the one that is making me uninterested now is the fact I was attracted to how he presented himself on the outside, not him as a person because I never properly spoke to him outside of when I made the first move. I was always too nervous to speak because his demeanor was always so serious and I was developing a crush so that didn’t help with my nerves. I told a girl who I call my work bestie about the crush and I felt like the closer I got to actually making a move, he started to recognize that I liked him. He started staring more, speaking and saying hello  more in a deeper tone etc so I just believe he likes the attention, which it’s nothing wrong with that but he may be a bit too into himself for me lol doesn’t make him a bad person though. 

[BaileyB]

9 hours ago, Yizella said:

I just believe he likes the attention, which it’s nothing wrong with that but he may be a bit too into himself for me lol

Lots of people do like the attention and yes, he seems to think that he is pretty self important. Good for you for taking a risk, unfortunately it didn’t pan out in that his response was underwhelming and what you learned about him was a bit of a turn off… but, life is not lived if we don’t take the risk. Hopefully the next guy will have a better response.

Edited January 4 by BaileyB

[NuevoYorko]

23 hours ago, Yizella said:

Okay, I apologize if none of my replies made sense but I don’t think this entire thread remained on the texting exchange and me wanting him to “Desperately” text me. If anything I was focused more on you guys perspective on if he’s interested or not based off of what he did text and and his No replies.

That's what I am focussed on as well.  You shared absolutely zero about the guy.  You work together, you have a crush, you made a move.

The rest is about the completely mundane, meaningless and sparse texting.

23 hours ago, Yizella said:

I wasn’t desperate for him to reply but just very curious on what exactly his motives are because of how he feels about texting and not wanting to jump to conclusions after someone who already told me he wasn’t a texter didn’t or hasn’t reached back out.

I don't think you're desperate for a reply - you are desperate to analyze a person and their motives when they appear to be a virtual stranger to you, and with whom you have almost no engagement

You are using about 15 words that he said or texted, and people here are going into depth about what kind of person he is, what "daddy" means, what "enjoy yourself" means, etc.  

It's crazy.

Look:  You said you "shot your shot" but you have yet to ask him to go out with you.  Do that.  Spend some time with him and you will probably KNOW whether he's interested in you at all, whether he's someone you still want to pursue, and what you want to do next.  

Also then people would have something actually meaningful to work with if you want group analysis.  

 

 

 

[Yizella]

7 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

That's what I am focussed on as well.  You shared absolutely zero about the guy.  You work together, you have a crush, you made a move.

The rest is about the completely mundane, meaningless and sparse texting.

I don't think you're desperate for a reply - you are desperate to analyze a person and their motives when they appear to be a virtual stranger to you, and with whom you have almost no engagement

You are using about 15 words that he said or texted, and people here are going into depth about what kind of person he is, what "daddy" means, what "enjoy yourself" means, etc.  

It's crazy.

Look:  You said you "shot your shot" but you have yet to ask him to go out with you.  Do that.  Spend some time with him and you will probably KNOW whether he's interested in you at all, whether he's someone you still want to pursue, and what you want to do next.  

Also then people would have something actually meaningful to work with if you want group analysis.  

 

 

 

Actually this response came at the perfect time. I get what you mean now. I do believe a lot of the information I gave was small. Too small  for anyone to accurately be able to say “He’s a player.” “He’s not interested” or “move on” though I’m not saying that them seeing it in those perspectives is wrong but as you said you can’t determine any of those things, truthfully. It’s all debatable because of the little information I gave. With that being said, we spoke briefly. The job we work, we really have to make down time to actually have a conversation  because we’re always moving. It was a quick hey and the most positive thing I noticed was a genuine smile from him as he passed by and said it. He wasn’t avoiding me, almost seemed as he was looking forward to seeing and speaking to me. I was gonna make time to actually spark a conversation but as I said it’s hard at the job but I suppose when I see him again, In the little time we do have to interact I figured I’ll joke about him being too cool to text back and go from there.  

[Yizella]

1 minute ago, Yizella said:

Actually this response came at the perfect time. I get what you mean now. I do believe a lot of the information I gave was small. Too small  for anyone to accurately be able to say “He’s a player.” “He’s not interested” or “move on” though I’m not saying that them seeing it in those perspectives is wrong but as you said you can’t determine any of those things, truthfully. It’s all debatable because of the little information I gave. With that being said, we spoke briefly. The job we work, we really have to make down time to actually have a conversation  because we’re always moving. It was a quick hey and the most positive thing I noticed was a genuine smile from him as he passed by and said it. He wasn’t avoiding me, almost seemed as he was looking forward to seeing and speaking to me. I was gonna make time to actually spark a conversation but as I said it’s hard at the job but I suppose when I see him again, In the little time we do have to interact I figured I’ll joke about him being too cool to text back and go from there.  

I also think with the us younger people we always say “Anyone who says they’re not a texter is lying. We always have a phone in our hand. They’re just not interested.” With how you just broke it down, we jump to conclusions over meaningless things such as someone saying they’re not a texter. Just because we always have our phones in our hands doesn’t mean when we have it we’re texting. A phone is a mobile computer. So many things to do on it besides texting but when we instantly think “Red Flag” with little proof or signs(if they’re really even any signs at all)  we don’t think clearly enough to see it that way. I get what you mean 100%.

[Yizella]

Just now, Yizella said:

I also think with the us younger people we always say “Anyone who says they’re not a texter is lying. We always have a phone in our hand. They’re just not interested.” With how you just broke it down, we jump to conclusions over meaningless things such as someone saying they’re not a texter. Just because we always have our phones in our hands doesn’t mean when we have it we’re texting. A phone is a mobile computer. So many things to do on it besides texting but when we instantly think “Red Flag” with little proof or signs(if they’re really even any signs at all)  we don’t think clearly enough to see it that way. I get what you mean 100%.

We take things so personal  and miss out on having good and true real life experiences. 

[NuevoYorko]

12 minutes ago, Yizella said:

I also think with the us younger people we always say “Anyone who says they’re not a texter is lying. We always have a phone in our hand. 

To that I can say with absolute certainty "false."  

That is because I have a young adult daughter and she is the most pathetic texter I know.  She HATES it and says often that she wishes it were never invented.  She has a tight knit friend group who has a very lively group chat going on at all times and she really hates it because she feels like she's not participating in the friendships to the same level as others who are constantly checking in, sharing funny banter, etc.  

Her communication style is just not suited to short banter, is the closest I can get to "why." She's not inherently "chatty."   

I am old and I do engage in text conversations and sometimes group chats that are hilarious and really take on a life of their own.   But I would never try to decode deep meanings from text messages.  Because I do not think it's possible, so it's a waste of time.

[basil67]

I'm not sure where this "player" idea is coming from.  From what I see, you made an approach...chatted for a bit... but it didn't ultimately didn't lead anywhere. End of story

There's no need to go labelling him

 

[BaileyB]

9 hours ago, Yizella said:

I also think with the us younger people we always say “Anyone who says they’re not a texter is lying. We always have a phone in our hand. They’re just not interested.”

There are many people of all ages who don’t want to be tethered to their phone…

Many who are, but others who are not…

[Wiseman2]

22 hours ago, Yizella said:

 I told a girl who I call my work bestie about the crush and I felt like the closer I got to actually making a move, he started to recognize that I liked him.

Did your coworker say anything to him? Well you initiated everything and all you can do is see if he follows up.

Since you don't know him well, before jumping to conclusions about players, porn addicts, being conceited, bad texters, etc. maybe suggest going for lunch or coffee breaks or something after work.

This way instead of building a mental dossier about him in your mind based on vague "signs" and minimal interaction, you could get to know him including whether he'd seeing someone or doesn't want messy workplace romances. 

[Alpacalia]

Sorry, guys a player. If the label on the jar says "may cause gastrointestinal distress" most if not all people would avoid it.😂