If you messaged your crush 'Happy New Year' and they reply 'Enjoy yourself' is that their way of dismissing your message? UPDATED

[ExpatInItaly]

Wait, are you still going out to eat with him today? 

[Yizella]

8 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Wait, are you still going out to eat with him today? 

No. That was originally the plan until he pretty much ignored me Friday night at work so I didn’t bother to make further plans. 

[ExpatInItaly]

5 minutes ago, Yizella said:

No. That was originally the plan until he pretty much ignored me Friday night at work so I didn’t bother to make further plans. 

Got it. 

I think it's best if you let go of the idea of going out with this man. He's obviously not that interested and it's starting to hurt you.  I would not waste more time trying to get this off the ground, girl. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Yizella said:

. He looked at me and looked away and kept doing what he was doing. 

Sorry this happened. Please step back. It's ok to have a work crush, but it seems you were heavily pursuing an uninterested man. People were pushing you to reschedule but when someone is not interested that won't help. 

[Alpacalia]

Nothing that is meant to be requires any outside force. Things just happen. If you have to try hard (what happened here), walk away from him.

[Yizella]

14 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Nothing that is meant to be requires any outside force. Things just happen. If you have to try hard (what happened here), walk away from him.

I agree about the what’s meant to be part but I definitely didn’t try hard. I showed interest and continued to do so based off if he showed interest as well which he did but I will say he’s great at pretending lol. It wasn’t like the guy said “No you can’t have my number.” Or “Stay away from me.” Then I would have possibly looked like a Nikki Parker(if you know who that is) lol  I went off his ques. His body language and his words. He told me himself “If I didn’t want you around me. I would let you know.” And he would text my phone when we would see each other from afar at work and say “Come tell me how your day went.”. Was he obviously pretending ? Yes but I surely don’t believe I pushed hard. It wasn’t meant to be. Flirting was fun.  It built up some exciting moments but it is what it is.

[Yizella]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. Please step back. It's ok to have a work crush, but it seems you were heavily pursuing an uninterested man. People were pushing you to reschedule but when someone is not interested that won't help. 

I mean I did step back as I said I ignored him not sitting with me at lunch. I kept walking when he looked dead at me and didn’t say anything. I haven’t approached him about it nor texted him and even before that occurred I still wasn’t stepping on his toes. I showed interest based off him showing it as well. It isn’t my fault he’s a great pretender lol. Now had the guy been up front from the start and denied giving me his number, didn’t tell me on his own “If I didn’t want you around me I would let you know.” Because I wasn’t being pushy and wasn’t stepping on his toes, looked disgusted any time I spoke to him or came around to have a conversation, (Which wasn’t every minute or hour of our work shift by the way) then I would say I was heavily pursuing. 

[Alpacalia]

8 minutes ago, Yizella said:

I agree about the what’s meant to be part but I definitely didn’t try hard. I showed interest and continued to do so based off if he showed interest as well which he did but I will say he’s great at pretending lol. It wasn’t like the guy said “No you can’t have my number.” Or “Stay away from me.” Then I would have possibly looked like a Nikki Parker(if you know who that is) lol  I went off his ques. His body language and his words. He told me himself “If I didn’t want you around me. I would let you know.” And he would text my phone when we would see each other from afar at work and say “Come tell me how your day went.”. Was he obviously pretending ? Yes but I surely don’t believe I pushed hard. It wasn’t meant to be. Flirting was fun.  It built up some exciting moments but it is what it is.

Trying too hard doesn't necessarily have to reflect in actions. It can be something you're consciously or unconsciously putting too much energy towards or focusing too much on.

Flirting and enjoying each other's company is great, but if it's not leading anywhere, it's best to let it go and focus on other things. It's like if two people try to plan an initial first date, if it takes 4 or 5 tries to get a date and time set, it is a hassle and likely not work out. It's either lack of interest or the two people just aren't in sympatico. If it's so hard setting a date, ain't nothing worth a damn gonna happen afterwards.

Keep being open and receptive to new connections and opportunities, and things will fall into place when they're meant to. And no, I have no idea who Nikki Parker is. Sorry!🙃

Edited February 4 by Alpacalia

[Yizella]

9 minutes ago, Yizella said:

I mean I did step back as I said I ignored him not sitting with me at lunch. I kept walking when he looked dead at me and didn’t say anything. I haven’t approached him about it nor texted him and even before that occurred I still wasn’t stepping on his toes. I showed interest based off him showing it as well. It isn’t my fault he’s a great pretender lol. Now had the guy been up front from the start and denied giving me his number, didn’t tell me on his own “If I didn’t want you around me I would let you know.” Because I wasn’t being pushy and wasn’t stepping on his toes, looked disgusted any time I spoke to him or came around to have a conversation, (Which wasn’t every minute or hour of our work shift by the way) then I would say I was heavily pursuing. 

You guys give great advice but you guys thought process escalates quite far off so little information lol but one thing’s for sure, you guys were right about his interest nit being high.  as far as the actually going out part. 
 

but that should have told me, he’s done this plenty of times. Pretty woman approaching him is nothing new under the sun for him. He had options just as I do only difference is as you said I was subconsciously only focusing on him while I’m sure he was having the same conversations he had with me with other women.

Edited February 4 by Yizella

[Yizella]

9 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Trying too hard doesn't necessarily have to reflect in actions. It can be something you're consciously or unconsciously putting too much energy towards or focusing too much on.

Flirting and enjoying each other's company is great, but if it's not leading anywhere, it's best to let it go and focus on other things. It's like if two people try to plan an initial first date, if it takes 4 or 5 tries to get a date and time set, it is a hassle and likely not work out. It's either lack of interest or the two people just aren't in sympatico. If it's so hard setting a date, ain't nothing worth a damn gonna happen afterwards.

Keep being open and receptive to new connections and opportunities, and things will fall into place when they're meant to. And no, I have no idea who Nikki Parker is. Sorry!🙃

Of course. I still was communicating with other guys but he was heavier on my mind than them is all. If you saw him, you would know why he was the one I thought about more lol. It didn’t help that he’s boxes outside of work and has a nice body and over 6 ft every woman’s dream lol. 

Edited February 4 by Yizella

[Yizella]

19 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Trying too hard doesn't necessarily have to reflect in actions. It can be something you're consciously or unconsciously putting too much energy towards or focusing too much on.

Flirting and enjoying each other's company is great, but if it's not leading anywhere, it's best to let it go and focus on other things. It's like if two people try to plan an initial first date, if it takes 4 or 5 tries to get a date and time set, it is a hassle and likely not work out. It's either lack of interest or the two people just aren't in sympatico. If it's so hard setting a date, ain't nothing worth a damn gonna happen afterwards.

Keep being open and receptive to new connections and opportunities, and things will fall into place when they're meant to. And no, I have no idea who Nikki Parker is. Sorry!🙃

I also believe that because I found him attractive, I was letting him get away with sort of creepy behavior. Like once I was walking away from him and I felt him heavily staring and he says loud enough “There’s something on your butt.” And watched me while I wiped that something off. Then another time, I remember me talking to him abut the last time I got pretty drunk on my birthday and I told him I was acting a bit unusual but I meant unusual in a casual way. Like, I was dancing, talking more, singing etc he took it totally different because he said “ Unusual. So you get a little freaky when you drunk?” Knowing had any other guy said that to me I would have been disgusted lol. 

Edited February 4 by Yizella

[Yizella]

23 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Trying too hard doesn't necessarily have to reflect in actions. It can be something you're consciously or unconsciously putting too much energy towards or focusing too much on.

Flirting and enjoying each other's company is great, but if it's not leading anywhere, it's best to let it go and focus on other things. It's like if two people try to plan an initial first date, if it takes 4 or 5 tries to get a date and time set, it is a hassle and likely not work out. It's either lack of interest or the two people just aren't in sympatico. If it's so hard setting a date, ain't nothing worth a damn gonna happen afterwards.

Keep being open and receptive to new connections and opportunities, and things will fall into place when they're meant to. And no, I have no idea who Nikki Parker is. Sorry!🙃

He also overused pet names. He called me everything from “Babe” “Baby girl” “Lil mama.” “Young lady” and we’re the same age. He has said my real name but not as often as he used those pet names. 

[Weezy1973]

50 minutes ago, Yizella said:

You guys give great advice but you guys thought process escalates quite far off so little information lol but one thing’s for sure, you guys were right about his interest nit being high.  as far as the actually going out part. 

99% of the time women come on here and ask “is he interested in me” the answer is no. Will he put in minimal effort to see if he can get some easy sex? Sure. But actually interested is almost always a no. Which is why the advice escalates so quickly - we’ve seen this movie a million times. And again, looks like folks were right…

[Yizella]

52 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

99% of the time women come on here and ask “is he interested in me” the answer is no. Will he put in minimal effort to see if he can get some easy sex? Sure. But actually interested is almost always a no. Which is why the advice escalates so quickly - we’ve seen this movie a million times. And again, looks like folks were right…

That makes sense. At first I was like “How are they going from this to that so quickly.” But now that I’m seeing the outcome for myself it makes sense. I’m glad it never got to sex though. His response to my birthday story was the proof of him only wanting sex and like someone else said, it was easy to ask me out but actually making the date happen was harder than it should have been. Which is the obviously because his intentions wasn’t more so the date but to really just see what the “date” would lead to as far as sex goes. 

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Yizella said:

•  My feelings were hurt but.....

It's sad but this seems to be the main theme of this guy and your interactions. Please let go.

A guy doesn't have to be downright mean to let you know he's "meh" at best. For example you equated "but he didn't tell me to get lost" as a mutual crush. 

Please spare yourself the headaches and heartaches of chasing indifferent men. 

Edited February 4 by Wiseman2

[stillafool]

3 hours ago, Yizella said:

but I will say he’s great at pretending lol.

"pretending" what?

[Yizella]

8 minutes ago, stillafool said:

"pretending" what?

Didn’t edit it but not pretending but more like good at bread crumbing but pretending came to mind first. 

[Alpacalia]

Hey OP!

I say turn this into a positive. You put yourself out there, it failed, but failure is what makes us better.

Now you can see if a situation happens like this again, you can adjust and come at it another way. Maybe with the next guy he won't feel the same way, or maybe he'll say yes, but the point is, you GAUGE YOUR responses. And you learn and grow with each attempt. Some women never make that first move. Good for you, you put yourself out there. If things don't seem interested after your few steps forward, take a step back. Let what may come at a natural pace.

Try to have a mutual understanding about simple things. Curiosity is great in the beginning cause it can open doors and invite conversation. But sometimes no response means 'not interested'. 

[basil67]

3 hours ago, Yizella said:

Didn’t edit it but not pretending but more like good at bread crumbing but pretending came to mind first. 

He had a little interest at first and then it faded.  This isn't breadcrumbing...it's just how things go when we start dating someone where it doesn't work out.   It's great that you had the courage to ask him out, but he's truly done nothing wrong.

Asking someone out always comes with a risk.  But hey, anytime we try something new it comes with risk....but those who take no risks get nothing.  

[Yizella]

26 minutes ago, basil67 said:

He had a little interest at first and then it faded.  This isn't breadcrumbing...it's just how things go when we start dating someone where it doesn't work out.   It's great that you had the courage to ask him out, but he's truly done nothing wrong.

Asking someone out always comes with a risk.  But hey, anytime we try something new it comes with risk....but those who take no risks get nothing.  

You’re right. I’m not blaming him at all, he didn’t owe me anything neither did I owe him. I took a risk. The little I experienced with him was fun and for whatever reason he decided he didn’t want to take things further with me. Now, I do still believe he did say or did some creepy things that I overlooked but I don’t think that makes him a bad person. Just a guy being a guy lol but that’s all I really have to say about him. That’s why I didn’t say anything to him along the lines of “Hey. Why didn’t you speak to me or sit with me today?” Because his reason is his reason. 

[Yizella]

31 minutes ago, basil67 said:

He had a little interest at first and then it faded.  This isn't breadcrumbing...it's just how things go when we start dating someone where it doesn't work out.   It's great that you had the courage to ask him out, but he's truly done nothing wrong.

Asking someone out always comes with a risk.  But hey, anytime we try something new it comes with risk....but those who take no risks get nothing.  

But I say bread crumbing because technically we weren’t even dating. Just flirting at work.  We never even did anything or saw each other outside of work and when I was off and gene he was off, we didn’t text or call or anything. It was literally just small interaction at work. So it wasn’t dating at all. 

Edited February 4 by Yizella

[Yizella]

1 minute ago, Yizella said:

But I say bread crumbing because technically we weren’t even dating. Just flirting at work.  We never even did anything or saw each other outside of work and when I was off and when he was off, we didn’t text or call or anything. It was literally just small interaction at work. So it wasn’t dating at all. 

 

[basil67]

1 minute ago, Yizella said:

But I say bread crumbing because technically we weren’t even dating. Just flirting at work. 

Flirting isn't bread crumbing.  Flirting is just part of the dance where both of you are finding out if there's an attraction and if it's worth continuing with.

And him doing some creepy things and you eventually recognising it is also part of the same dance.  

[Yizella]

17 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Flirting isn't bread crumbing.  Flirting is just part of the dance where both of you are finding out if there's an attraction and if it's worth continuing with.

And him doing some creepy things and you eventually recognising it is also part of the same dance.  

Flirting isn’t bread crumbing in general but in a way his kind of flirting felt like bread crumbing. I mean when I really think about it, he was never gonna approach me or talk to me first. I made the first move based off subtle things like he would stare a lot. He would speak sometimes and he told another co worker of mines that I had a “cute voice” so I thought why not? but I say his flirting felt like bread crumbing because he flirted just enough to keep me wanting a bit more of his attention and that isn’t wrong of him to do as you said but nonetheless I still feel like that’s what he did.

[basil67]

7 minutes ago, Yizella said:

Flirting isn’t bread crumbing in general but in a way his kind of flirting felt like bread crumbing. I mean when I really think about it, he was never gonna approach me or talk to me first. I made the first move based off subtle things like he would stare a lot. He would speak sometimes and he told another co worker of mines that I had a “cute voice” so I thought why not? but I say his flirting felt like bread crumbing because he flirted just enough to keep me wanting a bit more of his attention and that isn’t wrong of him to do as you said but nonetheless I still feel like that’s what he did.

Hon, if you're going to keep dating other men, I advise you get used to interest coming and then going without having to label someone's behaviour.  Unless of course, that behaviour is extreme.  There is nothing unusual or breadcrumby in any of this.