Gringo5 Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 I'm (M34) in a FWB situation with (F35). I would appreciate some opinions but I have already pretty much decided on what's going to happen. I met this great girl when we worked together and we became friends. She used to message and call me to hang out all the time and we would do a lot of s*** together. After about a year or so we decided to try FWB as neither of us wanted to be in a long term relationship. It started off amazingly well, we'd meet up all the time and spent nights at each others place. She has told me that she loves me a lot of times too. Gradually though she has started to want everything one way. She won't commit to any plans when I suggest them, she just wants to meet on a whim when she feels like it. Then she'll ignore my messages or avoid me altogether for a period of time or until she needs a favour. She came to mine a couple weeks ago and I sat her down, voiced some of my frustrations and told her that I wouldn't be continuing in the same vein in the new year if nothing changed. She got really emotional and asked if I was dumping her, then she talked over me when I tried to talk things out. We haven't really communicated much since. It has become more frustrating than fun for me now and what's really disappointing is we don't really do things as friends anymore. Would really appreciate a few different perspectives. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 1 hour ago, Gringo5 said: After about a year or so we decided to try FWB as neither of us wanted to be in a long term relationship. It started off amazingly well, we'd meet up all the time and spent nights at each others place. Sorry this is happening. It's sad when FWB situations come to an unhappy ending because one person wants something different than the other eventually. It seems like you weren't honest with yourselves or each other that you didn't want a relationship. Is she still interested in seeing you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gringo5 Posted January 3 Author Share Posted January 3 (edited) I didn't want a relationship and she said that she didn't either. She just started to want everything on her terms and pushed me to the side when she got what she wanted. One minute she'd tell me that she loved me and I was her best friend then the next she'd ghost me and leave my messages on read. After a while she'd start texting again as if nothing happened. If I suggest a hang out or want to make a plan she makes excuses as to why she can't, until she wants something. I sent her a New Years message and she read it and didn't respond. I just miss the friend vibe that we had, the hanging out and just having a laugh. Edited January 3 by Gringo5 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 You claim to be satisfied with a FWB situationship but all of your actions are turning this into a relationship. With true FWB, it's about being DTF on the spur of the moment. There are no plans, dates, ILYs, messages etc. It's about showing up to have sex & then go home. You need to reexamine what you really want & if it's a relationship, own that. Tell her & try to work it out. She may not be interested. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gringo5 Posted January 3 Author Share Posted January 3 I was very satisfied when it was a FWB situation. The friends part was important because that came first and we both benefited from the arrangement when we decided to take it to that place. It started off as a two way thing, either of us would call or text and the other would always be down for whatever. Unfortunately I wasn't expecting to lose a friend or for it to become such a one way street with me having no say about when we hook up. So it seems that the friends portion has disappeared completely unless she needs a favour and she only wants the benefits when it's on her schedule. If it was just a DTF/FB situation without the friendship part that we had agreed to then I wouldn't have a problem with that. As it is playing out, it has become more frustrating than fun. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 Then step back. That may be the best way to preserve the friendship Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gringo5 Posted January 3 Author Share Posted January 3 Yeah, I agree. I'm going to wait until she reaches out again then tell her that it isn't working anymore and leave it at that. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 I wouldn't say it isn't working. I'd say that you would like to cool off the benefits. You need to soften the blow & make it clear that would you still like to be friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 Your once-fulfilling FWB setup has lost its spark. It's painfully clear that she's only in it for the perks and not the companionship or commitment. Although she got upset when you voiced your frustrations, her behavior shows she's not willing to make any changes to fix the problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gringo5 Posted January 4 Author Share Posted January 4 Yeah, I think you are both right @d0nnivain and @Alpacalia. I don't think that she's going to be willing to make any changes to repair our situation but I also think it's probably best to soften the blow, pull back from the benefits and hope the friendship side of things pans out again. I appreciate the input folks. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted January 4 Share Posted January 4 Sounds like she actually did want a relationships but then realised that you really do see her as nothing more than a friend and so she's cracked the darks. That's a pretty normal reaction because it's actually deeply insulting for a woman to be good enough to sleep with but not good enough to be relationship material. FWB situations are always wide open to someone ending up feeling devalued and resentful because the whole concept is based in dehumanising the participants. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 5 Share Posted January 5 All you have to say is that the arrangement has taken a turn in and you don't like the changes she has implemented. Call it quits. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted January 5 Share Posted January 5 Obviously it's not working. Why wait until she reaches out again to tell her you're finished with the FWB thing? It sounds kind of passive aggressive to do that. Just let her know it's over and if you want to try to be regular friends you can do that Link to post Share on other sites
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