Met a doppelgänger of a former crush

[lavenderandvelvet]

17 hours ago, princessaurora said:

My husband has a very similar personality to my first love from high school, but I didn't know that until I got to know him. They are both very intellectual and have a passion for philosophy and english lit. Physically,, they are not doppelgangers, but they do both have baby faces, but that was apparently my type all through dating. I liked guys with that baby face look as my friends pointed out. 

We went to his place on our first date too, but all we did was kiss and I'm the one who initiated. lol It's possible he may have just decided to kiss you on a whim and didn't have any plans for sex. He may have just been really attracted and went for it. I think the fact he offered you non alcohol at his place shows he wasn't trying to get you drunk so he could take advantage of you or lower your inhibitions, so he does seem to be respectful. But like others have said, you do have to be careful going back to a guy's place because some of them do associate it with sex. But in this case, he continued to spend time with you talking and listening to music, so he sounds like a good guy so far. 

Just take your time getting to know him and don't rush into anything. Even though hubs and I were kissing from the beginning we didn't actually have sex for a few months, but you'll know when the time is right if things progress. Good luck with your second date. Looking forward to hearing about it. 

 

I like baby faces too! 🙂 probably because I have one.  And people my age without them seem older. 

And apparently I like nerdy guys with a creative or artistic side. Which I didn’t realize. But these are the ones I seem to vibe with really well for friendships. And I guess the deeper intellectual connections. 

I definitely felt a respectful vibe the whole outing. So going to his place didn’t trigger any red flags at all. It felt like the kiss was a whim. And even thought things got a little heavier he followed my lead on when to stop and where the line was.  Which is great. And honestly we spent 95% of the time chatting.  
I can be all over the map on when to have sex for the first time. But it really depends on where the attraction lies. While I am absolutely physically attracted in this case. The driver is really the intellectual and emotional attraction - which is a reason to slow down way down until I know we are on the same page with goals.  Because it is really easy to fall quickly if someone is hitting the brain boxes.  

[NuevoYorko]

7 minutes ago, lavenderandvelvet said:

I find that in the dating context men from the Midwest, the east coast, the south, southern Europe, the Middle East, Africa, and Latin America tend to be more apt to be a bit more chivalrous. West coast, Australia, and Northern Europe not so much. 

 

Wow.  That is a stupendous sample size, assuming that you have dated multiples from each continent / country / region in order to be able to generalize about the men in each of them.   Impressive.

[lavenderandvelvet]

9 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Everyone seems to travel when they first start dating. 😂

Is there any particular reason you're interest is directed at the guy possibly being similar to your old crush/one that got away or that he looks similar to your two male friends in the story?

Just curious is all.

It is weird only because now I am noticing all of these people are so similar.  Beyond looks. Obviously I know each of these people at different levels. But they have also had similar upbringings and pivotal childhood moments of feeling like outsiders based on hobbies and interests.  And another surprising commonality is that each of them had a whole life arc where they decided to focus on their creative passions instead of just doing a basic office job. So that is the stuff that makes it weird.  They have these strangely parallel life arcs, from childhood and beyond. 

Sometimes the universe keeps sending you the same person in different packages. 

To be fair, I also keep making the same female friend over and over again in each life stage as well. I guess this is my theme. 

Edited January 10, 2024 by lavenderandvelvet

[lavenderandvelvet]

5 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

 

Wow.  That is a stupendous sample size, assuming that you have dated multiples from each continent / country / region in order to be able to generalize about the men in each of them.   Impressive.

A few things: 

- I went to a college that was like 40% international students. So while I didn’t date everyone, I had friends from all over. And dated enough variety to notice patterns

- I compare notes with my friends on dating as well. One of my friends focuses on men from Western Europe for example  

- I live in a fairly diverse metro area, so it is reasonable to be exposed to folks from all over the world

- I have a diverse friend circle with folks from all over the world. It is super easy to compare notes.  
- I like sociology as cultural studies.  So I will read / research stuff like this. 

These observations are not based on one offs at all. I’ve gone out with folks from many places over the years.  

 

 

[lavenderandvelvet]

The update: the second date was fun and the chemistry continued.  We did discuss dating goals, among other serious topics.  And we are not goals aligned at this moment. And probably never, seems like he is planning for casual and has been on that path for a while. 
 

TBD on building a friendship (which is not unreasonable, we have plenty in common and to talk about). 

[Alpacalia]

Sounds like you have a good understanding of the situation and your priorities. Even if you may not align on dating goals, building a friendship is still a great outcome. Just make sure to not compromise on what you want for yourself and your future. Keep talking to and meet new people, you never know who you may click with next. Good luck!