Neem1221 Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 Hello! I'm wondering if you can help me. Please, don't judge. This is difficult for me to understand, and I'm looking for sound advice so I know how to proceed. I am a former pastor that oversaw a medium-sized church in my community. I'm a 35 year old male. There was a woman in this congregation whom I believe is interested in me, but as I don't read people well, I'm not quite sure. She is 60 years old, single, no children, never married, as far as I can tell. VERY attractive. You'd think she was 35 or 40, they way she looks! Anyway, when I first started at this church, she was friendly, warm, and welcoming, and I thought she was attractive, but, of course, respected boundaries. I had never planned on pursuing anything because it was just flat out wrong. Fast forward, and she starts getting super friendly--as in, rubbing my arm and laughing at my jokes. Once, she comes to the parsonage (that's a pastor's house and church members have access to it, as it's considered church property) and brings me some food. I thought it was odd, but hey, she's just being friendly. Isn't that what church people do? Coincidentally, both of our fathers died around the same time two years ago. She needed help coping with that, and I provided much-needed spiritual support. She also helped me when I was feeling down. Once, last year, during worship, she quipped, "Hey, isn't this around the time our dads passed away? We kind of bonded over that." I thought it was odd. I had scheduled some administrative meetings to discuss several problems going on in the church. I was meeting with each member individually, and she was next in the rotation. As we were leaving for the night, she asks me out of the blue if I was engaged (I what's in a long-term relationship at the time). I told her, "No, but I am in a relationship." She asks how it's going. I say, "Well, we've hit a snag, but trying to work it out." Nothing more was said after that. I recently left this church to pursue other career opportunities. When news broke that I would no longer be serving, she texts me (she has my number because she was a chairperson of one of my committees) and asks me to dinner as her way of saying goodbye. What do you make of this? I apologize if I'm not describing this well. How do you think I should approach this? You will probably ask me if I'm interested in her, and I admit she is attractive, but the age gap (25 years) is large. No, I'm not in a relationship, and I am no longer her pastor. What do you recommend? Thanks in advance! Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 8 Share Posted January 8 7 minutes ago, Neem1221 said: if I'm interested in her, and I admit she is attractive, but the age gap That is the most important question. Where would you like to see this going? Friends? Dating? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 8 Share Posted January 8 The only think you've said about why you're interested in her is that she's attractive (and it sounds like she's also a bit flirty). But what is it about her as a person which attracts you? Do you want something casual, or sex, or date with a view to a relationship if it works out? Anyway, if you want to pursue something romantic, suggest to her than instead of her taking you to a farewell dinner, that you take her on a date? Be clear about it being a date! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Neem1221 Posted January 8 Author Share Posted January 8 I don't know, it's kind of weird... the age difference. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Neem1221 Posted January 8 Author Share Posted January 8 Okay, to be honest, I don't really want a relationship, just sex. Is that wrong of me? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 8 Share Posted January 8 Just now, Neem1221 said: Okay, to be honest, I don't really want a relationship, just sex. Is that wrong of me? Yes. Seniors are in a protected group and sexual exploitation isn't a good idea. If you want to be friends with this lady fine, but please find someone else for hookups. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted January 8 Share Posted January 8 That's an extreme age difference. That doesn't bother you? I don't think there would be anything necessarily wrong with hooking up with her if that is what you and her both want to do. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 8 Share Posted January 8 20 minutes ago, Neem1221 said: Okay, to be honest, I don't really want a relationship, just sex. Is that wrong of me? It's fine for you to feel this way, but she is one of your former parishioners and likely follows your former church's teachings. What was your church's view on casual sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 8 Share Posted January 8 15 hours ago, Neem1221 said: Okay, to be honest, I don't really want a relationship, just sex. Is that wrong of me? You are 2 adults. Be honest with her on what you want with her. She may surprise you. It's less weird to want a hook up than wanting a relationship. She's 60 yo, she is not dead! She is still a woman with wants & needs. Link to post Share on other sites
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