mortensorchid Posted January 8 Share Posted January 8 I have a good relationship now, my work life is alright, and I am doing well with friends and arts projects. And every once in a while it still creeps up on me that I lost the love of my life... We were introduced by my guitar teacher (he and his mom had been friends since they were in their teens). I was 26 and he was 28. We were so passionately in love for so many months... And then... The infatuation period wore off. He had never been in a long term relationship before when that can and does happen. He didn't know what to do with himself. He began to contradict himself and compare me to others. Then he broke it off and came back, thrn he broke it off again. I still saw him even though I was dating others. Then he moved away and I never heard from him once he moved. He tried to come back years later and I refused. He blocked me and that was truly the end. He wasn't perfect, neither was I. I made mistakes, so did he. I miss the fire and passion we had for each other, I was unable to find it with another. He lives in a small town in the east - there are no people around and in thr middle of nowhere. So he is not with anyone else and as far as I know hasn't been with anyone since. But he chooses that for himself, I didn't. I miss it 😪 😢 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 8 Share Posted January 8 Sorry you're feeling so constricted by your vision of "loss". But life is full of it, we move forward with the loss still with us... A bit different, a bit more melancholic sometimes, but we move on... How do you know for sure that he hasn't had someone since, or doesn't have any female friends that he's hasn't at times felt attracted to? You don't, you're just assuming. And even if he hasn't, it doesn't matter. He's not with you and you're not with him. You are enough, with or without him. And you deserve happiness and love in all forms. Keep moving forward, it will get easier. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 8 Share Posted January 8 26 minutes ago, mortensorchid said: . I miss the fire and passion Reflect if it's your carefree youth and simpler times that you miss. It seems he represents this time in your life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mortensorchid Posted January 8 Author Share Posted January 8 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: Reflect if it's your carefree youth and simpler times that you miss. It seems he represents this time in your life. Some of it is, yes. It's hard as I am trying not to give into "you're too old" for things because I am not too old to dream a new dream of set a new goal. You have to tell yourself this a lot. But yes, it also feels like it at times that he was from a happy time in life. Love happened again for me - right now as a matter of fact. I am happy - It's different because he's not the same person as this guy was. Like It is overtime because it's a different person and they bring different things to the table. But, life goes on... Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted January 8 Share Posted January 8 It sounds like you weren’t even together for a year, so I would hesitate to call it “the love of your life”. Maybe the most infatuated you’ve felt? I too had a super infatuated relationship at that time. Really dysfunctional, but tons of passion. She was certainly not the love of my life, even though the feelings were so strong. Feelings are kind of meaningless in the grand scheme of things. Perhaps the current guy is the actual love of your life. Framing the relationship that way can only be a good thing instead of lamenting about someone else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 8 Share Posted January 8 The love of my life was in my twenties. We were best friends. But I don't lament it, because it was a beautiful period in my life. We had a beautiful relationship, and we gave each other a lot. The love of my life is still a part of me and a part of my journey, just as all my past experiences are. I think what you're describing is very common when it comes to intense relationships during a certain period of our lives. Definitely sounds like an infatuation period, when you say passionate, fire. I don't think there is anything wrong with being infatuated, but it can become really problematic if it continues to lead your life afterwards. I don't think that's what you're doing though. It sounds like you've had a pretty good life, full of productivity, including emotional and artistic. You're just wondering what happened and/or how such beautiful, intense things during a period of your life disappeared so quickly. Everything ends my friend. Doesn't mean it wasn't special. It was, which is something beautiful to behold. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 8 Share Posted January 8 (edited) I was hung up on a college GF for a long time. Even though I moved on I did feel like I had lost something important. And in a way it's true that I did. But when I looked her up many years later she and I had both changed so much - the real her wouldn't be very compatible with me, or TBH a very good catch. It was an idealized memory that I was hung up on - that person (that version of her from her youth) didn't exist anymore and in fact hadn't existed for a long time. Time changes everyone and every thing. I eventually realized the "person" I was still a little hung up even 10-15+ years later ONLY existed in my mind. Time will make that true of this person you still think about as well, if hasn't already done so. Edited January 8 by mark clemson 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted January 8 Share Posted January 8 17 hours ago, mortensorchid said: He tried to come back years later and I refused. 17 hours ago, mortensorchid said: He wasn't perfect, neither was I why does that have to be an obstacle, there seems to be a code or something that a woman cannot reconnect with their previous love- that moving on is the choice that suits society better or whatever as you say yourself neither of you are perfect , so why not another chance. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 On 1/8/2024 at 1:38 PM, Foxhall said: why does that have to be an obstacle, Maybe because she is in a relationship currently? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 On 1/7/2024 at 9:34 PM, mortensorchid said: I have a good relationship now, On 1/7/2024 at 9:34 PM, mortensorchid said: I miss the fire and passion we had for each other Do you feel like you settled for your current relationship? It's normal that some relationships are better in certain aspects (including passion), but if you are truly missing what you had with someone else, and seeing them as the love of your life, maybe your current relationship is based more on convenience and companionship than on a romantic love connection. I've been in love before, passionately, and yes, certain aspects of other relationships might objectively be rated higher than in my current relationship. But I am in love with my boyfriend and I have zero interest in or thoughts of anyone else. Of course I remember other relationships at times, but not with any longing. You are very likely idealizing what you had with the guy you call the love of your life. Short term passion is easy, but it sounds like he failed in other relationship areas - primarily being committed to being together. If you value your current relationship, stop romanticizing a past failed relationship. If that sound harsh, think about how you would feel if it was your current boyfriend making this post. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mortensorchid Posted January 10 Author Share Posted January 10 I am happy with my man now. He is a different person than the love of my life was so the entire vibe is different. The before mentioned and I had a passion for one another that was very obvious to all around us my one friend said. There were others between now and then of course, and it's different every time. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 Other people may have picked up on this passion and commented on it, but he did not. He was too busy comparing you to others and trying to figure out what he wanted. How do you view that as the love of your life? He may have been a great person in many ways, but it sounds like he was not fully committed to you and that's not what the love of your life should be. Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 7 hours ago, NuevoYorko said: Maybe because she is in a relationship currently? Fair enough Yes- however I am on the wavelength now that one should not settle for something that is ok just, especially when they feel there is someone more suitable out there, (which may not be the case in this persons situation actually) thank you for acknowledging my post. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 1 hour ago, Foxhall said: especially when they feel there is someone more suitable out there This is purely fantasy - she barely even knows this person deep down, they had an on-off relationship for less than a year, and it happened decades ago. Might as well say that Christian Grey or Anthony Bridgerton is "a more suitable person for her" at this rate... 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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