BaileyB Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 (edited) 41 minutes ago, StarlightMoon said: I think it is because part of me is holding onto some hope and that if I initiate the divorce process that I will ruin any chances of reconciliation. I know this is a risk for someone who truly wants to keep her marriage… but have you considered the thought that filing for divorce may be the wake-up call that he needs to get his life together and do what is required for his marriage/family. By staying, you are giving your power to him and you are demonstrating to him that he can treat you poorly - and you will stay. There is no incentive for him to improve this. You leave and file for divorce - he still has a choice. Maybe he doesn’t have the strength or the interest to improve himself and fight for the marriage. Or maybe he does. Either way, you find yourself in a better position because… I’m just saying it, I don’t think you can live like this forever. At least, I couldn’t. While it may appear to be manipulation, an ultimatum, it’s not really. If you go to counselling and figure out what you want - you are really just sharing with him your expectations and the boundary you have set for yourself/what you are willing to accept for yourself and your child… and then, it’s his decision. 41 minutes ago, StarlightMoon said: I am definitely not thinking clearly or logically, this has all been a lot for me. Right now I'm working towards detaching myself from him and the relationship so I can proceed with the next steps. Of course it’s a lot - it would be a lot for anyone. But, you are not the first to experience this. Do you have friends who have divorced? I sound like a broken record but, a counsellor could help you to shift your focus from him to yourself. Maybe you don’t need to work on detaching from him as much as you need to start focusing on what it is that you want for your life - with the the understanding that you can’t change him and you can’t fix your marriage as one half of a partnership… ❤️ Edited January 10 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 (edited) 4 hours ago, StarlightMoon said: After an argument, he said that he wants a divorce. It has been about 3 weeks and it has been a Rollercoaster of emotions, I think it is because part of me is holding onto some hope and that if I initiate the divorce process that I will ruin any chances of reconciliation. Consulting an attorney for information support and advice when someone threatens you is not "filing" for divorce. It's protecting yourself with valuable information in the event he follows through with his threats. Next time he wants to win an argument and shut you down with the "I want a divorce" refrain, stay very calm, say nothing and simply ask him if he has contacted an attorney about it. Edited January 10 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lisa Posted January 10 Senior Moderators Share Posted January 10 @QueenJade and @StarlightMoon are the same member Link to post Share on other sites
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