Darrin7919 Posted January 11, 2024 Share Posted January 11, 2024 Just before Christmas I had this argument with this girl I been out with 5 times and im wondering if I did the right thing. Anyway the problem was she kept reaching out to make plans but the last bunch of times she cancelled and it was happening pretty frequently so I called her out on it in a calm and friendly way. I just asked if anything was wrong because of all the cancellations and I feel like I’m wasting my time reaching out and accepting and asking you to meet if you don’t have any interest. She didn’t take it well at all and we argued about it for most of the afternoon I kept telling her any other time I never said a thing (which is true I just would say ok next time don’t worry about it) but it was happening to much lately so I wondered. She then said that I have gave legitimate reasons every time and days notice which is true on her part and it seems like she has a habit of doing this to others also so I’m thinking why argue with me then about it who knows. I kinda feel bad I said something and feel like she is being distant lately we did talk just before new years and she said she would text me but hasn’t yet. Should I reach out or did I blow it. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 11, 2024 Share Posted January 11, 2024 eh...NO! Block & delete. Who has time to deal with someone THIS unreliable. C'mon! Does not matter how hot you think she is, she is wasting your time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kassieee Posted January 11, 2024 Share Posted January 11, 2024 She blew it, not you. You were straight forward and wanted things to be clear, there's no reason for her to snap at that. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 11, 2024 Share Posted January 11, 2024 You didn't blow it. The holidays can be tough but people make time for what is important to you. Other things were always more important than you. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 11, 2024 Share Posted January 11, 2024 (edited) 2 hours ago, Darrin7919 said: girl I been out with 5 times and she kept reaching out to make plans but the last bunch of times she cancelled and it was happening pretty frequently Sorry this is happening. She seems flaky if she keeps cancelling . After 5 dates you're not exclusive so still talking to and meeting others. Unfortunately she seems to be defensive, but also seems to treat you like a backup plan. Step back and if you want to continue to see her make firm plans and confirm them the morning of. If she cancels again, please reconsider her interest level and lack of respect. Edited January 11, 2024 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted January 11, 2024 Share Posted January 11, 2024 Agreed. She is backing away and looking for other choices of men. A delayed rejection plan, keeping you "on hold". Her reaction is defensive, anger that you bring it up,. You'll probably have to write her off--indefinitely. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 12, 2024 Share Posted January 12, 2024 What makes you feel that you might have blown it? One cancellation done with a genuine and valid reason would have been understandable but a pattern of cancellations is a red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 12, 2024 Share Posted January 12, 2024 (edited) My rule of thumb is that sometimes stuff happens and we have to cancel, but a girl who's truly into you will offer up a different date and then make sure she turn's up for it. "I'm so sorry, I can't make our date because X happened. I've got Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday free - would any of them work for you?" Anyway, it sounds like she wasn't offering up other dates, so you've got good reason to think she's not interested. Then combine that with the two of you fighting all afternoon afterwards, it turned into a no-go. As it should. I don't know which one of you was being belligerent...or if you were both equally belligerent...but you're crazy to be chasing someone who you can't solve problems with easily. Edited January 12, 2024 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted January 12, 2024 Share Posted January 12, 2024 From where I'm sitting, she was not particularly interested in you and was wasting your time. It's perfectly understandable that you called her out on it. But you shouldn't have participated in the subsequent argument. I mean, what exactly were the two of you arguing about? Next time you encounter someone this flaky, you don't even have to confront her. Just stop making an effort and focus your attention on women who show more interest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darrin7919 Posted January 12, 2024 Author Share Posted January 12, 2024 12 hours ago, basil67 said: My rule of thumb is that sometimes stuff happens and we have to cancel, but a girl who's truly into you will offer up a different date and then make sure she turn's up for it. "I'm so sorry, I can't make our date because X happened. I've got Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday free - would any of them work for you?" Anyway, it sounds like she wasn't offering up other dates, so you've got good reason to think she's not interested. Then combine that with the two of you fighting all afternoon afterwards, it turned into a no-go. As it should. I don't know which one of you was being belligerent...or if you were both equally belligerent...but you're crazy to be chasing someone who you can't solve problems with easily. She was actually offering up other dates she got covid and a sinus infection close together one time, another time she had a health thing going on, she has money issues also and she doesn’t want me to pay Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted January 18, 2024 Share Posted January 18, 2024 On 1/11/2024 at 4:44 PM, Darrin7919 said: Just before Christmas I had this argument with this girl I been out with 5 times and im wondering if I did the right thing. Anyway the problem was she kept reaching out to make plans but the last bunch of times she cancelled and it was happening pretty frequently so I called her out on it in a calm and friendly way. I just asked if anything was wrong because of all the cancellations and I feel like I’m wasting my time reaching out and accepting and asking you to meet if you don’t have any interest. She didn’t take it well at all and we argued about it for most of the afternoon I kept telling her any other time I never said a thing (which is true I just would say ok next time don’t worry about it) but it was happening to much lately so I wondered. She then said that I have gave legitimate reasons every time and days notice which is true on her part and it seems like she has a habit of doing this to others also so I’m thinking why argue with me then about it who knows. I kinda feel bad I said something and feel like she is being distant lately we did talk just before new years and she said she would text me but hasn’t yet. Should I reach out or did I blow it. Some individuals can do this just as a way of looking for attention or feeling wanted for a time, with no actual intention to date. I have a three strikes you're out rule personally. Things can happen once or even twice which mean changing the meeting is unavoidable, but any more than that and you're dealing with a flake who's just going to lead you on and waste your time. Don't think you blew anything apart from not cutting her off earlier. Wouldn't lose any sleep over it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted January 18, 2024 Share Posted January 18, 2024 On 1/12/2024 at 5:50 PM, Darrin7919 said: She was actually offering up other dates she got covid and a sinus infection close together one time, another time she had a health thing going on, she has money issues also and she doesn’t want me to pay Also you need to take all this with a pinch of salt. Nobody is ever so busy/tied up/ill etc that they can't make time for you. And if they genuinely are they shouldn't be dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 19, 2024 Share Posted January 19, 2024 Something I've found helpful is to have a wait-and-see attitude. Someone cancels? Ok, understand, stuff happens. But then I'll just wait for them to reschedule, I won't bother about making plans anymore. If they reach out and reschedule then fair enough, if they never do then that's that. Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted January 19, 2024 Share Posted January 19, 2024 3 hours ago, Alpacalia said: Something I've found helpful is to have a wait-and-see attitude. Someone cancels? Ok, understand, stuff happens. But then I'll just wait for them to reschedule, I won't bother about making plans anymore. If they reach out and reschedule then fair enough, if they never do then that's that. I'd add that in my experience this works a bit differently if you're a guy, you may be expected to suggest another day when you are free even if she's the one who cancels. I've been out with girls in the past who cancelled once, didn't suggest another time but when I offered the day the date worked out quite well in the end. If you wait for her to do it she might just assume you want to leave it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 19, 2024 Share Posted January 19, 2024 When you get blasted and scramble to make sense of it....run forest run! B%^$#@ be cray cray. Link to post Share on other sites
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