Pain, finality, and closure on my recent whirlwind fling

[seany25]

I'll respond to all of you together.

I appreciate she likely hasn't thought about it as much as me, but I do believe she does get some sort of kick from it. The gaslighting confirms this - or perhaps that was her way of letting me down (not so) gently. The reason it feels a little emotionally traumatic is because of the timeline; so I have this prolonged desire for her that I thought was completely dead in the water as to the possibility of it taking place and then out of the blue she comes along and delivers herself to me and then vanishes off into a cloud of smoke again. It was amazing, but it all happened so fast that I'm genuinely bewildered 🫠 a few days after the sex took place, I actually woke up one morning and it took me perhaps 20 seconds to convince myself that it hadn't been a dream 😄

I now need to try and get over this 7-year fantasy story; that's one of the aspects of all this that gives it so much power. I'm sure it might serve me well to now try and think of this story as being completed. In essence, it is exactly that, completed - I had something I desired for a long time fulfilled, so it's more of a happy ending than not. If we'd just had an ordinary date where sex did not take place, I'd be overthinking about why it didn't happen and how I managed to miss out (like after the first date!) so ultimately, it's a great memory. Yes, we did 'plan' to meet up again and it didn't happen, but whatever; we could have just as easily agreed there and then that it was a one-off (subconsciously I knew it could be). It's still a way better outcome than the first date where I was left lingering. In that sense, I am thankful overall. She gave me a gift, even if she did metaphorically kick me in the nuts as the final sprinkles on the cake.

I can't help but feel a slight jealousy at the idea of other guys getting to have time with her (I wish it was me), but that's a pointless concern because there is absolutely nothing I can do about it and she never was mine in the first place. Again, I imagine a full relationship with her would be painful because she is so temperamental, unpredictable, and can have any man she wants. In fact, knowing that I had a girl who can have any man she wants is a bit of a confidence boost.

I also need to try and use the fact that I am nothing to her as a way to try and think less of her. She cares very, very little about me, so why should I care about her? I think I could indeed end up hating her a bit, and that might help. Although maybe I'm being harsh, did she even do anything wrong? She had sex with me, that's awesome! The pain I currently feel comes from wanting more of her and not getting it, but as you've highlighted Fred, overall, this is still a massive W!

I probably need to assess why I am attracted to unattainable girls. There is reverse psychology with the whole wanting-what-you-can't-have thing but there is probably something deeper within me that explains it. Off the top of my head, my parents split up when I was 10/11 and I went with my dad and saw very little of my mum for the next handful of years. I was also very unsupervised and that's how I ended up on drugs. Many years later when I had kicked the drugs and was reflecting on those behaviours, thinking about why and how I went through addiction so young, I had a powerful realisation that I had gotten so easily hooked on drugs because I was subconsciously blocking out the loss of my mum being in my life. So, perhaps there is a further connection to this with me chasing after girls I can't have.

I'm a big boy tho, and whilst it's been both an exciting and extraordinary experience, I'm happy it happened. If I could go back, I'd choose it again. I don't regret it.

• It is indeed more of a win than an L, albeit with a slight knife twist at the end
• I still believe this has and will make me a better person overall
• My standards have gone up

Overall this entire thing is going to motivate me even more to reach my goals and get the right girl.

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

She's suddenly gone from fantasy goddess to evil seductresses.

This is really funny 🤭😄

Edited December 14, 2023 by seany25

[FredEire]

I notice that you think of things in quite a theatrical way, turning it almost into a melodrama in your head. I don't know you so it's just a thought but I think it may be an avoidance tactic to prevent feeling real emotions or seeing the truth of situations you get yourself into, which may be far more simple or mundane.

Only mentioning because it's been a theme for me in my relationships and has come up in therapy, may be something worth looking into. Feel free to take it or leave it.

Anyway based on what you said I think there's probably a lot of trauma to unpack there and it would greatly improve your life. I suspect with time you may discover you need to completely readjust the way you look at certain aspects of your life.

[seany25]

2 hours ago, FredEire said:

I notice that you think of things in quite a theatrical way, turning it almost into a melodrama in your head. I don't know you so it's just a thought but I think it may be an avoidance tactic to prevent feeling real emotions or seeing the truth of situations you get yourself into, which may be far more simple or mundane.

Only mentioning because it's been a theme for me in my relationships and has come up in therapy, may be something worth looking into. Feel free to take it or leave it.

Anyway based on what you said I think there's probably a lot of trauma to unpack there and it would greatly improve your life. I suspect with time you may discover you need to completely readjust the way you look at certain aspects of your life.

I guess I probably am guilty of making more out of things than they really are. In this case, I reiterate the 7 years of on-and-off communication, "almost" becoming intimate with her, then finally becoming intimate with her. Truth be told, I think I probably just wished it would become more; at least in some capacity.

I'm very much in a daze right now. I mean, I'll be totally fine, I'm just in some kind of WTF phase, perhaps grieving at some level like California girl said. The butterflies I had in my tummy last week have been replaced with more of a gut-wrenching sensation, the type of feeling you have after a relationship breaks down and you're the losing party.

It's weird because whilst I am delighted to have had the amazingly spicy experience with her, the way things have played out in the following week has made me feel like I lost her. I know she was not mine, but what I mean is I feel like I was given a taste of the kind of intensity, excitement, and passion with a ridiculously sexy woman that I'm missing in my life, and the thought of it just being a nice memory isn't very appealing to me. I need more of this (and yes, I recall the responses about relationships being more than that).

I will take as many positives from this as I can, which are almost certainly more numerous than the negatives. The timing of this is another positive - it's good that this happened in December so I can allow the burn to hopefully pass and then I can enter the new year with a fresh outlook and perhaps once again excited about the experience I've just been through. The biggest negative is that I don't get to continue seeing her, and jealousy at the idea of another guy getting her... but I'll just have to try and let go.

I don't mean to sound like a drama queen, but I'm pretty sure I'll have to cry this all out at some point. This girl has really made an immense impact; and no, it's not all bad, it's mostly good. I think the bottom line to all this is that I'm just sad about her presence in my life being so fleeting 🥲

[FredEire]

1 minute ago, seany25 said:

I guess I probably am guilty of making more out of things than they really are. In this case, I reiterate the 7 years of on-and-off communication, "almost" becoming intimate with her, then finally becoming intimate with her. Truth be told, I think I probably just wished it would become more; at least in some capacity.

I'm very much in a daze right now. I mean, I'll be totally fine, I'm just in some kind of WTF phase, perhaps grieving at some level like California girl said. The butterflies I had in my tummy last week have been replaced with more of a gut-wrenching sensation, the type of feeling you have after a relationship breaks down and you're the losing party.

It's weird because whilst I am delighted to have had the amazingly spicy experience with her, the way things have played out in the following week has made me feel like I lost her. I know she was not mine, but what I mean is I feel like I was given a taste of the kind of intensity, excitement, and passion with a ridiculously sexy woman that I'm missing in my life, and the thought of it just being a nice memory isn't very appealing to me. I need more of this (and yes, I recall the responses about relationships being more than that).

I will take as many positives from this as I can, which are almost certainly more numerous than the negatives. The timing of this is another positive - it's good that this happened in December so I can allow the burn to hopefully pass and then I can enter the new year with a fresh outlook and perhaps once again excited about the experience I've just been through. The biggest negative is that I don't get to continue seeing her, and jealousy at the idea of another guy getting her... but I'll just have to try and let go.

I don't mean to sound like a drama queen, but I'm pretty sure I'll have to cry this all out at some point. This girl has really made an immense impact; and no, it's not all bad, it's mostly good. I think the bottom line to all this is that I'm just sad about her presence in my life being so fleeting 🥲

Right, I feel we have a certain amount in common as I can relate to a lot of this with my own recent experience.

The thing I've had to realise though, and I reckon you may as well, is that the pain you're feeling is real but it hasn't got much to do with her.

A one night stand fizzling out does not merit pain the same level as a breakup would bring. The fact that it has means something in your emotional system isn't working right and it's triggering a reaction, possibly to something in your past. I think that's what you have to figure out going forward. Don't give this particular experience importance it doesn't deserve.

[seany25]

1 hour ago, FredEire said:

The thing I've had to realise though, and I reckon you may as well, is that the pain you're feeling is real but it hasn't got much to do with her.

A one night stand fizzling out does not merit pain the same level as a breakup would bring. The fact that it has means something in your emotional system isn't working right and it's triggering a reaction, possibly to something in your past. I think that's what you have to figure out going forward. Don't give this particular experience importance it doesn't deserve.

Technically a one-night stand yeah, but there is the 8-year background from first contact to sex, then being dropped. So whilst I get where you're coming from, it's not like a random hook-up with a total stranger I've just met. I know the years-long fantasy with this particular girl is on my end and my creation, but since it's been in my psyche the whole time, it's not easy to just shake it off. Again, my fault for building this fantasy.

Realistically, I knew deep down her running off again would probably happen, so ultimately it's actually really cool that before she did that she finally showed up and rewarded me for my perseverance and patience haha I mean it could have been worse; it might not have happened at all, but it did! I have to believe the current gloominess will pass and this will remain more of a positive memory than a negative one.

As I said a few posts ago I had childhood abandonment issues. So it could have something to do with that (endlessly looking for a person I couldn't see or find).

Just read your post and something that stuck out to me was the social media thing 🤭😄 I have managed to minimise social media to almost nothing! I recall what it feels like to have a thing going on with a girl and what you see on her social profiles upsetting you (comments from other guys, cryptic posts etc). Reducing social media down to almost nothing is great for many reasons, but relationship stuff is definitely one of them.

Edited December 14, 2023 by seany25

[FredEire]

5 minutes ago, seany25 said:

Technically a one-night stand yeah, but there is the 8-year background from first contact to sex, then being dropped. So whilst I get where you're coming from, it's not like a random hook-up with a total stranger I've just met. I know the years-long fantasy with this particular girl is on my end and my creation, but since it's been in my psyche the whole time, it's not easy to just shake it off. Again, my fault for building this fantasy.

Realistically, I knew deep down her running off again would probably happen, so ultimately it's actually really cool that before she did that she finally showed up and rewarded me for my perseverance and patience haha I mean it could have been worse; it might not have happened at all, but it did! I have to believe the current gloominess will pass and this will remain more of a positive memory than a negative one.

As I said a few posts ago I had childhood abandonment issues. So it could have something to do with that (endlessly looking for a person I couldn't see or find).

Just read your post and something that stuck out to me was the social media thing 🤭😄 I have managed to minimise social media to almost nothing! I recall what it feels like to have a thing going on with a girl and what you see on her social profiles upsetting you (comments from other guys, cryptic posts etc). Reducing social media down to almost nothing is great for many reasons, but relationship stuff is definitely one of them.

Yes, I reread your post and it seems female abandonment is the main issue you need to work on, it certainly is for me and as I said I can see the parallels there.

It seems that meeting a woman you know is emotionally unavailable and very likely to leave you after a short time sparks feelings of "love" and inappropriate attachment, which would make a certain amount of sense given your history.

However we're all armchair psychologists on here so the most important thing would be getting an expert to give you their take on it.

Yeah, you're right I think social media can be good for business but certainly not any kind of relationship. Only feeds jealousy, insecurity and head trips.

[seany25]

I discovered something called Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) or 'Opposite Action Skills'

I think I'm going to have to start learning and using some coping skills because the gut-wrench from this situation is strong right now

DBT, the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT Tapping), and the Wim Hof Breathing technique.... this is my prescription ❤️‍🩹‍

Edited December 14, 2023 by seany25

[FredEire]

2 minutes ago, seany25 said:

I discovered something called Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) or 'Opposite Action Skills'

I think I'm going to have to start learning and using some coping skills because the gut-wrench from this situation is strong right now

DBT, the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT Tapping), and the Wim Hof Breathing technique.... this is my prescription ❤️‍🩹‍

I'm familiar with all of those and there's merit to all of them as a supplement but theres no replacement for professional counseling in my opinion.

Techniques like those may help you feel a bit more at ease but without anyone to help guide you along the journey it's very difficult to effectively process anything. I'd strongly recommend trying it.

[seany25]

I must be in grief mode.

Perhaps this seems a little extreme since I did actually get what I wanted, ultimately, but the rejection and has knocked me out of sync. I think this experience has been so profound it's going to leave a lasting mark on me. I've gone from from the most extreme high to an extreme low inside a fortnight. I had freaking butterflies last week and now I'm withdrawn, dazed, I can't concentrate, I have no appetite, I'm emotional, I have no interest in doing anything, and tears have even started. It's probably a good thing that I got that definitive response yesterday, because at least I can now move through whatever stages of pain are coming.

The quicker that happens, the quicker I can start to bounce back from this stronger than I've ever bounced back from any previous girl. That's simply gotta be one of my immediate aims now; to use this as fuel to become a better man.

This feels like the harshest burn I've experienced, so that means it's going to have to result in the biggest bounce-back.

And I can be one determined MF when I put my mind to it 🚀

Edited December 14, 2023 by seany25

[CaliforniaGirl]

5 hours ago, seany25 said:

I guess I probably am guilty of making more out of things than they really are. In this case, I reiterate the 7 years of on-and-off communication, "almost" becoming intimate with her, then finally becoming intimate with her. Truth be told, I think I probably just wished it would become more; at least in some capacity.

I'm very much in a daze right now. I mean, I'll be totally fine, I'm just in some kind of WTF phase, perhaps grieving at some level like California girl said. The butterflies I had in my tummy last week have been replaced with more of a gut-wrenching sensation, the type of feeling you have after a relationship breaks down and you're the losing party.

It's weird because whilst I am delighted to have had the amazingly spicy experience with her, the way things have played out in the following week has made me feel like I lost her. I know she was not mine, but what I mean is I feel like I was given a taste of the kind of intensity, excitement, and passion with a ridiculously sexy woman that I'm missing in my life, and the thought of it just being a nice memory isn't very appealing to me. I need more of this (and yes, I recall the responses about relationships being more than that).

I will take as many positives from this as I can, which are almost certainly more numerous than the negatives. The timing of this is another positive - it's good that this happened in December so I can allow the burn to hopefully pass and then I can enter the new year with a fresh outlook and perhaps once again excited about the experience I've just been through. The biggest negative is that I don't get to continue seeing her, and jealousy at the idea of another guy getting her... but I'll just have to try and let go.

I don't mean to sound like a drama queen, but I'm pretty sure I'll have to cry this all out at some point. This girl has really made an immense impact; and no, it's not all bad, it's mostly good. I think the bottom line to all this is that I'm just sad about her presence in my life being so fleeting 🥲

Think of it this way. You were given that taste once. Just once. It would not have lasted. Nobody is a perfect, gorgeous sex machine 24/7. She will get older and she won't be as "hot" as you say you want your women to be. And way, way before that...the "amazing sex" and the perfection you're imagining would fade probably fairly soon. You don't want to see your women as real people, and, well, she's a real person. EVERYBODY is great on a first or second date. And then, well...reality happens.

She performed so she could get that self-esteem boost, or perhaps just because she wanted sex and you were there (again), but you've only lost what anyone loses even if a relationship lasts. Unfortunately, you do not seem to want something more real (sorry to put it that way) so you WOULD have been massively disappointed either way. There was no way, given what you require, that even she would have been good enough after maybe the first few months.

I will say this much: your primary requirements of a woman are shallow (even though you say you "also" want a woman you can talk to), and hers were too, so she's not the devil, unless you are too. It just didn't work out. You're almost 40 and you need to learn to accept that it happens. Sorry for the tough love but this SHOULD be a lesson in ways you're not considering.

Edited December 14, 2023 by CaliforniaGirl

[CaliforniaGirl]

5 hours ago, FredEire said:

Right, I feel we have a certain amount in common as I can relate to a lot of this with my own recent experience.

The thing I've had to realise though, and I reckon you may as well, is that the pain you're feeling is real but it hasn't got much to do with her.

A one night stand fizzling out does not merit pain the same level as a breakup would bring. The fact that it has means something in your emotional system isn't working right and it's triggering a reaction, possibly to something in your past. I think that's what you have to figure out going forward. Don't give this particular experience importance it doesn't deserve.

 

This! Seany, listen to this. You're no kid. You should know all this.

[seany25]

1 hour ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Think of it this way. You were given that taste once. Just once. It would not have lasted. Nobody is a perfect, gorgeous sex machine 24/7. She will get older and she won't be as "hot" as you say you want your women to be. And way, way before that...the "amazing sex" and the perfection you're imagining would fade probably fairly soon. You don't want to see your women as real people, and, well, she's a real person. EVERYBODY is great on a first or second date. And then, well...reality happens.

She performed so she could get that self-esteem boost, or perhaps just because she wanted sex and you were there (again), but you've only lost what anyone loses even if a relationship lasts. Unfortunately, you do not seem to want something more real (sorry to put it that way) so you WOULD have been massively disappointed either way. There was no way, given what you require, that even she would have been good enough after maybe the first few months.

I will say this much: your primary requirements of a woman are shallow (even though you say you "also" want a woman you can talk to), and hers were too, so she's not the devil, unless you are too. It just didn't work out. You're almost 40 and you need to learn to accept that it happens. Sorry for the tough love but this SHOULD be a lesson in ways you're not considering.

I'm sure I'm not the first guy she's done this to. It looks like this is what she does; jumps from one guy to the next as soon as she gets fed up, and undoubtedly many of them are left trailing in her wake wanting more but she is just like "NOPE, BYE". She definitely gets a kick out of her power. There are so many red flags with her. But even at that, I was still lucky to get her at all! It's just the coldness afterwards takes away some of the high.

The woman in question rocked my world but only in a passing moment of bliss. Having this experience with her made me think unrealistically about what I could have or might have had with her long-term. I want the spontaneous excitement I had with her, but with an exclusive loving connection. I only got part of that with her, and only for one day.

I am appreciative of her letting me have sex with her and giving me a great afternoon and memory, but it's just been slightly tainted by her dropping the "you're done... I'm moving on to the next guy" on me. She could have just said no, we can't meet again. I'm quite sure she does and says the things she does to be purposely hurtful. Luckily for her, it works.

I am not sure I mean to come across the way I do but I'll confirm you are indeed half right. I hold some superficial expectations of relationships based on experiences like I had last week in the back of her jeep. I know deep down that even if I were to get serious with this one, whether exclusively or casually, it would result in even greater pain.

I envision (fantasise) about a future where I either end up in an exclusive relationship that may even lead to marriage with one woman who rocks my world (like I briefly believed this one might have), or I date several young ladies at any one time. I'm not suggesting they would be in it for the money and status I will have (hopefully) earned, but many young ladies are attracted to status and older men and that sounds like a fun existence. There are men who do this now, so why not me?

I'm equally open to the exclusive thing when I have more status too, but I do like the serial-dating backup plan.

Sounds superficial I know, but who cares as long as anyone involved is a consenting adult?

Whether any of that happens or not, I'm going to work towards my goals regardless, and perhaps I should just enjoy whatever my love life naturally brings along the way.

Edited December 14, 2023 by seany25

[seany25]

1 hour ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

This! Seany, listen to this. You're no kid. You should know all this.

Yeah I know, but I feel that way currently. I'll get over it eventually  even if I do suspect this will leave a scar in me.

Seany is my middle name btw 🤭 I'm Dan (sorry everyone!)

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, seany25 said:

I've gone from from the most extreme high to an extreme low inside a fortnight. I had freaking butterflies last week and now I'm withdrawn, dazed, I can't concentrate, I have no appetite, 

It's interesting that you describe this the same way you described being high on drugs then crashing.  Unfortunately you seem at odds with yourself. You want stability but also extreme adrenaline rushes from gambles, risks and long shots. 

[FredEire]

15 minutes ago, seany25 said:

I'm sure I'm not the first guy she's done this to. It looks like this is what she does; jumps from one guy to the next as soon as she gets fed up, and undoubtedly many of them are left trailing in her wake wanting more but she is just like "NOPE, BYE". She definitely gets a kick out of her power. There are so many red flags with her. But even at that, I was still lucky to get her at all! It's just the coldness afterwards takes away some of the high.

The woman in question rocked my world but only in a passing moment of bliss. Having this experience with her made me think unrealistically about what I could have or might have had with her long-term. I want the spontaneous excitement I had with her, but with an exclusive loving connection. I only got part of that with her, and only for one day.

I am appreciative of her letting me have sex with her and giving me a great afternoon and memory, but it's just been slightly tainted by her dropping the "you're done... I'm moving on to the next guy" on me. She could have just said no, we can't meet again. I'm quite sure she does and says the things she does to be purposely hurtful. Luckily for her, it works.

I am not sure I mean to come across the way I do but I'll confirm you are indeed half right. I hold some superficial expectations of relationships based on experiences like I had last week in the back of her jeep. I know deep down that even if I were to get serious with this one, whether exclusively or casually, it would result in even greater pain.

I envision (fantasise) about a future where I either end up in an exclusive relationship that may even lead to marriage with one woman who rocks my world (like I briefly believed this one might have), or I date several young ladies at any one time. I'm not suggesting they would be in it for the money and status I will have (hopefully) earned, but many young ladies are attracted to status and older men and that sounds like a fun existence. There are men who do this now, so why not me?

I'm equally open to the exclusive thing when I have more status too, but I do like the serial-dating backup plan.

Sounds superficial I know, but who cares as long as anyone involved is a consenting adult?

Whether any of that happens or not, I'm going to work towards my goals regardless, and perhaps I should just enjoy whatever my love life naturally brings along the way.

So if what you're saying about her is true she's not a particularly nice person. Which means you need more criteria for a serious relationship than just someone who "rocks your world" i.e. being physically/sexually attractive.

There's so many more other things to look for in a good partner. Communication, empathy, understanding, support, similar goals, interests etc etc. Anything "more serious" as you referred to in the OP built off raw sexual attraction is built on a really crap foundation. It's important yes but it's toward the bottom of the list behind all the above stuff in my opinion.

Edited December 14, 2023 by FredEire

[CaliforniaGirl]

42 minutes ago, seany25 said:

I'm sure I'm not the first guy she's done this to. It looks like this is what she does; jumps from one guy to the next as soon as she gets fed up, and undoubtedly many of them are left trailing in her wake wanting more but she is just like "NOPE, BYE". She definitely gets a kick out of her power. There are so many red flags with her. But even at that, I was still lucky to get her at all! It's just the coldness afterwards takes away some of the high.

The woman in question rocked my world but only in a passing moment of bliss. Having this experience with her made me think unrealistically about what I could have or might have had with her long-term. I want the spontaneous excitement I had with her, but with an exclusive loving connection. I only got part of that with her, and only for one day.

I am appreciative of her letting me have sex with her and giving me a great afternoon and memory, but it's just been slightly tainted by her dropping the "you're done... I'm moving on to the next guy" on me. She could have just said no, we can't meet again. I'm quite sure she does and says the things she does to be purposely hurtful. Luckily for her, it works.

 

 

She had to be harsh because as soon as you started showing your overeagerness again, she realized she'd made a big mistake sleeping with you. She may be afraid of you stalking her. I am NOT trying to be cruel, I promise you. Stay away from this woman. She said what she had to say to make sure you were both done. That's a warning for you. Don't contact her again. Plain and simple.

[seany25]

21 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's interesting that you describe this the same way you described being high on drugs then crashing.  Unfortunately you seem at odds with yourself. You want stability but also extreme adrenaline rushes from gambles, risks and long shots. 

Interesting indeed 🤔 ... I will not lie, a part of my gets a perverse enjoyment out of chasing unpredictable unsuitable-for-me girls like this one. I think.

18 minutes ago, FredEire said:

So if what you're saying about her is true she's not a particularly nice person. Which means you need more criteria for a serious relationship than just someone who "rocks your world" i.e. being physically/sexually attractive.

There's so many more other things to look for in a good partner. Communication, empathy, understanding, support, similar goals, interests etc etc. Anything "more serious" as you referred to in the OP built off raw sexual attraction is built on a really crap foundation. It's important yes but it's toward the bottom of the list behind all the above stuff in my opinion.

Oh yeah there are many red flags with this one. Even from that first ghosting wayyy back in 2015; that was a red flag. But lust and desire enables us to overlook red flags or even ignore them altogether. With reference to what wiseman and others have suggested, I've essentially been chasing a high (getting her) for 8 years.

Hold on, now that I got that "first hit" (her), what do I want? Moreeeee! 🤔 Interesting... maybe I do still have addictive traits and it comes through in other ways. I did feel addicted to her immediately after I had her. I even thought to myself, "damn, she's addictive"

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 minute ago, seany25 said:

 

Hold on, now that I got that "first hit" (her), what do I want? Moreeeee! 🤔 Interesting... maybe I do still have addictive traits and it comes through in other ways. I did feel addicted to her immediately after I had her. I even thought to myself, "damn, she's addictive"

 

She's scared of this. There's no way you're hiding it. She had to be firm and cruel because you make her nervous. That's my take. You complain she's superficial but you admit you too are superficial. Then you say things like the above, and it is highly  probable you come across this way as well and she is healthy enough to realize she'd better cut ties...quick, and permanently.

You really could benefit from some sort of counseling because you think your reactions are normal and fine and they're not. I'm no professional but I'm sure you know that yourself. If you don't, so much more the reason to seek counseling. Not "tapping," a real counselor. This could wind up dangerous with the next woman because you just keep convincing yourself that it's all cute and fun, then alternately raging that the woman is thinking intricate, nefarious thoughts in order to harm you.

You are way too involved in going down your own rabbit hole and you have convinced yourself that to be this entitled to a woman's reactions (deciding she's some sort of demon or something and imagining intricate thoughts you're so sure she's having). This is not healthy...please just speak to someone. What could it hurt?

[CaliforniaGirl]

45 minutes ago, seany25 said:

Yeah I know, but I feel that way currently. I'll get over it eventually  even if I do suspect this will leave a scar in me.

Seany is my middle name btw 🤭 I'm Dan (sorry everyone!)

 

But will you? It's been eight years and you haven't.

And, nice to meet you, Dan. I truly hope you end up happy.

[ShyViolet]

3 hours ago, seany25 said:

Perhaps this seems a little extreme since I did actually get what I wanted, ultimately, but the rejection and has knocked me out of sync. I think this experience has been so profound it's going to leave a lasting mark on me. I've gone from from the most extreme high to an extreme low inside a fortnight. I had freaking butterflies last week and now I'm withdrawn, dazed, I can't concentrate, I have no appetite, I'm emotional, I have no interest in doing anything, and tears have even started.

I hope you have plans to pursue professional help in the near future, because your reaction to what was essentially a one-night-stand that didn't work out is just not normal.  You are being really overdramatic and overly intense about this.  You've had a really unhealthy obsession with this woman for quite some time now.

[NuevoYorko]

3 hours ago, seany25 said:

Interesting indeed 🤔 ... I will not lie, a part of my gets a perverse enjoyment out of chasing unpredictable unsuitable-for-me girls like this one. I think.

Do you even view her as an actual real human being?  It sounds like she's just a very superficial product of a fantasy.  Like out of an adult comic.   And your reactions to the whole thing fit into that mode as well.   

Have you ever had a relationship?

[ShyViolet]

5 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

Have you ever had a relationship?

He said earlier in this saga of a thread that he's never had a long term relationship.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, seany25 said:

I will not lie, a part of my gets a perverse enjoyment out of chasing unpredictable .i do still have addictive traits and it comes through in other ways.

This seems to have nothing to do with her. But rather what you recognized as sex addiction.  You could replace your adrenaline needs with more exciting less self defeating activities such as sports or hobbies. Hopefully you realize that getting lucky on a one night stand really is a short lived thrill. 

[basil67]

7 hours ago, seany25 said:

I'm sure I'm not the first guy she's done this to. It looks like this is what she does; jumps from one guy to the next as soon as she gets fed up, and undoubtedly many of them are left trailing in her wake wanting more but she is just like "NOPE, BYE". She definitely gets a kick out of her power.

Oh for heaven's sake...it was just a one night stand and you're creating a soap opera out of it.  

[ExpatInItaly]

7 hours ago, seany25 said:

'm sure I'm not the first guy she's done this to. It looks like this is what she does; jumps from one guy to the next as soon as she gets fed up, and undoubtedly many of them are left trailing in her wake wanting more but she is just like "NOPE, BYE".

You have no clue if this is even remotely accurate. 

It's time to stop spinning stories in your head about her. You hardly know her.