Author seany25 Posted January 21 Author Share Posted January 21 I had a date last night. The lady in question was my type (short, blonde), and it was a damn good time. She came to my place, and we got on great, having a glass of wine together, and watching the UFC. She was the exact opposite of the woman I have been upset about over the last month. This woman is very lively, talked non stop about her ex and asked me about mine. She even wanted to know in detail, the fantasies I shared with the recent girl. Anyway, at some point she told me to kiss her to relax (I was nervous) and eventually one thing led to another, and we had sex. But it was more than that. It was very sensual, where she guided me and would tell me to "slow down" and "do this" etc. I enjoyed this guidance. Anyway, it was an amazing evening. I know many have told me to get therapy, and I will, but I really needed this too. Sex is better than therapy. Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted January 21 Share Posted January 21 5 minutes ago, seany25 said: I had a date last night. The lady in question was my type (short, blonde), and it was a damn good time. She came to my place, and we got on great, having a glass of wine together, and watching the UFC. She was the exact opposite of the woman I have been upset about over the last month. This woman is very lively, talked non stop about her ex and asked me about mine. She even wanted to know in detail, the fantasies I shared with the recent girl. Anyway, at some point she told me to kiss her to relax (I was nervous) and eventually one thing led to another, and we had sex. But it was more than that. It was very sensual, where she guided me and would tell me to "slow down" and "do this" etc. I enjoyed this guidance. Anyway, it was an amazing evening. I know many have told me to get therapy, and I will, but I really needed this too. Sex is better than therapy. With all due respect, you're way off here. Sex is a comfort for you, it releases all sorts of happy chemicals. But the pain and anguish you feel is still buried within. Without therapy you're not going to have a healthy relationship with sex and all the same issues will come back to the surface. Unfortunately society doesn't think of sex as a drug but it very much is. Insert heroine into the place of sex and it starts to make sense. You shot up, got an amazing high, crashed down and felt like you couldn't cope. Then you found another way to get your fix and felt amazing again. It's the same mechanism. It wouldn't surprise me if you keep seeing this girl that something will come up to give you the same feelings of torment and anguish. The issue is it's coming from YOU, and there's no quick fix for it, finding another woman to make you feel temporary pleasure isn't it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author seany25 Posted January 21 Author Share Posted January 21 (edited) 49 minutes ago, FredEire said: With all due respect, you're way off here. Sex is a comfort for you, it releases all sorts of happy chemicals. But the pain and anguish you feel is still buried within. Without therapy you're not going to have a healthy relationship with sex and all the same issues will come back to the surface. Unfortunately society doesn't think of sex as a drug but it very much is. Insert heroine into the place of sex and it starts to make sense. You shot up, got an amazing high, crashed down and felt like you couldn't cope. Then you found another way to get your fix and felt amazing again. It's the same mechanism. It wouldn't surprise me if you keep seeing this girl that something will come up to give you the same feelings of torment and anguish. The issue is it's coming from YOU, and there's no quick fix for it, finding another woman to make you feel temporary pleasure isn't it. I appreciate what you say. Whilst this was hot, and she's coming around again tonight, I'm not sure I feel the intensity that I did with the other girl. That's probably party because I'm still processing that experience and this is "rebound" territory. As I said, this new girl is very open, and knows she's the "rebound" and is totally okay with it. I'm potentially just a fling to her, too, and we're happy to just see what happens. I know I have deeper addictive issues that I need to explore, but I'm not going to avoid sex. Why would anyone do that. Edited January 21 by seany25 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted January 21 Share Posted January 21 9 minutes ago, seany25 said: I know I have deeper addictive issues that I need to explore, but I'm not going to avoid sex. Why would anyone do that. When people are addicts, avoiding the things they’re addicted to is usually key to their recovery. Which is why addicts avoid therapy. They don’t want to give those things up. Because they’re addicts. As far as sex, the addiction stems not only from the “feel good hormones” but also, and more importantly, the feeling of being wanted by an attractive woman. So the more attractive the woman, the more you feel you’re valued and “worthy”. Which is why you’re obsessed about it. And this is why you need therapy. Because at the core of it is you don’t feel very good about yourself so you search for external things to try to feel good, and as long as that’s your pattern, you’ll always struggle. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted January 21 Share Posted January 21 3 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said: When people are addicts, avoiding the things they’re addicted to is usually key to their recovery. Which is why addicts avoid therapy. They don’t want to give those things up. Because they’re addicts. As far as sex, the addiction stems not only from the “feel good hormones” but also, and more importantly, the feeling of being wanted by an attractive woman. So the more attractive the woman, the more you feel you’re valued and “worthy”. Which is why you’re obsessed about it. And this is why you need therapy. Because at the core of it is you don’t feel very good about yourself so you search for external things to try to feel good, and as long as that’s your pattern, you’ll always struggle. Exactly. "Why would anyone do that?" Because it's a coping mechanism for you and allows you to ignore the deeper issues. Unfortunately if someone was a crack addict for example it would be very clear why he should stay far away from crack. But if his addiction is sex he's just a red-blooded guy out there having fun and getting laid. Sex is maybe the most powerful drug of all, it's an amazing bonding tool but it also has the power to destroy the ability to connect with yourself and others when used purely to feel better about your mental issues or low self-esteem. Exploring your personal issues and trauma will bring permanent healing, always needing your next hot fling with some woman is going to make you a slave to addiction and bring you to some very low places. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 21 Share Posted January 21 1 hour ago, seany25 said: , it was an amazing evening. I know many have told me to get therapy, It's clear you're more interested in journaling your conquests and exploits more like a penthouse forum replete with the locker room details to just keep reliving it. You don't seem interested in changing or therapy or help or sobriety whatsoever. That's fine. You seem to enjoy this rollercoaster except when the ride ends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lisa Posted January 21 Senior Moderators Share Posted January 21 Anyway, it was an amazing evening. I know many have told me to get therapy, and I will, but I really needed this too. Sex is better than therapy. With this comment, we now consider the topic to be closed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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