Pain, finality, and closure on my recent whirlwind fling

[FredEire]

9 minutes ago, seany25 said:

Yeah it was more than just sex for me, it's a story. I'm not saying it was love, either. But surely it's understandable that a dudes mind might harmlessly keep the fantasy alive after having it fulfilled after all those years. Yeah I know I'm a bit of a fantasist but again, what's the harm.

If our paths cross at some point and we get to do more of the same, it'll be a continuation of the fantasy.

That might sound weird to some, but I like the idea. It's exciting.

The harm is it keeps you from living in reality, where you might be more likely to connect with people and things that have solid meaning.

[seany25]

1 hour ago, FredEire said:

The harm is it keeps you from living in reality, where you might be more likely to connect with people and things that have solid meaning.

I understand. However, it's not something I'll live solely in hope of, or that my life will revolve around it.

I will continue about my day and keep working on my goals and pursue more women. If we meet again and I'm available, great, but in the meantime I'm always open to meeting someone new who blows my mind. In this case, I got my mind blown but it looks like I might not get more than the fabulous memory; at least for now.

So I will have to find the girl that does both.

[FredEire]

8 minutes ago, seany25 said:

I understand. However, it's not something I'll live solely in hope of, or that my life will revolve around it.

I will continue about my day and keep working on my goals and pursue more women. If we meet again and I'm available, great, but in the meantime I'm always open to meeting someone new who blows my mind. In this case, I got my mind blown but it looks like I might not get more than the fabulous memory; at least for now.

So I will have to find the girl that does both.

No, I don't mean that.

I mean that as long as you think more of women as sex fantasy princesses rather than imperfect human beings like the rest of us you'll always end up disappointed one way or another.

[CaliforniaGirl]

5 hours ago, basil67 said:

You asked if women’s desire for men increases after great sex.  I’m female and I’ve never found it to be true.  For my desire to increase, I need not only good sexual connection but good personal connection.  I need to end the meet thinking about how good our conversation was.  
 

Also, I’ve had what turned out to be average sex, but the guy thought it was super hot.  (Not that I’d ever have told him how I felt) so one person’s amazing sex can be another person’s average.  
 

Meanwhile, you seem to be reading a lot about attracting/repelling women.  You do know that we’re all different and like different things right?  Have you ever had a solid relationship?  

 

 

 

Same. The desire was already there or I wouldn't have had sex. Likewise, when, for example, I knew I wanted to break up or was cooling off in general, great sex definitely didn't increase my desire at all. A lot of this reads like "red pill" stuff where there are certain beliefs about women, women are objects, getting a "10" or whatever is the goal, keeping score of the "body count," women consistently "are" or "do" certain things...etc. 

No, sleeping with a woman won't make her want you more. If the sex was great it might make her want the sex more, so she can have it again. But even that isn't happening with this woman. 

 

Edited December 11, 2023 by CaliforniaGirl

[CaliforniaGirl]

4 hours ago, seany25 said:

After the sex she was excitedly talking about meeting again, not so much now. I guess she was still experiencing the post-coitus afterglow. The texting was just checking in with each other and seeing what we were up to, etc.

It does feel like it's gone cold, although she does have a busy life. But there's no point in me trying to grasp at excuses.

 

I'm really sorry.

[basil67]

8 hours ago, seany25 said:

We had great sex and great conversation. She even said over dinner she enjoyed our interactions and discussions

In this case she "enjoyed" the interactions and discussions.  This doesn't mean that she loved it or that there was a great connection.   While you may have felt the connection was a 10, she may have felt it was a 7.  

Further, the type of sex you had with her would be what she does all the time.  Yes, I know that's why you're keen for more, but to her, this would have been her normal.  Probably nothing to write a to a message board about.   Again, your 10 could easily be her 7

You've been putting far too much energy into believing that this whole thing was mutually mind blowing.   But the fact she's gone dark gives you a message which you would be wise to listen to

[ShyViolet]

8 hours ago, seany25 said:

Yeah, cancelled. I already knew she might not be available tho. It wasn't set in stone.

This thing is dead in the water at this point.  All the double-texting in the world isn't going to make her interested in you when she just clearly isn't..  

12 hours ago, seany25 said:

I know the intentions are well-meaning, but we're all going to die some day, who cares if you double text?

You should care.  Why would you want to come off as clingy and desperate?  If someone isn't showing the same level of effort and interest as you are, why would you think chasing after them like a puppy dog is going to make them more interested?  Texting someone repeatedly when they can't be bothered to answer you is essentially that.. putting yourself in a position of desperation and giving away your power.  Why wouldn't you save the effort for someone who shows you that they are just excited about you as you are about them, and not settle for any less?

12 hours ago, seany25 said:

Something puzzling though is that I would have imagined a girl's desire for a guy increases after having sex with them, especially when it was absolute fireworks. On the other hand, I'm sure the opposite can also be true, regardless of how good it was. I'm not expecting her to be besotted with me, but we share literal sexual chemistry on some level now; doesn't having sex with a man make a woman feel more connected to him?

Can you consider that maybe she isn't as shallow of a person as you think she is?  Just because a woman has sex with a man and it was technically good, that doesn't automatically mean the woman will want to date him.  There are a myriad of other things that a woman looks for in a man.  Maybe she is looking for someone with more depth of personality.  You have a very shallow, one-dimensional view of dating and coupling but it isn't the way most women think.

[seany25]

8 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I'm really sorry.

It's okay. I mean, as much as I'd like to have more time with her, I'm still much better off, because I had my desire fulfilled!

Thanks anyway tho 💖

[seany25]

4 hours ago, basil67 said:

In this case she "enjoyed" the interactions and discussions.  This doesn't mean that she loved it or that there was a great connection.   While you may have felt the connection was a 10, she may have felt it was a 7.  

Further, the type of sex you had with her would be what she does all the time.  Yes, I know that's why you're keen for more, but to her, this would have been her normal.  Probably nothing to write a to a message board about.   Again, your 10 could easily be her 7

You've been putting far too much energy into believing that this whole thing was mutually mind blowing.   But the fact she's gone dark gives you a message which you would be wise to listen to

 

1 hour ago, ShyViolet said:

This thing is dead in the water at this point.  All the double-texting in the world isn't going to make her interested in you when she just clearly isn't..  

You should care.  Why would you want to come off as clingy and desperate?  If someone isn't showing the same level of effort and interest as you are, why would you think chasing after them like a puppy dog is going to make them more interested?  Texting someone repeatedly when they can't be bothered to answer you is essentially that.. putting yourself in a position of desperation and giving away your power.  Why wouldn't you save the effort for someone who shows you that they are just excited about you as you are about them, and not settle for any less?

Can you consider that maybe she isn't as shallow of a person as you think she is?  Just because a woman has sex with a man and it was technically good, that doesn't automatically mean the woman will want to date him.  There are a myriad of other things that a woman looks for in a man.  Maybe she is looking for someone with more depth of personality.  You have a very shallow, one-dimensional view of dating and coupling but it isn't the way most women think.

This communication-followed-by-radio-silence thing is something that has happened numerous times over those 7/8 years. I would say probably 5 times. The first time was in 2015, which fizzled out without a meeting ("it all started with a Facebook friend request" 🤭). Then a year later she popped into my head one morning after a one-night stand (the one-night stand had made me think of her because it wasn't as fulfilling as I believed it would have been with her) and I texted her, she was happy to hear from me, and shortly after that was when we met for the first time. Then it fizzled out and again, another year later in 2017 we got talking (probably with me initiating it, of course), and then it again fizzled out. Then it wasn't until 3 years later we matched on Tinder during the initial pandemic year, talked for a week, talked about meeting up, then she went quiet once again. Then, as we know, another couple of years passed and we matched again, and finally, we met and had the sex we had talked about so many times 🔥

When we matched a couple of weeks ago, I initiated the chat and let it flow just like the other times; catching up with each other, etc. In the back of my mind, based on previous experience, I was 90% sure nothing would materialise, just like all the other times, and therefore didn't place too much expectation on anything different happening this time, but I was still willing to try, and as we know, we finally got together. So perhaps the background to all this might explain why I've been so emotionally caught up in the "story" of it all. It wasn't just one date 7 years ago.

So yeah, it's been a real "carrot on a string" journey, and yes, I accept I played my part by continually opening myself up to it over and over and pouring fuel onto the fire allowing the desire for her to continue growing. However, the latest twist to the tale is that we have actually had sex after all, and now it seems that the exact same sudden-silence is happening again even after having been intimate. The beautiful little madam in question has a habit of doing this 👻

I'm not entirely displeased, because I received something amazing I that wanted for a long time, and I'm better off than I was all the other times where I was left empty-handed, but I am also slightly confused. Is this going to be like, "here we go again" where she eventually deletes me and we match again in a couple of years? 🤷😄

Probably. I mean, that's been how the story has gone so far 🫠

[CaliforniaGirl]

4 minutes ago, seany25 said:

 

This communication-followed-by-radio-silence thing is something that has happened numerous times over those 7/8 years. I would say probably 5 times. The first time was in 2015, which fizzled out without a meeting ("it all started with a Facebook friend request" 🤭). Then a year later she popped into my head one morning after a one-night stand (the one-night stand had made me think of her because it wasn't as fulfilling as I believed it would have been with her) and I texted her, she was happy to hear from me, and shortly after that was when we met for the first time. Then it fizzled out and again, another year later in 2017 we got talking (probably with me initiating it, of course), and then it again fizzled out. Then it wasn't until 3 years later we matched on Tinder during the initial pandemic year, talked for a week, talked about meeting up, then she went quiet once again. Then, as we know, another couple of years passed and we matched again, and finally, we met and had the sex we had talked about so many times 🔥

When we matched a couple of weeks ago, I initiated the chat and let it flow just like the other times; catching up with each other, etc. In the back of my mind, based on previous experience, I was 90% sure nothing would materialise, just like all the other times, and therefore didn't place too much expectation on anything different happening this time, but I was still willing to try, and as we know, we finally got together. So perhaps the background to all this might explain why I've been so emotionally caught up in the "story" of it all. It wasn't just one date 7 years ago.

So yeah, it's been a real "carrot on a string" journey, and yes, I accept I played my part by continually opening myself up to it over and over and pouring fuel onto the fire allowing the desire for her to continue growing. However, the latest twist to the tale is that we have actually had sex after all, and now it seems that the exact same sudden-silence is happening again even after having been intimate. The beautiful little madam in question has a habit of doing this 👻

I'm not entirely displeased, because I received something amazing I that wanted for a long time, and I'm better off than I was all the other times where I was left empty-handed, but I am also slightly confused. Is this going to be like, "here we go again" where she eventually deletes me and we match again in a couple of years? 🤷😄

Probably. I mean, that's been how the story has gone so far 🫠

But she's not dangling a carrot. It's always you contacting her. If you didn't go after her she would never bother. Why are you confused? And who CARES if you match in a few years? Nothing will come of it. And now that the sex isn't a mystery, if it ever was, you won't even have that.

What's the problem...where is the confusion....she doesn't think about you for years at a time and only then, because you go after her again.

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, seany25 said:

 where she eventually deletes me and we match again in a couple of years

Maybe your 7 year itches are in sync? 

[seany25]

1 hour ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

But she's not dangling a carrot. It's always you contacting her. If you didn't go after her she would never bother. Why are you confused? And who CARES if you match in a few years? Nothing will come of it. And now that the sex isn't a mystery, if it ever was, you won't even have that.

What's the problem...where is the confusion....she doesn't think about you for years at a time and only then, because you go after her again.

The dangling a carrot thing was in reference to us "almost meeting" all those times and then not meeting. But like you've highlighted, it was always me initiating it.

If we match in a few years, I'll care. I'll find it fun and exciting and more of the same might come from it. If I'm doing nothing else or no one else then I'll take it.

Maybe I need to reassess tho. She does let me know she likes me and enjoys my company and how we communicate, but blows completely hot and cold (or rather, hot, then cold, then nothing). It's the same pattern each time. She seems to be happy to entertain for a while and then get bored after a number of weeks. Or else she actively enjoys getting a guy excited then dropping him. It's difficult to be sure when she never actually clarifies. She just drops.

Edited December 12, 2023 by seany25

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 hour ago, seany25 said:

The dangling a carrot thing was in reference to us "almost meeting" all those times and then not meeting. But like you've highlighted, it was always me initiating it.

If we match in a few years, I'll care. I'll find it fun and exciting and more of the same might come from it. If I'm doing nothing else or no one else then I'll take it.

Maybe I need to reassess tho. She does let me know she likes me and enjoys my company and how we communicate, but blows completely hot and cold (or rather, hot, then cold, then nothing). It's the same pattern each time. She seems to be happy to entertain for a while and then get bored after a number of weeks. Or else she actively enjoys getting a guy excited then dropping him. It's difficult to be sure when she never actually clarifies. She just drops.

Who cares what her reasons are? She pulls back the whole time. She tells you what you want to hear for a minute, then starts the fade.

[ExpatInItaly]

Reading your above post, some real talk here: 

OP, you're the guy she chats to (or hooks up with) when she is bored or has noboby giving her attention in that moment. You're not someone she is actually into in any meaningful way. 

I don't mean to be harsh but you need a wake-up call. 

[seany25]

7 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Who cares what her reasons are? She pulls back the whole time. She tells you what you want to hear for a minute, then starts the fade.

 

6 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Reading your above post, some real talk here: 

OP, you're the guy she chats to (or hooks up with) when she is bored or has nobody giving her attention in that moment. You're not someone she is actually into in any meaningful way. 

I don't mean to be harsh but you need a wake-up call. 

Being on the receiving end, I know this is true. She is strong and independent and busy and all that, but there's no point in me making excuses for her. This is history repeating itself. It's what she does. And you know what? That's fine, she is who she is .The unpredictability is one of the reasons she's attractive to me (even though the going silent is now predictable).

I would love it if we even had something casual where we see each other every now and then. I'd be happy and excited by that.

In the meantime, I'm just gunna go about my day and continue trying to become the most desirable man I can, and this experience has solidified that journey even more.

So I very much appreciate her for the fire she has ignited in me 💖

Edited December 12, 2023 by seany25

[NuevoYorko]

You really seem trapped in some kind of fantasy land.  

[seany25]

2 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

You really seem trapped in some kind of fantasy land.  

I think you're right, and a weird way, I like it 🫠

However, I think that maybe if I can repeat a similar scenario in the back of a vehicle with another equally hot woman, it might help to take away some of the power that my affection for this particular girl has over me.

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 hour ago, seany25 said:

I think you're right, and a weird way, I like it 🫠

However, I think that maybe if I can repeat a similar scenario in the back of a vehicle with another equally hot woman, it might help to take away some of the power that my affection for this particular girl has over me.

Probably not. It is very likely you will simply attach your limerance to that new woman instead. 

[FredEire]

2 hours ago, seany25 said:

I think you're right, and a weird way, I like it 🫠

However, I think that maybe if I can repeat a similar scenario in the back of a vehicle with another equally hot woman, it might help to take away some of the power that my affection for this particular girl has over me.

Nah, madness is repeating the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

[seany25]

I am back with an update on my situation. Some of you might feel inclined to give me a hard time, but trust me, I'm already having a hard time. This is just to let you all know where things are now. This was my thread about a girl I was recently intimate with. Thank you to everyone who replied. There's been an additional development I'd like to share.

I texted her today, mid-week, after not hearing anything for about 3 days. I told her I'd like to meet her again and asked if we could make plans. She soon wrote back:

"Really? I thought you had become disinterested so I just thought... thank you, next"

Yes, she was literally that ruthless in her response.

Yes, I went against the advice not to text but I'm glad I did because at least now I know where I stand instead of being left hanging without an answer like all the other times she ghosted me over the years.

I have officially been gaslighted here. She has put the breakdown of communication on me. She's firmly saying that it's my fault - even though it's not; she is the one who slowed down and eventually stopped replying to me. She is the one who has always ghosted me over the years in this same way. It's never been me, always her. Disinterested? Hardly true when I've desired and chased her for 8 years. Even the way she said "..so I was like, thank you, next" implying that she was done with me and she could move on to someone else. This was really hurtful to hear, and it's obvious she said it purely just to inflict an emotional wound on me, whether she had someone else or not.

I have to say, whilst I am hurt, I am intrigued. What exactly is her reason for doing all this?

She's a game player, that's why. I truly believe this woman gets a kick out of the power she has over men in her ability to inflict emotional trauma without any apparent reason for doing so. She actively takes the time to reel someone in, get them invested in her, and then drops them like a hot potato. Yes, you can have a go at me for always being the one to initiate it, and that's fine, but it doesn't take away from the fact that this is evidently what she does. It would be understandable if I'd done anything wrong, but I've only ever admired and desired her.

Again, it's interesting that this time she did go all the way and have sex with me, then dropped me, as was somewhat expected. The part where she blames me for the communication breakdown is a new addition to the game, though. She never did that before. Previously, she would just stop texting back and ignore me until I went away.

I'm still better off than I was because as we know, I had a fantasy fulfilled, but I am also comedically bewildered right now. My current feelings are a mixture of confusion, hurt, WTF, and dazed contemplation as to what the hell has just happened in the last 3 weeks. Such a rollercoaster of emotions. I've gone from the highest high, to, well, not exactly my lowest low, but certainly a strange, confused amazement. Like, this recent little episode in my life popped up out of nowhere, shook up my world from good to bad, and now I'm just sort of left sitting in the aftermath wondering WTF was that all about?

I might take some time to think about this episode. Some might say I should just forget it and move on, and I will do that, however, even if I decided to 'forget it' I couldn't possibly wipe it from my mind just like that, so it'll be contemplated on some level; perhaps for a long time. I imagine I'll also look back on it now and again and think WTF. I'm intrigued that she goes out of her way to do this kind of thing. In some ways, I should probably try to find gratitude that she will not be in my life. I think I've always known deep down that being partnered with this particular girl long-term would be emotionally draining. For one, she's so attractive that she is always going to be getting attention from all angles, and this would be problematic from a jealousy perspective. Then there's the fact she is a serial ghoster; I'd probably always worry that she would suddenly end the relationship at any time by just deleting my number and ignoring me.

That's the first time in 8 years she has ever come across with a nasty, spiteful response. It's definitely not something I would have expected just a week after we were sending cute flirty messages following the intimate afternoon we shared. I'm dazed right now and need to sleep this off.

I don't want the lust to turn to hate. Maybe hate would help me to get over her, but I know there are better ways to deal with things, at least in theory. I've struggled with forgiveness in the past, but I will try. Although the main thing I'm going to do to get over this is I'm going to meet more girls. There are still positives to be taken from this in that my standards have gone up. In fact, my standards are probably now even higher than yesterday, because getting a girl as hot as her is one thing, but getting a girl as hot as her who won't treat me like that will be even better.

Does anyone have any thoughts or insights about what has gone on here?

Any advice on shaking off this episode would greatly appreciated. Particularly spiritual kind of stuff. I'm going to start by stepping up my daily breathwork.

Edited December 14, 2023 by seany25

[CaliforniaGirl]

2 hours ago, seany25 said:

I am back with an update on my situation. Some of you might feel inclined to give me a hard time, but trust me, I'm already having a hard time. This is just to let you all know where things are now. This was my thread about a girl I was recently intimate with. Thank you to everyone who replied. There's been an additional development I'd like to share.

I texted her today, mid-week, after not hearing anything for about 3 days. I told her I'd like to meet her again and asked if we could make plans. She soon wrote back:

"Really? I thought you had become disinterested so I just thought... thank you, next"

Yes, she was literally that ruthless in her response.

Yes, I went against the advice not to text but I'm glad I did because at least now I know where I stand instead of being left hanging without an answer like all the other times she ghosted me over the years.

I have officially been gaslighted here. She has put the breakdown of communication on me. She's firmly saying that it's my fault - even though it's not; she is the one who slowed down and eventually stopped replying to me. She is the one who has always ghosted me over the years in this same way. It's never been me, always her. Disinterested? Hardly true when I've desired and chased her for 8 years. Even the way she said "..so I was like, thank you, next" implying that she was done with me and she could move on to someone else. This was really hurtful to hear, and it's obvious she said it purely just to inflict an emotional wound on me, whether she had someone else or not.

I have to say, whilst I am hurt, I am intrigued. What exactly is her reason for doing all this?

She's a game player, that's why. I truly believe this woman gets a kick out of the power she has over men in her ability to inflict emotional trauma without any apparent reason for doing so. She actively takes the time to reel someone in, get them invested in her, and then drops them like a hot potato. Yes, you can have a go at me for always being the one to initiate it, and that's fine, but it doesn't take away from the fact that this is evidently what she does. It would be understandable if I'd done anything wrong, but I've only ever admired and desired her.

Again, it's interesting that this time she did go all the way and have sex with me, then dropped me, as was somewhat expected. The part where she blames me for the communication breakdown is a new addition to the game, though. She never did that before. Previously, she would just stop texting back and ignore me until I went away.

I'm still better off than I was because as we know, I had a fantasy fulfilled, but I am also comedically bewildered right now. My current feelings are a mixture of confusion, hurt, WTF, and dazed contemplation as to what the hell has just happened in the last 3 weeks. Such a rollercoaster of emotions. I've gone from the highest high, to, well, not exactly my lowest low, but certainly a strange, confused amazement. Like, this recent little episode in my life popped up out of nowhere, shook up my world from good to bad, and now I'm just sort of left sitting in the aftermath wondering WTF was that all about?

I might take some time to think about this episode. Some might say I should just forget it and move on, and I will do that, however, even if I decided to 'forget it' I couldn't possibly wipe it from my mind just like that, so it'll be contemplated on some level; perhaps for a long time. I imagine I'll also look back on it now and again and think WTF. I'm intrigued that she goes out of her way to do this kind of thing. In some ways, I should probably try to find gratitude that she will not be in my life. I think I've always known deep down that being partnered with this particular girl long-term would be emotionally draining. For one, she's so attractive that she is always going to be getting attention from all angles, and this would be problematic from a jealousy perspective. Then there's the fact she is a serial ghoster; I'd probably always worry that she would suddenly end the relationship at any time by just deleting my number and ignoring me.

That's the first time in 8 years she has ever come across with a nasty, spiteful response. It's definitely not something I would have expected just a week after we were sending cute flirty messages following the intimate afternoon we shared. I'm dazed right now and need to sleep this off.

I don't want the lust to turn to hate. Maybe hate would help me to get over her, but I know there are better ways to deal with things, at least in theory. I've struggled with forgiveness in the past, but I will try. Although the main thing I'm going to do to get over this is I'm going to meet more girls. There are still positives to be taken from this in that my standards have gone up. In fact, my standards are probably now even higher than yesterday, because getting a girl as hot as her is one thing, but getting a girl as hot as her who won't treat me like that will be even better.

Does anyone have any thoughts or insights about what has gone on here?

Any advice on shaking off this episode would greatly appreciated. Particularly spiritual kind of stuff. I'm going to start by stepping up my daily breathwork.

Here's the reality: she didn't plan this. She didn't think about it anywhere near this deeply. She needed to get laid and you were there.

You're in the second stage of grief. That's healthy. Keep going.

[ExpatInItaly]

3 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

she didn't plan this. She didn't think about it anywhere near this deeply. She needed to get laid and you were there.

This. 

It wasn't some thought-out strategy on her part. You were convenient and now she's done, OP. I think she would be surprised to hear you describe this as emotional trauma, considering you two hardly know each other and it was a casual encounter. 

2 hours ago, seany25 said:

Does anyone have any thoughts or insights about what has gone on here?

You got completely overly-invested in the idea of this woman, and applied too much meaning to all of it. Her conduct might not have been great but it was hardly that terrible, either. I would take the focus off her and start figuring yourself out. This is all so much angst over a person who spent a few hours in your life, and that's where you need the most help. 

I would go further than breathwork, and think about professional counselling. It would be worth doing a deep-dive into your inner issues that contributed to all of this. 

[basil67]

She didn't play games and she didn't lure you in. She simply opened her leg and you dived in and created a whole lot of fantasy.  

I was in my teens when I learned that a sexual encounter didn't necessarily mean that the boy was interested in more.  Hurtful, but essential lesson to learn - don't get my hopes up!

Edited December 14, 2023 by basil67

[FredEire]

Hmm, it's funny this reminds me a lot of a thread I put up recently about getting too invested in a girl I went on one date with, going away for two months overly thinking about her and wanting to see her again, coming back and going on a terrible date where she was moody the whole night and then she said she was hurt because I hadn't been interested.

I think she probably is projecting her own disinterest onto you, which is a little childish but...

This girl's game is clearly meeting different guys and sleeping around when she feels like it so in that sense you won, rejoice! You're giving yourself an L here when there's absolutely no reason to. You had one night of fun with her and from what I can see that was the best possible outcome. Even if she'd rejected you on the date and gone home it wouldn't be worth getting distressed over but even less in your case.

The problem here is your insecure ego, projecting fantasies of attractive girls you meet falling madly in love with you, and this is all about proving to yourself you're good enough, when clearly deep down you don't believe you are, it's got nothing to do with her.

It might sound strange or unrealistic to you but even if she had done that I don't think you'd have wanted it or found some way to write her off as a partner, the reason being that for whatever reason the quality of being just out of reach or unavailable is what you gravitate towards, as it fulfils some need of the hurt within you.

Anyway I agree with others in the thread. I think therapy would be a good option in order to have healthier relationships with women and yourself in the future. It may be worth exploring what your relationship dynamics actually are as it seems more based on compensating for trauma than any kind of real healthy pattern.

 

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, seany25 said:

. I truly believe this woman gets a kick out of the power she has over men in her ability to inflict emotional trauma without any apparent reason for doing so. 

Unfortunately one night stands often fizzle out. Maybe out of embarrassment maybe just no real interest in the first place.

It doesn't seem like she sadistically manufactured "emotional trauma". It seems like she wasn't that interested in pursuing things further. 

It seems like you're going through the sour grapes phase of rejection and disappointment. She's suddenly gone from fantasy goddess to evil seductresses.

All you can do is try to keep yourself grounded in reality and avoid one night stands if you would actually like to have a relationship.