Should I divorce her?

[AlexAslan]

We have been together almost 5 years, no kids yet. No unfaithfulness whatsoever, we never once went through each other's phones or anything. The main problem is we argue a lot and she's very provocative, snarky, scolding, has a nasty attitude, and eggs things on about extremely petty things (tit for tat). However, I eventually run out of patience and snap pretty hard. This patience has been thinning with time due to the vast amount of resentment I hold so it's nowhere near where it once was. I go into full sabotage, vindictive mode to the point where I destroy something, denigrate her, or expose very sensitive information about her if there's others around. I have punched out a windshield before, destroyed some of the gifts I've gotten for her such as a very expensive purse and sunglasses (which I have replaced), ripped up wedding papers, etc. On certain occasions when I was about to break something, she would pounce on me and hit me after which I have pushed her back pretty hard to the point of bruising. We have threatened to call the cops on each other several times without actually doing it. However, I am always the one bringing up divorce and that's when she finally breaks down crying her eyes out saying how stupid she was, etc. And at that point I'm usually still fuming saying things like, [ ] as I try to make my way out of the room or house where she jumps in my way trying to block me.

What hurts me the most is that every time we get to this point, I get more and more distant while she does not. Every time I snap, it's as if a piece gets taken out of me and I get even more bitter with time where I secretly wish it reaches this point of no return where the marriage ends once and for all. That way I can actually feel justified much in the way one would if they got cheated on. For example if she were to cheat on me, I feel like I could peacefully leave and be set free in an instant since I have zero tolerance for it (as does she). 

She's never once made me sleep on the couch, I'm always the one choosing it myself out of resentment and spite. Right now I've got her blocked on my phone and all social media, told her we will only communicate in person and only if it's important. I'm doing this to clear my head and as a sort of preparation for divorce to avoid the guilt of divorcing in a rash manner. I'm trying to avoid any future regret. On the other hand, she's angry about it because she doesn't see the point of marriage if I'm just going to act like a cold, distant roommate and that I should just leave already. However, I don't believe in a marriage or any relationship ending on good terms because to me the end of a marriage/relationship means it was a disappointing failure, and I would never be friends with an ex either, I want to be the one to feel like I was wronged instead. If we were to really end it, I would not give her a second to get on her feet. Her and her family are on my cellular account, she has so much debt and bills to her name including her car loan that she would not be able to afford without my financial help since we have a joint account. I told her it's just going to be chess for me at that point as I would have 0 incentive to contribute a dime the moment those divorce papers come out. 

I'm currently working on my degree and she doesn't even have a high school diploma/GED, she's just not an ambitious person. I think a lot of our problems stem out of her lack of education despite me going ballistic as a result of her provocative attitude thinning down my patience. I have not hesitated in telling her this and my family agrees with me. She lacks a lot of critical thinking skills, knowledge of the world as far as history, science, government, business, etc. All she knows is enough English to get by, gossip, drama, sex, and how to cook. We just really hit it off on the physical attraction, sense of humor, being loyal and caring of each other, as well as having a blast doing things together. But she has an attitude and love for drama lacking self awareness and I only have so much patience to the point of sheer anger and vindictiveness to sabotage it all. The time I broke her windshield while driving I was already getting an hour's earful from her when we were supposed to be going to a nice dinner. I whipped the car right back around to get home and stormed inside telling her to [ ]  The next day I took care of her windshield where I got to watch in awe how it gets replaced and later that day we finally went to go eat dinner where we were supposed to go in peace.

 

Edited January 15 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
offensive language

[Wiseman2]

Please consult an attorney for information support and advice before one of you ends up in jail.

[d0nnivain]

Yes you should divorce.  There is too much violence in here.  So far you destroy stuff but she hits you.  This is a dysfunctional nightmare.  Get out & get anger management. 

Edited January 16 by d0nnivain

[stillafool]

You should have divorced 4 years ago, what are you waiting for?  Thank the good Lord you don't have children and file for divorce.  Since you won't help her with her bills if you divorce, let that be her problem.  She may have to file for bankruptcy.  The main thing is that she is away from you and vice versa.  There's no love here.

[mark clemson]

I'm not advising you what to do, but it certainly doesn't sound like you're happy, or compatible, or getting along...

[MsJayne]

You know that term "love-hate" sometimes used to describe a couple's relationship? There's no love in those relationships, it's just two people who can't find the courage to face reality.  If you get satisfaction from humiliating her in front of other people and smashing her belongings, and you consider her to be unintelligent and lacking self-awareness, you've answered your own question by asking it.