Author HopelessNick Posted February 8 Author Share Posted February 8 19 minutes ago, basil67 said: The therapist will not make a suggestion either way regarding her talking to the married man. That's not how therapy works. So if she tells the therapist she's happy talking to the married man and doesn't want to stop, then the therapist won't say it's not healthy and just leave it and talk to her about other things she wants to improve on? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 8 Share Posted February 8 37 minutes ago, HopelessNick said: So if she tells the therapist she's happy talking to the married man and doesn't want to stop, then the therapist won't say it's not healthy and just leave it and talk to her about other things she wants to improve on? The therapist is there to guide her in making her own decisions. Not to tell her what to do. So no, this person probably won't be wasting much time on her affair but rather tackling the other underlying issues. You also have no idea about the stories this messed-up young woman is inventing. You are not in therapy with her and have no clue if what she is telling you about her sessions is true. Unforuantely, she knows you are pretty gullible and rather desperate to hang on to her, so she will tell you whatever keeps you hooked so she can use you for attention. Do you have friends in real life, Nick? Someone you can trust to confide in about this? I sense you are clinging to this woman like a life-raft because you don't have many other social outlets. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted February 8 Share Posted February 8 1 hour ago, HopelessNick said: So if she tells the therapist she's happy talking to the married man and doesn't want to stop, then the therapist won't say it's not healthy and just leave it and talk to her about other things she wants to improve on? It’s none of your business at this point. She is your EX. Accept that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 8 Share Posted February 8 14 hours ago, HopelessNick said: So if she tells the therapist she's happy talking to the married man and doesn't want to stop, then the therapist won't say it's not healthy and just leave it and talk to her about other things she wants to improve on? Yes, exactly. A therapist can't get her to change things which she doesn't want to change. The therapist may however encourage her to explore the reasons behind why she's attracted to a man who's unavailable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopelessNick Posted June 29 Author Share Posted June 29 I ended up sending the email with proof of the affair to myself and told her someone emailed it to me. She didn't believe me at first, but I managed to make her believe it. She got scared and stopped the affair because she was scared someone out there in the world would tear her life apart if she continued. Now she is in a new relationship and I revealed everything to her the day she told me she had a new boyfriend. On 2/2/2024 at 5:17 PM, SurfCity said: Tell her that you hacked her work computer and her personal Instagram and read all her private messages. Tell her that and she'll leave you alone. In a nutshell she said the thing that hurt most was her begging me to tell her if I did it and I still lied and also exploited both herself and the married man. She said she would never hate me, but could promise me that she would never trust me ever again. I then asked her if she would block me and she said "I won't block you but if you keep pestering me I will. This is the last bit of trust I've got in you, don't stuff it up". I then told her I've only just realised I was never in love with her in the first place. I was just infatuated because she was hot and the first girl to be interested in me. She hasn't responded since. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted June 29 Share Posted June 29 Nick, you might want to go to some therapy to help sort through this huge emotional mess you're in. This woman is NOT appropriate for a first-time dater. Her issues are far too complicated and messy and you'll get mangled every second you spend thinking about her. You are way way over your head with this person. You want to date someone who doesn't have all this obvious confusion and baggage. This person requires a 10-hour brain operation, and you're a nursing assistant in an operating room with no doctors or surgeons around. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cigsandcaffeine Posted June 29 Share Posted June 29 My dude, Nick. I feel you. I have been through something similar like you, a very messy relationship with an older, cheating man. I kept explaining it on forums and everyone told me to leave him. This was it: we were together, man was cheating left and right, I probably didn't even realise it, now he does the same after almost 10 years... what do you want from this story? People don't change. Not like that. If they change so much then it's not up to you. Must be a miracle. Your ex is a homewrecker, highly toxic and damaging for your mental health. Run, don't walk. Run from her. Link to post Share on other sites
cigsandcaffeine Posted June 29 Share Posted June 29 Btw after all these messages warning you on this forum... why don't you just walk away already? Leave that poor woman alone, she probably had had enough of you already. Get over her cause it's enough... Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 29 Share Posted June 29 1 hour ago, HopelessNick said: the first girl to be interested in me. Consider reading the book "A Billion Wicked Thoughts" - specifically the chapters on female attraction and seeing if you can "operationalize" some of the points in there to make yourself more attractive to women. For better or worse, people's brains and biology work how they work. HOWEVER, the good news is there are actually many ways to be attractive to women. "Chads" tend to have it much easier in the dating game. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopelessNick Posted June 29 Author Share Posted June 29 (edited) 1 hour ago, mark clemson said: Consider reading the book "A Billion Wicked Thoughts" - specifically the chapters on female attraction and seeing if you can "operationalize" some of the points in there to make yourself more attractive to women. I know how to attract women. I have to put on an act, but I know how to. I did it at the start and that's how I got her, but then I did everything wrong once the affair got too much for me. I didn't care about the affair much in the first few weeks and was masculine. But then I started wanting him out it was such hard work it turned me into a needy whiny kid. I would have gone back to being the masculine guy after sending the email, but then she said she wasn't in love with me anymore. I couldn't be masculine anymore because putting the act on was too hard. Edited June 29 by HopelessNick Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 29 Share Posted June 29 4 hours ago, HopelessNick said: I was just infatuated because she was hot and the first girl to be interested in me. She hasn't responded since. 1 hour ago, HopelessNick said: I know how to attract women. I have to put on an act, but I know how to. I did it at the start and that's how I got her I'm having trouble reconciling these 2 statements. If you really were good at attracting women it's unlikely she'd be your first unless you are 16 or something. I had GFs as well as minor flings starting in my Sophmore year in high school. But whatever. This is an online forum so it's frequently difficult to see where the truth actually stands. I was just going by what you had posted initially. GL with everything. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 29 Share Posted June 29 1 hour ago, HopelessNick said: I know how to attract women. I have to put on an act, but I know how to. I did it at the start and that's how I got her, but then I did everything wrong once the affair got too much for me. I didn't care about the affair much in the first few weeks and was masculine. But then I started wanting him out it was such hard work it turned me into a needy whiny kid. I would have gone back to being the masculine guy after sending the email, but then she said she wasn't in love with me anymore. I couldn't be masculine anymore because putting the act on was too hard. Where did you get these ridiculous ideas about being "masculine"? That has zero to do with her inappropriate behaviour with a married man. Your picker is broken, that's the problem (well, one of them) You chose a low-quality woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopelessNick Posted June 29 Author Share Posted June 29 48 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Where did you get these ridiculous ideas about being "masculine"? That has zero to do with her inappropriate behaviour with a married man. Your picker is broken, that's the problem (well, one of them) You chose a low-quality woman. She's not with him anymore because I sent the email and she's really improved herself in the past few months Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 29 Share Posted June 29 2 hours ago, HopelessNick said: She's not with him anymore because I sent the email and she's really improved herself in the past few months You're being very naive. She's not going to change her whole attitude because some ex gave an opinion on it. The responses she's sending you are telling you what you want to hear so that you'll shut up about it. Honestly, I don't even know why she's still in contact with you Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 29 Share Posted June 29 3 hours ago, HopelessNick said: She's not with him anymore because I sent the email and she's really improved herself in the past few months You didn't answer my question: 3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Where did you get these ridiculous ideas about being "masculine"? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 29 Share Posted June 29 I'm also wondering about this 'masculine' thing. What exactly is the act you're putting on? How does a guy act masculine? And what's the plan long term....are you going to pretend to be someone you're not for the duration of a relationship? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted June 30 Share Posted June 30 If you have to "perform" then you are NOT good at "getting woman"----and that phrase makes no sense anyway. You wouldn't say someone is good at "getting friends." You find a good partner for you based on NOT performing some fake masculine role. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted June 30 Share Posted June 30 10 hours ago, HopelessNick said: I know how to attract women. I have to put on an act, but I know how to. If you have to put on an act to attract women, you won’t be able to attract any woman worth having a relationship with. 10 hours ago, HopelessNick said: I couldn't be masculine anymore because putting the act on was too hard. You appear to have a completely wrong idea of what being masculine means. Some of the chief requirements for being masculine are sincerity and integrity. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted June 30 Share Posted June 30 (edited) 8 hours ago, HopelessNick said: She's not with him anymore because I sent the email and she's really improved herself in the past few months Dude, it’s precisely this kind of behavior of yours that is decidedly not masculine. When a woman leaves you, the masculine thing to do respect her decision and walk away. The more you interfere with her life, the more disdain she is going to feel towards you. She said it herself. Stop pestering her. Stop being obsessed with her. She isn’t your girlfriend anymore. Edited June 30 by Gebidozo Link to post Share on other sites
IrinaM Posted June 30 Share Posted June 30 I only read your first post but I just want to point something out. What you described isn't "snooping." It's surveilling. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopelessNick Posted July 5 Author Share Posted July 5 In the end, this is what she said. "Ok I get it Nick. We never deserved the way we treated each other". What does that mean? Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted July 5 Share Posted July 5 9 hours ago, HopelessNick said: In the end, this is what she said. "Ok I get it Nick. We never deserved the way we treated each other". What does that mean? just guessing here, but it sounds like she means that the two of you never deserved the way you two treated each other Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopelessNick Posted July 5 Author Share Posted July 5 17 minutes ago, flitzanu said: just guessing here, but it sounds like she means that the two of you never deserved the way you two treated each other Does that mean she thinks we both treated each other poorly? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 5 Share Posted July 5 1 hour ago, HopelessNick said: Does that mean she thinks we both treated each other poorly? Yes. It also sounds like she wants you to leave her alone now. Please stop contacting her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 6 Share Posted July 6 (edited) On 6/29/2024 at 9:32 AM, HopelessNick said: I then told her I've only just realised I was never in love with her in the first place. I was just infatuated because she was hot and the first girl to be interested in me. She hasn't responded since. That will do it - yup! Edited July 6 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
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