S2B Posted July 16 Share Posted July 16 On 7/12/2024 at 8:34 AM, HopelessNick said: I still don't get why doesn't she just say something like "I don't want to talk to you or have anything to do with you again" instead of still responding? She would rather sue you and get a restraining order…since she has evidence you don’t take the hints. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted July 16 Share Posted July 16 On 7/14/2024 at 1:08 AM, HopelessNick said: I don't know if anyone can think of any explanations for this. I don't actually miss spending time with her. I don't miss hanging out at her place, watching shows together etc. What I do miss though was being there for her whenever she was in tears. So basically when she was hurt or sad, I was able to hug and kiss and make her feel better. That's what I miss so much and makes me cry, especially when I know that her new boyfriend is doing that now. I guess I miss making her ok and nothing else. Does anyone know what that means? Is that love? No. - that’s an u healthy codependent relationship. have you made an appointment yet to seek professional help? Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopelessNick Posted July 16 Author Share Posted July 16 Was she codependent too? Or just me Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted July 16 Share Posted July 16 1 hour ago, HopelessNick said: Was she codependent too? Or just me Codependent, it's in the name. Two people who are bad for eachother. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopelessNick Posted July 21 Author Share Posted July 21 Why do you think she's begging me to get help? I've tried to apologise and told her I was struggling a couple of times. Both times she says something like I almost felt bad for you, but then I remember what you did to me. You deserve to be alone. Then she says "please get help, I'm begging you". Why would she beg me? She always says im begging you. How does it benefit her? Does it mean she still cares about me? Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted July 21 Share Posted July 21 14 minutes ago, HopelessNick said: Why do you think she's begging me to get help? I've tried to apologise and told her I was struggling a couple of times. Both times she says something like I almost felt bad for you, but then I remember what you did to me. You deserve to be alone. Then she says "please get help, I'm begging you". Why would she beg me? She always says im begging you. How does it benefit her? Does it mean she still cares about me? No, she's right. Get help and leave this alone. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 21 Share Posted July 21 43 minutes ago, HopelessNick said: Why do you think she's begging me to get help? I've tried to apologise and told her I was struggling a couple of times. Both times she says something like I almost felt bad for you, but then I remember what you did to me. You deserve to be alone. Then she says "please get help, I'm begging you". Why would she beg me? She always says im begging you. How does it benefit her? Does it mean she still cares about me? No, she doesn't care - it's just a turn of speech. And she's right, you really do need to get help Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopelessNick Posted July 21 Author Share Posted July 21 Why does she even bother responding? Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted July 21 Share Posted July 21 9 minutes ago, HopelessNick said: Why does she even bother responding? I'm not sure. She probably shouldn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopelessNick Posted July 21 Author Share Posted July 21 That's why I still think she cares in someway. In BOTH my apologies, I literally regretted breaking no contact and I told her to ignore me and said sorry for reaching out. But she still responds Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 21 Share Posted July 21 2 minutes ago, HopelessNick said: That's why I still think she cares in someway. In BOTH my apologies, I literally regretted breaking no contact and I told her to ignore me and said sorry for reaching out. But she still responds I would say she has compassion for you. She knows that your behaviour is out of control and wants you to sort yourself out so that you can have a better dating experience in future. None of this means that she has romantic feelings for you or may be open to another attempt at a relationship with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopelessNick Posted July 21 Author Share Posted July 21 13 minutes ago, basil67 said: I would say she has compassion for you. She knows that your behaviour is out of control and wants you to sort yourself out so that you can have a better dating experience in future. None of this means that she has romantic feelings for you or may be open to another attempt at a relationship with you. I agree. That's what I meant by care Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 21 Share Posted July 21 Just now, HopelessNick said: I agree. That's what I meant by care But how is this relevant to anything? That she doesn't want to see you get hit by a truck doesn't mean that she wants contact or friendship Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 21 Share Posted July 21 2 hours ago, HopelessNick said: Why would she beg me? She always says im begging you. How does it benefit her? Does it mean she still cares about me? Of course not. Everyone here says the same thing to you, “please get help”. Does that mean we care for you? We don’t even know you. She probably has a good heart, she feels concern and compassion for a person who is clearly in trouble and needs therapy. Please follow her advice. And please stop bothering her. It’s over between you two. Snap out of your delusion and seek professional help. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 22 Share Posted July 22 3 hours ago, HopelessNick said: Why would she beg me? She always says im begging you. How does it benefit her? Does it mean she still cares about me? Regarding the bolded, if you get help it means you will move on. This will benefit her because you'll stop pestering her, and she will no longer have to live in fear of things like "I lied and did it to hurt her...... I pretended to blackmail her". Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopelessNick Posted July 22 Author Share Posted July 22 4 hours ago, basil67 said: Regarding the bolded, if you get help it means you will move on. This will benefit her because you'll stop pestering her, and she will no longer have to live in fear of things like "I lied and did it to hurt her...... I pretended to blackmail her". She said she's not scared anymore Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 22 Share Posted July 22 (edited) 58 minutes ago, HopelessNick said: She said she's not scared anymore And if she was scared, she wouldn't admit it anyway. What steps have you taken to seek help? Edited July 22 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 22 Share Posted July 22 And are you actually getting any kind of help? Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopelessNick Posted July 22 Author Share Posted July 22 10 minutes ago, basil67 said: And if she was scared, she wouldn't admit it anyway. What steps have you taken to seek help? Well she told me she was scared for a couple of weeks and when I lied about doing it to protect her, she believed me and now she's not anymore. So she did admit it. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 22 Share Posted July 22 Are you going to answer our other questions? Or just continue to ignore them? 13 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: are you actually getting any kind of help? 19 minutes ago, basil67 said: What steps have you taken to seek help? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 22 Share Posted July 22 1 hour ago, HopelessNick said: Well she told me she was scared for a couple of weeks and when I lied about doing it to protect her, she believed me and now she's not anymore. So she did admit it. At any rate, she's no longer part of the equation. It's now about you and getting the help you need. What steps have you taken to find mental health support? Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopelessNick Posted July 25 Author Share Posted July 25 I told my boss the whole thing. She said I've been in survival mode for a long time and she's a narcissist Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 25 Share Posted July 25 1 hour ago, HopelessNick said: I told my boss the whole thing. She said I've been in survival mode for a long time and she's a narcissist Why are you sharing your intimate problems with your boss? What your boss said is barely comprehensible rubbish. And even if it were true and your ex is really a “narcissist”, why would this be of any concern to you now? You should be concerned with your own mental health. You need professional therapy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopelessNick Posted July 25 Author Share Posted July 25 44 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: What your boss said is barely comprehensible rubbish. She said she's a compulsive lier too. I told her every detail, and she was shocked because my ex had told her completely opposite things to what I told her (work wise) Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted July 25 Share Posted July 25 2 hours ago, HopelessNick said: She said she's a compulsive lier too. I told her every detail, and she was shocked because my ex had told her completely opposite things to what I told her (work wise) Did you tell her about your surveillance and attempts at blackmail too? Either way it's irrelevant whatever two cents your boss had at this stage. I agree with @Gebidozo, there's no need to share stuff like this with them. Link to post Share on other sites
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