Will my ex ever stop sexting and being in a long distance relationship with married man?

[FredEire]

14 minutes ago, HopelessNick said:

Why do you think she's begging me to get help? I've tried to apologise and told her I was struggling a couple of times. Both times she says something like I almost felt bad for you, but then I remember what you did to me. You deserve to be alone. Then she says "please get help, I'm begging you".

Why would she beg me? She always says im begging you. How does it benefit her? Does it mean she still cares about me?

No, she's right. Get help and leave this alone.

[basil67]

43 minutes ago, HopelessNick said:

Why do you think she's begging me to get help? I've tried to apologise and told her I was struggling a couple of times. Both times she says something like I almost felt bad for you, but then I remember what you did to me. You deserve to be alone. Then she says "please get help, I'm begging you".

Why would she beg me? She always says im begging you. How does it benefit her? Does it mean she still cares about me?

No, she doesn't care - it's just a turn of speech.  

And she's right, you really do need to get help

[HopelessNick]

Why does she even bother responding?

[FredEire]

9 minutes ago, HopelessNick said:

Why does she even bother responding?

I'm not sure. She probably shouldn't.

[HopelessNick]

That's why I still think she cares in someway. In BOTH my apologies, I literally regretted breaking no contact and I told her to ignore me and said sorry for reaching out. But she still responds 

[basil67]

2 minutes ago, HopelessNick said:

That's why I still think she cares in someway. In BOTH my apologies, I literally regretted breaking no contact and I told her to ignore me and said sorry for reaching out. But she still responds 

I would say she has compassion for you.  She knows that your behaviour is out of control and wants you to sort yourself out so that you can have a better dating experience in future. None of this means that she has romantic feelings for you or may be open to another attempt at a relationship with you.

 

[HopelessNick]

13 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I would say she has compassion for you.  She knows that your behaviour is out of control and wants you to sort yourself out so that you can have a better dating experience in future. None of this means that she has romantic feelings for you or may be open to another attempt at a relationship with you.

 

I agree. That's what I meant by care

[basil67]

Just now, HopelessNick said:

I agree. That's what I meant by care

But how is this relevant to anything?   That she doesn't want to see you get hit by a truck doesn't mean that she wants contact or friendship

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, HopelessNick said:

Why would she beg me? She always says im begging you. How does it benefit her? Does it mean she still cares about me?

Of course not. 

Everyone here says the same thing to you, “please get help”. Does that mean we care for you? We don’t even know you. 

She probably has a good heart, she feels concern and compassion for a person who is clearly in trouble and needs therapy. Please follow her advice. And please stop bothering her. It’s over between you two. Snap out of your delusion and seek professional help.

[basil67]

3 hours ago, HopelessNick said:

Why would she beg me? She always says im begging you. How does it benefit her? Does it mean she still cares about me?

Regarding the bolded, if you get help it means you will move on.  This will benefit her because you'll stop pestering her, and she will no longer have to live in fear of things like "I lied and did it to hurt her...... I pretended to blackmail her".

 

[HopelessNick]

4 hours ago, basil67 said:

Regarding the bolded, if you get help it means you will move on.  This will benefit her because you'll stop pestering her, and she will no longer have to live in fear of things like "I lied and did it to hurt her...... I pretended to blackmail her".

 

She said she's not scared anymore 

[basil67]

58 minutes ago, HopelessNick said:

She said she's not scared anymore 

And if she was scared, she wouldn't admit it anyway.  

What steps have you taken to seek help? 

Edited July 22, 2024 by basil67

[ExpatInItaly]

And are you actually getting any kind of help?

[HopelessNick]

10 minutes ago, basil67 said:

And if she was scared, she wouldn't admit it anyway.  

What steps have you taken to seek help? 

Well she told me she was scared for a couple of weeks and when I lied about doing it to protect her, she believed me and now she's not anymore. So she did admit it.

[ExpatInItaly]

Are you going to answer our other questions? Or just continue to ignore them? 

13 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

are you actually getting any kind of help?

 

19 minutes ago, basil67 said:

What steps have you taken to seek help? 

 

[basil67]

1 hour ago, HopelessNick said:

Well she told me she was scared for a couple of weeks and when I lied about doing it to protect her, she believed me and now she's not anymore. So she did admit it.

At any rate, she's no longer part of the equation.

It's now about you and getting the help you need.  What steps have you taken to find mental health support? 

[HopelessNick]

I told my boss the whole thing. She said I've been in survival mode for a long time and she's a narcissist

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, HopelessNick said:

I told my boss the whole thing. She said I've been in survival mode for a long time and she's a narcissist

Why are you sharing your intimate problems with your boss? 

What your boss said is barely comprehensible rubbish.

And even if it were true and your ex is really a “narcissist”, why would this be of any concern to you now? You should be concerned with your own mental health. You need professional therapy.

[HopelessNick]

44 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

What your boss said is barely comprehensible rubbish.

She said she's a compulsive lier too. I told her every detail, and she was shocked because my ex had told her completely opposite things to what I told her (work wise)

[FredEire]

2 hours ago, HopelessNick said:

She said she's a compulsive lier too. I told her every detail, and she was shocked because my ex had told her completely opposite things to what I told her (work wise)

Did you tell her about your surveillance and attempts at blackmail too?

Either way it's irrelevant whatever two cents your boss had at this stage. I agree with @Gebidozo, there's no need to share stuff like this with them.

[HopelessNick]

19 minutes ago, FredEire said:

Did you tell her about your surveillance and attempts at blackmail too?

Yes. I told her everything. The snooping at work, the surveillance, the one fake blackmail, and she said I was doing it out of survival. 

She said she's been using what I did to her to deflecting blame which is narcissism. 

Edited July 25, 2024 by HopelessNick

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, HopelessNick said:

Yes. I told her everything. The snooping at work, the surveillance, the one fake blackmail, and she said I was doing it out of survival. 

She said she's been using what I did to her to deflecting blame which is narcissism. 

What does your dubious behavior have to do with survival? Does your boss even understand the meaning of that word? 

Again, you’re missing the point. It doesn’t matter whether your ex is a narcissist or not. Why are you even telling us this? Your ex’s behavior is irrelevant. It’s your behavior that needs to change, in fact your entire way of viewing love and relationship. You were in an unhealthy, codependent relationship, you are out of touch with reality, and you did things that some would describe as bordering on “insane”.

Please get professional help.

[FredEire]

12 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

What does your dubious behavior have to do with survival? Does your boss even understand the meaning of that word? 

Again, you’re missing the point. It doesn’t matter whether your ex is a narcissist or not. Why are you even telling us this? Your ex’s behavior is irrelevant. It’s your behavior that needs to change, in fact your entire way of viewing love and relationship. You were in an unhealthy, codependent relationship, you are out of touch with reality, and you did things that some would describe as bordering on “insane”.

Please get professional help.

I have me doubt about the veracity of this story, as I find it hard to believe any responsible boss would listen to this version of events and say spying on a colleague to trick her into liking him and then using emotional blackmail to get what you want is A-OK and just done for survivals sake.

Either way even if it is true OP is just using it to justify his behaviour and say the relationship problems were all on her side, when the reality is it was a mix of both parties doing pretty questionable stuff. This is probably so he can tell himself he's fine to behave the same way in another relationship and he doesn't need to get help.

[basil67]

42 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

What does your dubious behavior have to do with survival? Does your boss even understand the meaning of that word? 

I think OP's boss was just saying what OP wants to hear so that they could escape the conversation.  I know I've given BS advice in the past when I don't want to get involved 

Edited July 25, 2024 by basil67

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

I think OP's boss was just saying what OP wants to hear so that they could escape the conversation.

Or this is a rather exaggerated tale for attention on the internet