Tiktok Video [merged with on topic comments from Gen Z thread]

[ayaj]

I guess I could answer these final questions.

On 1/27/2024 at 7:58 PM, Wiseman2 said:

Her family met you? To whom does it have to be more obvious you're her BF? And how is that accomplished? Have you resolved who the tiktok mystery man is? 

Her family met you?

Yes her family has met me. Her dad is a church minister and she has an overly protective slightly older brother that her friends say they are all terrified of. Her mother has also been described to me as a "tiger mom", not sure exactly what that means other than maybe guys get scared of her as well haha. As of a couple weeks ago, her mother also has open and direct communication with me (I reached out to her to help me plan a valentine's day surprise and she chats with me sometimes since then). They are all accepting of me and actually like me a lot, so I think it is possible I am actually a nice person. Her other relatives are also aware of me, but I have not met any of them yet.

A little insight into the family's thoughts about my personal situation with being married previously... I was raised the same religion as her but I was not married in a church, no priest was involved and there was no proper ceremony. Apparently in the eyes of God and the church I was never actually married. Her father is fine with it because in his eyes my previous marriage was not blessed by God. This makes no difference to me as I although I was raised in their religion, I myself am not religious (they are also aware of that).

As for their possible view into our age gap. Previously in this thread, I made a poor attempt to describe physically my girlfriend and her best friend that I had originally met first. Some took my attempt kind of creepy despite them both being legal adults. Basically the best way to describe it in an appropriate way is, the first girl easily looks 5-10 years older physically than she is, or even more if she was actually dressing with the intent to appear older. As for my girlfriend, she still has the right natural curves but I am not going to deny that she does look her age. My girlfriend was honest from the start with her parents that I had met her best friend first. I am not going to ask her parent's about their opinion on the physical appearance of their daughter and her friends, but from what she told me even her parents were like "oh that makes sense".

To whom does it have to be more obvious you're her BF?

Everyone basically. I realized this is more a result of my lack of social media presence that would create a situation where people might not realize someone is in a relationship and with who the same way they would if I took part in things such as Facebook. She has actually posted things about me online before but I have no accounts to reference @.

Her solution was she wanted a gold necklace of my name to wear all the time. That was 100% her idea and I did buy that for her. My solution was that the things she posts online that are about me should have a reference to my name even if there is not an actual account associated to it. This will eliminate any doubt about the meaning of what she is posting. Also there should never be any inappropriate references to any one else in anyway that could be misunderstood by anyone.

Have you resolved who the tiktok mystery man is?

The "fake name" account I have referenced is her "school" facebook account. She has at least 3 different accounts including one for family, one for school, one for friends. I think that has become common these days, especially among her generation. The majority of her friends have the same online presences.  Her (very close to her) mother also has no idea about this, so no need to hear about how someone else's daughter is different and would never do that.

The mystery guy was a friend from her school that was courting her basically but had been friend zoned. She met this guy before I met her and it is understood in her circle of friends that she is not into him and it is hopeless. She continued to allow him to act what I consider inappropriately due to popularity and immaturity reasons among other things . She never used the term "school boyfriend" to me but the way she described it, it was like playing the mother/father role of a group friends (she has more than one group of friends). Despite what things were made to appear online, there was nothing really "happening" between them and the reason why the photos he had online were so zoomed in is because they had to be to not show that they were not alone. The reason why she had posted the video of him and her at their school that started all this was he had just helped her work on a school project and she was throwing him a bone. 

She cut him from her circle of friends without me asking and it caused some ripples in her social circle. I think she better understands now what appropriate behavior and limitations are required from someone in a serious relationship.

Current Update?

My relationship with both her and her family are stronger than ever.