Kassieee Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 (edited) Most people have social media, which some use as dating sites, dating sites and social media give me the ick. That is my deal breaker. Everytime I'm interested in someone, I take a look at their following, they're always following scandalous dressing women. And it causes A LOT of problems within relationships- from what I've seen with friends ect. You have to explain to your s/o who that person is that they're following, how you know them, how you met them. And sometimes they just follow because that person just looks good....it's just too much. As a gen-zer- younger millennials how do you deal with this culture of social media. Not only do you have to worry about cheating in real life, it's also on the tip of their fingers on their phone. Edited January 19 by SlimShadysWife Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 Well ... it's your choice not to date men who use social media or dating sites. You're definitely making it difficult for yourself. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 16 minutes ago, SlimShadysWife said: Most people have social media, which some use as dating sites, dating sites and social media give me the ick. That is my deal breaker. Everytime I'm interested in someone, I take a look at their following, they're always following scandalous dressing women. Try not to let one bad experience sour your dating life. Do you mean this man in particular? Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 I noticed this as well and it does mean you just screen, go on dates and take your time getting to know someone. You should be able to find out within the first meet whether these people you’re interested in use social media actively and by actively its scrolling often and posting often or interacting with others online. Yes, there are single /eligible good looking fit professionals who don’t use social media or don’t even have social media accounts! They aren’t glued to their phones and don’t care about all that. You need to be sincere in your approach also and simply don’t pay attention to people who have interests you don’t relate to. Since you know this is a dealbreaker for you don’t date people who use social media. I think dating apps widen your pool but choose ones with flexible privacy settings if you are so ick’d out by dating sites. If you’re using the free versions or free apps you’re really swimming around blind and bound to burn out or feel more icky. And also use your profile to screen out people who aren’t interested in dating at all. It sounds like your dating pool is very small but don’t feel disheartened! It usually is for most. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kassieee Posted January 19 Author Share Posted January 19 (edited) 24 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Try not to let one bad experience sour your dating life. Do you mean this man in particular? No not really.. just in general. I'm not into dating sites because I'm more into meeting people naturally. I like meeting someone in person and you just click unexpectedly. Dating sites, you're already looking for a relationship. I'm just sick of meeting these guys and then they ask if I have Instagram. Edited January 19 by SlimShadysWife Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 So maybe the problem isn't so much that you dislike social media but moreso that you feel you cannot compete with the unrealistic and unattainable standards set on social media. That's fair but 1)that's not changing 2) those standards are unrealistic for a reason. Just don't date men that use social media in this way. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 9 hours ago, SlimShadysWife said: I'm just sick of meeting these guys and then they ask if I have Instagram. When the toilet overflows you call a plumber, when your electricity false you call an electrician, so when you're looking for a boyfriend you use a dating app that specializes exactly in that. If you don't want to meet a guy that follows 100s of hot girls then say that in your description. There are good genZ out there. One of my daughters is a generation Z and her boyfriend is adorable! and has good values and of course he has social media accounts but it's too keep in touch with their group of friends. In 2024 if you want to find a man that is not on social media AT ALL, then you don't want a boyfriend. It's naïve to think any of the younger generation aren't connected. Look at you, you are on an online forum discussing with a group of strangers, that is social media. So, you don't like it I get it, but you have no choice but to work around it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 If you're going to make this rule that you don't want to date anyone who is on social media then you are drastically limiting yourself and shrinking the pool of people you could potentially date. Maybe instead you should work on your insecurity and control issues. If I was dating someone who has social media I would never think it's my place to interrogate them about every single person they are following. That is just ridiculous. You are making it more difficult for yourself. Maybe it's your outlook that needs to change, not people's social media activity. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kassieee Posted January 19 Author Share Posted January 19 1 hour ago, ShyViolet said: If you're going to make this rule that you don't want to date anyone who is on social media then you are drastically limiting yourself and shrinking the pool of people you could potentially date. Maybe instead you should work on your insecurity and control issues. If I was dating someone who has social media I would never think it's my place to interrogate them about every single person they are following. That is just ridiculous. You are making it more difficult for yourself. Maybe it's your outlook that needs to change, not people's social media activity. I wouldn't interrogate anyone with that sort of following- id just stop talking to them. I'm saying that's the sort of thing I see couples doing, interrogating eachother and it causing issues within the relationship. It's not about being insecure, it's about me automatically being turned off by such behaviour....guys following half naked girls. You can learn alot from people's social media and who they are. I think my outlook on social media has saved me from alot of weirdos. I will admit that maybe I'm too judgey about dating apps. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 (edited) Ummm... "following scandalous dressing women"? I think there's a difference between a person who explicitly follows a whole bunch of models whom he doesn't even know IRL, and a person who just has friends on social media who happen to dress inappropriately according to your standards. The former is very avoidable, the latter is not. Heck, I'm a woman and I have friends who post pictures that some older folks might consider "scandalous"... to me it's their body and their choice, I'm not going to unfriend them just because they posted a bikini photo. 15 hours ago, SlimShadysWife said: As a gen-zer- younger millennials how do you deal with this culture of social media. Not only do you have to worry about cheating in real life, it's also on the tip of their fingers on their phone. I don't think that looking at photos is cheating... but even if I did, it's not really new to the age of social media. Playboy magazines have existed since 1953. The only difference is that now there are half-naked women AND half-naked men to view, whereas previously it was mostly just half-naked women. Edited January 19 by Els 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 (edited) I would be more concerned that these potential male suitors tend to mention loads of parties and drinking on their profiles, rather than their education or their passions, eg. "Soccer, partying, reading." Sometimes people just seem to want a fling or a hookup rather than a real connection. So these women could also be potential matches for them. At the end of the day, it's important to trust your instincts and make sure you're comfortable with whoever you choose to date, whether they are on social media or not. If I was going to potentially date someone and they had a large following/followed a lot of half naked women, it would give me pause and make me question their intentions. If this is something that is a deal breaker for you, then that's totally valid and you shouldn't feel bad about it. But just know that there are probably also people out there who have social media and use dating apps who are genuinely looking for a connection and may not fit into that stereotypical Instagram lifestyle. So don't completely write off these platforms, just be mindful and aware of what you're looking for and who you're meeting. And remember, it's always okay to have deal breakers and boundaries in relationships. Edited January 19 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 1 hour ago, SlimShadysWife said: It's not about being insecure, it's about me automatically being turned off by such behaviour....guys following half naked girls. You can learn alot from people's social media and who they are. Yes you can definitely learn a lot about someone from their social media. You seem like you are equating being on social media with being the type of person who follows tons of half naked girls. I'm not seeing your logic. There are tons of people who have social media who are perfectly normal people, even people who are looking for real relationships, and whose following list is not filled with porn stars and half naked girls. Most people do have social media accounts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kassieee Posted January 19 Author Share Posted January 19 (edited) I'm equating social media culture and what comes along with it as a whole to be so lame. Unless its used for work and promoting yourself, or keeping up with family and friends. I much prefer a man with a real social life, who is too busy with work, and curricular activities, and who has a mind of his own. There's men who are scared and don't know what to say to a woman in text online!!! ...it's like what even is this generation. Edited January 19 by SlimShadysWife Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kassieee Posted January 19 Author Share Posted January 19 I'm going to sign on on a dating site just to see. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 Just to see what? If you're just signing up to confirm your ick feeling about dating sites and social media, it's probably not worth your time. If you're actually interested in dating, it might be a better idea to focus on meeting people in-person or through friends, rather than using dating sites or relying on social media for romantic connections. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 (edited) 1 hour ago, SlimShadysWife said: I'm going to sign on on a dating site just to see. Are you looking to date someone? Quality dating apps are fine for that. Please try not to globalize this much about the guy you met in person at the party and decided to do "FBI work" on scouring his social media. Even though you had a crush and were disappointed by his trashy public persona, there's probably a lot of decent guys who are not putting that stuff on social media. So meeting in person is no guarantee of anything. Because that's how you met Mr ogler. Edited January 19 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 2 hours ago, SlimShadysWife said: I'm equating social media culture and what comes along with it as a whole to be so lame. Unless its used for work and promoting yourself, or keeping up with family and friends. I much prefer a man with a real social life, who is too busy with work, and curricular activities, and who has a mind of his own. There's men who are scared and don't know what to say to a woman in text online!!! ...it's like what even is this generation. Millions of people are able to manage having social media accounts and simultaneously be successful at work, "curricular activities" and be a free thinker. I also would like to add that these qualities don't have anything to do with their abilities to be chatty texters. You post a lot ... you write about various men you meet. Usually you then have your thread closed. What's that about? Maybe if you'd keep sharing about some of your experiences you might be able to get some help with your romantic difficulties. I have a feeling your issues are not all attributable to social media or dating apps. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kassieee Posted January 19 Author Share Posted January 19 (edited) 3 hours ago, Alpacalia said: Just to see what? If you're just signing up to confirm your ick feeling about dating sites and social media, it's probably not worth your time. If you're actually interested in dating, it might be a better idea to focus on meeting people in-person or through friends, rather than using dating sites or relying on social media for romantic connections. 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Are you looking to date someone? Quality dating apps are fine for that. Please try not to globalize this much about the guy you met in person at the party and decided to do "FBI work" on scouring his social media. Even though you had a crush and were disappointed by his trashy public persona, there's probably a lot of decent guys who are not putting that stuff on social media. So meeting in person is no guarantee of anything. Because that's how you met Mr ogler. I couldn't do it ...i clicked and it doesn't seem authentic and real. The whole concept is bizzare. You're literally "signing up" to meet someone. I think that I think that real, true relationships happen naturally when you're not looking....in my view and that's how I prefer it to be for me. Edited January 19 by SlimShadysWife Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 I can honestly say that I've never looked at who or what my husband follows on social media. At a guess, it's probably family, friends, golf and guitars. I think that spying on what other people follow is weird. As for dating sites, my 24yo daughter met a lovely young man on a dating site. They moved in together and they are now talking marriage. Not in the near future because they don't want to rush things, but they are solid enough to be talking about timing for marriage and buying a home. This might give you the icks and you're free to avoid dating sites. But do be aware that in the days before dating sites, it was rare to meet a new person who we wanted to date. It was not uncommon to go for six months or a year being single. I guess if you're fine being single, then this could work for you 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 (edited) 31 minutes ago, SlimShadysWife said: couldn't do it ...i clicked and it doesn't seem authentic and real. The whole concept is bizzare. You're literally "signing up" to meet someone. I think that I think that real, true relationships happen naturally when you're not looking.... How can you be so jugemental of something you have not tried. Thousands of couples have met on dating apps. When you connect with someone you connect no matter if you met randomly or you met online. Dating apps is a tool to be in contact with single people and it's when *you meet for real* that it clicks or not. A lot of couples have clicked big time when they met through a dating app. You're saying that their relationship isn't real? Or true? Statistics says 40% of american couples have met online, so to you their relationships, marriages aren't real... Edited January 19 by Gaeta Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 20 Share Posted January 20 2 hours ago, SlimShadysWife said: I couldn't do it ...i clicked and it doesn't seem authentic and real. The whole concept is bizzare. You're literally "signing up" to meet someone. I think that I think that real, true relationships happen naturally when you're not looking....in my view and that's how I prefer it to be for me. Okay so it's not your cup of tea. That's fine. Many people still have met, fell in love, and gotten married through online dating. It's just another way to meet new people. And while it may not be for everyone, for some people it works and they find genuine connections and meaningful relationships through online dating. To the other point, I too notice you shut your threads down which I find that a bit odd. I don't know if it's deliberate or not but something to consider. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted January 20 Share Posted January 20 5 hours ago, SlimShadysWife said: I couldn't do it ...i clicked and it doesn't seem authentic and real. The whole concept is bizzare. You're literally "signing up" to meet someone. I think that I think that real, true relationships happen naturally when you're not looking....in my view and that's how I prefer it to be for me. This is really judgmental and inaccurate. Lots of normal people meet on dating apps. I've gotten boyfriends through dating apps several times. If you don't want to use dating apps, then fine, but don't make these weird negative statements about it unless you know what you're talking about. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted January 20 Share Posted January 20 6 hours ago, SlimShadysWife said: I couldn't do it ...i clicked and it doesn't seem authentic and real. The whole concept is bizzare. You're literally "signing up" to meet someone. I think that I think that real, true relationships happen naturally when you're not looking....in my view and that's how I prefer it to be for me. If I were looking again on a dating site and I seen the above written on the profile- it would actually spike my interest- if that makes sense, I agree with some if not all of your sentiments- I have difficulty with the likes of instagram- where a friend of mine constantly texts me to like her posts and things- maybe its certain insecurity on my part but I dont feel confident to do the same.(share any of my life) the infatuation with social media is not something that appeals to me either- as someone alluded there perhaps that makes it a little harder for the likes of you and I to meet new people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 20 Share Posted January 20 (edited) On 1/18/2024 at 10:04 PM, SlimShadysWife said: It's impossible to date in 2024 for me How was 2023 or 2023 for you? What do you think changed? Social media is nothing new and dating apps have been around forever as well. So maybe researching other's digital media in general just isn't for you? Edited January 20 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 20 Share Posted January 20 17 hours ago, SlimShadysWife said: I'm equating social media culture and what comes along with it as a whole to be so lame. Unless its used for work and promoting yourself, or keeping up with family and friends. I much prefer a man with a real social life, who is too busy with work, and curricular activities, and who has a mind of his own. There's men who are scared and don't know what to say to a woman in text online!!! ...it's like what even is this generation. It's fine to say that something isn't for you (I'm not a dating app person myself), but really quite bizarre to make such assumptions and judgements about people just because they do something that, in fact, YOU do yourself. Do you realize that forums are the same thing as social media? Do you use LS for "work and promoting yourself, or keeping up with family and friends"? It's obviously your life and you can do whatever you want, but IMO people with positive attitudes want to be in relationships with other people with positive attitudes. If you're going around judging, making negative assumptions, complaining about people whose biggest crime involves watching cat videos that their friend posted on FB or posting a photo of themselves at the beach... well, you're just going to attract other negative people. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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