32F and 36M what are your thoughts ?

[Adelaide2024]

Hello,

First time posting here. 

About two weeks ago, I met a man on a train on my way back home (I was travelling for work). 

I was sitting alone on my side and he was also alone, on the other side of the train hallway, working on his laptop. Whenever I would raise my head, I kept wondering if he was looking at me but I was never too sure. But I have to admit that I glanced in his direction a few times too because I found him good looking/attractive.

After a few minutes, then out of a sudden he asked me if he could plug his laptop next to me because the electrical outlet wasn’t working (no power?) on his side. I said yes, and then asked him if he wanted to sit next to me, and he said sure, no problem. 

We started talking. And as the conversation continued, he quickly closed his laptop and stopped looking at his emails. We talked with each other for about an hour because that’s how much time I had left before I had to get off the train. We talked about work, our respective families, friendships that we have in our lives, etc. 

I am not sure if everything he said to me was true because he’s still a stranger, but he appeared sincere. 

Before I got off the train, I asked him for his phone number and if he wanted to keep in touch. He said sure. He added me to his phone as a contact and called me right away while I was next to him (maybe he wanted to make sure I gave him my true phone number)

We kept texting each other almost daily since. He wanted to see me (he lives about three hours from where I currently live) last week-end, but the weather wasn’t good and I was worried about that if he travelled that weekend. He plans on coming to see me this weekend. I already told him that my landlord does not accept visitors (and I don’t think I would have invited him to my place anyway because I barely know him).

 He also asked me if I wanted to stay overnight with him at his hotel, and I said I wasn’t comfortable because I’ve known him for only two weeks. I told him we could grab a coffee or something like that.  He was also understanding of that. 

We’re planning for seeing each other this weekend, but I am a little skeptical because my romantic life has been horrible literally my entire life.

The day before I met this guy on the train, I had a date with someone else that wasn’t that interesting. It is, in fact, because I had that uninteresting date, that I had to travel on the following day which is the day I met the guy I am writing about.

Were basically comfirming the time and day we will meet this weekend. I told him we could grab a coffee or something like that. 

I am skeptical and am wondering if he is truly going to show up. 

But do you think it’s possible for a man to travel three hours by train, to pay for that train ticket and an hotel room for a woman he has met only once, two weeks ago? What are your thoughts?

Thanks 🙏🏾

[ShyViolet]

I find it weird that he's getting a hotel room for this date.  And the fact that he invited you to come spend the night at that hotel with him before even the first date, he clearly sees this as a potential sexual hookup.  I would be very wary of this guy.  Do not invite him to your place or go back to his hotel.

[Alpacalia]

Yes I do sans the hotel room for the two of you sounds fishy. Arrange for a meeting at a local place not at some hotel.

[Lisa]

Thread will continue under other username @Prudence Jane

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Adelaide2024 said:

What are your thoughts?

Unfortunately it seems like he's married. He's is specifically using distance, not to build a relationship, but to hide better. 

[d0nnivain]

If he offered, I would assume he'd show up.  

The wrinkle is he seems to be pushing for sex.  You have rightly said no to sharing the hotel etc so if he's not going to get sex, I could see where somebody wouldn't want to travel 3 hours for coffee.   It seems he's coming to you so it's really no skin off your nose & not inconvenient.  Be optimistic.  See if he shows.  Have your coffee but then leave.  Don't drag this out into an all day date or you will have trouble extracting yourself.  

[introverted1]

8 hours ago, Adelaide2024 said:

I said yes, and then asked him if he wanted to sit next to me,

 

8 hours ago, Adelaide2024 said:

I asked him for his phone number and if he wanted to keep in touch.

 

8 hours ago, Adelaide2024 said:

I already told him that my landlord does not accept visitors

I understand that it is ok for women to make the first move, but I think it's possible he interpreted your actions as possibly an invitation for sex.  Especially by bringing up the fact that he couldn't stay at your place, it could have been interpreted that you were intending on staying together when he visits. 

That said, 

8 hours ago, Adelaide2024 said:

I told him we could grab a coffee or something like that. 

this seems to swing drastically in the other direction.  Do you really expect him to travel 3 hours for a coffee? 

[glows]

I don’t know why you care about meeting someone who lives 3 hrs away supposedly. He could be down the block for all you know. What were his reasons for taking that train in the first place? Does his story line up? Having said that no I don’t think it’s unusual for someone to travel to want to be around someone they’re attracted to. I’d be wary but not in disbelief. I’d probably also be slightly turned off because they seem desperate. You are the one who has to decide if it’s worth your time.

What if it’s a nice coffee meet /date? Would you ever make the trip to see him 3 hours away? If the answer is no I wouldn’t overthink this. Either cancel well in advance being considerate of his time or meet and think nothing of it.

What happened on the date prior that has got you so upset or down? Not this train guy , whoever the person was before train guy.

 

Edited January 19, 2024 by glows

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, Adelaide2024 said:

 do you think it’s possible for a man to travel three hours by train, to pay for that train ticket and an hotel room for a woman he has met only once, 

It's doubtful he's doing this for a cup of coffee. I think you know he's expecting a hookup. 

[Sony12]

This is a classic hook up scenario. If you are ok with that go ahead but if hooking up with this guy doesn't interest you best to not give him much attention.

[Foxhall]

11 hours ago, Adelaide2024 said:

But do you think it’s possible for a man to travel three hours by train, to pay for that train ticket and an hotel room for a woman he has met only once, two weeks ago? What are your thoughts?

I met her on a train believe it or not- the love of my life- 

things have not aligned for us but now ten years later she will be getting the ring this year, whether she accepts or not will influence the rest of my life!

so maybe because of this bias- I will say perhaps yes for you this person will be your lifelong partner,

In my case I always knew the girl on the train was different so perhaps booking the hotel room was never my priority-  that could come later.

[mark clemson]

Maybe he's booking the room so he won't have to travel 3 hours by train late at night? And "options"...

I'd say give it a whirl, probably the worst that can happen is that it's a ONS or fling that fizzles out.

3 hours is a ways, but some people don't mind that. I DO suggest that, if this turns into a relationship, you visit his house (with his permission of course, and during daytime hours if you prefer) to ensure it appears he's actually single. If you prefer to do that before "letting anything happen" well, that is your prerogative.  GL...

[Prudence Jane]

Hello folks,

Sorry, I realize my first post wasn't clear.

He was talking about taking an hotel room because he's not living in the city and because I can't have guests at my house. So he has to sleep somewhere lol. (I wouldn't have allowed him to stay at my place anyways because I barely know him). And when he asked me if I wanted to stay with him for the night, I said no, because I barely know him and am not comfortable doing that. He seemed understanding and put zero pressure. I actually appreciated he asked the question because it cleared things up. He expressed the intention of coming to see me despite putting that boundary on my end.

Yeah, I do realize that it's a bit strange to do a 3 hour drive for a coffee. But you never know.  I know also that he is used to travelling long distances for work...so maybe that is why it doesn't bother him so much.

I just spoke to him tonight, he says he is on his way. We'll see what happens.

The other date before the train guy was great, in the sense that we had a coffee and a great conversation for a few hours, but we both agreed that that we did not want to pursue things further. We just were not attracted to one another basically. (It's actually someone who matched us, so that might explain why it did not work out). But I actually had flowers for the first time ever haha.

Edited January 20, 2024 by Prudence Jane

[Alpacalia]

21 hours ago, Adelaide2024 said:

Hello,

First time posting here. 

Double the usernames, unraveling the reason behind multiple identities in one thread.

[Foxhall]

3 hours ago, Prudence Jane said:

Yeah, I do realize that it's a bit strange to do a 3 hour drive for a coffee

I dont know I think if you feel a connection for someone the curiosity is much stronger than any distance,

I had on my mind lately that I would be happy to travel 5000 miles to meet someone for coffee- or take that in as part of an overall trip or something,

anyways good luck as mentioned above.

[ExpatInItaly]

On 1/19/2024 at 5:27 AM, Adelaide2024 said:

First time posting here.

Girl, obviously not. 

Anyway, enjoy your time but be realistic about the prospects here. 

[ShyViolet]

15 hours ago, Prudence Jane said:

Yeah, I do realize that it's a bit strange to do a 3 hour drive for a coffee. But you never know. 

It's more than just "strange."  It makes no sense.  If you live so far apart that he has to book a hotel room just to go on a date with you, where could this lead?  Let's say you two do hit it off and want to keep seeing each other; so he'd book a hotel room every time you go on a date?  He really has nothing better to do with his time and money?

Long distance relationships are usually a waste of time.  This is why it's better to date locally. 

 

[Els]

I like that the other username also made a thread with "first time posting here" in the actual TITLE of the thread, less than a month ago lol.

This guy is obviously just after a hookup, IMO. And I agree that he's likely married - hence the need to do the deed far away from his residence.

Quote

So he has to sleep somewhere lol.

Indeed. However, him sleeping in a hotel is different from him inviting YOU to sleep with him at a hotel.

 

[Alpacalia]

I've had a man offer to fly to me (someone that was friends with a family member) but he didn't offer for me to stay with him. I declined, I thought it was a very nice gesture but it was too much for me without having ever spoken to him before.

He's now in a committed relationship, has been with his girlfriend for almost a year and I think he's happy. 

I am curious to know how many people would go to such great lengths for someone they barely know. This man offering for you to stay with him is a bit much, but then again you did approach him and provided him with your phone number. I don't think it's safe for him to assume that since you were so bold that you would put yourself in a hotel with him but then again, he might have thought that was your way of being forward so his offer wasn't too far off in his mind. You know?

Edited January 21, 2024 by Alpacalia

[basil67]

I'm curious about the logistics of you not being allowed guests.  Let's say that he comes to visit and you get on well and become an item.  Is he going to keep having to pay for hotels each time visits?  Unless he's wealthy, that's a lot to ask of someone.  Or would you do the bulk of the travelling and go to see him more frequently?

[smackie9]

Your picker is still off....keep looking.