Foxhall Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 Yes, I guess just enquiring has anyone any feelings of loneliness or how they deal with such thoughts. Background, in terms of relationships, I’ve had a few over the years but have struggled to find a long term partner. Early 40s now. I spent five years in the latest relationship- we are on a break currently- but I think it has run its course. This was an ok relationship- we spent maybe three or four days together some weeks then other weeks we were not together at all and tended to live fairly separate lives. My other option is an old girlfriend, we met ten years ago, we split but became close again during the covid years. To bring a long story short she arrived from Mexico 15 months ago, I hesitated with being in the above relationship and she left again very quickly. She has been in Belgium since. Ive told this lady on a skype I want to marry her- her reply is she is making a new life now in Belgium and while she wanted to give us a chance in September 2022, she doesn’t know at this point. (she feels a strong connection still, but is afraid maybe our paths are no longer aligning- (what does that mean?) At any rate we have agreed on meeting in April this year to talk it through, most likely in Belgium- my plan is I will buy the ring and see what happens. Workwise I am a freelance operator- working mainly in Accountancy and adult education. I tend to work a lot remotely and from remote working stations. I even catch up a lot on work at various coffee shops. Some people remark they would like my freedom and all of that. Otherwise I have some regular sports activities and have a few friends although meetings are generally sporadic or uncertain. What prompted this post, well I was in a coffee shop working and I noticed a lot of tables people chatting and engaging in interesting conversations-people seemingly living quite fulfilling and pleasant lives. What came over me was a sense of loneliness- that ultimately on the surface while I appear to have a lot of good things going on- at the end of the day I spend a lot of time alone and feel pretty isolated. I am happy to a certain extent alone but clearly not either in some ways. Also while Ive met some lovely ladies over the years, at the end of the day I am still the one brooding alone in a coffee shop I suppose I am unsure what I am missing- maybe a more certain continuous partner. I guess if this lady marries me my problem will be solved but I’m conscious that maybe it won’t happen. And where to go from here. What am I asking even- something along the lines of have you ever had feelings of loneliness and how best to advance. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 20 Share Posted January 20 Foxhall sorry for your loneliness. It sounds like you have a full life with lots of things to do that you enjoy. Being with other people is a good thing but also please enjoy your own company. You can go to social events, meet up groups, hiking clubs, dance lessons, tourist spots near you. If you ever feel lonely try connecting with the universe either go outside, hug a tree🌳☺️, find positive energy, get an animal from the shelter, get essential oils and candles. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 20 Share Posted January 20 You need to find a sense of belonging. That will come through friendships, groups & work. Call up & old friend (not an old lover) & get a coffee with them or chat on the phone. Become a member of an organization that does something you care about. It could be a MeetUp, a book club, a political thing, a civic group. Pick something & start attending regularly. Can you get any sort of not remote job you have to go to regularly so you have work colleagues? I think all the isolation is getting to you. Humans are pack animals We need each other. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Foxhall Posted January 20 Author Share Posted January 20 1 hour ago, d0nnivain said: I think all the isolation is getting to you. Humans are pack animals We need each other. Yes thank you, I think you have a point there, on the work colleagues I occasionally once a month or so am office based where I share with a number of 20 something colleagues, these are a different bunch I find in the sense they are very immersed in social media, while I tend to shy away from all that, so I kind of default to being an outsider. I will take on board however- too much isolation is not good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 21 Share Posted January 21 8 hours ago, Foxhall said: I will take on board however- too much isolation is not good. Excellent. I spent some time today with people I attended grade school with. I am grateful that the connection still exists. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 On 1/19/2024 at 8:14 PM, Foxhall said: Yes, I guess just enquiring has anyone any feelings of loneliness or how they deal with such thoughts. Background, in terms of relationships, I’ve had a few over the years but have struggled to find a long term partner. Early 40s now. I spent five years in the latest relationship- we are on a break currently- but I think it has run its course. This was an ok relationship- we spent maybe three or four days together some weeks then other weeks we were not together at all and tended to live fairly separate lives. My other option is an old girlfriend, we met ten years ago, we split but became close again during the covid years. To bring a long story short she arrived from Mexico 15 months ago, I hesitated with being in the above relationship and she left again very quickly. She has been in Belgium since. Ive told this lady on a skype I want to marry her- her reply is she is making a new life now in Belgium and while she wanted to give us a chance in September 2022, she doesn’t know at this point. (she feels a strong connection still, but is afraid maybe our paths are no longer aligning- (what does that mean?) At any rate we have agreed on meeting in April this year to talk it through, most likely in Belgium- my plan is I will buy the ring and see what happens. Workwise I am a freelance operator- working mainly in Accountancy and adult education. I tend to work a lot remotely and from remote working stations. I even catch up a lot on work at various coffee shops. Some people remark they would like my freedom and all of that. Otherwise I have some regular sports activities and have a few friends although meetings are generally sporadic or uncertain. What prompted this post, well I was in a coffee shop working and I noticed a lot of tables people chatting and engaging in interesting conversations-people seemingly living quite fulfilling and pleasant lives. What came over me was a sense of loneliness- that ultimately on the surface while I appear to have a lot of good things going on- at the end of the day I spend a lot of time alone and feel pretty isolated. I am happy to a certain extent alone but clearly not either in some ways. Also while Ive met some lovely ladies over the years, at the end of the day I am still the one brooding alone in a coffee shop I suppose I am unsure what I am missing- maybe a more certain continuous partner. I guess if this lady marries me my problem will be solved but I’m conscious that maybe it won’t happen. And where to go from here. What am I asking even- something along the lines of have you ever had feelings of loneliness and how best to advance. I can relate to so much of this and its very tough. Like you have do sometimes work remotely from coffee shops etc. and I do find the sense of loneliness to be quite profound. Regarding getting married, I think that is an extreme move especially if you have not dated the person recently what you maybe need is someone to date and connect with, even someone to connect with will probably help. Oddly the one way I feel slightly less lonely is to try value who I am more because for me at least being lonely can become all consuming with a consequent domino affect on various parts of my life, none positive. The bold hit me like a punch to the face because I face this almost every single day, people think I have lots going and I end up having to wear this "its ok I am fine" because people generally cannot relate to the concept being lonely unless they themselves are lonely. Feeling isolated, again for me valuing who I am and the person I know I am does help a bit with this. What can sometimes help, well for me at least is some random conversation with someone, odd but I tend to feel slightly less isolated. My suggestion for the fear of missing out problem, well I know enough people with extremely dis functional relationships and when I here these tales of woe I sometimes think I am lucky to avoid all of that but of course the reverse is true too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Foxhall Posted January 22 Author Share Posted January 22 7 hours ago, ZA Dater said: well I know enough people with extremely dis functional relationships a Yes there can also be feelings of loneliness within a relationship if its going backwards, thank you for your post, yes isolation long-term is not a place I want to be in. I probably need to become more connected to people in general again, even if the relationships are not going to plan. Link to post Share on other sites
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