I think I have feelings for my roommate

[Sammie]

I have lived with this guy for about 6 months. I knew him before I moved in but we didn’t know each other well. My dad moved out of state unexpectedly so I had to find a place. My bf offered me a few months but that was it. All my friends knew that I was looking for a place. I got a text from my now roommate offering me a room for incredibly cheap. My bf went back and forth about what I should do. He didn’t like the idea of me moving in with a guy, but he didn’t want to live with me yet, so I ended up doing it and he accepted it. 
 

We have become friends since I moved in and it has been great. We don’t have any stupid roommate issues that can rip friends apart. Our schedules are basically the same so we usually get home at the same time. I have started to realize I might have feelings for him or at least really like him in my mind a romantic way. He has so many good qualities and because I live with him I see how he actually is. We already share so much of our lives that sometimes it feels like we are in a relationship.  I am crushing hard and I’m not sure what it means or what I should do. Moving out isn’t a realistic option either.

[Wiseman2]

26 minutes ago, Sammie said:

. We already share so much of our lives that sometimes it feels like we are in a relationship.  I am crushing hard and I’m not sure what it means 

Is he single? Perhaps rethink your relationship with your BF if you are developing feelings for someone else. 

[Sammie]

23 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is he single? Perhaps rethink your relationship with your BF if you are developing feelings for someone else. 

He is single

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, Sammie said:

  I am crushing hard and I’m not sure what it means or what I should do. Moving out isn’t a realistic option either.

Then I’d break up with your boyfriend. That’s first and then see what happens after that.

[Alpacalia]

Sounds like you're screwed if moving isn't an option. Maybe think about why you've developed feelings for him. Your attraction towards another man when in a relationship with another 'typically' is a sign you're no longer satisfied within the current relationship.

Are you feeling unsatisfied in your current relationship and finding comfort in someone else? Are you drawn to your roommate's personality or qualities that are lacking in your current partner? Are you simply enjoying the companionship and intimacy of living with someone?

Once you have a better understanding, you can address the issue within your relationship or make a decision about what to do with your feelings for your roommate.

[Weezy1973]

15 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Your attraction towards another man when in a relationship with another 'typically' is a sign you're no longer satisfied within the current relationship.

I actually think this is a bit of a myth. Attraction towards someone else can happen regardless of your satisfaction with your current relationship. The key is to not put yourself in a position where that attract ion can escalate. Or put another way, to protect your relationship.

 Unfortunately OP, you can’t do that, which is why breaking up with your boyfriend is really your only route here. 

[Alpacalia]

Just now, Weezy1973 said:

I actually think this is a bit of a myth. Attraction towards someone else can happen regardless of your satisfaction with your current relationship. The key is to not put yourself in a position where that attract ion can escalate. Or put another way, to protect your relationship.

 Unfortunately OP, you can’t do that, which is why breaking up with your boyfriend is really your only route here. 

Thanks.

That's why I put 'typically' in quotes. 

In this specific situation, it may not apply because of the living situation. But speaking in general, having feelings for someone else can be a signal that something is off in your current relationship. It's not necessarily a reason to break up, but it's worth exploring why these feelings have developed.

To clarify: it's not a "myth" that attraction towards someone else while in a relationship can be a sign of dissatisfaction within the current relationship. It's just not always the case, and definitely not the only reason for experiencing attraction towards someone else. It's just one thing to consider and address.

[ShyViolet]

6 hours ago, Sammie said:

Moving out isn’t a realistic option either.

Don't confess your feelings to your roommate unless you get into a position where you could move out if necessary.  Because, what if your roommate doesn't return those feelings and then it makes things super awkward between you?  You need to be able to move out if things go south.

[MsJayne]

I'm going to assume from what you've said that during this six months living together you've forged a good friendship and have probably had some D&M conversations about life, death, and the universe, and so you probably know each other reasonably well at this stage, and your attraction is more than just "Phwoar, he's hot" , there's also genuine regard and warmth. Your BF doesn't deserve to be kept on hand as a backup plan, so do you think you should consider ending things with him?  It would make you look bad if you revealed your feelings to your flatmate while you've still got a BF, so I think you'd be better off waiting until you're single to see whether he shows any romantic interest. Even once you're single, I still wouldn't recommend declaring feelings over a post-work wine in the kitchen, it might turn from comfy friendship to aaawkwaard in a split second and then you'd need to find somewhere else to live. Before you make the decision to end things with your BF maybe think hard about your true feelings towards him and towards Flatmate. Are you still sexually attracted to your BF, do you like him as a person, are you compatible, do things tick along happily or is there conflict? Are you romanticising Flatmate, because of boredom with your BF or some other reason, or do you really believe he might be your One?  These things need to be considered because the grass usually isn't greener on the other side  .