Narcissistic behavior?

[LilySun]

So I just got out of a long relationship and new to dating again. I matched with guy on a dating site, then we texted a few days and he seemed nice, fun, asked about my day, etc. 

But we talked on the phone and he was instantly talking a mile a minute, all about himself. He asked how my night was going but the rest was all about him, he otherwise didn't ask any questions about me. By the end of the call I knew his whole life story, almost. I tried to chime in & relate to things he said but he interrupted me almost everytime and it was back to him..at one point he got kinda bossy with me saying he will convince me to do this or that... but we do like a lot of the same things, activities, etc, and I like that he's outgoing. We are supposed to meet this weekend. But if conversation always goes this way it would exhaust me, lol.  Should I give it a chance that maybe he's just nervous, or is this a big red flag that I should just bow out now? This reminds me of narcissistic behavior but this could be way too early assume. Thanks.

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, LilySun said:

. We are supposed to meet this weekend. But if conversation always goes this way it would exhaust me, lol.  Should I give it a chance that maybe he's just nervous, 

He seems exhausting and boring. It doesn't matter what supposed diagnosis he has, you already know everything you need to know. If just talking on the phone is this bad, reconsider if meeting him is worth your while. 

[Alpacalia]

To be frank, most individuals are good-hearted but very bad daters.

The issue is that whatever motives - to impress or avoid wasting time - can detract from the romantic atmosphere. He could also just be nervous and trying to make a good impression.

Bad phone chemistry though can absolutely be indicative that that will also be how it is if you meet, but like I said I think it's also possible he's just super nervous and babbling.

Please forgive these yapping individuals for their ignorant mistakes. They are like third grade boys seeking attention by pulling your hair. You don't have to like or date them, but some are just trying to share a piece of themselves and are hoping that you’ll eagerly receive it.

[basil67]

Best to avoid trying to pathologise fairly regular behaviours.  This guy just seems to be lacking in social skills.  He was probably never taught how to have a two sided conversation....and there's plenty in the world (male and female) who are like this.

But in answer to your question, I wouldn't date someone who only talked about themselves. 

Edited January 24, 2024 by basil67

[ShyViolet]

This sounds awful.... I would cancel the date if I were you.  People who have no conversational skills, who just ramble nonstop and don't let you get a word in edgewise are exhausting.  I can't deal with people like that.

[ZA Dater]

I'd actually go on the date but make sure its a coffee date so you can limit the amount of time. I do think that sometimes people get nervous and then talk excessively but also I think there is a case to be said for giving a degree of lets see what he is like in person. He was probably trying to impress you but did the complete opposite.

Worst case scenario you have a coffee and then leave. I do think that guys and I have been guilty of this in the past, tend to try oversell in the hope to captivate the person and then do the exact opposite. Being aware of a two sided conversation is important.

Hate to say this but if I were you, I'd decide if he was physically attractive enough to take a chance on meeting. If not cancel and move on.

[LilySun]

Thank you for the insight. Today I found out through friends that he was very abusive to a recent ex, so I won't be going out with him and have blocked him. 

[Wiseman2]

13 hours ago, LilySun said:

 I won't be going out with him and have blocked him. 

Good call. It's definitely better to cut your losses early on with this may red flags. 

[Alpacalia]

13 hours ago, LilySun said:

Thank you for the insight. Today I found out through friends that he was very abusive to a recent ex, so I won't be going out with him and have blocked him. 

You matched with a guy on a dating site and your friends know him and his ex that intimately? Wow. Small world...

Better to be safe then sorry though, so kudos.

Hopefully he didn't waste your time too much or give you too much grief.

Edited January 25, 2024 by Alpacalia

[smackie9]

First impressions count...if you are not impressed, then don't go out on a date with them.