Anilocora Posted January 29, 2024 Share Posted January 29, 2024 (edited) Tips on how to overcome? Edited January 29, 2024 by Anilocora To make more general. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 29, 2024 Share Posted January 29, 2024 (edited) I don't think attachment style has much to do with it. I have been assigned as avoidant and what you described is common in dating. It is common for people to check in on themselves, particularly when with someone in a relationship more than a couple of years, where maybe there's a bit of a losing sense of identity in the relationship. I am not sure how overcheck-in on yourself you do; if the moments are rare, relax. If it eats away at you daily, that sounds like a problem. Take a step back and assess the situation. As you mentioned, your partner has been honest with you in the past and it seems like you have a strong foundation of trust in your relationship. Remind yourself of this and try to look at the situation objectively. Is there any real evidence that your partner is being unfaithful? Are your fears stemming from insecurity or actual red flags? With him talking about a female colleague in that way, sure, he probably did just play it up for his friends. However, I don't agree that it's normal or acceptable to talk about someone in an inappropriate or objectifying way. Just because people do it, doesn't make it okay. You do need to work on your anxiety and trust issues, but I also think your partner needs to be more mindful and respectful of your feelings and how his actions and words can affect them. It's okay for him to find other people attractive, but it's not okay for him to talk about it disrespectfully or make you feel threatened or uncared for. Edited January 29, 2024 by Alpacalia 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 29, 2024 Share Posted January 29, 2024 (edited) 14 minutes ago, Anilocora said: I think he feels like I'm restricting and controlling him too much, as he has occasionally said I'm overreacting to certain things and as far as guys go, he's not that bad. Sorry this is happening. Do you live together? How old is he? He seems a bit immature, despite writing it off as "work culture" and "guys will be guys" How is your relationship otherwise? Do you have the same goals and values? Do you go out together as a couple? Do you ever attend these "work culture" events? Please don't swallow your pride when it comes to trusting your instincts about whether his behavior is disrespectful or not. Perhaps you feel left out or a little jealous, but please observe how you feel. Edited January 29, 2024 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 30, 2024 Share Posted January 30, 2024 Your Q as I'm reading it is too general. In general IMO if a relationship is giving you anxiety, break up. That's a sign there is something terribly wrong. On a less drastic note, analyze your feelings. What are you anxious about? What is the evidence of whatever is making you afraid? think about the worst case scenarios & how you would address each of them. Focus on the good positive things & about the relationship & move forward that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 30, 2024 Share Posted January 30, 2024 Not enough details to help you. There are all types of relationship anxieties so there is no 1 answer fits all. Link to post Share on other sites
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