Private relationships

[Wiseman2]

9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Duplicate sorry.

 

Edited January 30 by Wiseman2

[ExpatInItaly]

How many times have you met in person? 

You seem to be avoiding this question, which to me suggests that you hardly know him in real life. 

[IrinaM]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

This crossed my mind as well. There's so many things that don't really add up and worrying about being "FB official" doesn't seem to explain a lot of the inconsistencies. Please read up on distance romances that don't seem to make sense:

To piggyback off this and continue this train of thought...

OP, you mentioned he is "well known." Every time I follow a male celebrity on instagram, within a day or two I'll get a follow request from a fan account of said celebrity. I used to accept them, thinking, oh cool, it's someone else who is a fan of this artist, just like me, and they even created a tribute page. Then I would start getting DMs from the fan account, saying "hey it's me so-and-so, my management team runs my official account so I like to use this one to get in touch with fans!" And then try and spark conversation.

Clearly, famous men were not DMing me on instagram. I think this is just a tactic scammers use. They use the lists of followers from celebrity accounts to fish for prospects. The goal is to convince a victim that someone famous, or talented, or just someone admired actually loves you and wants to be in your life. Then they start asking for money to cover various fees and expenses related to travel or meeting up. 

Please be careful.  And if you believe any of this applies to your situation, consider seeing a counselor. It's okay to be in a vulnerable place, but you need to learn a better way of coping.

[Alpacalia]

Are you sure he's not married?

[BaileyB]

7 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

How many times have you met in person? 

You seem to be avoiding this question, which to me suggests that you hardly know him in real life. 

Also my thought.

I personally can’t imagine moving to a new country to live with someone with whom I’ve built a relationship by texting and recorded voice notes. I just don’t know how you build an actual relationship with this kind of very impersonal communication. 

Edited January 30 by BaileyB

[NuevoYorko]

4 hours ago, BaileyB said:

Also my thought.

I personally can’t imagine moving to a new country to live with someone with whom I’ve built a relationship by texting and recorded voice notes. 

Well ... the chances are slim to nil that this man will be moving to the USA permanently any time soon.   He could come to visit but there are pretty strict visa requirements to establish permanent residency.

OP, your question was about "private relationships" but I think you might want to be considering the realistic potential for success in relationships that don't really have much personal interaction involved.   

Edited January 30 by NuevoYorko

[mark clemson]

21 hours ago, Willowlane88 said:

The first question (that doesn’t need a background story) is Can and do private relationships exist without secrets...involved? Is this common in British culture?

I'm not British and, for myself, I don't "do" long distance relationships. However to comment on the above about secrets, many LT couples do have information they don't share.

"Radical honesty" is a practice in marriage therapy for this very reason.

The real question, in your case as with most, is how significant the secret(s) are. I don't have a good read from your post on what your LD boyfriend might or might not be up to, so I'm going to let others respond on those questions. I do wish you luck...

[Willowlane88]

15 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

How many times have you met in person? 

You seem to be avoiding this question, which to me suggests that you hardly know him in real life. 

Sorry busy day yesterday, known him for over 5 years, met him several times before we got together bc he was living stateside under a work visa. Only started dating and made it serious 6 months ago. Not an online relationship entirely, but it has mostly been spent online since making it official. He had some health issues and the UK has free healthcare. No we don’t spend a lot of time FaceTiming, we do talk daily for several hours by either phone call, voice notes or texting. I wasn’t avoiding, I answered a lot of stuff twice but I don’t think it all gets read lol. 

[NuevoYorko]

Have you been to visit him at his home?

[Willowlane88]

8 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

Have you been to visit him at his home?

No,  it yet. That’s on me, I haven’t had the time to leave work. 

[NuevoYorko]

I am curious about why it took you 5 years of knowing him to start a relationship, and why this started right when he was going to move to the UK?   

Also still curious about why you choose to use voice notes for communication, I think that sounds pretty unfulfilling since there would be no give and take.   Why not video calls?  I strongly believe that if something like this were to become a viable relationship it would require a lot more "togetherness" than what you have described.

Basically, I'm a doubter when it comes to the survival rates of relationships that take place mostly virtually.   

It can happen.  I know one couple that met on vacation, he was from UK and she was our friend from Seattle WA.   They did spend a LOT of time traveling back and forth.  We all knew him,  she became close with his family and friend group in London during her visits there.  They ended up married, living in Seattle,  they have been together for 20 years and have 2 great kids.  

That's the only one I know of that actually worked out.  

 

 

[Alpacalia]

Why are you settling for this mediocracy? If you have trust issues, why are you subjecting yourself to this mental and emotional torture? There are so many holes in this story that I really don't understand the amount of time and emotional energy you have invested in this.