Poddingpeg Posted January 30 Share Posted January 30 Hello I am seeking advice whether I should break up with my boyfriend. (Sorry for my poor english I cannot seek help from my friends family because they all think we have broken up so basically right now we are at a situation of my boyfriend cant express any love to me because he is afraid if I”waste” his love again. I admit i was wrong saying many breakups in our 1 and a half year relationship because of lack communication. Turns out the solution of every problem is to break up. My boyfriend said he has enough of me saying these and unless he feel i changed something he wont love me again. we went on a date this sunday and he got really mad because he was sick and i didnt go visit him and just kinda force him to go out and keep asking him to talk (i personally miss him too much and just want him to talk more with me ) then he was like i am not considering him and not respecting him. Which he told me to RESPECT AND CONSIDER him for a long time. I am really sad with this and cried for nights should i break up with him becasue it has been weeks already and he still cant give love to me? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 30 Share Posted January 30 13 minutes ago, Poddingpeg said: i was wrong saying many breakups in our 1 and a half year relationship because of lack communication. Turns out the solution of every problem is to break up. My boyfriend said he has enough of me saying these Sorry this is happening. How old is he? On/off relationships are fraught with unresolved incompatibilities and conflicts combined with an unhealthy attachment and lack of other opportunities. Chronically breaking up to win arguments or manipulate situations is almost abusive. Please stop. Please make an appointment with a licensed qualified therapist for ongoing support. You may need to figure out why you're using nuclear force to get your way with your breakups. Why are you so unhappy and angry that you need to break up constantly? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poddingpeg Posted January 30 Author Share Posted January 30 So i constantly say breakups is because he real did something not respectful to me e.g badmouthing my parents criticize my way of clothing with his friends allowing his friends to criticize me Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poddingpeg Posted January 30 Author Share Posted January 30 My boyfriend is 3yrs older than me and i am real stressed in this relationship right now Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 30 Share Posted January 30 11 minutes ago, Poddingpeg said: he real did something not respectful to me e.g badmouthing my parents criticize my way of clothing with his friends allowing his friends to criticize me If he is abusive, end things permanently and delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Breakups don't change or fix people. Please walk away for good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poddingpeg Posted January 30 Author Share Posted January 30 He did change after i said break up and he said he has changed enough alr e.g using foul language to scold me, easily triggered but i also did bad things to him like blocking him when he wants to communicate or somthing Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 30 Share Posted January 30 22 minutes ago, Poddingpeg said: he said he has changed enough alr e.g using foul language to scold me, easily triggered .i also did bad things to him like blocking him when he wants to communicate or somthing Exactly. Your relationship is toxic and abusive. Please talk to trusted friends and family and read up on what healthy relationship look like and what controlling and abusive relationships are like. You two are just wearing each other down destroying each other's self respect. Please stop. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 30 Share Posted January 30 1 hour ago, Poddingpeg said: So i constantly say breakups is because he real did something not respectful to me e.g badmouthing my parents criticize my way of clothing with his friends allowing his friends to criticize me Your relationship is very unhealthy. He's not a nice guy but you have poor conflict resolution skills. Threatening to break up over every little thing is bad. However, his behaviors are not little things; he's not a good BF. He shouldn't criticize you in public & he should never let his friends criticize you. There' s no reason he should use foul language around you. If you knew he was sick why would you force him to go out? You wouldn't want him to do that to you when you weren't feeling well. If your issue was that you wanted to spend time with him & talk to him you didn't have to go out to accomplish that. This whole thing seems fraught with problems. Neither of you is particularly kind or loving to the other but when you each feel hurt all you both do is lash out further damaging the relationship. Especially since your friends all think you have already broken up & seemingly they support the break up because they don't think he's good for you, it may be best to separate. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poddingpeg Posted January 30 Author Share Posted January 30 1 minute ago, d0nnivain said: Your relationship is very unhealthy. He's not a nice guy but you have poor conflict resolution skills. Threatening to break up over every little thing is bad. However, his behaviors are not little things; he's not a good BF. He shouldn't criticize you in public & he should never let his friends criticize you. There' s no reason he should use foul language around you. If you knew he was sick why would you force him to go out? You wouldn't want him to do that to you when you weren't feeling well. If your issue was that you wanted to spend time with him & talk to him you didn't have to go out to accomplish that. This whole thing seems fraught with problems. Neither of you is particularly kind or loving to the other but when you each feel hurt all you both do is lash out further damaging the relationship. Especially since your friends all think you have already broken up & seemingly they support the break up because they don't think he's good for you, it may be best to separate. Yes it is true that we have been suffering a lot but i was thinking shall i really work out for the very last time? also i have to clarify i didnt really force him to go out because we are living quite far (two hours distance). He agreed to go out and agreed for the destination. And basically i just want some reply like nodding heads because i want to have some normal couple interaction. He scold me for not considering him then. Therefore i feel really tired for fulfilling his list of me changing Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poddingpeg Posted January 30 Author Share Posted January 30 29 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Exactly. Your relationship is toxic and abusive. Please talk to trusted friends and family and read up on what healthy relationship look like and what controlling and abusive relationships are like. You two are just wearing each other down destroying each other's self respect. Please stop. Yes i agree it is toxic i didnt say breakup for a long time unless he really did something crazy or scary. There are too many issues involved inside. I am afraid of breaking up because i will miss somebody replying my messages 24/7 and playing with me happily when we are good except from these communication problems i think we are quite suitable with each other like we went to trips for a few times but we seldom argued so idk can i just consider as a point of suitable Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 30 Share Posted January 30 You're breaking up as a means to an end, but in reality, you're not really allowing yourself to move on. He's giving ultimatums saying he won't give you love until you give him what he wants first. And you're asking whether you should break up or not?!!!! What?! Also, when someone is sick, you show concern instead of forcing them to come out and keep you entertained. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 30 Share Posted January 30 2 hours ago, Poddingpeg said: Yes i agree it is toxic.i didnt say breakup for a long time unless he really did something crazy or scary. Please read up on red flags for abusive relationships. : https://nnedv.org/content/red-flags-of-abuse/ Link to post Share on other sites
Wisewitch Posted February 1 Share Posted February 1 I think you both need to understand each other more. It sounds to me that both of you are on a seperate line. Saying breakup is really toxic to a relationship just like what you have said, maybe you two should find a time, seat down and have a chat peacefully. Link to post Share on other sites
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