Askingforme12 Posted January 31 Share Posted January 31 I'm (27F) considering breaking up with my boyfriend (25M). I recently fell pregnant and we agreed that it's not the right time for us so l'm going in for an abortion. I feel like he has been so distant and I feel like he wants me to just it done with so we can return to normality. I feel alone and really emotional (I know it can be the hormones). This situation makes me think that he doesn't ever want a family with me. In the future I would like to be with someone who not only wants me but a family with me. When his ex got pregnant they both considered keeping it but with me it wasn't a consideration at all. He kept repeating the fact that I said I wasn't ready now so we should just go through with it. Should I break up or wait to see if it's my hormones are causing me to overthink? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 31 Share Posted January 31 Make a pros & cons list. Why stay? Why break up? Write it all down & put the list away overnight. Come back & re-read it. That should give you non-hormonal based answers to your Q Best wishes whatever decisions you make with the choices ahead. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 31 Share Posted January 31 14 minutes ago, Askingforme12 said: I'm (27F) considering breaking up with my boyfriend (25M). I recently fell pregnant and we agreed that it's not the right time for us so l'm going in for an abortion. Sorry this is happening. Was the pregnancy planned? How long have you been dating? Do you live together? Are you in a committed relationship? Are you both working and financially independent? Please take care of yourself and your physical and mental health. Please use whatever resources the clinic has to help you cope. Unfortunately if he's not ready for a family, it's not a good time. It's a hard time and difficult situation for both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 31 Share Posted January 31 37 minutes ago, Askingforme12 said: I'm (27F) considering breaking up with my boyfriend (25M). I recently fell pregnant and we agreed that it's not the right time for us so l'm going in for an abortion. I feel like he has been so distant and I feel like he wants me to just it done with so we can return to normality. I feel alone and really emotional (I know it can be the hormones). This situation makes me think that he doesn't ever want a family with me. In the future I would like to be with someone who not only wants me but a family with me. When his ex got pregnant they both considered keeping it but with me it wasn't a consideration at all. He kept repeating the fact that I said I wasn't ready now so we should just go through with it. Should I break up or wait to see if it's my hormones are causing me to overthink? I agree that him considering keeping the baby with his ex yet wanting to rush you to the abortion clinic is a sign he doesn't see a future with you. Only you know if you should break this off. How long have you been dating? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Askingforme12 Posted January 31 Author Share Posted January 31 29 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Make a pros & cons list. Why stay? Why break up? Write it all down & put the list away overnight. Come back & re-read it. That should give you non-hormonal based answers to your Q Best wishes whatever decisions you make with the choices ahead. Thanks so much! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Askingforme12 Posted January 31 Author Share Posted January 31 22 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this is happening. Was the pregnancy planned? How long have you been dating? Do you live together? Are you in a committed relationship? Are you both working and financially independent? Please take care of yourself and your physical and mental health. Please use whatever resources the clinic has to help you cope. Unfortunately if he's not ready for a family, it's not a good time. It's a hard time and difficult situation for both of you. We’ve been dating a year and don’t live together as he is in the army. We are both working and financially independent. He is younger than me that’s why I’m assuming he isn’t on the same page as me? 30 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Make a pros & cons list. Why stay? Why break up? Write it all down & put the list away overnight. Come back & re-read it. That should give you non-hormonal based answers to your Q Best wishes whatever decisions you make with the choices ahead. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 31 Share Posted January 31 1 minute ago, Askingforme12 said: We’ve been dating a year and don’t live together as he is in the army. We are both working and financially independent. He is younger than me that’s why I’m assuming he isn’t on the same page as me? Why was he on the same page with his ex but not you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Askingforme12 Posted January 31 Author Share Posted January 31 (edited) 5 minutes ago, stillafool said: Why was he on the same page with his ex but not you? She wanted to keep it so he considered it, after a few weeks she changed her mind so they had an abortion. I never said I wanted to keep it so we never considered it. I’m having an abortion regardless, I’m just wondering if I should break up because in the future I do want kids but it seems like he doesn’t. Edited January 31 by Askingforme12 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 31 Share Posted January 31 8 minutes ago, Askingforme12 said: I’m just wondering if I should break up because in the future I do want kids but it seems like he doesn’t. Oh my, if this is the case definitely break up so you have time to meet, date, get engaged, and marry a man who wants the same things you do in life. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 31 Share Posted January 31 (edited) 11 minutes ago, Askingforme12 said: I’m just wondering if I should break up because in the future I do want kids but it seems like he doesn’t. You are making assumptions. He might not want kids NOW when he's in the army, subject to being deployed. With all that is going on in the world you have to know that him being sent to fight is a reality. I suggest you take care of business. Get your medical procedure then talk to him. If you are on different pages about kids, then as @stillafool pointed out you have time to go after your dream Edited January 31 by d0nnivain Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 31 Share Posted January 31 After a year dating you never had a conversation on having children? I am sorry you have to go through that. Your boyfriend does not sound very supportive. Abortion is something difficult to go through physically and emotionally EVEN when this is what we want to do. He should be supporting you with kindness and love AND be present for the procedure. Couples don't breakup over *he seems to not want...*. Couples breakup after having an open honest conversation about wanting children or not. You need that honest conversation with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 1 Share Posted February 1 It's not your hormones. He has now gotten two women pregnant, and with you, he did not even consider keeping it (like he did with his ex). You're right to start thinking of your future, and whether or not he's the right person to be with in that future. He is being distant and seems to want you to just hurry up and get the abortion done with. That's not a supportive or fulfilling partner. Link to post Share on other sites
Kassieee Posted February 1 Share Posted February 1 Yup break up with him. Right now he's showing you who he is and how he feels about you in your most vulnerable time. He has no worries in the world while your going through this alone as if this has nothing to do with him. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 1 Share Posted February 1 (edited) 14 hours ago, Askingforme12 said: I'm (27F) considering breaking up with my boyfriend (25M). I recently fell pregnant and we agreed that it's not the right time for us so l'm going in for an abortion. I feel like he has been so distant and I feel like he wants me to just it done with so we can return to normality. I feel alone and really emotional (I know it can be the hormones). This situation makes me think that he doesn't ever want a family with me. In the future I would like to be with someone who not only wants me but a family with me. When his ex got pregnant they both considered keeping it but with me it wasn't a consideration at all. He kept repeating the fact that I said I wasn't ready now so we should just go through with it. Should I break up or wait to see if it's my hormones are causing me to overthink? Ah, I'm so sorry to hear this is happening for you. But I wouldn't be so quick to dump him, and I do think that your hormones may be at play here. Thing is, you haven't said that he doesn't want a family, just that you feel that it's not the right time to have a baby and he supports you, and that he wants to get through this so that both of you can get out the other side and back to normal. And honestly, I would imagine that this is a very common feeling. I'm a woman and I can imagine that in this situation, I'd be feeling a whole lot of confusion, self recrimination, sadness and yes, wanting to get back to normal. If you were wanting to keep the baby, perhaps his response would be different? What do you need from him in this time? Perhaps you could articulate it to him Edited February 1 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted February 1 Share Posted February 1 (edited) OP, I think you should talk to your boyfriend. It's possible he believes in supporting the woman's choice, whatever it happens to be. So if you did not indicate that you wanted to have the baby, he's not going to mention wanting to have it. I imagine he may not want to make things harder for you. He may seem emotionally distant because he's trying to suppress his feelings on the subject in order to support you better. I may be wrong, of course. You should have a conversation with him on the subject. Edited February 1 by Acacia98 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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