Having doubts on whether I should continue with my boyfriend

[Mackenzie]

We have been together for about 6 months. I was happy, we were happy. But recently I wanted to break up with him because I don't feel safe in this relationship. I am into the Christianity faith while he is not. I tried to break up with him over it in Nov 2023. He said he will follow me to church. I tried to support him and follow him to a church near his place, which isn't the church I usually go to, thinking that with my company, he would slowly adapt to the environment. After about 1 month, I leave him be and realized he isn't going to church weekly. To me it just means he is just going for the sake of going. To me faith is important, I have already told him beforehand. I tried to close one eye and continue being with him despite this as I do not want to force him anymore.

But Jan this year, I slowly find that I feel insecure in this relationship. All the accumulation of things, made me want to break up with him again. I fell sick in early Jan and was admitted to the hospital. The visiting rules only allow family members due to covid, so wasn't able to visit me. But I was disappointed that he showed no sign of eagerness of even wanting to visit me. Another thing is that, I was feeling unwell once in public. I had to say a few times for him to walk me home. If he really loves me,  I do not need to say it, it should be an automatic thing to send the girlfriend home knowing that she wasn't feeling well. But I had to repeat myself several times before he was willing to do so.

Overall he is not a bad boyfriend, but when it comes to showing care and love, I don't feel that. Plus he does not share things with me, be it good or bad. I have to ask him to share things with me because I am his girlfriend, I would really like to hear you share about your day, be it good or bad, to share your happiness and worries. But he is not much of a texter and a talker when it comes to himself.

I had a long talk with him, and he gave me time to think it though, whether to break or not. But before that, he told me to find other guys and continue being with him at the same time. Only until when I find someone suitable, then break up with him for real. I don't understand the logic to this. If he really is into me, why would he tell me to find other guys? Some useful advice would be great. I am having a headache trying to make a deicison. 

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, Mackenzie said:

We have been together for about 6 months. . I am into the Christianity faith while he is not. I tried to break up with him over it in Nov 2023. He said he will follow me to church. After about 1 month, I leave him be and realized he isn't going to church weekly. 

Sorry this is happening. Dating 28 weeks is the getting to know you period and you've broken up several times and identified deal breakers and incompatibilities. 

Please trust your instincts and set each other free. Please remember dating is a what you see is what you get situation. 

In this case you tried to overhaul him so much into basically a completely different person. If you need to change, fix, convert someone to this extreme, you're not with the right person.  Let each other go. Please date compatible men in the future. 

 

 

[Alpacalia]

You've already tried to make it work and compromise in the relationship, but it seems like he is no longer putting in the same effort. His suggestion of finding someone else while still being in a relationship with you is basically a send-off.

I get that you want your partner to share your faith, but it is also important to respect his beliefs and not force him to conform to yours. He was only attending church for the sake of appeasing you, rather than genuinely wanting to explore your religion.

I'm sorry, I know it hurts but it's time to let this relationship go. He's pretty much already checked out. He's giving you the choice to choose him but you're on borrowed time while he takes his time to find someone else. In the future, try to respect the person you are with, as they are. If they don't measure up to what you want, let them go.

Edited February 4 by Alpacalia

[d0nnivain]

Why are you having a headache over this?  You know what you want to do, what you need to do.  So do it.  You are having a headache because you are not being true to yourself.  You are lying through your own actions of staying with him.  Stop being nice.  That is what is holding you back.  You have some warped idea that you are not allowed to have what you want, that you have to tolerate unpleasant situations.  That is not true. 

Since you are religious, pray on the situation.  Ask God to give you courage & clear vision.  Ask for strength & grace.  Then act. 

[Els]

You just have to decide what's more important to you, and act on that. It's fine if you decide that having different religions makes you incompatible, you don't owe anyone anything.

I really don't get the Covid thing though. You said that only family members can enter to visit, and he isn't one. Why would he be "eager to visit" you when presumably this is a well known rule and he would have known that he couldn't visit? It makes no sense to be eager to do something that you already know is impossible.

I also don't understand why you'd assume that he'd just "adapt to the environment" and be as excited as you are about going to church. People don't just... suddenly start believing in something just because they got into the habit of going to a place where that thing is preached. I think it's safe to say that if your partner being a Christian is super important to you, you should ONLY date similarly religious Christians. In fact, you should probably expect to only date people that you meet at church. Don't expect people to change for you.

Edited February 4 by Els

[stillafool]

18 hours ago, Mackenzie said:

But before that, he told me to find other guys and continue being with him at the same time. Only until when I find someone suitable, then break up with him for real.

If a man told me to find other guys until I found someone suitable then to break up with him; but in the meantime he's continue seeing me, I'd be gone so fast his head would swim.  He's basically told you that you don't mean much to him and you're welcome to get with another man.  What are you waiting for?  How old are you guys?  I don't understand your concern that he wasn't eager to enter a hospital filled with Covid either.  No one is.  Also if you want a Christian man it's best to find one who is already a member of a church he frequently attends.  A lot of churches now have singles groups.

Edited February 4 by stillafool

[ShyViolet]

If you are feeling this doubtful about the relationship, at only 6 months of dating, it's very clear that you need to stop wasting any more time and end it.  I really don't know why you have a headache over this.  You're not into this relationship and it's not making you happy.  You can't change him into the man you want.  This is who he is.  Let him go and find someone who is better suited for you.