Breaking down due to stress on my work placement

[Yellowrose91]

I have a 3 month placement in a hospital. This is part of my university degree. If I don’t complete this placement , I will still get a degree, but it won’t be as the one I’d get if I finished this placement.

This is my second placement. During the first I was so depressed and had the same breakdown issue. Now I’m only a few weeks into my second placement and I feel like death. I don’t want to go into details but I feel I’m not confident enough on the job, I get severe brain fog by the end of the day, and when I get back to my room I’m exhausted. I have a patient facing job and I find myself to be awkward. All in all I feel absolutely terrible.

I’ve never previously told my fiancé about these issues. Tonight I was feeling particularly upset. He didn’t know this when he called me. He knows I get tired and this always annoys him a little. He then started to tell me that jobs and life are never easy, I have to do things that are hard that I don’t want to do. I felt so awful hearing that, I told him I had to go then burst into tears.

I’m really only getting my current qualification to please others- my fiancé and my mother. If it was up to me I’d get a lesser paid job that is less stressful even if it means less money. I just don’t want a patient facing role at this stage in my life. I honestly don’t know whether to leave this now and walk away with the lesser degree or battle it out.

Any advice is appreciated.

[basil67]

13 minutes ago, Yellowrose91 said:

I’m really only getting my current qualification to please others- my fiancé and my mother. If it was up to me I’d get a lesser paid job that is less stressful even if it means less money

I'm so sorry they pushed you into this.  Of course you can stop!  It's your life and your decision.  Not everyone is cut out for high stress/high paid careers and that's why there are so many who also are happy doing regular jobs.  

If you're going to walk away from this, I suspect that both your fiance and mother are likely to push you back into it.  To refuse to hear your "no".   Do you want to go through some practice here about putting up your own boundaries?    Do you think that going against your fiance's request will damage the relationship...and what about your mother?  Of course, you have every right to do this, but start thinking their possible reactions and how to put them in their place.  

Are your mother and fiance pushy in general?

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, Yellowrose91 said:

I just don’t want a patient facing role at this stage in my life. I honestly don’t know whether to leave this now and walk away with the lesser degree or battle it out.

You have to make your own choices in life. 

You clearly already don't like the role, so I don't think you are going to be able to (nor should) make a career out of the this. My guess is that if you liked the work in general, this placement would be a lot less stressful. But since you don't enjoy it on a general level, everything about it feels harder to face. 

Side note, you are calling this guy your fiancé but you have only been together a few months, going by your past threads. What is the rush, and why does he get a say in what you do with your life? 

[d0nnivain]

You need to be true to yourself. If you want something less stressful go do that. 

Brain fog in the medical field can be deadly to the patients.   You need to tell your supervisors or at least your professor how you are doing.  

Is there any chance that if you persist here that you will come out on top?  Is this just a manifestation of insecurity, lack of self confidence?  Sometimes it's good to push yourself to accomplish something.  You made it through last semester, didn't you?  

You don't actually have to use the degree if you get it  You can do something that better fits you & feeds your soul.  I knew a woman who was so burned out from stress she went from being a charge nurse with a masters to being a live in home health aid & she was so much happier.  

Edited February 6 by d0nnivain

[stillafool]

I agree with others on this.  This job seems bad for your mental health.  How old are you?

[Alpacalia]

On 2/5/2024 at 3:59 PM, Yellowrose91 said:

I have a 3 month placement in a hospital. This is part of my university degree. If I don’t complete this placement , I will still get a degree, but it won’t be as the one I’d get if I finished this placement.

This is my second placement. During the first I was so depressed and had the same breakdown issue. Now I’m only a few weeks into my second placement and I feel like death. I don’t want to go into details but I feel I’m not confident enough on the job, I get severe brain fog by the end of the day, and when I get back to my room I’m exhausted. I have a patient facing job and I find myself to be awkward. All in all I feel absolutely terrible.

I’ve never previously told my fiancé about these issues. Tonight I was feeling particularly upset. He didn’t know this when he called me. He knows I get tired and this always annoys him a little. He then started to tell me that jobs and life are never easy, I have to do things that are hard that I don’t want to do. I felt so awful hearing that, I told him I had to go then burst into tears.

I’m really only getting my current qualification to please others- my fiancé and my mother. If it was up to me I’d get a lesser paid job that is less stressful even if it means less money. I just don’t want a patient facing role at this stage in my life. I honestly don’t know whether to leave this now and walk away with the lesser degree or battle it out.

Any advice is appreciated.

I am 'sort-of' in a similar predicament. 

I am currently in school for Radiology Technology. I finished all my prerequisites (including a three month placement in a hospital interacting with patients) and now just waiting to get accepted into the remainder of the program. I submitted my application again this year (I wasn't randomly selected last year) and if accepted, I would start this Fall. It would entail a 70 hour week school/resident load. I think I am going to have to make the difficult choice to put that on hold now for my own peace of mind.

My father lives a state away from me and I have been traveling to/from to help care for him following a stroke. He needs to come live with me now, at least for the next six months, so I can care for him full time. 

Like you, I would be interacting with patients again and I just don't think I can think I can take on a strenuous and stressful schedule like that....on top of caring for my father and everything else I do currently. I've really been hoping I can find someway to be motivated, get myself psyched up because this program means so much to me, but I don't think it's in the cards right now.

I am sad that I may not be pursuing my intended career right now. I suppose what I'll do in the meantime is pursue a degree in healthcare administration (which doesn't carry a 70 hour/week load). That'll make it easier to care for my father and I won't get what you said was brain fog, hx of depression and feeling like death at the end of the day, etc.

Focus on your health first and foremost. It is most definitely the most important thing -- not the degrees and really not your mother's/wife's desire, even though that feels impossible now. Life is a journey and it is not a race. It is a million mile marathon is what it is.

After you take care of when needs attention as far as your health, then take a step back and think about everything.

If you want to pursue a job that makes you happy, and you can live off of it, then fine. If you need X degree to get Y job, and it really makes you happy, then proceed with caution. If it is something you don't think you can do anymore, then that is also fine. I'm not sure of your options outside of healthcare. It's hard to think of other career paths when you've been going up towards this one career track for so long. But... ultimately, you have to do what is best for your own wellbeing and happiness. Don't let the opinions of others, including your fiancé and mother, dictate your choices in life. If it means walking away from this opportunity and pursuing something else, that is totally valid. And if it means pushing through and completing the placement, that is also valid.

I wish you luck with your decision.🙏

[Els]

How long do you have left in your placement? If it's less than half, I'd personally stick it out. Maybe you'll decide later that you don't want a patient facing job, and that's totally fine. But it's always good to have more options rather than eliminating them. Placements aren't always the exact same experience as actually doing the job. My husband and several of our friends are medical professionals, and your experience is actually really common. I don't know too many people who didn't struggle in their placement.

I'm probably going against the grain here but IMO everything in life is a tradeoff. Sacrificing your mental health for your career is obviously a bad idea if it's long term, but if it's only a few months then it has to be weighed against the future potential. Unfortunately poverty has a negative impact on mental health as well.

Edited February 7 by Els

[ladyeatinggreens20]

On 2/5/2024 at 6:59 PM, Yellowrose91 said:

I have a 3 month placement in a hospital. This is part of my university degree. If I don’t complete this placement , I will still get a degree, but it won’t be as the one I’d get if I finished this placement.

This is my second placement. During the first I was so depressed and had the same breakdown issue. Now I’m only a few weeks into my second placement and I feel like death. I don’t want to go into details but I feel I’m not confident enough on the job, I get severe brain fog by the end of the day, and when I get back to my room I’m exhausted. I have a patient facing job and I find myself to be awkward. All in all I feel absolutely terrible.

I’ve never previously told my fiancé about these issues. Tonight I was feeling particularly upset. He didn’t know this when he called me. He knows I get tired and this always annoys him a little. He then started to tell me that jobs and life are never easy, I have to do things that are hard that I don’t want to do. I felt so awful hearing that, I told him I had to go then burst into tears.

I’m really only getting my current qualification to please others- my fiancé and my mother. If it was up to me I’d get a lesser paid job that is less stressful even if it means less money. I just don’t want a patient facing role at this stage in my life. I honestly don’t know whether to leave this now and walk away with the lesser degree or battle it out.

Any advice is appreciated.

Hey there. I'm sorry you're going through this...  The strange thing about life is that sometimes people just never understand the depth of our personal struggles.  They are blinded by their own perceptions and it affects us greatly, when we're misunderstood.

Please remember that you matter... your feeling is there for a reason. Try to not make moves just to please your fiancé and mom. I can empathize with that feeling, as I've been that one to do things that have pleased others in my family. Sometimes intentionally, but mainly because that's where my head was at during that time. As I've grown I'm different and make choices that will not please everyone.  So the expectation from others is real to an extent. However, it's up to us to remove that expectation and give ourselves grace.

You have the right to make your own choices, even when others may not approve.  They don't need to.