Gaeta Posted February 19 Share Posted February 19 2 hours ago, scotty1993 said: he got upset when I told him that, and he said he would change my feelings with that. He should have said he was so sorry that's how he came across and he will do everything to show you his love. Instead he got upset and wants to change you....... I have a feeling this guy is real hot and that's about his only quality. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scotty1993 Posted February 19 Author Share Posted February 19 9 hours ago, Gaeta said: He should have said he was so sorry that's how he came across and he will do everything to show you his love. Instead he got upset and wants to change you....... I have a feeling this guy is real hot and that's about his only quality. I seen him as handsome/sweet, but he’s not “hot”. he doesn’t really take care of himself much and that kinda puts me off sometimes. We’ll be out for a meal and he’ll have bits of food at the side of his mouth and it’s just yucky. I guess why I feel like I should stay with him. He’s always wanting to see me and when he’s hugging me or falls asleep on me, I can see he enjoys it and wants my company I guess? No one has ever done that before. I just wish he made more of an effort - not me going to him all the time, and lots of other little things. sometimes it just kinda feels more like friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 2 hours ago, scotty1993 said: I seen him as handsome/sweet, but he’s not “hot”. he doesn’t really take care of himself much and that kinda puts me off sometimes. We’ll be out for a meal and he’ll have bits of food at the side of his mouth and it’s just yucky. So you feel you're not good enough for a guy that is lazy, does not take care of himself to the point of putting you off, can't be bothered to ask if you're ok after an accident... Have you ever been in a good relationship where both of you were kind and caring? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 On 2/17/2024 at 4:24 PM, scotty1993 said: Really? Even though he keeps saying he loves me? I feel worried Of course he will....you are his ride, you do everything for him and all he has to do is tell you he loves you. Easy peasy. You are being taken for granted....and that's him being a selfish person. If you stopped doing all these things for him, what do you think is going to happen? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 It doesn't seem like either of you are "using" the other. It seems more like there are terms as far as practical contributions that need to be worked out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scotty1993 Posted February 21 Author Share Posted February 21 22 hours ago, Gaeta said: So you feel you're not good enough for a guy that is lazy, does not take care of himself to the point of putting you off, can't be bothered to ask if you're ok after an accident... Have you ever been in a good relationship where both of you were kind and caring? I haven’t no. So I guess I don’t really know what is “good”. my previous boyfriend (who was my first), he seemed to care to start with… like he showed love. We were out, noticed I was cold, put his scarf on me etc. little things like that. But over time he got lazy, didn’t want to do things with my family. Didn’t bother travelling to see me. It was long distance (3 hours each way). I always made the effort over the year long relationship. He made the journey just once. I think my confidence has always been a bit crappy because of things like this. I just don’t feel good enough yet I feel I try my hardest with everything! I think I worry that if I end it, I’ll just end up by myself forever. But I almost feel a bit like I don’t want another relationship. I just feel like there’s so many bad people out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scotty1993 Posted February 21 Author Share Posted February 21 9 hours ago, smackie9 said: Of course he will....you are his ride, you do everything for him and all he has to do is tell you he loves you. Easy peasy. You are being taken for granted....and that's him being a selfish person. If you stopped doing all these things for him, what do you think is going to happen? If I stopped… I guess he wouldn’t bother coming to me and we just wouldn’t see one another? He says things like “it’ll be easier when we live together”. If I’m honest, I’m not really sure what I want regarding that? He’s not a very clean person. His home is a bit scruffy and I guess I worry I’m going to be the one clearing up all the time. (Obviously I don’t mind that but I don’t want to be the only one doing it and I’m definitely not clearing up after an adult). Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 21 Share Posted February 21 11 hours ago, scotty1993 said: He’s not a very clean person. His home is a bit scruffy and I guess I worry I’m going to be the one clearing up all the time. He's counting on that. You've proven to him so far that you're willing to do all the work in this relationship. This is not the right man for you. After a breakup we all feel we will never meet someone again, those are normal fears and they pass. Also try to date locally, long distance relationships rarely work. A breakup is not only the end of something it's also a new beginning with limiteless possibilities. You start over and don't settle until you meet your right fit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scotty1993 Posted February 21 Author Share Posted February 21 10 hours ago, Gaeta said: He's counting on that. You've proven to him so far that you're willing to do all the work in this relationship. This is not the right man for you. After a breakup we all feel we will never meet someone again, those are normal fears and they pass. Also try to date locally, long distance relationships rarely work. A breakup is not only the end of something it's also a new beginning with limiteless possibilities. You start over and don't settle until you meet your right fit. That's very true. I'm just scared I guess. Thank you for all your help! I really appreciate it. You're amazing! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author scotty1993 Posted March 2 Author Share Posted March 2 Something I suddenly feel worried about. His parents spoke to him about this too, and I did. But he used to drink quite a lot of alcohol. He did a “dry January”. Then said he’d have a few after work (with other work people). I said you don’t need to as much as before. tonight, he told me he got home from work. So I was messaging him, worried why he didn’t reply. Just over 1 hour later, he said to me “sorry just got home, it was so busy”… I said you already told me you got home? long story short, he lied. He never got home the first time. He stayed in work drinking and got drunk. Then went home. I feel really upset. I was lied to. He kept saying “I love you” on messages. I said lying is not love. You can say I love you… but you need to show it. And lying doesn’t show it. I ended the conversation as I felt too upset/tired. I used to think he was the most amazing person ever. But the laziness, not making the effort… and now lying? I feel too upset with all of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 2 Share Posted March 2 Did you know he used to drink quite a lot of alcohol? Is this why he doesn't drive? Unfortunately alcoholics and substance misusers lie. Please understand that his primary relationship is with alcohol and everyone else is just an enabler. Please find help, information and support for yourself from Al-Anon. It's for individuals involved with people who have alcohol use disorders. Link to post Share on other sites
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