Callmekitty Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 (edited) I was talking to my ex when he asked me “where are you now?”. I told him I was in DC now, but would be in New York next weekend and that if he is in town he could show me the cool places (he goes to NY regularly for work). In the same response I also asked him what he got up to the night before as he told me that he was hungover and therefore working from home. He didn’t respond to my question and my invitation. He simply left me on read. He watched all my posts from the weekend in NY but didn’t react or respond to anything. I feel very confused why I am suddenly being ghosted. Is he just not interested, is he trying to play games or does he like to stay in control of our dynamic? Any thoughts? Some context: he generally likes to leave the conversation. Usually, I brush it off as the conversation naturally ending. I do notice that when try to I end the conversation, he brings up a new topic so I am not the one who left. Edited February 13 by Callmekitty Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 Maybe he doesn't know if he's going to be in NY next weekend yet. Maybe he has to work and that is why he hasn't answered back what he did last night. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 It's unclear why you are communicating with an ex and even more unclear why you expect him to show you around and entertain you when you're in NY. Try to let it go and meet other people when traveling. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Callmekitty Posted February 13 Author Share Posted February 13 Maybe good to clarify that we dated years back. Sadly, when I moved to Asia for work our relationship didn’t make long distance. Now that I moved back to the US, we are back in touch. We met in NY earlier and agreed to keep each other updated if we’d be in the same spot. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 13 minutes ago, Callmekitty said: Maybe good to clarify that we dated years back. Sadly, when I moved to Asia for work our relationship didn’t make long distance. Now that I moved back to the US, we are back in touch. We met in NY earlier and agreed to keep each other updated if we’d be in the same spot. Oh I see. Well maybe he's now involved with someone else and she wouldn't like him showing you around. Do you have other friends or acquaintances in NY? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Callmekitty Posted February 13 Author Share Posted February 13 7 minutes ago, stillafool said: Oh I see. Well maybe he's now involved with someone else and she wouldn't like him showing you around. Do you have other friends or acquaintances in NY? Yes, I had a good time with friends and family. Just a bit bummed I hadn’t heard anything back from him, especially as we were getting on so well 🙃 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 Why are you trying to get back together with your x?? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 It's possible he's created a boundary. Chatting once in awhile is OK, hanging out is not. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Callmekitty Posted February 13 Author Share Posted February 13 (edited) I thought of it too. As I passed through his town a few weeks earlier and he responded “next time you should spend some time here”, I felt comfortable to suggest seeing each other in NY. Perhaps I read it wrong Edited February 13 by Callmekitty Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 (edited) If he's anything like me, he responded in his head but it didn't translate to text. He may well be firming up his calendar to see what he can manage. Also, he was hungover so his brain wasn't working correctly anyway. You're asking the question about his motives, but you know him far better than we do. What do you think is most likely for him? And if you think he may be the type to play games, you might be better off cutting contact with him. Edited February 13 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 (edited) 35 minutes ago, Callmekitty said: Perhaps I read it wrong I'm afraid you did read it wrong. Asking "where are you now" is not an invitation and instead of returning an invite, he deflected everything and then stopped the conversation. I would drop it. Edited February 13 by Alpacalia 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 That's just rude. If he was busy or didn't want to play tour guide he could have said so. Don't waste a lot of energy on this guy. This relationship is not going to rekindle not that you are back. Sorry. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 He knows you're trying to rekindle something and e's not interested, he will drag it until you get a clue. Please safe your pride and don't insist. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 (edited) @Callmekitty 6 hours ago, Callmekitty said: I was talking to my ex when he asked me “where are you now?”. I told him I was in DC now, but would be in New York next weekend and that if he is in town he could show me the cool places (he goes to NY regularly for work). In the same response I also asked him what he got up to the night before as he told me that he was hungover and therefore working from home. He didn’t respond to my question and my invitation. He simply left me on read. He watched all my posts from the weekend in NY but didn’t react or respond to anything. I feel very confused why I am suddenly being ghosted. Is he just not interested, is he trying to play games or does he like to stay in control of our dynamic? Any thoughts? Some context: he generally likes to leave the conversation. Usually, I brush it off as the conversation naturally ending. I do notice that when try to I end the conversation, he brings up a new topic so I am not the one who left. I understand the anxiety but the fact is, you two broke up and you owe eachother nothing. You're both exes. That's why he's doing what he wants. You'll just have to respect it. If you don't want to leave it be, then you need to explore why. You're focused on all wrong things here. The real question here is why are you talking to your ex? Do you want to start a relationship with him again? If your answer to that question is anything but yes, you are wasting his and your own time. You two are not going to be 'Friends'. Test that assertion and you'll soon find out the lack of clearly defined boundaries between you two will lead to problems; for example, what you're going through right now. Not fun is it? It gets worse as time goes on. Eventually, one of you is going to find someone new. Things will get complicated because this new person won't be okay with an ex in the picture; not when they have feelings. This situation will force distance between you two and that's when this 'Friendship' will be exposed for the sham that it is. Figure out what you want. If you want one, be truthful but be prepared for the worst. If you don't want one, then cut it off. - Beach Edited February 14 by Beachead 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 This is his indrect way of telling you he doesn't want to meet up. It's time to stop messaging him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Callmekitty Posted February 14 Author Share Posted February 14 Thank all for your replies. It has helped me gain a lot of perspective. I was the one who ended the relationship after a few months of long distance between 2 continents. I think a part of him was keen to reconnect too, but always a bit hesitant. It surprised me that after all these months of flirting and checking up on each other’s whereabouts, he wouldn’t just reply with a “I’m not in town” or “sorry if I gave you the wrong impression”. So regardless of his intention it’s a “no thanks” for me, which means I won’t be reaching out. You helped me with that so thanks! Should I block him on my socials or does that mean I care? Link to post Share on other sites
Rider on the Storm Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 8 minutes ago, Callmekitty said: Should I block him on my socials or does that mean I care? Why would you block him? It doesn't appear as though he is harassing or bothering you in any way. Blocking him would appear vindictive and serve no point. Simply move on to someone who is interested. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 22 minutes ago, Callmekitty said: Should I block him on my socials or does that mean I care? Blocking is not necessary but you can unfriend him if you like. That is what I would do. I don't like to stay connected to EXs 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 1 hour ago, Callmekitty said: Should I block him on my socials or does that mean I care? Doesn't matter how you appear, what matters is what you need to move on. If you prefer to block him just to not see his name on your phone and avoiding being thrown back in old feelings, for sure block him. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 There's probably no need to block him on socials, since he's not contacting you. It seems asking him to show you around and entertain you made him uncomfortable and he just didn't reply which is a reply . Let the dust settle and enjoy your trip with your own people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Callmekitty Posted February 14 Author Share Posted February 14 24 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: There's probably no need to block him on socials, since he's not contacting you. It seems asking him to show you around and entertain you made him uncomfortable and he just didn't reply which is a reply . Let the dust settle and enjoy your trip with your own people. Thank you. I agree it’s probably more discomfort than a hard no, though still a bit of a cop out in my eyes. You’re probably right not to make it to much of a thing (easier said than done ofc). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 (edited) @Callmekitty 4 hours ago, Callmekitty said: Should I block him on my socials or does that mean I care? I would. The truth is, if you're not together, you're just going to go your separate ways and move on. That's what it means to break up. There are better people to be friends with an ex who brings all kinds of draining emotions. Do you really want to keep him on Social Media, seeing updates of him and his life which you're not a part of? It just reopens wounds that are trying to heal; lengthens the healing process. Social Media these days also have less harsh methods of disconnecting such as deleting or unfollowing or restricted access but if you find this doesn't help and you are still having trouble moving passed him and the situation, then block him. In most situations like these, people eventually realize, they have to. The fact is you care and there's no way around that. It's normal and it's fine. Who cares what he thinks of it. It's not about what he thinks anyway. It's about helping yourself move passed this and keeping your mind and your focus on tomorrow; not yesterday. When your focused on the past, you'll miss a lot of the opportunities that will come your way, from the future; relationships, career opportunities, being in the moment and enjoying time with friends and family etc. Just clean it all up, by cutting it off, and put your energy to healing so that you can get back to living your life. Best of luck - Beach Edited February 14 by Beachead 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 On 2/13/2024 at 9:31 PM, Callmekitty said: Some context: he generally likes to leave the conversation. Usually, I brush it off as the conversation naturally ending. I do notice that when try to I end the conversation, he brings up a new topic so I am not the one who left. Lol. I wonder how he'd react if, when he brought up a new topic, you simply didn't respond. I'm gonna take a wild guess and say he's still sore that you dumped him. But because he sounds passive aggressive, he's not gonna engage in a full-on confrontation. If you had actually gone on to date him again, he would probably have dumped you to even the score. Anyway, if I were you, I'd allow him to fade away and then ignore him going forward (even if he reached out). And because I suspect he doesn't like being ignored, I think I'd eventually block him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Callmekitty Posted February 14 Author Share Posted February 14 35 minutes ago, Acacia98 said: Lol. I wonder how he'd react if, when he brought up a new topic, you simply didn't respond. I'm gonna take a wild guess and say he's still sore that you dumped him. But because he sounds passive aggressive, he's not gonna engage in a full-on confrontation. If you had actually gone on to date him again, he would probably have dumped you to even the score. Anyway, if I were you, I'd allow him to fade away and then ignore him going forward (even if he reached out). And because I suspect he doesn't like being ignored, I think I'd eventually block him. Yes me too (if he still sends something). Part of me wants to ignore him in that case, the other part wants to call him out on his action and establish a clear boundary. However, I have already called him out once before when he ignored a question so it feels a bit unnecessary. We met up a while ago for the first time and it was quite pleasant though a bit shallow. I attributed it to nerves as our text messages where more fun and flirty. Now, however, I think he might just me too confused to really meet me again as it would require clarity on where we stand: he probably doesn’t know where he stands nor wants to hear it from me. But what do I know I am on a forum asking strangers 😅 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Callmekitty Posted February 14 Author Share Posted February 14 1 hour ago, Beachead said: @Callmekitty Do you really want to keep him on Social Media, seeing updates of him and his life which you're not a part of? It just reopens wounds that are trying to heal; lengthens the healing process. I’ve muted and restricted him so I don’t need to see his updates. However he can still see mine. On the one hand I want to be able to show that I am fine and he is missing something great, on the other seeing him watch all my stories and not respond bothers me a lot (but then I don’t want him to notice that). I guess a part of me is hoping he wil come back with an apology and explanation. But from discussing it with you all it seems like that’s probably going to remain a fantasy… Link to post Share on other sites
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