MyMy22 Posted February 15 Share Posted February 15 So the thing is me and my ex have been trying to get back together, yet we both have different schedules. (Mind you the reason we broke up was because there wasn’t enough time being spent together) we work at the same job just different departments and i work nights and he works mid-shift. So we see each other briefly throughout the day be we dont get to take because we are busy. Outside of work im mainly free, but with him he has a lot going in tht takes up all his days plus all hours of the the day. No he isnt cheating he literally is too busy for his own stuff like the gym but he makes time when he can for that. Besides the busyness we get along very well but since we cant talk face to face as much things get misconstrued through text so feelings can get hurt by misunderstandings we have.Saying all this does this seem like a relationship thats impossible and wont happen? Im willing to answer any questions i honestly need help. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 15 Share Posted February 15 How long have you been dating? Why do you think he has a lot going in tht takes up all his days plus all hours of the the day but he makes time when he can for that? Unfortunately if reconciling were important to him, he would be making time for you. Please step back, and try not to have relationship talks via text. See if he steps up and makes time. Please remember that no one is "too busy" for what's important to them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MyMy22 Posted February 15 Author Share Posted February 15 29 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: How long have you been dating? Why do you think he has a lot going in tht takes up all his days plus all hours of the the day but he makes time when he can for that? Unfortunately if reconciling were important to him, he would be making time for you. Please step back, and try not to have relationship talks via text. See if he steps up and makes time. Please remember that no one is "too busy" for what's important to them. We dated for almost a year then broke up but were friends for about a year and a half. We recently started dating again for a month so far but nothing official yet. the thing is since we we trying to date again he has gotten more busier whether its his family, job, or personal growth that needed his attention and all of that has needed his attention to the point where he is literally passing out of exhaustion once he sits down for the night… and will do ive just recently mentioned that. yet i fear he might seriously be too busy because he doesnt sleep more than 3-4 hours a day…5-6 on his days off Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted February 15 Share Posted February 15 You both should come up with a realistic plan to communicate and go out. What are you wanting out of the relationship in in the first place? Is it one date night a week at least or two? Do you like daily communication or is a phone call every other day ok for you? Is he available for video calls? I don’t remember ever being with another person in a relationship where I wasn’t the one with more free time and it’s a challenge understanding or accepting someone else who is limited with their time. I don’t sit around all day either. I think I’m just more efficient than the average person. My partner now is a single dad and has far less time than I do but what that means is more careful coordination and being respectful of each others’ commitments. I can relate to the passing out from exhaustion comment because that has happened between us a few times. What do you do? Be kind and let him sleep if he needs to sleep. Ask him what he needs from you right now. Or is there anything he’d like you to help with. He already knows he failed the last time when you broke up and he didn’t have time for the relationship. He might be worn down and expecting the same issues. Be realistic with what you want or ask for and see whether he can accommodate. If you cannot accept his busy life and/or you feel he’s not meeting your needs then don’t try to date him again. What exactly do you mean by “personal growth”? Is that going to the gym? Does he genuinely struggle with time management? Does he even know what you want in terms of communication daily or weekly or how often to see each other? Have you been clear about what you prefer? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 15 Share Posted February 15 It doesn't sound like this is going anywhere. You are not really seeing each other if he doesn't have the time. I don't care how busy someone is they always have time to see and spend time with the one they love. If you want a relationship, this isn't the guy for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 15 Share Posted February 15 I don't know anyone as busy as my boyfriend. He has a full time job, 3 kids, involved in multiple charitable organizations/fund raising, he's on different committees related to his church, he's also writing a PhD thesis and finishing an MBA. You should see him juggle all this and he finds time for me. We spend every other weekends together, and 1 weekly night together. He makes it work, somehow, it's impressive. He has no choice, he loves me, he needs to be with me. So, if your boyfriend does not feel the need to move things around to accommodate your relationship, you may want to question his commitment to it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 15 Share Posted February 15 (edited) Since you work nights I assume that during the day you sleep and that your schedule is relatively fixed. On the other hand, his mid-shift work can vary in timing and length. Because of that, it's impossible for you to schedule outings. The only way to get more time together is when you offer to meet him for lunch or dinner during his break. Is this something you can do, take a break buy a sandwich and eat with him at break time? If you are both still interested in one another, then just be patient. You still get to see him briefly and keep communication on. Also, if you both are helping each other out in supporting each other's busy lives, that's definitely gonna boost the romance. Keep the texts cheery your side, have a nice smile in your voice every time you have that brief conversation, don't expect any sort of answers or clarifications every time you talk - you both might have a lot to say but only get a GOOD bye - ACK. That's to be expected. I think both parties need to put in more effort if you guys really wants to work this out. You could try organizing long weekend activities together as well. When/if the business starts to slow down he can spend more time. You need to set down some rules. You are either spending time doing your job or spending time rekindling you romance - not both. Try not to discuss/work on group projects either or go out of your way to share your lives. Edited February 15 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 15 Share Posted February 15 People make time for the things & people they care about & value. His inability to carve out time for you is an excuse. I would not assume this relationship is going anywhere. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted February 15 Share Posted February 15 12 hours ago, MyMy22 said: We recently started dating again for a month so far but nothing official yet. You need to feel connected I think to your partner- if there is isolation in the relationship, I probably would change my position now on this than from what I might have said a few years ago, if your feeling a lack of connection and support with a partner it is better to end it and find a more connected partner, In saying that you are only dating a month- so I think its reasonable to give it say six months and see will things improve, I would not let it linger on for four or five years though when there could be potentially someone more suitable out there. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 The reason you broke up was because you weren't spending enough time together. And it's clear as can be that nothing has changed here...... he still has hardly any time for you. If he was truly dedicated to being with you, he would change something in his life to make the time. I would never bend over backwards for someone who has no time for me. I would get tired of that really quick, and move on. And you should too. Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 OP, I don't think you should consider a proper reconciliation with him until he is able to set the appropriate boundaries in place and get his life in order. That is to say, he needs to arrange his life in such a way that he has enough time to do basic things like sleep (!!!) and can look after himself properly, handle his responsibilities, and see you reasonably regularly. You cannot do it for him. He has to be the one to figure out what to prioritize, when to say no, who to say no to... Link to post Share on other sites
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