Bryanp Posted February 19 Share Posted February 19 Wow. You now need for you and your husband to get tested for STD's. Don't you think your husband has a right to know so he has a chance to decide what he wants to do? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
petee Posted February 19 Share Posted February 19 Not everybody has an STI, so if you had the guy use a condom then you are more than likely safe… but any doubt is no doubt, get tested. If that is clear then there is no reason at all to humiliate your husband. Was this just sex, or were emotions growing? If just sex, and you can handle the proximity then get on with life. If not, can you move without it being suspicious? Link to post Share on other sites
daveroger2112 Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 Be prepared that if you do tell your Husband it will be extra tough on him as the AP has his business right beside your driveway...Every day he leaves for work he will see it and the thoughts will keep coming back...Everyday Link to post Share on other sites
BreakOnThrough Posted February 21 Share Posted February 21 Things WILL be different in your marriage if you tell your husband or not. Either way, the damage has been done. Without kids, I really think you should considering moving on, he's not the one for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jadedandc0nfuzzl3d Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 On 2/18/2024 at 4:27 PM, blife said: He doesn't think it's a big deal as long as it stays between us. I could see that. 1. Did you use protection? 2. Have you tested yourself for STIs? 3. Do you have a therapist? Now, if you don't know or don't want to probe deeply into why you cheated, then how can you have any confidence that you won't do it again? After all, you did it once and would've gotten away with it scot free Link to post Share on other sites
atomic_mess Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 Tell your husband and offer him an amicable divorce. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 On 2/18/2024 at 3:35 PM, blife said: If he did the same thing I would feel terrible about myself. I am just picturing us 10 years from now being happy and this not destroying us. That is a decent point about him telling other people but I think it isn't likely. I don't know who would advertise that, very possible though. Many men would. Don't fool yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Midas1 Posted March 9 Share Posted March 9 Thread has been quite a while. She probably slept with the neighbor again. Link to post Share on other sites
colingrant Posted March 11 Share Posted March 11 (edited) It's a recipe of ingregients. It's a little (or lot) of lust along with comfort, vulnerability, attraction, and the right moment and circumstance, which results in the removal of clothes and the consumation of sex. It wssn't stopped because you didn't want it to stop. Lust vs logic. Lust probably wins 75% of time. Logic comes afterward but not right before or during generally speaking. Sexual excitement is one of the most powerful forces in the world and wins more than it loses. Most people say they don''t know how , but that's how. Your marriage is forever changed, whether you tell him or not. When you're sitting across from him reminiscing, laughing and talking during an anniversary dinner, it'll cross your mind. He won't know, but you will feel like a fraud knowing what you know. Their will be many moments like this for as long as you're with him. You'll have to live with the burden, because he'll proceed through life thinking no one has entered you except him for as long as you have been together. That's a sacred shared value that's reassuring to married couples. But, here's the thing. You knew that. This is what you will have to comes to grip and possibly understand. What set of emotional and physical pleasures enabled you to compromise the value of an entire marriage? Edited March 11 by colingrant 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Harry Posted March 11 Share Posted March 11 I don’t know your DH. He may never forgive your. Some people there’s no second chance. It’s once and divorced. This is something telling your DH isn’t going to be good .. is going to help you with your guilt. But your relationship will never be the same. This is something you take to your graves Link to post Share on other sites
daveamec Posted March 12 Share Posted March 12 What happened exactly? What do you mean you got physical? Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted March 12 Share Posted March 12 On 2/18/2024 at 11:24 AM, blife said: My husband and I have always had an ideal relationship with a lot of love. We fell in love like instantly and we have been in our relationship for 3 years. My husband works full time while I work part time because I'm going back to school. He works a lot so during the week we don't see each other that much which sucks. We bought a house about a year ago and before this we met our closest neighbor a few times and my husband actually hung out with a couple of times. He did a few things to our house/property and because my husband was at work I was who he dealt with while he was there. His business is right across from our driveway. We got to talking and it turns out he has a degree and was in my field before he took over his father's business. We had more in common than I thought so I really liked him. I was struggling with a couple of my classes so I would text him every once in a while with a question. That turned into us texting regularly. A few weeks ago things got physical between us and I'm in way over my head here. I'm not seeing him any more but I am feeling absolutely horrible. I do not want to lose my husband and marriage and this life we have built together. I feel so stupid. I have never cheated or even thought about it and I'm not even sure how or why I was vulnerable to it.i know he isn't going to tell my husband but I know this isn't right. As a former cheater, I can only say that I understand what you’re going through. But please make no mistake about it: you did a horrible thing. You are now facing a terrible choice: either tell your husband everything, realizing he might never forgive you or recover from the hurt; or hide it from him, not only risking an exposure at any time in the future (those things tend to be revealed when we least expect them), but also facing a lifetime of lying and hiding things from your own husband. I can’t say for sure which would be the lesser of the two evils here. I never revealed my own infidelities. And every relationship in which I was unfaithful eventually crashed and burned. Probably confessing to your husband (with genuine remorse, of course) would still be the more, so to say, humane choice, because living a lie will be a veritable torture for you. Maybe your husband’s love to you is so strong that it will overcome his hurt and he will eventually forgive you. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 14 Share Posted March 14 On 2/18/2024 at 1:30 PM, blife said: I have cut if off completely. I am debating on telling my husband. It is really difficult... We did have sex. I know this sounds like a cliche but I think it was just sex while I wasnt thinking completely straight or long term and I am over that What will happen the next time you are attracted to a man and aren't thinking completely straight and long term? I think you need to come clean to your husband and beg forgiveness. Situations like yours rarely remain hidden. If your husband cheated wouldn't you want to know? Link to post Share on other sites
happyhorizons Posted March 14 Share Posted March 14 Your husband has a RIGHT to know so that he can make HIS own decision as how to move forward Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 14 Share Posted March 14 blife JOINED February 17 LAST VISITED February 18 Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted March 19 Share Posted March 19 Yep doesn't look like at this point the OP will be coming back so people will largely just be talking to themselves. Either got the advice they were looking for or were just using this place as a form of their own personal diary. Or they were just telling stories. Link to post Share on other sites
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