FredEire Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 4 minutes ago, Sony12 said: True. As long as she continues to have those interests she probably needs to stick with men who are pursuing those kinds of things on the first date. And likewise if that type of behavior is a turnoff to the TC he probably should stop accepting first date invitations. True. If she persists with her attitude of being disgusted by "men only want one thing" while actually wanting that thing herself she's going to find herself ending up very frustrated either way. It's a big problem in today's dating world. Don't want to commit, but feel used after too much casual sex. Frustrated that nobody wants a relationship, but you don't really want one yourself. Get into a relationship, but then feel trapped and wish you were free and single. It's full of contradictions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 5 minutes ago, FredEire said: True. If she persists with her attitude of being disgusted by "men only want one thing" while actually wanting that thing herself she's going to find herself ending up very frustrated either way. It's a big problem in today's dating world. Don't want to commit, but feel used after too much casual sex. Frustrated that nobody wants a relationship, but you don't really want one yourself. Get into a relationship, but then feel trapped and wish you were free and single. It's full of contradictions. Yep. To be honest it really isn't that much different from 20 something year old ladies who complain about bad boys and how big of jerks they can be but at the same time aren't really that attracted to nice guys who will treat them right. Same thing goes for older women who have stopped being that attracted to men their own age and are mainly drawn to younger men who they find far more physically appealing. But at the same time are frustrated that younger men don't offer the type of connection they are looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 Have you heard from her? If she's such a train wreck, why would you text through the day and made plans for another date? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 5 minutes ago, Sony12 said: Yep. To be honest it really isn't that much different from 20 something year old ladies who complain about bad boys and how big of jerks they can be but at the same time aren't really that attracted to nice guys who will treat them right. Same thing goes for older women who have stopped being that attracted to men their own age and are mainly drawn to younger men who they find far more physically appealing. But at the same time are frustrated that younger men don't offer the type of connection they are looking for. Yeah, it seems on some level a lot of people want what they can't have and want to mould, shape and "fix" their partners in their image. I'm still figuring things out myself but the only antidote seems to be being as clear yourself with what you want as you can so that you can effectively filter out any nonsense like this if it pops up. Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Have you heard from her? If she's such a train wreck, why would you text through the day and made plans for another date? I imagine the lady is probably pretty good looking. And the TC was rejected by her so that is likely what is carrying a lot of the bitterness. Edited February 23 by Sony12 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 Who is TC? And so what if she's good looking? After a mess like that night, anyone should run. Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: Who is TC? And so what if she's good looking? After a mess like that night, anyone should run. TC is just another name for Topic Creator. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 OP (original poster) has shown little bitterness. Most of it is coming from other people commenting on this thread. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 1 minute ago, Alpacalia said: OP (original poster) has shown little bitterness. Most of it is coming from other people commenting on this thread. Well the fact that after the event occurred he still texted her the next day and tried to make plans for another date. And then tried to tell her that they should go out a few more times so they can get used to one another better (after she told him the chemistry was lacking) does indicate that a bit. He only started saying how big of a red flag she was after she told him she was no longer interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 4 minutes ago, Sony12 said: Well the fact that after the event occurred he still texted her the next day and tried to make plans for another date. And then tried to tell her that they should go out a few more times so they can get used to one another better (after she told him the chemistry was lacking) does indicate that a bit. He only started saying how big of a red flag she was after she told him she was no longer interested Right so if she has all these red flags then why was he still trying to make plans with her and get to know her better? It doesn't make sense. It's possible that he was just trying to give her a chance and see if things could improve, but it does seem a bit strange that he would continue pursuing her after claiming she had so many red flags. It also makes it seem like he was maybe just trying to justify his own behavior or feelings of rejection by labeling her as having red flags. In any event, a lot of posters are clamoring on about how she invited him to hers and that that is appalling behavior, it seems like he didn't actually think that was inappropriate at the time and no one was holding a gun to his head forcing him to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 4 hours ago, Sony12 said: but inviting men over on the first date isn't out of the ordinary. Did you end up marrying one of those women? No, it's not out of ordinary for 'certain' women seeking sex at all cost to invite strangers to their home. Even if l'm just looking for sex l would not invite a man in my home for a first *get it on*. I actually know someone who died like that. Not trying to scare anyone but one of my brothers friend was invited to a man's house for a hookup. They both died from furnace fumes during the night. Her 12 year old son has to grow up knowing his mom died during casual sex with a stranger. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 5 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Did you end up marrying one of those women? No, it's not out of ordinary for 'certain' women seeking sex at all cost to invite strangers to their home. Even if l'm just looking for sex l would not invite a man in my home for a first *get it on*. I actually know someone who died like that. Not trying to scare anyone but one of my brothers friend was invited to a man's house for a hookup. They both died from furnace fumes during the night. Her 12 year old son has to grow up knowing his mom died during casual sex with a stranger. Nope. Did end up casually seeing one of them for a couple years though. We lived a few hours a part so we would spend the weekend together once every couple months or so. We had fun together. When you do stuff like that you do need to talk beforehand and pay attention to potential red flags. By the time we did meet we had talked for awhile and had a pretty decent idea what one another's personalities were like. Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 16 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: Right so if she has all these red flags then why was he still trying to make plans with her and get to know her better? It doesn't make sense. It's possible that he was just trying to give her a chance and see if things could improve, but it does seem a bit strange that he would continue pursuing her after claiming she had so many red flags. It also makes it seem like he was maybe just trying to justify his own behavior or feelings of rejection by labeling her as having red flags. In any event, a lot of posters are clamoring on about how she invited him to hers and that that is appalling behavior, it seems like he didn't actually think that was inappropriate at the time and no one was holding a gun to his head forcing him to go. My guess is that he's not real familiar with the hook up culture and didn't really know what to expect from the situation. Didn't quite understand how a lady who was shoving her tongue into his mouth could lose interest so quickly like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 5 minutes ago, Sony12 said: My guess is that he's not real familiar with the hook up culture and didn't really know what to expect from the situation. Didn't quite understand how a lady who was shoving her tongue into his mouth could lose interest so quickly like that. C'mon. A woman invites him over to her house for a first date, gets drunk and jumps all over him, and then loses interest the next day. I think it's pretty obvious what was going through her mind and the signal it sends. I don't see any reason to assume he was naive or inexperienced in this scenario. More like disappointed and confused. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 Yes it is a red flag for her to say she sick of guys wanting only 1 thing and then doing a 180 on you. Who wouldn't be confused by that? To me it's more of a red flag that she said it's all about what she wants. That tells me she's selfish and knows it and will expect you to comply with her wishes. No thank you. Red flags would be flying at high staff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aphexx13 Posted February 23 Author Share Posted February 23 I was texting her the next day because I thought we had a connection and possibly a relationship down the road. As that's the way she left ne feeling at the end of the night. I kept texting her because I was confused by her vague responses and dodging my questions. When I finally got the supposed truth I was disappointed that she lied and wasted my time. After my emotions got out of the way and I was thinking clearly I was frustrated at myself for not seeing the flags sooner and letting my want of a relationship cloud my judgment. I don't want to date this woman even if she offered. She was average looking as am I so it wasn't a looks thing that caused bitterness it was the fact that she mislead me and got my hopes up for a possible relationship. Hindsight 2020 I'm more mad at myself for falling into a trap that was so obvious. Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 1 minute ago, aphexx13 said: I was texting her the next day because I thought we had a connection and possibly a relationship down the road. As that's the way she left ne feeling at the end of the night. I kept texting her because I was confused by her vague responses and dodging my questions. When I finally got the supposed truth I was disappointed that she lied and wasted my time. After my emotions got out of the way and I was thinking clearly I was frustrated at myself for not seeing the flags sooner and letting my want of a relationship cloud my judgment. I don't want to date this woman even if she offered. She was average looking as am I so it wasn't a looks thing that caused bitterness it was the fact that she mislead me and got my hopes up for a possible relationship. Hindsight 2020 I'm more mad at myself for falling into a trap that was so obvious. I suggest you keep stricter parameters for yourself than on what you will do and not do on a first date. Because first date sex often does end like this. It can turn into something more but often times it is just two people wanting some action and the next day they are ready to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 If you were texting her the next day because you thought you had a connection and possibly a relationship down the road, it contradicts that you were just looking for hookups. Perhaps you're just upset she's not responding and no longer an option for you so trying to lick your wounds with a lot of sour grapes about how drunk and sloppy and awful she is? Link to post Share on other sites
Author aphexx13 Posted February 23 Author Share Posted February 23 You must have gotten lost in the post. I never said I wanted just a hookup. I was after a long term relationship. She's the one that said she wanted a long term relationship but was only after a hookup. Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 33 minutes ago, aphexx13 said: You must have gotten lost in the post. I never said I wanted just a hookup. I was after a long term relationship. She's the one that said she wanted a long term relationship but was only after a hookup. Well technically speaking she probably still is looking for a serious relationship. She's just not opposed to having some fun in the meantime. If she felt more of a connection with you she probably would have been open to continuing to chat and seeing each other again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aphexx13 Posted February 23 Author Share Posted February 23 3 minutes ago, Sony12 said: Well technically speaking she probably still is looking for a serious relationship. She's just not opposed to having some fun in the meantime. If she felt more of a connection with you she probably would have been open to continuing to chat and seeing each other again. Possibly. But not for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 (edited) If she's the one that said she wanted a long term relationship, that develops over time, not over drinks and vibrators. Maybe it's time for a break if a one night stand gone wrong is this upsetting. Please try to be a bit more selective and know when to cut your losses. Nothing is a "long term relationship" after a few hours together, so trying to define it as that or a hookup, isn't really important. Edited February 23 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author aphexx13 Posted February 23 Author Share Posted February 23 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: If she's the one that said she wanted a long term relationship. Maybe it's time for a break if a one night stand gone wrong is this upsetting. Nothing is a "long term relationship" after a few hours together, so trying to define it as that or a hookup, isn't really important. True and that's one of the reasons I'm mad at myself. I got divorced last year and I haven't dated in 6 so I'm a bit rusty. Plus I hate dating Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 3 minutes ago, aphexx13 said: True and that's one of the reasons I'm mad at myself. I got divorced last year and I haven't dated in 6 so I'm a bit rusty. Plus I hate dating Well online probably isn't the avenue for you then. Might want to focus more on meeting people through real life avenues where people are a little nicer to one another. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aphexx13 Posted February 23 Author Share Posted February 23 Yes I was looking for some speed dating in my area. Problem is I'm a introvert so it takes a little bit to open up unless it's with right person Link to post Share on other sites
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