Am I looking too deep into this and should this be my final straw to call the wedding off?

[NuevoYorko]

Is he jealous about attention you pay to your kids as well?  How about when the kids see their dad?  Is he reasonable about that?

[Gaeta]

4 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

Is he jealous about attention you pay to your kids as well?  How about when the kids see their dad?  Is he reasonable about that?

What? 🤯 there are children involved?!!

[GypsyArcher]

I am not the type to throw around the suggestion of therapy, but I would say that you need to take yourself out of the dating pool ASAP and get yourself into some kind of therapy so that you can understand what is and what is not healthy behavior in relationships.

You seem to love the idea of having a partner who is fanatically overprotective and jealous, and trust me, I see the appeal, but you are not seeing how dangerous that is. 

I think you have a very submissive personality and are looking for a dominant man. The problem is that you cannot differentiate between a dominant man and an ABUSIVE man. 

That is where you desperately need some help in understanding. 

[d0nnivain]

On 2/23/2024 at 5:47 PM, Beautiful Kisses said:

. I feel like that was way over the top but I know he’s protective so maybe you guys may think I’m overreacting and it’s a “guy” idk. 

It was over the top.  It was abusive & controlling not protective.   Men do not act like this; your mother is perpetuating a cycle of abuse & gaslighting you to think it's normal or you have to take it.  

This man is DANGEROUS! 

[Beautiful Kisses]

On 2/24/2024 at 11:48 PM, ShyViolet said:

We already told you in your other thread, you are in an extremely abusive relationship and you need to get away from this man.  I don't know why you are still minimizing this and asking the same questions again.  How on earth are you still even considering marrying this guy?  You really need to work on your self-esteem.  You should be not only calling off the wedding but breaking up with this guy completely.

I'm sorry but there is something seriously wrong with your mom if she would say this to you and think this is normal.  She is wrong and she clearly has issues of her own. I have had a lot of boyfriends in my life, I have never, ever had a man treat me this way or act like this to me.  Because I have the self-respect and common sense to cut them out of my life immediately if I recognize that someone is trying to be abusive towards me.

Nothing is wrong with my self-esteem and honestly if you couldn’t just give advice or didn’t have anything nice to say why say something at all? Maybe I just didn’t want to give up that easily. Not everybody handles things the same way. 

[Beautiful Kisses]

On 2/25/2024 at 7:16 PM, GypsyArcher said:

I am not the type to throw around the suggestion of therapy, but I would say that you need to take yourself out of the dating pool ASAP and get yourself into some kind of therapy so that you can understand what is and what is not healthy behavior in relationships.

You seem to love the idea of having a partner who is fanatically overprotective and jealous, and trust me, I see the appeal, but you are not seeing how dangerous that is. 

I think you have a very submissive personality and are looking for a dominant man. The problem is that you cannot differentiate between a dominant man and an ABUSIVE man. 

That is where you desperately need some help in understanding. 

Honestly you’re not wrong!

[Beautiful Kisses]

On 2/23/2024 at 10:09 PM, Lotsgoingon said:

Dump this guy immediately. And go to counseling if you have to. Tell all your family and friends exactly how he acts. Share this behavior so they can back you up and stand with you as you cancel any wedding plans and cancel the relationship.

So sorry you ended up at this place. Do NOT get married thinking he will chance. He will become more threatening and more violent. Forget embarrassment, backing out is the only sane option. 

Thank you for your advice it’s crazy that people are saying he’s abusive while giving abrasive responses. I came here for support and to see if I was over analyzing not to get beat up in the comments and feel even worse. 

[Beautiful Kisses]

On 2/23/2024 at 10:57 PM, S2B said:

Tell him to take a hike! Make sure you never see that abusive man again!

and your Mom fails at being a mom! She should be willing to lookout for your best interest and help to keep you safe! She’s trained you to accept unacceptable behavior.

please make sure this guy stays far far away from you!!

That’s why I came here because once I told her about it and she gave me that response I’m like ok maybe I’m just overthinking and analyzing it based on the last things I was told to look out for and on my last post 

[BaileyB]

39 minutes ago, Beautiful Kisses said:

Maybe I just didn’t want to give up that easily.

You are not giving up. 

When you end the relationship, you are setting a healthy boundary for yourself - I will not allow a man to speak to me in a controlling, degrading, and abusive way. That’s the opposite of “giving up.” That’s asserting yourself in a very smart and very healthy way. 

You don’t negotiate with an abusive man. You don’t bargain with him. You don’t wait him out. You don’t give him chance after chance because you want him to change. You don’t even listen to him talk. You just leave - 

Thats not giving up. Making the decision to leave and protect yourself from emotional abuse is not “giving up.”

Edited February 28 by BaileyB

[Gaeta]

2 hours ago, Beautiful Kisses said:

That’s why I came here because once I told her about it and she gave me that response I’m like ok maybe I’m just overthinking and analyzing it based on the last things I was told to look out for and on my last post 

You told your mom that once he grabbed you by the throat? And he calls you the B word?

@Beautiful Kisses: The fact you don't see his abuse is mind blowing & deeply worrisome. It's true you have lost your self-esteem. No woman with self worth would let a boyfriend talk to her that way. When we have respect for ourselves we dump men that don't treat us right.

Let me tell you what self worth is. My eldest daughter was dating this guy a few years ago. One evening she comes back home crying. I asked her what happen and she said she broke up with him because he called her stupid....l said wait! How many times he called you stupid since you date him?? She says 'once'......l had to ask her again:  you broke up with him because he called you stupid once? She answered yes. I was soooooo freakin proud of her!!!!! THAT is having self worth.

 

Edited February 28 by Gaeta

[d0nnivain]

9 hours ago, Beautiful Kisses said:

Nothing is wrong with my self-esteem  * * * . Not everybody handles things the same way. 

Honestly there is something wrong.  Healthy people do not tolerate being bossed around by a partner the way your guy speaks to you.  They don't try to explain away the violence that you have endured.   

You aren't handling things.  You aren't making the abuse stop.  You are tolerating it. You are excusing it.  You are desperately casting about trying to rationalize what happened.   You claim he's being protective.  He's not.  He's being abusive.  

We have pointed out that your inability to see this may not be all your fault because your own mom is giving you horrible advice, which downplays the significance of what he's going.  That makes many of us think your mom is also a victim if domestic violence.  

Check out these articles & other's like them:   

Domestic Violence | Psychology Today

Domestic violence against women: Recognize patterns, seek help - Mayo Clinic

Domestic Violence - A Window Between Worlds (awbw.org)

 

Please educate yourself.  

[d0nnivain]

Here's another article about the warning signs people should not ignore: Don't Ignore These 65 Signs of Abuse (msn.com)  It was written by Sarah Biren 

As I read through the article I saw a lot of behaviors you described:   The end of the article gives some good action steps.  Please read this before you marry 

 

 

[seany25]

This guy is a walking 🚩