confused1978 Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 (edited) Help! I am beyond trying to figure out what is wrong with My boyfriend, (well not really a boyfriend I look at him with disgust and have little respect for him anymore) He constantly lies. It could be anything from him saying he washed his hands - Cleary didn't, he doesn't have any money -and you find 100 in his jacket, to he owns the planet pluto. Everything is a lie and it makes no sense to me. If he told me he had no money and needed a few bucks I would help and give him some, but then you find the 100 bucks and he says oh that's not mine, my buddy didn't have a pocket so I held it for him and forgot to give it back and then you ask his buddy and determine that's a lie again for no reason. It's over everything constantly even diagnosis from doctors that are not true and messaging old girlfriend. I'm at my wits end. I've always helped anyway I could, mentally, emotionally etc. But have a small bit of compassion is their something mentally wrong woth this [guy]? Then the porn omg he doesn't clear his searches or history and in a 12 period he could watch 7 hours of mom amd son porn, run to bathroom jack off, or lay in bed and I've woken to him jacking off to this s***. Needless I kicked him out of bed it disgusts me and if he tries to even touch me I won't let him, he's gross. If there are any females around he's googly eyed, where I find it disturbing for me but for the girls too it's like unwelcoming pervert. Again tiny partner me as a friend thinks he's got mental issues I don't know. What do I do? I'm owed a s*** ton of money from this thing, he gets irate and although I don't feel scared that I would be hit by him, I'm scared of the lies he's telling about me. And I found about 10 pills in the dryer, only his pants and jeans in it, and he has no idea what they are, I think he may try to overdose or maybe he's drugging me. And then I think I'm crazy but I don't know what to do, and I want him out of my life, just can't get him to leave when I tell him, and I don't want him to harm himself...sorry long rant if anyone has any idea how to help it's appreciated. Ps prior relationship was a 7 year narcissist who beat me mentally and physically and I got out of that so I know I can, I'm just finally able to ask for advice and help. Thanks all. Edited February 24 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 End it. It's wasted energy to figure out why someone lies all the time. You did what you could as a good person. Have some self respect, because that's all this is about now. Block him from any of your feeds and concentrate on yourself, as you too have needs that are not being met. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused1978 Posted February 24 Author Share Posted February 24 Thanks, i know your 💯 right, just gotta get my head to take the final step and do it! Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 Please delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Please don't allow him in your house if he's dealing drugs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 My question is what is wrong with you? Why are you still with him and worrying about him? He has absolutely no respect for you and that is the reason he does what he does. Stay away from him. Forget the money he owes you he isn't giving it back. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 More often than not conflict is created by us expecting people to be or act a certain way that they're not. This is a pattern for him. If you've done things in the past and nothing changed, then why are you still doing them? It's also on you for putting up with this and still staying with the person. As long as you continue to allow it to happen, it will continue to happen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 What happens if you confront him about the lying? More lying? Why do you think he’ll harm himself if you tell him to move out? If he’s living in your house you need to get rid of him, you’re correct that he has mental health problems. He’s got developmental issues, and the ‘mom and son porn’ habit, the irresponsibility, the lying, the emotional and financial dependence on you, are all symptoms of something that you can’t fix. At the very least, if he owes you money, when you find some in his clothes you should keep it, and then lie right back at him if he asks you about it. You’ll see confusion in his eyes. He’s not your responsibility, he needs professional help. Change your locks and pull the blinds down. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/pathological-liars Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused1978 Posted February 24 Author Share Posted February 24 7 hours ago, Alpacalia said: More often than not conflict is created by us expecting people to be or act a certain way that they're not. This is a pattern for him. If you've done things in the past and nothing changed, then why are you still doing them? It's also on you for putting up with this and still staying with the person. As long as you continue to allow it to happen, it will continue to happen. Yip thanks i knownita my fault. Sorry for reaching out just stupid I know better thanks for that though Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused1978 Posted February 24 Author Share Posted February 24 7 hours ago, Alpacalia said: End it. It's wasted energy to figure out why someone lies all the time. You did what you could as a good person. Have some self respect, because that's all this is about now. Block him from any of your feeds and concentrate on yourself, as you too have needs that are not being met. Move on. 7 hours ago, Alpacalia said: More often than not conflict is created by us expecting people to be or act a certain way that they're not. This is a pattern for him. If you've done things in the past and nothing changed, then why are you still doing them? It's also on you for putting up with this and still staying with the person. As long as you continue to allow it to happen, it will continue to happen. 2 hours ago, MsJayne said: What happens if you confront him about the lying? More lying? Why do you think he’ll harm himself if you tell him to move out? If he’s living in your house you need to get rid of him, you’re correct that he has mental health problems. He’s got developmental issues, and the ‘mom and son porn’ habit, the irresponsibility, the lying, the emotional and financial dependence on you, are all symptoms of something that you can’t fix. At the very least, if he owes you money, when you find some in his clothes you should keep it, and then lie right back at him if he asks you about it. You’ll see confusion in his eyes. He’s not your responsibility, he needs professional help. Change your locks and pull the blinds down. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/pathological-liars 7 hours ago, stillafool said: My question is what is wrong with you? Why are you still with him and worrying about him? He has absolutely no respect for you and that is the reason he does what he does. Stay away from him. Forget the money he owes you he isn't giving it back. I guess there's alot.wrong with me , thanks for reminding me! Anyway appreciate the replies, I guess I knew the answers.before I posted just maybe down and out and needed to hear someone else tell me . Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused1978 Posted February 24 Author Share Posted February 24 7 hours ago, Alpacalia said: More often than not conflict is created by us expecting people to be or act a certain way that they're not. This is a pattern for him. If you've done things in the past and nothing changed, then why are you still doing them? It's also on you for putting up with this and still staying with the person. As long as you continue to allow it to happen, it will continue to happen. Absolutely, agreed. Trying to fix something I can't, and just better off fixing me. Always been there for people, maybe just never been there for myself and that's what I need to do first. Thanks for the comment. As stupid as is it seems if your not going through it, or being hopeful you can help someone that supposedly wants your help and you hate seeing them do it, it's time to let go. Thanks for comment. Take care all Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 3 minutes ago, confused1978 said: Absolutely, agreed. Trying to fix something I can't, and just better off fixing me. Always been there for people, maybe just never been there for myself and that's what I need to do first. Thanks for the comment. As stupid as is it seems if your not going through it, or being hopeful you can help someone that supposedly wants your help and you hate seeing them do it, it's time to let go. Thanks for comment. Take care all You'll find once you let go that it will be so empowering you'll be blown away! And don't feel stupid. There's no reason to feel stupid. I just would implore you to look deep within yourself to see why you're choosing to be with someone that behaves like this. If you can really explore and uncover that, you'll feel more secure in yourself and in your choices going forward. Wishing you all the best!🙏 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 33 minutes ago, confused1978 said: Yip thanks i knownita my fault. Sorry for reaching out just stupid I know better thanks for that though Don't be sorry for reaching out. That is what this forum is for to help people. You can unload here and we will try to support you. Have you met his mother? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted February 25 Share Posted February 25 Why is your self-esteem so low that you've put up with this for as long as you have? This guy is a complete loser and you should have ended this a long time ago. The money he owes you, from the sounds of it you might not see that money again. It was very foolish of you to give him money in the first place. That was your mistake. You might have to take this as an expensive lesson. It's still worth it to cut this loser out of your life immediately, rather than keep him around in the hopes of getting any money back from him. Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted February 25 Share Posted February 25 8 hours ago, confused1978 said: I guess there's alot.wrong with me It's not about things being "wrong" with you, it's about you having poor boundaries and letting someone be so disrespectful towards you. Loneliness and wanting to belong can make people very vulnerable when it comes to getting involved in bad relationships so don't be too hard on yourself. People like your house guest put on a good act for the honeymoon phase of the relationship, then once they feel you're emotionally invested they relax and reveal their true character. The trick is to learn to spot them before you get too involved. You say you were in a 7 year relationship with a narcissist, so if you haven't already had therapy to help you recover from that it might be a good idea as years of having your boundaries trampled does a lot of damage. There's plenty of information, support, and recovery guidance and tools online so you can do this without paying a fortune. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused1978 Posted February 25 Author Share Posted February 25 10 hours ago, ShyViolet said: Why is your self-esteem so low that you've put up with this for as long as you have? This guy is a complete loser and you should have ended this a long time ago. The money he owes you, from the sounds of it you might not see that money again. It was very foolish of you to give him money in the first place. That was your mistake. You might have to take this as an expensive lesson. It's still worth it to cut this loser out of your life immediately, rather than keep him around in the hopes of getting any money back from him. 10 hours ago, ShyViolet said: Why is your self-esteem so low that you've put up with this for as long as you have? This guy is a complete loser and you should have ended this a long time ago. The money he owes you, from the sounds of it you might not see that money again. It was very foolish of you to give him money in the first place. That was your mistake. You might have to take this as an expensive lesson. It's still worth it to cut this loser out of your life immediately, rather than keep him around in the hopes of getting any money back from him. Thanks. I don't expect the money to come back, to clarify its not a mistake I paid my rent, heat bills, grocery, etc. It's a mistake I believed HIM, when he promised to pay his half. And yes I did give cash to him, but again thinking the promise to pay was genuine, but also i think sometimes i gave him money to go the hell away from me. Maybe just maybe its not a mistake after all. Its an investment in getting rid of a tumor that was going to drain the life out of me. Ill go with that positve instead of blaming myself and further as that just will put down my low self esteem further!!! Much better way to look it at then your comments. Link to post Share on other sites
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